Thai Custom Re: Financial Expectations

[Tilokarat]

Tilokarat:

Tough crowd here on the board. If you are happy helping her, do it. There are a lot of really cynical people that post here.

When I decided to get married 10 years ago, boy did some of my expat friends jump all over me, predicting the worse of doom and gloom.

Well 10 years later I have no regrets about my marriage. I had lunch 2 days ago with another farang, and he has been married for 20 years to his wife. However we both agree that 90% of these Thai/Farang marriages fall apart.

Thank you for your comments. I can understand what these people are saying, and it is not difficult to believe that it could happen to me, or them, or anyone. I am trying to keep the faith, and I believe that my girlfriend has a good heart. But she is under a lot of pressure, and the sister expects more than I am willing to provide. The statistics that I personally know on farangs married to Thais in Canada (Toronto and Vancouver) seems to be that 90% of the marriages are successful.

[Tilokarat]

Single mother with no work or income has a car, not likely, it is her lazy boyfriends and the sister

is helping her accumulate a income for the both and playing you also. Maybe the sister has said nothing

and is being used for the story line. These girls, boyfriends can be really stupid smart when it comes to

living on the side off a farang.

You notice how the sister who probably does not work already has a house and maybe the car is hers

also. Soon as she can figure out how to keep an income from her D.C. marriage she will dump him and move onto another.

Gold diggers with no morals and unbelievable lies.

She does have an income from grooming pets and trainer dogs for show. Her home was given to her by her parents, and is very small. There is a room downstairs which has a refrigerator, a tv, a computer, and a chesterfield. Upstairs, there is one small bedroom, a bathroom and a room for washing clothes. Her other needs, and those of her son, have been supplied by the sister in Washington, who now thinks, because I am the boyfriend, that I should be footing the bill for everything. My girlfriend does not agree with that assessment, nor do I.

[Diablo Bob]

Single mother with no work or income has a car, not likely, it is her lazy boyfriends and the sister

is helping her accumulate a income for the both and playing you also. Maybe the sister has said nothing

and is being used for the story line. These girls, boyfriends can be really stupid smart when it comes to

living on the side off a farang.

You notice how the sister who probably does not work already has a house and maybe the car is hers

also. Soon as she can figure out how to keep an income from her D.C. marriage she will dump him and move onto another.

Gold diggers with no morals and unbelievable lies.

She does have an income from grooming pets and trainer dogs for show. Her home was given to her by her parents, and is very small. There is a room downstairs which has a refrigerator, a tv, a computer, and a chesterfield. Upstairs, there is one small bedroom, a bathroom and a room for washing clothes. Her other needs, and those of her son, have been supplied by the sister in Washington, who now thinks, because I am the boyfriend, that I should be footing the bill for everything. My girlfriend does not agree with that assessment, nor do I.

Sample of her work?

[solo siam]

She does have an income from grooming pets and trainer dogs for show. Her home was given to her by her parents, and is very small. There is a room downstairs which has a refrigerator, a tv, a computer, and a chesterfield. Upstairs, there is one small bedroom, a bathroom and a room for washing clothes. Her other needs, and those of her son, have been supplied by the sister in Washington, who now thinks, because I am the boyfriend, that I should be footing the bill for everything. My girlfriend does not agree with that assessment, nor do I.

I may be in the minority here but I have to say I think that a boyfriend should hold more responsibility here than a sister, Although 10,000 baht a month is probably three months salary for the average person in Issan. Rental on a nice house can be as little as 1-2k baht and lets face it theres not exactly a lot to spend money on out in the sticks.

[kmart]

Single mother with no work or income has a car, not likely, it is her lazy boyfriends and the sister

is helping her accumulate a income for the both and playing you also. Maybe the sister has said nothing

and is being used for the story line. These girls, boyfriends can be really stupid smart when it comes to

living on the side off a farang.

You notice how the sister who probably does not work already has a house and maybe the car is hers

also. Soon as she can figure out how to keep an income from her D.C. marriage she will dump him and move onto another.

Gold diggers with no morals and unbelievable lies.

She does have an income from grooming pets and trainer dogs for show. Her home was given to her by her parents, and is very small. There is a room downstairs which has a refrigerator, a tv, a computer, and a chesterfield. Upstairs, there is one small bedroom, a bathroom and a room for washing clothes. Her other needs, and those of her son, have been supplied by the sister in Washington, who now thinks, because I am the boyfriend, that I should be footing the bill for everything. My girlfriend does not agree with that assessment, nor do I.

