Collingwood Fans

[Jamesyboi]

15 ways to tell if you are a Collingwood Fan

1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.

2. You let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front

of her kids.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."

5. Someone in your family once died right after saying, "Hey, watch

this!"

6. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

7. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.

8. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: " Carn the

Pies!"

9. You lit a match in the kitchen and your house exploded.....right off

its wheels.

10. The market value of your car goes up and down depending on how much

petrol is in it.

11. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

12. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

13. You can't marry your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

14. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

15. Your front veranda collapses and kills more than five dogs.

______________________________

Mick Malthouse goes to a football reunion at Richmond and starts

chatting with Terry Wallace. Terry says to Mick, "Well Mick, I don't

know what you think of your players at Collingwood, but mine here are

all bright and brilliant." "How do you know?" asks Mick. "Oh well, it's

simple", says Terry. "We put them through a special intelligence test

before they can play here. Just pick any of my players and we will see

how well he does. "Mick thinks for a while and then nominates Matthew

Richardson. Terry calls him over and asks him,

"Tell me Matty, who is the child of your father and of your mother who

is not your brother and is not your sister?"

"Ah, that's simple plow," says Matthew, "it's me".

"Well done Matty", says Terry, and Mick is very impressed.

Mick returns to Collingwood and wonders about the intelligence of the

team. He calls in Buckley and asks," Nathan, tell me, who is the child

of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not

your sister?" Nathan thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer.

"Can I think about it a bit more Mick, and I'll give you an answer

tomorrow?"

"Of course," says Mick, "you've got 24 hours. But it is very important

that you come up with the answer."

Nathan goes away, thinks as hard as he can, and then he calls in his

team-mates. Rocca thought it might be his Grandpa but wasn't sure.

Tarrant was certain that it couldn't be anyone. McKee admitted he was

sacked from Richmond for not knowing. Cloke also owned up to failing the

test while trying to get a position at Punt Rd. Prestigiacomo thought it

could be a cousin in Italy who had been adopted as a child.

The rest of the team wouldn't even hazard a guess. Licuria went into the

foetal position. 20 hours later, Nathan is very worried that he still

has no answer with only 4 hours to go. Eventually Nathan says

"I know, I'll ring James Hird! He's clever, he'll know the answer."

He calls James. "Hirdy," he says, "tell me, who is the child of your

father and of your mother who is not you brother and is not your

sister?" " Very simple," says James, "it's me!"

"Of course!" says Nathan and immediately rings Mick.

"Mick," says Nathan, " I've got the answer: it's James Hird."

"No, you idiot," says Mick. "It's Matthew Richardson

[Pink Mist]

there was another version of that doing the rounds, but was port adelaide and shaun burgoyne