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Posted

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim the English Channel, doing only the breaststroke.
After around 30 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner.
About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line in second.
Nearly four hours after that, the blond finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporter asked why it took her considerably longer to finish the race, she replies, "I don't like to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms!"

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Posted

Nicola Sturgeon has received a warning from police, after being pictured without a face mask in public last weekend.
I know she's no oil painting, but surely that's a bit harsh?

  • Haha 2
Posted

Breaking..
News has come in that last night, a Russian acrobat was badly injured whilst performing a human pyramid.
A spokesperson for the troop quoted: “I don't know how we can can continue to perform, as we don’t have Oleg to stand on”.

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Posted

Way back in my army days I was ordered to make a list of all the lamps and bulbs in Buckingham Palace.
I was in The King's Light Inventory.

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Posted

The phrase “Who goes there?” has been around for sentries.
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The future of my see-saw business is in the balance.
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My best mate is an expert taxidermist. He really knows his stuff.
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My washing machine was too loud; so I put a sock in it.
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For all you people who can't stand musical puns: you have my symphony.
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The patron saint of playgrounds is Saint Francis of a See-saw.
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Double negatives; they're a no-no.
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You're all invited to my recycling party tomorrow – please bring a bottle.

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