Sample of her work?

[Jeddah Jo]

Just a thought. If both the girl's parents are dead and it was the elder sister that raised her, then the elder sister has a vested interest in who the girl marries.

Normally Thai children feel a life long debt to their parents, but in this case that debt would be transferred to the elder sister. Not only does this mean taking care of them when they are old and frail, but it can also mean financial support should they ever need it.

If elder sister thinks you are not up to snuff in supporting younger sister, then by implication that also means you cannot support her! Maybe this is the reason she is trying to put the boot in on your relationship? Or of course it could just be spiteful jealousy and envy that younger sister now has a farang boyfriend. Emotions like these seem quite prevalent in the LOS.

Either way, unfortunately they probably both still regard you as just an ATM but that's Thailand for you. Unless you have lived here for a while it is impossible to appreciate the true level of contempt which some Thai people hold farangs in.

[Tilokarat]

Just a thought. If both the girl's parents are dead and it was the elder sister that raised her, then the elder sister has a vested interest in who the girl marries.

Normally Thai children feel a life long debt to their parents, but in this case that debt would be transferred to the elder sister. Not only does this mean taking care of them when they are old and frail, but it can also mean financial support should they ever need it.

If elder sister thinks you are not up to snuff in supporting younger sister, then by implication that also means you cannot support her! Maybe this is the reason she is trying to put the boot in on your relationship? Or of course it could just be spiteful jealousy and envy that younger sister now has a farang boyfriend. Emotions like these seem quite prevalent in the LOS.

Either way, unfortunately they probably both still regard you as just an ATM but that's Thailand for you. Unless you have lived here for a while it is impossible to appreciate the true level of contempt which some Thai people hold farangs in.

Yes, I believe you are correct that the elder sister has a stake in all of this. Her husband makes $30,000/month so she has always had a comfortable lifestyle. She sees herself as the guardian of her younger sister and nephew. Her husband makes as much in two months as I do in a year. This is the crux of the problem. My girlfriend thinks this is enough; however, the elder sister does not.

In the mid-1980s I spent two academic years in Chiang Mai as part of the University of Wisconsin's 'College Year in Thailand' programme, and never got the sense that Thais had a feeling of contempt for anyone but the Chinese who they felt were exploiting the peasants. I lived in a farming village in Amphoe Doi Saket near the road leading to Bo Sang. I was the only farang around for miles, and they never were anything but kind and friendly toward me. Maybe, since that time, the Thai attitude toward farangs has changed, and I just did not pick up on it at this time.

Thanks for your message, which is much appreciated.

[Jeddah Jo]

Just for your info I did say 'some' Thai people. You will never see a wider spectrum of characters than you will in Thailand.

I am quite sure that some Thais will be the nicest, most generous, considerate, caring, loving and sweet people you would ever meet on the planet. I am equally sure that Thailand has some of the darkest, most hate filled, bitter and twisted, ruthless, spiteful, duplicitous and wicked people as well.

If all this isn't bad enough, Thailand also has some of the best actresses in the world. Why that bar girl from Ubon isn't up for Oscars every year for her portrayal of doting, loyal girl-friend I have no idea

[Tilokarat]

Just for your info I did say 'some' Thai people. You will never see a wider spectrum of characters than you will in Thailand.

I am quite sure that some Thais will be the nicest, most generous, considerate, caring, loving and sweet people you would ever meet on the planet. I am equally sure that Thailand has some of the darkest, most hate filled, bitter and twisted, ruthless, spiteful, duplicitous and wicked people as well.

If all this isn't bad enough, Thailand also has some of the best actresses in the world. Why that bar girl from Ubon isn't up for Oscars every year for her portrayal of doting, loyal girl-friend I have no idea

Yes, you are correct, you did just write 'some Thais', sorry about that. I do not know any bar girls from Ubon as I have never been there, and I do not frequent bars. I have only been to Udon Thani and Nong Khai in Issan. In the north, however, I have been to Chiang Mai, Lamphun, Lampang, Chiang Rai, Chiang Saen and Nan. I do not know any bar girls there either. I think that your comments about the elder sister married to the farang in Washington, and her concerns about me, are insightful, and probably true.

