Popular Post fangless Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 What do you call a camel with a flat back? - Humphrey. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 Chat-up Line:- • I’m new in town. Can I have directions to your house or can you take me there? 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 I was asked during a job interview.... What is my greatest strength? I replied, " My greatest strength is my ability to give my opinion on anything regardless of other's feelings or concern. " The person interviewing me started to say," I don't see that as a strength rather it's weak...". I quickly said, " I don't give a **** what you think." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted August 23, 2021 Share Posted August 23, 2021 7 minutes ago, ravip said: I was asked during a job interview.... What is my greatest strength? I replied, " My greatest strength is my ability to give my opinion on anything regardless of other's feelings or concern. " The person interviewing me started to say," I don't see that as a strength rather it's weak...". I quickly said, " I don't give a **** what you think." So how much is your unemployment benefit now? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to... yes, you guessed it... pull myself together! 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post WorriedNoodle Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Zyxel Posted August 23, 2021 Share Posted August 23, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post ballpoint Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 A local pub had an electric bull riding competition Many strong men tried and failed to last the required 8 seconds due to the ferocity of the steed. A little, scrawny man stepped up and climbed aboard. The bull started bucking slowly as the ride gained momentum, yet the man held on. 1, 2, 3 seconds. Faster and faster it spun, yet the man still clung on. 4, 5, 6 seconds. The bull was rotating furiously, the crowd was cheering, yet the man was still there. 7, 8 seconds! The crowd went crazy, the announcer was screaming down the microphone as the little man climbed off. The announcer said to the man “This is just incredible. No one else has done this before ! What is your secret?” The man replied “My girlfriend's epileptic“. 5 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 Man walks into a bar with a pork pie sellotaped to his head Barman: "Excuse me, why have you got a pork pie sellotaped to your head? " Man: "I do this every Tuesday!" Barman: "But it's Thursday today! " Man: "Oh I must look a right idiot!" 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands' blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer All the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic, until they got home and found the milkman dead on the porch. 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 Did you know that when you say “poop” your mouth moves the same way your anus does when you poop? The same is true for the phrase “explosive diarrhoea.” 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 Acoustic ... What a Scottish farmer uses to control his cattle. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post ballpoint Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 After my wife died of a heart attack I didn't want to settle down again straight away. I wanted to have some fun first. So I went online to find a young girl with big breasts who I could have casual sex with. Needless to say, my in-laws weren't impressed. They thought I should have called an ambulance first. 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post ballpoint Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 A cure for insomnia is on the way, reveals a spokesperson. But it's not going to happen overnight. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 10 years ago my mate got stuck in a grandfather clock. I still wind him up today. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road outside the houses of parliament. Nothing was moving. Suddenly a man knocked on the window. The driver rolled down the window and asked, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped all the MP's in the houses of parliament, and they're asking for a £100 million pounds ransom. Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on an average?" The man replied, "Roughly a gallon". 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted August 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2021 Y G O L O H C Y S P: Reverse psychology 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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