Worst Joke Ever 2024

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[ballpoint]

I've joined a new web dating site for arsonists.

They send out new matches every week.
 

[ballpoint]

As I get older I seem to have a change of taste sense, I mean Southern comfort tastes lovely but standard comfort tastes like fabric conditioner.

[ballpoint]

I was terrible at spelling when I was at school.

Brilliant at jografy though.

[ballpoint]

I couldn't afford my renewal fees for our local bondage club,

but they were good to me and organised a whip round.

[ballpoint]

For her birthday, my wife told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away.
So I bought her a treadmill.

[ballpoint]

To the woman in Tesco’s with the screaming kids, if you're wondering how the condoms got in your trolley... You're welcome.

[ballpoint]

I was present when my wife was giving birth. The midwife and doctor were at the bed but a strange fellow was by the door with his head in a sand bucket.
I asked what he was doing, and the midwife said not to worry, he was the ostritrician.

[ballpoint]

"Hello, and welcome to assumption club.

I think we all know why we're here!"

[ballpoint]

Just found out a neighbour has been caught hoarding stolen items from people's gardens. Police found 100 lengths of feathered edge timber and 20 litres of creosote; all reported missing.
He's the local fence.

[ballpoint]

I met a transvestite in Manchester
He had a Wigan address.

[ballpoint]

Unfortunately my wife found a dead mouse in the kitchen cupboard this morning. She was horrified. She’s spent the whole day deep cleaning. All cupboards emptied and everything washed: pots, pans, cups, glasses, everything! Then she’s cleaned out the cupboards, the surfaces, the floor. It looks likes a brand new kitchen.
Tomorrow I’m going to put the dead mouse in the bathroom.

[ballpoint]

Nothing but bad luck today. Not only will the toilet not flush, I’m now banned from HomePro.

[fasteddie]

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