[jayjayjayjay]

Hi! I (a farang from Canada) have a Thai girlfriend in Udon Thani who I have been sending money to on a monthly basis. She is quite satisfied with this arrangement, but her very wealthy sister in Washington, D.C. expects that I should be paying for all of my girlfriend's expenses such as a new car, a new motorcycle, an airconditioner and so on. The sister has explained that it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. By the way, this will be the second marriage for my girlfriend, and she has one son. Is the sister correct? Is it a Thai custom for a boyfriend to pay everything before marriage to his girlfriend? The sister in Washington, D.C. thinks that I should be sending around 40,000 baht a month, which seems rather steep.

This custom, if true, is news to me. From my experience, most of the Thai men who married had little money, and poor jobs and the Thai girlfriends did not expect the man to pay all expenses. And the farangs that I know who have become engaged to Thai women do not pay everything for their Thai fiancees. So far, I am resisting the pressure to send more money than I already am on the basis that my girlfriend and her son do not become my full responsibility until we are married. Consequently, the sister in Washington is advising my girlfriend to 'finish with this Canadian'!

I would appreciate any comments and advice that anyone can provide.

Thank you.

Tell the sister in Canada you are "finish with this Thai girl" - this has scam written written all over it -top to bottom, and from what you have said, its hardly as if this much of a genuine relationship to start with.... go on, tell us how you met her (some or business conferance perhaps?).

MF

Thanks. We met over the internet at a site called, Cherry Blossoms. I went to Udon Thani to meet her in December and returned to Toronto in mid-January. My girlfriend drove me around Udon, and various sites in her nephew's pick-up truck. For example, we went to Ban Chiang and met her brother, some aunts and an uncle. The uncle, by the way, has a winery, and sells bottles of mango, ginger, and mangosteen wine for 200 baht a bottle. Obviously, he is not making a lot of money in this business, and he finds it difficult to get the grapes to have the right red colour. But, he is an interesting man, and has worked for the Americans in Issan and Saudi Arabia as a cook. His orchard is not large, but it is worth a look if you are ever in Ban Chiang. My girlfriend's mother and father were cremated at the local wat.

We met another couple, who travelled with us. The guy is from New York and will be moving to Chiang Mai or Khon Kaen permanently in August. His Thai girlfriend works in Bangkok.

My girlfriend has a degree from Mae Joe University in Chiang Mai, and worked for three years after graduation at the elephant hospital in Lampang. She has been working with dogs ever since. I have a degree from the University of Toronto and teach at a local university, and also at a local high school. She travels to various parts of Thailand for dog competitions such as the recent ones in Chiang Mai, Khon Kaen and Kalasin. In May, she will be showing four or five dogs at a competition in Khorat. As far as I know, she has never been to Pattaya, Phuket or the other tourist sites south of Bangkok. However, she knows Issan and Lanna well. She drives the 10 hours or so that it takes her to reach Chiang Mai for competitions.

I have never spoken to the sister in the U.S. But, I have spoken to her sister in Udon Thani, who is a teacher, and her brother and relatives in Ban Chiang.

Get a hold of the sisters telephone number in Washington(make up some story you are travelling there and would like to visit). If they give you a number then you speak with the so-called rich farang (which I believe does not exist), if he can verify EVERY story you have told us (like, does he know the uncle, what's the kids name, what school does the kid go too etc), then you might be on the way to solving this crisis. If you are stonewalled, then the sister and rich farang probably do not exist. Beware, there could be a farang in the loop also, making money with this girl, that you will have to clear up yourself.

The point I find most rediculous is a Thai girl (so poor) is sending her kid to an international school in Udon. My own children go to international school, a cumulative 15 years between the 2 of them. There are no kids from country village families at this school, or the other 5 schools they play sports with.. IT JUST DOES NOT HAPPEN only the top 2 -3% of Thai families even consider sending their kids to International Schools, and they are wealthy in their own right and are normally BKK, CM, Phuket or Pataya based.... all other kids study in Thai gov schools. Check to see if the boy speaks English like you... I mean speaks 100% like you, with a slight American accent....... if not, come to Chiang Mai in August and I'll introduce you to some lovely Thai girls who are for more genuine than the crowd you are dealing with at the moment.....

[Tilokarat]

Single mother with no work or income has a car, not likely, it is her lazy boyfriends and the sister

is helping her accumulate a income for the both and playing you also. Maybe the sister has said nothing

and is being used for the story line. These girls, boyfriends can be really stupid smart when it comes to

living on the side off a farang.

