Having A Baby With Thai Wife

[Alf Witt]

A farang I know is canvassing opinions from his friends because he does not know how to react to his Thai wife's wish to have a 2nd child. He is 60 years old and his wife is much younger. They have been together over 5 years. His wife had a child from a former failed relationship and that child has lived with him since an infant and although not his natural offspring they regard each other as father and son. I should mention that the family lives in Thailand and, by Thai standards (and even some Western standards) are fairly well off, so no real money issues.

His wife, who is still of childbearing age, wants to have another baby. What do you think he should do? Is it responsible to father a child when he may not be around to see it grow up? I guess everyone is in this position as no-one can predict the future, but there is obviously less reasonable expectation that he will still be around when the child is (say) 20. He is not against the idea but there are clearly issues that affect everyone involved. He has grown-up children from his former marriage.

I don't really know how to react to this question so thought that I would post it here.

What is your opinion? In replying it would be helpful to know whether you are male or female and what your own (approximate) age is also whether you are farang or Asian, live in Thailand or the West. Its not exactly a poll, as even the questions (issues involved) need to be explored.

Anybody with similar experience? What did you do? Any regrets etc?

[maccaroni man]

if he gets busy he may be here when the child turns 20. when you say the wife is still of childbearing years what does that mean 30s. 40s? we had an unexpected pregnancy when my wife was just turning 40 and it is a whole different ball game having the pitter patter of little feet when one is 50 plus than even 40 something. I am healthy and i expect to around until my 80's but I do not believe I am giving my youngest the quality of care i did with the oldest simply because i do not have the same energy to swim, kick the ball, etc.......... other than that having a baby is a great gift and imho one of the greatest joys in life.

[Alf Witt]

She's still pretty young and fit enough. I don't know exact age but I'd guess 30ish. But good point. I guess thats only half the story, but I'm sure what you lack in stamina and energy you make up for in wisdom and experience.

[luckyluke]

A farang I know is canvassing opinions from his friends because he does not know how to react to his Thai wife's wish to have a 2nd child. He is 60 years old and his wife is much younger. They have been together over 5 years. His wife had a child from a former failed relationship and that child has lived with him since an infant and although not his natural offspring they regard each other as father and son. I should mention that the family lives in Thailand and, by Thai standards (and even some Western standards) are fairly well off, so no real money issues.

His wife, who is still of childbearing age, wants to have another baby. What do you think he should do? Is it responsible to father a child when he may not be around to see it grow up? I guess everyone is in this position as no-one can predict the future, but there is obviously less reasonable expectation that he will still be around when the child is (say) 20. He is not against the idea but there are clearly issues that affect everyone involved. He has grown-up children from his former marriage.

I don't really know how to react to this question so thought that I would post it here.

What is your opinion? In replying it would be helpful to know whether you are male or female and what your own (approximate) age is also whether you are farang or Asian, live in Thailand or the West. Its not exactly a poll, as even the questions (issues involved) need to be explored.

Anybody with similar experience? What did you do? Any regrets etc?

I am 58(european) ,my wife 36(thai),she have 2 children(9 and 12)living with us here in thailand,from previous marriage,i have son of 33 from previous european marriage,since the begin of our relation(6 years ago)we mutual decide not to have children anymore,i am the age to have grandchildren not children,but this is our opinion.

[Tyree D.]

I would give him a hi-five

[Alf Witt]

Any views from the ladies?

[Boo]

I can't speak for other ladies on the forum but for me I think your friend has some valid worries. I am a women (english. 31) and am having our child in May (first for both) an my husband who is thai & 37 was concerned about his age, so I can't imagine him being open to having one in another 30 years. Alot of this stems from my father in law dying in his early 50's so there is a legitimate (in his mind) worry that he will follow suit

From speaking with my mum, dad & stepdad who are of a similar age group (late50's & from discussing these women who have IVF at 60) none of them would want a child at their age as like luckyluke said, they now want the easy life with occasional grandparent duties not nighttime feeds & shitty nappies but again, maybe he wont be expected to deal with any of that, so should look at what his role is supposed to be.

