The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist

threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or

even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the

blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody

Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"

warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its

terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in

France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a

recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively

paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of

alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and

Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain

"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"

to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher

levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only

threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish

navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

This is fab. The comments about the English are classic!

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It's been around a while but always make me smile.

As a Brit I can relate, we don't often get more than 'a bit cross'.