You notice how the sister who probably does not work already has a house and maybe the car is hers

also. Soon as she can figure out how to keep an income from her D.C. marriage she will dump him and move onto another.

Gold diggers with no morals and unbelievable lies.

She does have an income from grooming pets and trainer dogs for show. Her home was given to her by her parents, and is very small. There is a room downstairs which has a refrigerator, a tv, a computer, and a chesterfield. Upstairs, there is one small bedroom, a bathroom and a room for washing clothes. Her other needs, and those of her son, have been supplied by the sister in Washington, who now thinks, because I am the boyfriend, that I should be footing the bill for everything. My girlfriend does not agree with that assessment, nor do I.

Sample of her work?

sample of her work:

[Tilokarat]

Single mother with no work or income has a car, not likely, it is her lazy boyfriends and the sister

is helping her accumulate a income for the both and playing you also. Maybe the sister has said nothing

and is being used for the story line. These girls, boyfriends can be really stupid smart when it comes to

living on the side off a farang.

You notice how the sister who probably does not work already has a house and maybe the car is hers

also. Soon as she can figure out how to keep an income from her D.C. marriage she will dump him and move onto another.

Gold diggers with no morals and unbelievable lies.

She does have an income from grooming pets and trainer dogs for show. Her home was given to her by her parents, and is very small. There is a room downstairs which has a refrigerator, a tv, a computer, and a chesterfield. Upstairs, there is one small bedroom, a bathroom and a room for washing clothes. Her other needs, and those of her son, have been supplied by the sister in Washington, who now thinks, because I am the boyfriend, that I should be footing the bill for everything. My girlfriend does not agree with that assessment, nor do I.

Sample of her work?

sample of her work:

Here I will try and get the right photo on here:

[Diablo Bob]

Where's the dog?

No honestly, I was not aware of a dog show circuit or following in Thailand. But then again, there are many things that we don't know or events that are not widely advertised, but in fact happen often. A lot like civil aviation fly ins and air shows, yes they are regular events.

As to the money you are giving your fiancee, screw what everybody else says, if you are happy, go for it! I know people who give their wives around 15,000 baht/month, and their wives are living in Bangkok. If you can afford it and you are confident in your relationship, screw all of our advise it's your life.

As to your future sister-in-law, well you aren't marrying her are you. As long as your fiancee keeps on listening to you and not her sister, it won't be a problem.

If you intend to relocate to Thailand, don't take your fiancee to the USA. It warps their values and perceptions, a lot like her sister. It's best to keep that green grass on the other side of the fence, once eaten it will always be beckoning.

My apolgies for the off humor picture, but at the time it just felt right! Good luck on your future and do what you feel is the right thing to do.

Just my opinion.........

[Tilokarat]

Hi! I (a farang from Canada) have a Thai girlfriend in Udon Thani who I have been sending money to on a monthly basis. She is quite satisfied with this arrangement, but her very wealthy sister in Washington, D.C. expects that I should be paying for all of my girlfriend's expenses such as a new car, a new motorcycle, an airconditioner and so on. The sister has explained that it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. By the way, this will be the second marriage for my girlfriend, and she has one son. Is the sister correct? Is it a Thai custom for a boyfriend to pay everything before marriage to his girlfriend? The sister in Washington, D.C. thinks that I should be sending around 40,000 baht a month, which seems rather steep.

This custom, if true, is news to me. From my experience, most of the Thai men who married had little money, and poor jobs and the Thai girlfriends did not expect the man to pay all expenses. And the farangs that I know who have become engaged to Thai women do not pay everything for their Thai fiancees. So far, I am resisting the pressure to send more money than I already am on the basis that my girlfriend and her son do not become my full responsibility until we are married. Consequently, the sister in Washington is advising my girlfriend to 'finish with this Canadian'!

I would appreciate any comments and advice that anyone can provide.

Thank you.

Tell the sister in Canada you are "finish with this Thai girl" - this has scam written written all over it -top to bottom, and from what you have said, its hardly as if this much of a genuine relationship to start with.... go on, tell us how you met her (some or business conferance perhaps?).