Also, as your freinds wife is that much younger he has to accept that she is on a different level (biologically) to him, so they should have a serious discussion about it as for some women, the urge to have a nother child can be so strong she may just go ahead with it anyway?!!

IMO he has to see how it will impact his life and that of his existing family, will it restrict anything, like make travel harder, who will look after the kid, does he have any health worries that another child will compound or will another child cause financial stress etc & then weigh that against how much his wife wants another child.

[gummy]

Go ahead mate and tell your pal to do the same whether he is 60 or 70. Who can tell whether he will live to a spritely 90 or pop his clogs tomorrow? All this fairness crap and hypocracy that permantly flows on the down side of having children late in live is sickening. How many young people have a medical before they start a family to check whether they have any physical dis-orders ? Very few so really it's the luck of the draw. Given the West's proclivity to divorce, what care do they show about raising children ? Except cheque book care ? At least if he is brought up here in Thailand and for some reason or other your friend only makes another few years, the family will help his wife or son out and the child will always grow up knowing his or her Father loved him rather than growing up like so many in the West now do, thinking why did my Mother/Father have me if they left the home? Is it any wonder there are so many psychos?

[Boo]

the whole post above is high-larious. A severe case of thai fever IMO. Suggest you go out of country & get some reality checks sometimes. Children of divorce in the west don't know their fathers love them & thai children would. LOL what a load of drivel. Get a grip.

[gummy]

the whole post above is high-larious. A severe case of thai fever IMO. Suggest you go out of country & get some reality checks sometimes. Children of divorce in the west don't know their fathers love them & thai children would. LOL what a load of drivel. Get a grip.

Clearly this is from a voice of experience ! What is it like on planet Zob? Check the statistics and you will find children from broken homes ( and that means divorced parents not just single parents ) have an 84% higher crime conviction rate. So go ahead and pretend it is not true and knock Thailand's family standards, like many opinionated Brits there is always another bucket of sand to stick your head in somewhere to justify the lack of parental responsibility.

[Boo]

The statistic have nothing to do with your claim that western fathers don't love their children or make the chilren aware of it when divorce happens. Plenty of thai fathers & mothers abandon their kids in LOS too & look at the orphanages, not all have a family to take care of them & give them love. So much for the parental responsibilty of the child prostitues, the ones selling flowers around the bars at 2am & the ones pumping gas during the day when they should be a school. I never said that the Uk or anywhere else was better but I can see & accept that there are good & bad everywhere. You obviously can't see that in thailand though. Hence such a ridiculous post. So don't take this off topic just so you can stand on your soap box about how bad the west is in comparison to thailand as that isn't the topic.

[bkkmei]

Hi

right, to get back to the topic......

My dad was in his fifties by the time I was born. He was extremely fit and certainly very active when I was a kid and growing up. So I didn't miss out there! How fit & healthy is your friend?

I agree with what you say - you never know what's around the corner, and odds are your friend will not see his potential kid beyond ...mid 20s?

Another aspect of this is not so much kicking the bucket, but getting sick e.g. having a stroke / heart attack / other age-related illness. For many sons & daughters, it's something that is probably faced when one is middle-aged, not when one is in their teens or 20s...

Having said all the above, I would not change a thing between my dad & me! Had a great childhood with love & the benefit of my dad's wisdom. I think one poster said he probably couldn't give a kid the quality of care cos of lack of energy etc. But on the other hand, your friend'll be a dad without the everyday stress of work! Loads of quality time there. It's wonderful that his wife wants to have a child TOGETHER - and I'm sure she's pretty aware of the implications.

