My Cat Would Win Blue Ribbons

[Sheryl]

Wonder of wonders, a second “real” (i.e. DVM) vet has opened up shop in Prachinburi and actually seems quite knowledgeable and nice, hallelejuah. Had a chat with him about my cat’s constipation (a recurrent problem now that she’s getting middle-aged) and he suggested I bring her in for an enema. I left bemused and conflicted as to whether to take up this smart but oh so innocent fellow on that suicidal offer (he’s right, that is what she needs, but not a single vet has ever succeeded in even taking her temperature, and that includes some of the finest in 3 continents…..) anyhow this plus the wounds(mine) still healing from the course of antibiotics I recently had to give her for a bout of cystitis tset me thinking along the lines of all the blue ribbons Scully could and should have, if only Cat shows held the right sort of competitions. To wit:

[*] Cat with the greatest ability to detect and evade even the most minute quantities of medicine, irrespective of how skillfully mixed into her favorite food

[*] Cat with the greatest ability to afflict bodily injury on persons attempting to directly administer medication of any sort, via any route (measured by cc’s of blood loss)

[*] Cat able to refrain from swallowing the longest when forcibly given medication (sort of finalist round for winners of the above)

[*] Cat who will hold out the longest against any food not exactly to her liking, even if that’s all there is

[*] Cat with the loudest and most persistant meow

[*] Hardest cat to get into a carrier case

[*] Hardest cat to keep inside a carrier case

[*] Cat who can, once in a carrier case, physically levitate the whole thing the highest and furthest distance

[*] Cat with the greatest telepathic powers, as evidenced by response to mere thoughts on human’s part of taking them to a vet, or reaction to ringing telephone

[*] Cat who understands the most languages, but not the word "No" in any of them

[*] Cat who has successfully induced their human to make the greatest number of sacrifices and modifications to lifestyle

[*] Cat who can most easily awaken a sleeping human despite any and all defensive measures taken (earplugs, shut doors and the like)

[*] Cat requiring the largest number of persons to restrain her for even a cursory examination (maybe with separate categories by body weight, like they have for wrestling)

And of course : Cat whose human loves her the most

[tutsiwarrior]

[*] a ghost cat that returns to haunt her owner after meeting violent death when her owner was in bed with a slut...

'you was my owner...you shoulda looked after me...I coulda been a contender...not run down inna street like a bum...'

tutsi howls to the wind...forgive me my darling...

my beloved cat...the keyboard is drenched wid tears again...

[tutsiwarrior]

I swore that I would never become inbolved with an animal again but then sum ozzie friends of ours in Jakarta decided to leave and wanted us to look after their cat. I had met the cat before and she looked into my eyes and said 'you don't fool me Mr tutsiwarrior'. She hung wid us for over a year, a companion to our infant son, then we had to leave and a secretary at the office (indo girl) said that she'd look after her.

I returned some weeks later on a different contract and found the girl and asked about the cat...she avoided my eyes and said that she had run off...I stood up with menace and she recoiled with horror and mortality...just about broke her pretty little neck...

later, I became friends with an indo woman and explained my difficulty to her...as we slept she assumed a feline posture to assuage my pain...quite nice it was, my sleep hasn't been that good since...