MF

Thanks. We met over the internet at a site called, Cherry Blossoms. I went to Udon Thani to meet her in December and returned to Toronto in mid-January. My girlfriend drove me around Udon, and various sites in her nephew's pick-up truck. For example, we went to Ban Chiang and met her brother, some aunts and an uncle. The uncle, by the way, has a winery, and sells bottles of mango, ginger, and mangosteen wine for 200 baht a bottle. Obviously, he is not making a lot of money in this business, and he finds it difficult to get the grapes to have the right red colour. But, he is an interesting man, and has worked for the Americans in Issan and Saudi Arabia as a cook. His orchard is not large, but it is worth a look if you are ever in Ban Chiang. My girlfriend's mother and father were cremated at the local wat.

We met another couple, who travelled with us. The guy is from New York and will be moving to Chiang Mai or Khon Kaen permanently in August. His Thai girlfriend works in Bangkok.

My girlfriend has a degree from Mae Joe University in Chiang Mai, and worked for three years after graduation at the elephant hospital in Lampang. She has been working with dogs ever since. I have a degree from the University of Toronto and teach at a local university, and also at a local high school. She travels to various parts of Thailand for dog competitions such as the recent ones in Chiang Mai, Khon Kaen and Kalasin. In May, she will be showing four or five dogs at a competition in Khorat. As far as I know, she has never been to Pattaya, Phuket or the other tourist sites south of Bangkok. However, she knows Issan and Lanna well. She drives the 10 hours or so that it takes her to reach Chiang Mai for competitions.

I have never spoken to the sister in the U.S. But, I have spoken to her sister in Udon Thani, who is a teacher, and her brother and relatives in Ban Chiang.

Get a hold of the sisters telephone number in Washington(make up some story you are travelling there and would like to visit). If they give you a number then you speak with the so-called rich farang (which I believe does not exist), if he can verify EVERY story you have told us (like, does he know the uncle, what's the kids name, what school does the kid go too etc), then you might be on the way to solving this crisis. If you are stonewalled, then the sister and rich farang probably do not exist. Beware, there could be a farang in the loop also, making money with this girl, that you will have to clear up yourself.

The point I find most rediculous is a Thai girl (so poor) is sending her kid to an international school in Udon. My own children go to international school, a cumulative 15 years between the 2 of them. There are no kids from country village families at this school, or the other 5 schools they play sports with.. IT JUST DOES NOT HAPPEN only the top 2 -3% of Thai families even consider sending their kids to International Schools, and they are wealthy in their own right and are normally BKK, CM, Phuket or Pataya based.... all other kids study in Thai gov schools. Check to see if the boy speaks English like you... I mean speaks 100% like you, with a slight American accent....... if not, come to Chiang Mai in August and I'll introduce you to some lovely Thai girls who are for more genuine than the crowd you are dealing with at the moment.....

Thank you for the advice concerning the family in Washington, the nice ladies in Chiang Mai and so on, which is much appreciated. Her son goes to Dom (Don) Bosco in Udon Thani, and it costs something like 6-7,000 baht every four months, which is paid for by the sister in Washington. Each classroom is air-conditioned and has computers for the students. Her son speaks English very poorly. One day, when we were in Udon Thani, my girlfriend got a call on her cellphone from her son at school. He had forgotten his swimming trunks, which he needed after lunch. His mother scolded him for being forgettful, but we duly went back to the house and got his swimming suit. We then drove to the school and met him while he was playing with his friends. I spoke to him and one of his friends in Thai for a few minutes.

The husband of the sister in Washington is said to work as a computer programmer for the American Navy in Maryland, and he is said to make $30,000 per month. Yes, I would like to speak with him, and will ask for his phone number in Washington.

By the way, I have my girlfriend's house paper listing all of her sisters and brothers, her marriage and divorce papers, and the passports of her and her son. This is because we spoke to a visa agency in Udon Thani to see if they could speed up the processing of a permanent resident visa for her to come to Canada. They suggested I meet with their home office in Bangkok prior to returning to Canada.

Subsequently, I was met by the company's representative at the airport and driven to the office. The first question was, are you married. No, then we can do nothing for you. Once you are married, just give us $2,500 U.S., and you will have your visa in 4-6 months. We now know that we can do everything on our own. The amount of time it takes to get the visa is entirely dependent on the volume of applications the Canadian government gets.

A female representative of the company then directed their driver to take me to a safe and reputable hotel in Bangkok for the night. She gave him the name of this safe and reputable hotel. Maybe it is here that the disdain for farang comes into play. I was taken to the Nana Hotel with an option of going to the Rajah Hotel. I soon learnt why these hotels were known to be reputable!