[gummy]

The statistic have nothing to do with your claim that western fathers don't love their children or make the chilren aware of it when divorce happens. Plenty of thai fathers & mothers abandon their kids in LOS too & look at the orphanages, not all have a family to take care of them & give them love. So much for the parental responsibilty of the child prostitues, the ones selling flowers around the bars at 2am & the ones pumping gas during the day when they should be a school. I never said that the Uk or anywhere else was better but I can see & accept that there are good & bad everywhere. You obviously can't see that in thailand though. Hence such a ridiculous post. So don't take this off topic just so you can stand on your soap box about how bad the west is in comparison to thailand as that isn't the topic.

Well that indicates that you choose to ignore basic facts. The subject matter is about a Thai wife having a child with an older Father. The immaturity which is indicated from some of the responses only too well shows that many who gave posted messages are speaking from a platform of pomposity and idealisation portrayed by their comments. Lets face it, assuming on average a child is born to an adult of 20 years of age ( much higher in Europe and the West ) and assuming one can consider that that child becomes adult and fends for himself at 16 ( again much higher in the West ) that puts the combined ages at 36. Anybody younger than this are thus not fully experienced throughout that specified cycle and are hence inexperienced to be able to answer the posters question with any degree of mature and knowlegable facts. As I said it is only a postulation based on an imagined idealisation.

I would suggest that that until, and only until you have experience of bringing up children in both scenarios do you have experiance to present a judgemental and practical answer to the posters question which appears not to have fitted into to your unknowledgable dreamworld. Until you have matured and had sufficient experience then you are just making assumptions, based most probably, on your own upbringing.

My original post was, unlike yourself based upon fact, not fanciful ideology from those that have not experienced either. From your original post it appears that you are only 31, so it appears inorder to complete this pre-described cycle you would have had to have had a child at 15 which I suspect is not the case. Therefore as I said your comments appeared to be based on inexperienced ideology rather than sound experiance, wheras mine was based on fact and despite your prediliction for lnocking Thailand, I have spent more time than your own age working, living raising children in the West and similarly in the East.

Edited February 3, 2007 by gummy

[sbk]

The statistic have nothing to do with your claim that western fathers don't love their children or make the chilren aware of it when divorce happens. Plenty of thai fathers & mothers abandon their kids in LOS too & look at the orphanages, not all have a family to take care of them & give them love. So much for the parental responsibilty of the child prostitues, the ones selling flowers around the bars at 2am & the ones pumping gas during the day when they should be a school. I never said that the Uk or anywhere else was better but I can see & accept that there are good & bad everywhere. You obviously can't see that in thailand though. Hence such a ridiculous post. So don't take this off topic just so you can stand on your soap box about how bad the west is in comparison to thailand as that isn't the topic.

Well that indicates that you choose to ignore basic facts. The subject matter is about a Thai wife having a child with an older Father. The immaturity which is indicated from some of the response only too well sjhows that many who ghave posted messages are speaking from a platform of pomposity and idealisation totally based portrayed by their comments. Lets face , assuming on average a child is born to an adult of 20 years of age ( much higher in Europe and the West ) and assuming one can consider that that child becomes adult and fends for himself at 16 ( again much higher in the West ) that puts the combined ages at 36. Anybody younger than this are thuis fully experienced throughout that specified cycle and are hence inexperienced to be able to answer the posters question with any degree of mature and knowlegable facts. As I said it is only a postulation based on an imagined idealisation.

I would suggest that that until, and only until you have experience of bringing up children in both scenarios do you have experiance to present a judgemental and practical answer. Until then you are just making assumtpions, based most probably, on your own upbringing.

My original post was, unlike yourself based upon fact, not fanciful ideology from those that have not experienced either. From your original post it appears that you are only 31, so it appears inorder to complete this pre-described cycle you would have had to have had a child at 15 which I suspect is not the case. Therefore as I said your comments appeared to be based on inexperienced ideology rather than sound experiance.

Anyway, there is significant research showing that the sperm of older fathers can also cause health issues for a baby:

MEDICAL BIOLOGY: AGE OF FATHERS AND SPERM DEFECTS

The following points are made by Paul D. Thacker (J. Am. Med. Assoc. 2004 291:1683):

1) Women approaching middle age have long been aware that the consequences of a ticking biological clock include not only decreased fertility but also a sharp increase in the odds of delivering a child with Down syndrome. Older men, seemingly untouched by such biological constraints, felt free to father children as they entered middle, and even old, age.

