3 Jokes

[Jamesyboi]

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where he's met by a reception committee of angels. After a whirlwind tour, The Pope is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning the languages.

After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pour over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original handwritten script.

The angel librarian hears a loud scream, and goes running toward its source only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, shaking and crying.

"The R! They left out the R!"

"What do you mean?" the angel librarian asks.

After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "The word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"

A little girl and her dog are walking through the forest when they suddenly fall into a pit. They scramble and scramble but can''t make their way out. The little girl yells, the dog barks, but no one is around to hear their calls for help. Slowly, the night sky turns black and they find themselves engulfed in utter darkness.

Off in the distance, the wolves begin howling. Each howl is louder and closer than the last.

The little girl holds the dog close to her chest and says sadly to the dog, "This is the worst mess in which ever have found ourselves, my darling Sparky."

"Yeah," the dog says, "we''re really screwed."

"Sparky," the girl says, astonished, "I didn''t know you could talk."

"Well," the dog says, "I was kinda waiting for the right time to tell you."

With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the temple's marriage marathon, the rabbi asked Saul to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The rabbi inquired trips to where?

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The rabbi then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Saul. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

Saul replied, "I'm going to go get her."