[Diablo Bob]

The husband of the sister in Washington is said to work as a computer programmer for the American Navy in Maryland, and he is said to make $30,000 per month. Yes, I would like to speak with him, and will ask for his phone number in Washington.

Sorry, but NOBODY earns that salary working for the US Government maybe for a consultant to the US Government. You are talking $360,000/yr....... The Mean Average for Washington DC ranges from $44,000/yr to $92,000/yr according to the US Office of Personell Management which oversee's all federal employees.

Not an opinion...... I Googled it!

[Tilokarat]

The husband of the sister in Washington is said to work as a computer programmer for the American Navy in Maryland, and he is said to make $30,000 per month. Yes, I would like to speak with him, and will ask for his phone number in Washington.

Sorry, but NOBODY earns that salary working for the US Government maybe for a consultant to the US Government. You are talking $360,000/yr....... The Mean Average for Washington DC ranges from $44,000/yr to $92,000/yr according to the US Office of Personell Management which oversee's all federal employees.

Not an opinion...... I Googled it!

Thanks for the information, I will mention that. I am learning a lot on this site, and was sure that some of you could help me out. I have been sending her around 10,000 baht a month, and that is my limit. I have problems with a sister in Washington dictating what I am supposed to spend, and on what. I was pretty sure the information about the so-called Thai custom was incorrect, and this site has proven that point. I have also learnt a lot of useful information. Take care

[sutnyod]

Hi Tilokrat,

I want to come back to your original question: what you describe seems to be more the custom in a "mia noi" arrangement. Normal dating does not involve obligatory financial support for a partner. Why marry if everything is settled anyway?

Please do have some understanding for the behavior of your gf though: in Thailand very often people marry according to tradition (with a baci ceremony), but seldom register their marriage (trend increasing though). That leaves the husband to be free to go away as soon as his wife does not fulfill his standards anymore. Thai girls have seen that happening all over. Naturally, if they grow up and find a partner, they will try to "milk" him as much as possible, just in case they will be abandoned later.

[MaaTini]

why do you spoil Thaipeople ?

Thaimen never would do that ....

only for the Marriage - the Girl is worth equal a Rai of Land in that Region, her Parents live ...

Hi! I (a farang from Canada) have a Thai girlfriend in Udon Thani who I have been sending money to on a monthly basis. She is quite satisfied with this arrangement, but her very wealthy sister in Washington, D.C. expects that I should be paying for all of my girlfriend's expenses such as a new car, a new motorcycle, an airconditioner and so on. The sister has explained that it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. By the way, this will be the second marriage for my girlfriend, and she has one son. Is the sister correct? Is it a Thai custom for a boyfriend to pay everything before marriage to his girlfriend? The sister in Washington, D.C. thinks that I should be sending around 40,000 baht a month, which seems rather steep.

This custom, if true, is news to me. From my experience, most of the Thai men who married had little money, and poor jobs and the Thai girlfriends did not expect the man to pay all expenses. And the farangs that I know who have become engaged to Thai women do not pay everything for their Thai fiancees. So far, I am resisting the pressure to send more money than I already am on the basis that my girlfriend and her son do not become my full responsibility until we are married. Consequently, the sister in Washington is advising my girlfriend to 'finish with this Canadian'!

I would appreciate any comments and advice that anyone can provide.

Thank you.

[Tilokarat]

Hi Tilokrat,

I want to come back to your original question: what you describe seems to be more the custom in a "mia noi" arrangement. Normal dating does not involve obligatory financial support for a partner. Why marry if everything is settled anyway?

Please do have some understanding for the behavior of your gf though: in Thailand very often people marry according to tradition (with a baci ceremony), but seldom register their marriage (trend increasing though). That leaves the husband to be free to go away as soon as his wife does not fulfill his standards anymore. Thai girls have seen that happening all over. Naturally, if they grow up and find a partner, they will try to "milk" him as much as possible, just in case they will be abandoned later.

Thanks for the comments. It is understandable that a Thai lady would want a comfortable and secure life. This is natural enough. Both sides recognise that there is a very important economic component to marriage anyway. I do not mind helping out financially prior to the marriage, I just do not like the sister from America setting unrealistic standards at a time when we are engaged, not married. I came on to this site to see what the Thai custom was in this regard, and it seems there is no obligation on the part of the boyfriend to pay anything to the girlfriend prior to marriage. This makes sense to me.