2) But now it is becoming increasingly clear that the biological clock ticks for men as well as women, as researchers turn up evidence that as would-be fathers get older, they have an increased chance of passing on genetic defects to their children. New point mutations in humans are introduced through the male line, and the number of mutations in sperm increases as men age. This has been known since the 1950s. What is intriguing is why society chooses to ignore this.

3) Nevertheless, society is starting to pay attention. With many couples now deferring childbearing until they are older, the issue of paternal age and increased risk for birth defects is gaining a higher profile. It is also possible, according to some experts, that if current trends of older fatherhood continue, it could someday become a public health problem as well as a personal one.

4) According to the latest birth statistics released in December 2003 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the average age of motherhood is at an all-time high of 25.1 years compared with 21.4 years in 1971. Although some of this increase can be explained by the drop in teen births, another reason was an increase in older women having children. Women in two age groups -- 35 to 39 years and 40 to 45 years -- now have children at the highest levels in 3 decades. Statisticians find that women tend to marry men of similar ages, so it can be surmised that the ages of fathers have also increased.

5) While news reports on the CDC figures by various news outlets have mentioned the link between increased female age and disease risk to infants, none have reported the vulnerabilities posed by aging fathers that researchers have turned up in recent years, such as the association between increased paternal age and genetic diseases such as Apert syndrome (a disorder characterized by craniofacial and limb abnormalities) and achondroplasia (a skeletal disorder that causes dwarfism). Furthermore, studies show that 2% of children born to men 50 years or older will have schizophrenia, three times the incidence of schizophrenia in offspring born to fathers in their early 20s.

ON THE VULNERABILITY OF THE HUMAN SPERMATOZOON

The following points are made by J. Aitken and J.A. Graves (Nature 2002 415:963):

1) The impact of environmental toxicants and the innate inadequacy of human spermatozoa are compounded by the advent of effective contraception and the introduction of assisted-conception technologies. This lifting of the selection pressure on fertility means that those endowed with genes for high fecundity have lost their advantage over those without. As a result, future generations are bound to experience a further decline in semen quality and, ultimately, human fertility.

2) The authors consider the mechanisms responsible for the poor fertilizing potential and genetic damage shown by human spermatozoa. Two main causes of germ-cell dysfunction have recently been discovered: gene deletions on the long arm of the male sex-determining Y chromosome, and oxidative stress. The authors suggest these etiologies may be associated. The Y chromosome is particularly vulnerable to gene deletions because it is not a matching partner for the X chromosome, so it cannot retrieve lost genetic information by homologous recombination. Over the past 300 million years, the mammalian Y chromosome has been reduced from a pairing partner to the X chromosome to a shadow of its former self, rescued only by a large addition from a non-sex-determining chromosome in "placental" mammals. Many of the remaining genes have acquired functions essential for sex determination and spermatogenesis.

3) The original Y chromosome contained approximately 1500 genes, but during the ensuing 300 million years all but about 50 were inactivated or lost. Overall, this gives an inactivation rate of five genes per million years. The presence of many genes that have lost their function (pseudogenes) on the Y chromosome indicates that this process of attrition is continuing, so that even these key genes will be lost. At the present rate of decay, the Y chromosome will self-destruct in approximately 10 million years. This has already occurred in the mole vole, in which the Y chromosome (together with all of its genes) has been completely lost from the genome.

From Science Week but you can also google it and find numerous other sources.

[JacknDanny]

The statistic have nothing to do with your claim that western fathers don't love their children or make the chilren aware of it when divorce happens. Plenty of thai fathers & mothers abandon their kids in LOS too & look at the orphanages, not all have a family to take care of them & give them love. So much for the parental responsibilty of the child prostitues, the ones selling flowers around the bars at 2am & the ones pumping gas during the day when they should be a school. I never said that the Uk or anywhere else was better but I can see & accept that there are good & bad everywhere. You obviously can't see that in thailand though. Hence such a ridiculous post. So don't take this off topic just so you can stand on your soap box about how bad the west is in comparison to thailand as that isn't the topic.