But, as a few respondents have indicated, the sister has a vested interest in this since she has acted as a mother to my girlfriend, and as a grandmother to the son. I am sure she wants to see if I can provide a good life for her younger sister. However, her expectations are slightly skewed toward the richer members of Thai society.

[Tilokarat]

why do you spoil Thaipeople ?

Thaimen never would do that ....

only for the Marriage - the Girl is worth equal a Rai of Land in that Region, her Parents live ...

Tina, thank you for the information. Apparently, my girlfriend's sister in America is sending her 38,000 baht a month to live a comfortable life in Udon. However, she has a very small house, inherited from her parents, who are dead. She has got a loan from the bank to pay her former husband for sole custody of her son. I will pay this loan off for her as sin sod after we are married. The sister in America says that once I became the boyfriend, I should take on the obligation of paying the 38,000 baht a month since this is a Thai custom. I did not believe that, and came on this forum to find out the truth of the matter.

I have received much more information than I bargained for, some of it useful, some of it humourous, some of it not so nice, but at least I got some answers and learnt some sharp lessons about the custom/non-custom of giving money to girlfriends prior to marriage.

Hi! I (a farang from Canada) have a Thai girlfriend in Udon Thani who I have been sending money to on a monthly basis. She is quite satisfied with this arrangement, but her very wealthy sister in Washington, D.C. expects that I should be paying for all of my girlfriend's expenses such as a new car, a new motorcycle, an airconditioner and so on. The sister has explained that it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. By the way, this will be the second marriage for my girlfriend, and she has one son. Is the sister correct? Is it a Thai custom for a boyfriend to pay everything before marriage to his girlfriend? The sister in Washington, D.C. thinks that I should be sending around 40,000 baht a month, which seems rather steep.

This custom, if true, is news to me. From my experience, most of the Thai men who married had little money, and poor jobs and the Thai girlfriends did not expect the man to pay all expenses. And the farangs that I know who have become engaged to Thai women do not pay everything for their Thai fiancees. So far, I am resisting the pressure to send more money than I already am on the basis that my girlfriend and her son do not become my full responsibility until we are married. Consequently, the sister in Washington is advising my girlfriend to 'finish with this Canadian'!

I would appreciate any comments and advice that anyone can provide.

Thank you.

[mr_hippo]

There's a better Thai custom - if you know a Brit on this forum who lives in Bangkok, has the member number 30,887 and with the name of an African animal in his nickname, you have to send him 25000Baht/month. Should I e-mail you my bank details?

Edited March 3, 2007 by mr_hippo

[Bruce1]

You're either a troll or a sucker. Wake up. Cut off the money and see what happens.

[Tilokarat]

You're either a troll or a sucker. Wake up. Cut off the money and see what happens.

I am neither one of those. To be generous and kind to someone does not automatically imply a scam is involved.

I wanted to find out an answer to a question about an alleged Thai custom, and received a satisfactory answer to that particular issue. I got a lot of other information, most of which seems exaggerated, according to my two years of experience living in Chiang Mai in the mid-80s. It may turn out that I am a 'sucker' or a 'mug', or I may end up married to a very wonderful lady, we shall see.

I did encounter some scams in the 1980s. One involved this very nice, and quite old Swedish fellow, who fell for a younger girl in her late 20s. He was going on and on about how sweet and pure she was because she would not sleep with him while they were in Thailand. Consequently, she had her aunt travel with her, and she stayed with her Chinese aunt (who owned a furniture store in Chiang Mai) at night. I knew, but this guy didn't, that his fiancee was a 'dee', and the aunt was her 'tom boy'. She dutily went off to Sweden as the guy's bride, and lived happily there for 10 years until the divorce at which time she returned to her 'husband' in Chiang Mai. She lived happily in Sweden, by the way, because this gentleman provided her with everything that a much younger lady required.

Was this guy a sucker? Perhaps. But he was reasonably happy with the arrangement well into his eighties.

[Tilokarat]

There's a better Thai custom - if you know a Brit on this forum who lives in Bangkok, has the member number 30,887 and with the name of an African animal in his nickname, you have to send him 25000Baht/month. Should I e-mail you my bank details?

I would certainly like to help this British fellow out, in particular, since we Canadians were under the helpful protection of the British Empire, and are still loyal subjects of Queen Elizabeth 11. However, there is another young lady that I must aid first. Her country was also part of the British Empire - Nigeria. It seems that she is having difficulty transferring funds from Nigeria to a bank in Canada. Fortunately, if I send her the small sum of $2,500, this young woman will transfer millions of good old American greenbacks into my account. So, Mr. Hippo, you will have to wait. First things first, and all that!

[wintermute]

I am neither one of those. To be generous and kind to someone does not automatically imply a scam is involved.

Thais respect generosity coming from a Thai if it's coming from a foreigner you're just fulfilling a stereotype of rich farang with little common sense.

I wanted to find out an answer to a question about an alleged Thai custom, and received a satisfactory answer to that particular issue. I got a lot of other information, most of which seems exaggerated, according to my two years of experience living in Chiang Mai in the mid-80s. It may turn out that I am a 'sucker' or a 'mug', or I may end up married to a very wonderful lady, we shall see.

I'm sure there are many guys out there who think she's a wonderful lady.

Was this guy a sucker? Perhaps. But he was reasonably happy with the arrangement well into his eighties.

Yep he was a sucker and the "love" involved was about as genuine as having a long term hooker stay at your place for a negotiated salary. Life's too short to waste time with disengenous gold diggers who just want a free ride in life.

[keg]

In addition to the $30,000 per month for a computer programmer to make sounding high, how old is this girl? If she remembers riding in trucks with her father as a young girl when he was working for the US military they left not long after the war ended in Vietnam in 1975. That was a long time ago!

[jetjock]

Tilokarat--Many years ago, P. T. Barnum claimed that "A Sucker is born every minute". Why is it that so many people ( including historians like yourself ) work so hard to prove him right ? With the long history of so many guys being scammed by girls in Thailand, do yourself a favor and listen carefully to what many of the members that have seen the warning signs in your described relationship and have been there and done that are trying to trying to tell you. On the other hand, if you are going into this with your eyes wide open and are willing to pay someone just to have a relationship and do not mind a relationship based on the depth of your pockets, then go for it ! Good Luck

[Tilokarat]

In addition to the $30,000 per month for a computer programmer to make sounding high, how old is this girl? If she remembers riding in trucks with her father as a young girl when he was working for the US military they left not long after the war ended in Vietnam in 1975. That was a long time ago!

She was born in 1968, and I posted a photograph yesterday from last year. This was when she got a trophy for one of the dogs she trains at a local show in Udon Thani. She was at one of the higher level King's Cup competitions in January at Chiang Mai where many of the entries come from the United States, Canada and Europe. One of the dogs she trains got an award at that competition.

[Tilokarat]

Tilokarat--Many years ago, P. T. Barnum claimed that "A Sucker is born every minute". Why is it that so many people ( including historians like yourself ) work so hard to prove him right ? With the long history of so many guys being scammed by girls in Thailand, do yourself a favor and listen carefully to what many of the members that have seen the warning signs in your described relationship and have been there and done that are trying to trying to tell you. On the other hand, if you are going into this with your eyes wide open and are willing to pay someone just to have a relationship and do not mind a relationship based on the depth of your pockets, then go for it ! Good Luck

jetjock, I hope you are wrong about this. She seems like a nice and kind lady to me, with an excellent sense of humour. We are engaged, and plan to marry in August. She has told me to save money for our future in Canada, and not to send her money anymore. I plan to take her advice, and that of others on the forum, and stop sending money. It will be a different story after we are married. It is her sister who has demanded that I take on some on the financial responsibility that she has assumed up to this point. The sister indicated it was a Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. I did not agree with that, and came to this forum for advice.

I have already told my fiancee that there will be no dowry since she is not a virgin, has a child, and was married before. I do not mind a wedding reception after we have been to the amphoe muang in Udon Thani. However, I will pay her bank loan that she got to have sole custody of her son, so she can get back the paper to her house. I am not paying for her son's education at Dom Bosco, her Honda Jazz, her motorcycle, the air conditioning for her son, and her root canal work. Her sister in Washington is paying for all of that.

[Maestro]

She was at one of the higher level King's Cup competitions in January at Chiang Mai where many of the entries come from the United States, Canada and Europe. One of the dogs she trains got an award at that competition.

I did some googling and it’s confirmed: there is an annual national dog show in Chiang Mai, now in its fifth year. It’s not the King’s Cup, which is a football competition, but if the sponsor of the trophy was the same last year as in 2003 it was another member of the royal family.

--

Maestro