Well that indicates that you choose to ignore basic facts. The subject matter is about a Thai wife having a child with an older Father. The immaturity which is indicated from some of the responses only too well shows that many who gave posted messages are speaking from a platform of pomposity and idealisation portrayed by their comments. Lets face it, assuming on average a child is born to an adult of 20 years of age ( much higher in Europe and the West ) and assuming one can consider that that child becomes adult and fends for himself at 16 ( again much higher in the West ) that puts the combined ages at 36. Anybody younger than this are thus not fully experienced throughout that specified cycle and are hence inexperienced to be able to answer the posters question with any degree of mature and knowlegable facts. As I said it is only a postulation based on an imagined idealisation.

I would suggest that that until, and only until you have experience of bringing up children in both scenarios do you have experiance to present a judgemental and practical answer to the posters question which appears not to have fitted into to your unknowledgable dreamworld. Until you have matured and had sufficient experience then you are just making assumptions, based most probably, on your own upbringing.

My original post was, unlike yourself based upon fact, not fanciful ideology from those that have not experienced either. From your original post it appears that you are only 31, so it appears inorder to complete this pre-described cycle you would have had to have had a child at 15 which I suspect is not the case. Therefore as I said your comments appeared to be based on inexperienced ideology rather than sound experiance, wheras mine was based on fact and despite your prediliction for lnocking Thailand, I have spent more time than your own age working, living raising children in the West and similarly in the East.

See you in about 30 days gummy

[qualtrough]

Furthermore, studies show that 2% of children born to men 50 years or older will have schizophrenia, three times the incidence of schizophrenia in offspring born to fathers in their early 20s.

Basing a decision on this science would be pretty foolish. Taking just that risk quoted above (I know there were several others), the risk would translate to 2 out of 100 schizophrenic children born to father's over 50, and something like a bit less than 1 (approx. .65) to father's under that age. Sure, that is triple the risk, but in real terms not so much. On top of all that, it would not be surprising to find studies that contradict these findings, or find advantages that might be lacking in younger fathers.

I am not taking a stand either way on what he should do, but I think this is one of the least of his worries.

[think_too_mut]

The worries of the to-be father are secondary. If not irrelevant.

My reading is, the laydee wants him tied up with a baby (she may have more babies to unknown or irresponsible Thai fathers anyway) and the guy represents a chance better that run of the mill locally available. Whatever wealth she might have smelled, she might be wrong, it is still better than motobai somchai's.

Those thinking that love for a 60yrs old geezer is playing any role are deluding themselves.

[Boo]

yawn to gummys last post , yet another person who thinks that their age entitles them to patronise & make assumptions on people they have never met.

I expressed an ON TOPIC opinion that the OP asked for.

So Gummy, as the op asked for opinions & then asked specifically from women and as I have a uterus, I think I am quite entitled to post from a female perspective & I even managed to keep it on topic. Lets see if you can manage it too hey.

As for being idealised, so what, better than being negative & small minded. If thats what old age does for you I would rather be young & idealistic

[billd766]

As my father was 55 and my mother was 40 when I was born I can speak with some authority on this subject. My parents loved me and did thier best for me all their lives. I was nearly 15 when my father died at 69 from a stroke.

The fact that he was not able to kick a ball around in his later life was not important. He was there for me as was mum Mum who also died at 69 of lung cancer 15 years later. Although I did not have every new toy or thing I wanted I think that I survived fairly well.

I was 32 and my first wife was 30 when we married and our son came along 2 years later and I tried to do my best for him while he was growing up. He is now 29 and as far as I know he has never been in trouble with the law anywhere. I divorced his mother when he was 19 and he seems to have survived that.

To return to the OP post.

I remarried 7 years ago to a lovely Thai lady who was 28 when we met and 34 when we married. She gave birth to our son 2 1/2 years ago when I was 60 and she was 39. I assume this fits reasonably well with the OP post.

I am semi retired and find that I can spend more time with my son and yes I clean up his sh1tty nappies (I did with my other son too), sing to him, play with him and read him stories in English so that in the future he will be able to speak, read and write English as well as Thai.

At my advanced age of 62 I find that I have more time and patience than I did before as I don't have to work so hard and I can spend more time with him.

What I can suggest to the OP and his friend is that if he and his wife are both happy to go ahead and try for another child then do it. It is wonderful and our child is the greatest gift that my wife could ever give me.

As for your post below think_to_mut all I can say that IMHO unless you personally know the people involved then with respect you are talking cr*p.

I suspect but I don't know that the OP friend does actually know what he is doing. I know that I did and I also know that I am not the only person in the same situation who goes where their heart leads them.

I know it works but then again I am not cynical.

The worries of the to-be father are secondary. If not irrelevant.

My reading is, the laydee wants him tied up with a baby (she may have more babies to unknown or irresponsible Thai fathers anyway) and the guy represents a chance better that run of the mill locally available. Whatever wealth she might have smelled, she might be wrong, it is still better than motobai somchai's.

Those thinking that love for a 60yrs old geezer is playing any role are deluding themselves.

edited for bad grammar

Edited February 4, 2007 by billd766

[phibunmike]

I don't know about the health issues raised by sbk, so I won't comment on those.

In the west, I would not consider having a baby if I was a 60 year old dad; but here, I would (consider it). Why? Because all the kids I know have several "mum's" and "dad's", and even if I wasn't up to running around with the kid all the time I know the kid would be well loved and taken care of by the extended family.

I am not in that position, by the way

[GuestHouse]

My view of this is that the husband needs to consider carefully the welfare of any future child. It is not unconceivable, some have mentioned this, that the wife wants the child to tie the husband and his wealth.

It is sadly too often the case in Thailand that the child is seen as a door to the father's/mother's wealth.

I advised and acted as executor for a friend's will after he was diagnosed with Cancer, he was leaving a wife and young daughter.

The cunning and guile of the wife's family in attempting to strip the mother of her husband's legacy was schocking, even to the point of filing a police complaint against me because they believed I had control over the husband's wealth (which was in fact in trust in the UK).

Starting a family should cause all of us to consider and plan for what will happen if we die, this is far moreso the case with older fathers. Yes, he, you, ,me any one of us might live to 90, but it is far more likely we die in our 60s/70s.

With that in mind I would advise the would be father to take good advice on writing a will to ensure his child(ren) are cared for, educated and given a financial start in life.

And that the child(ren) are not discarded once he dies and his money is all gone.

[chanchao]

There was an article in the Chiang Mai Citylife magazine written by a long time resident who became a dad aged 60. It was a lovely article, and I posted it on some forums but sadly I can't find it now. (Also not on the Citylife site).

I think it's a personal decision. And I wouldn't rule out the possibility that a 60 year old retired person is a lot more qualified to make that decision than loads of teenage guys becoming fathers.

Also maybe I find the concept of denying your wife the chance to have and raise kids very strange, also.

And don't forget... if you let nature have its way then you WILL have kids. Going against your own and your wife's feelings, even using drugs to prevent the course of nature is, well, quite a decision.

Like, 35 year old career woman having operations, IVF procedures, gawd knows what to have a baby that will spend most of it's early life in daycare centers: 'good'. Retired gentleman, able to have kids naturally, and with the time and money to take care of his wife AND kid: 'bad' ? Come on.

Edited February 5, 2007 by chanchao

[sbk]

There was an article in the Chiang Mai Citylife magazine written by a long time resident who became a dad aged 60. It was a lovely article, and I posted it on some forums but sadly I can't find it now. (Also not on the Citylife site).

I think it's a personal decision. And I wouldn't rule out the possibility that a 60 year old retired person is a lot more qualified to make that decision than loads of teenage guys becoming fathers.

Also maybe I find the concept of denying your wife the chance to have and raise kids very strange, also.

And don't forget... if you let nature have its way then you WILL have kids. Going against your own and your wife's feelings, even using drugs to prevent the course of nature is, well, quite a decision.

Like, 35 year old career woman having operations, IVF procedures, gawd knows what to have a baby that will spend most of it's early life in daycare centers: 'good'. Retired gentleman, able to have kids naturally, and with the time and money to take care of his wife AND kid: 'bad' ? Come on.

I believe the OP's mentioned the wife already has a child from a previous marriage, so she is hardly being "denied". And besides, it takes two to make a baby, it should be both partners decision. And having a child is hardly a decision to be made lightly, even when both parents are young!

In one sentence you are condemning people denying this woman her child but then criticising "career" women who want one. Tad hypocritical on your part, don't you think.

[GuestHouse]

There was an article in the Chiang Mai Citylife magazine written by a long time resident who became a dad aged 60. It was a lovely article, and I posted it on some forums but sadly I can't find it now. (Also not on the Citylife site).

Yes I read the article too, gooey and gushing, but then aren't all good news stories of babies that way.

The problem with sighting such an article is it condemns those who question the thinking of men who become fathers in their old age as not welcoming the joy and of a new born baby.

The truth is we do not have to deny the joy of a newborn in order to look forward and understand the risks of the future.

An old man is far more likely to leave a widow and fatherless child, it is not wrong at all to question that increased chance.

Particularly in Thailand where there is virtually no protection for children against abandonment.

[LaoPo]

Interesting to read the Ladies' and Gents' comments and how they differ.

True story:

A Gentleman I knew, in his mid-fifties (living at the time in Spain) married for the first time with a much younger Lady; both Farang as I may add. They had 3 beautiful and very intelligent children; one of them a commercial airline pilot.

He died a few years ago on Bali deep in his nineties.

If the OP's friend and wife have a good marriage/partnership and he's fit for it (and she), why shouldn't they have a child ?

I would however, as sbk suggests, certainly have his sperm checked.

I might add that raising a child on his age (60) in Thailand is in many ways 'easier' than in the West due to climate, easier lifestyle and many other reasons like having full time staff to take care of the house and/or baby/child.

They're well-off so it would be more relaxed in LOS to have a baby than in any stressed western society.

Well, that's the way I see it....

Some men are already 'old' when they're 45 or 50; others at 60 and + are still fit, young at heart and appearance.

I think it's up to the OP's friend and his wife.

LaoPo

[chanchao]

> I believe the OP's mentioned the wife already has a child from a previous marriage,

> so she is hardly being "denied".

If everyone on this planet thought like that mankind would eventually stop to exist.

> And besides, it takes two to make a baby, it should be both partners decision. And having a child is

> hardly a decision to be made lightly, even when both parents are young!

No argument there!

> In one sentence you are condemning people denying this woman her child

> but then criticising "career" women who want one. Tad hypocritical on

> your part, don't you think.

Well, actually, no.

("Hyperbole", on my part, is the word, possibly. Used here to highlight a very odd perception in the Western world about "old" people and what they are or aren't supposed to do. (nothing gets people as riled up as old people having fun or 'having a life' of the type that's not about golf, fishing, bowls or rocking chairs). People claiming it as 'unnatural', but, darn, why is nature so accommodating and why does it work so well for 60 year old men having kids with women aged 20-40(ish).

BTW, in the article I mentioned earlier, the pregnancy wasn't planned, and has his wife was already 40 they never considered the possibility of nature awarding them a jackpot.. So that being the situation, consider what the 'other possible decision' would have been!!! 'Oh shucks, I'm 60, let's kill the kid.'..?

Cheers,

Chanchao

[Alf Witt]

I appreciate the interesting posts here; especially from those with direct personal experience. Thank you for sharing that.

I was amused by the poster who quoted a science paper stating that the Y chromosome will self destruct in the next 10 million years. My friend is concerned about the future consequences of his decision, but I don't think he is thinking that far ahead.

[hgma]

In general,

first of all ...you are farang HE is thai NOT She

In general

But can we speak in general if it comes to having children but I try anyway

in General

thinks 6 times before you get all of you in that position

in general

its rule nr 1 to get a grip(read controle you)on a farang

in general

Thai women know excatly whats the "price" attached to a farang - Thai baby

they know that a farang will go to any lenght to protect his child

I have seen to many Farangs being blackmaild by there girlfriends or wifes with the child as stake.

mind you

in general

Now .....

SOMETIMES we are lucky

I am (really!!) happely married for a number of years (Lao)have a sun and thank God for every day that we as a family are togheter i am in my early 50 but wouldnt change anything in life dor whatever

Sometimes its tough to get along around here, sometimes we forget that this is azia

another game and another set of rules attached.

Really its just up to You as an individual in howfar you are willing to go to attach to these rules of engagement, without mourning, wailing or critisicing everything around here

thats all

I can't speak for other ladies on the forum but for me I think your friend has some valid worries. I am a women (english. 31) and am having our child in May (first for both) an my husband who is thai & 37 was concerned about his age, so I can't imagine him being open to having one in another 30 years. Alot of this stems from my father in law dying in his early 50's so there is a legitimate (in his mind) worry that he will follow suit

From speaking with my mum, dad & stepdad who are of a similar age group (late50's & from discussing these women who have IVF at 60) none of them would want a child at their age as like luckyluke said, they now want the easy life with occasional grandparent duties not nighttime feeds & shitty nappies but again, maybe he wont be expected to deal with any of that, so should look at what his role is supposed to be.

Also, as your freinds wife is that much younger he has to accept that she is on a different level (biologically) to him, so they should have a serious discussion about it as for some women, the urge to have a nother child can be so strong she may just go ahead with it anyway?!!

IMO he has to see how it will impact his life and that of his existing family, will it restrict anything, like make travel harder, who will look after the kid, does he have any health worries that another child will compound or will another child cause financial stress etc & then weigh that against how much his wife wants another child.

[mr_hippo]

I am English, 58, and my wife is Thai. I have children (and grandchildren) from a previous marriage, my wife does not have any children nor does she want any and I certainly do not want any more. We belong to a very, very exclusive club in Bangkok; it is so exclusive that there are only two members - Mr Hippo ans Mrs Hippo.

Should the 60 year old become a father again? Should he go to his wife and say " 65% of the posters think that it is a good idea so we'll go for it."? What would his wife's reaction be if the poll went the other way "We'll post on two more forums and take 'best of three'?

What should he do? I know not and care even less. I think he shows a great deal of immaturity in asking about something that only he and his wife can decide. Now, if he was undecided about buying a Nissan Teana or a Toyota Camry then we can help him but he would probably end up buying a Handa Jazz!

Sorry but we can't decide for him on the baby issue.

[luckyluke]

I am English, 58, and my wife is Thai. I have children (and grandchildren) from a previous marriage, my wife does not have any children nor does she want any and I certainly do not want any more. We belong to a very, very exclusive club in Bangkok; it is so exclusive that there are only two members - Mr Hippo ans Mrs Hippo.

Should the 60 year old become a father again? Should he go to his wife and say " 65% of the posters think that it is a good idea so we'll go for it."? What would his wife's reaction be if the poll went the other way "We'll post on two more forums and take 'best of three'?

What should he do? I know not and care even less. I think he shows a great deal of immaturity in asking about something that only he and his wife can decide. Now, if he was undecided about buying a Nissan Teana or a Toyota Camry then we can help him but he would probably end up buying a Handa Jazz!

Sorry but we can't decide for him on the baby issue.

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Maybe i am wrong,but i think the guy did not posted this forum himself.