Dream Shattered...

[ColPyat]

You have to ask yourself if you go back to the UK will you be happy? will you be able to forget what you had in Thailand and be able to say "well, at least I am here with my family and at least my wife is happy even though i'm not" ??????

In these situations I usually go with my heart - the inner voice is probably the best one to listen to. Not a guilt trip.

Many may not agree but you have to realize how good you really have it right now, and also the cold grim harsh reality of living on this stinking grey island..............

Every relationship lives or dies by the ability of both sides being able to find an acceptable compromise. That generally works by measuring self interest with a healthy dose of empathy for the other. What makes one partner alone "happy" but the other not, is not a compromise, but a collapse of all, and often caused by serious failures in communication (read Watzlawick's theories on communication, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Watzlawick ).

When children are involved, another factor comes in, and that is responsibility. And especially in this case the responsible decision has to be made especially in favor of the children, and not what one or the other partner decides out of pure self interest. This has to go both ways.

I have the impression that in this case there might be an equal overweight of self interest by both partners, and a lack of communication, which then results that both feel emotionally blackmailed by the other.

In the end, if both cannot find a compromise (that means both have to step back a bit and move towards the other's needs), than the ones who will suffer most will be the children.

Very sad.

[terry57]

how many guys have done things to make there wifes happy and at the end of the day have it all fall over because they are miserable?

How many men have done something to make a wife happy and found out it made everybody else including themself happy too?

we will never know the answer to that one and lets just say its a 50/ 50 gamble.

[duratanium]

her father, my boss, same person (just to put a spin on it)

Sorry to hear what has happened to you.

I did notice the above statement in the topic and wonder if the 'Father & Boss' is going to make it difficult for you if he perceives you are abandoning his grandson or if he will truly be of the belief that it is 'her' fault and not condemn you if you decide to stay in LOS.

As for what to do, that is a decision that will always be hard to make. You can go back to your fiancee and discover that she is not for you then, you could well regret going back. You know her best and if you sit down and think about this from 'outside the box' deep down you will know if this is her acting like a spoilt brat (from past incidents that have happened), or not.

Staying with a partner for the sake of a child or children takes a lot of doing. Arguments, resentment, fights etc.

If you two really do love each other you will find a way to work this out, but at the end of the day you must decide for yourself what is the best way forward and you can only do that based on your knowledge of the relationship to date.

I hung around from when my son was very young until he turned 18 ..... and yes, it can be ###### hard to do, takes a lot of perseverance, courage and diplomacy at times, but I was brought up to believe that a father should be there for his children - a bit old fashioned these days.

I lost out on a lot of opportunities in staying around but at the end of the day I am happy that my son has not strayed into drugs, crime etc etc and I hope that in part I helped in this as that hope made the decision worthwhile and now I have my freedom - and my son who is a good friend.

[GuestHouse]

I know we've had this thing about 'Missing TV Members' lately but in general I think people here tend to stick around for quite a while.

So it's going to be tragically interesting to watch this pan out.

Sort of watching a train crash in slow motion.

Of course the OP could start to apply the brakes by picking the phone up.

How easy is that?

Coming here looking for advice you agree with might convince you to do otherwise. But take a very close look at it is who is giving you advice.

[terry57]

how many guys have done things to make there wifes happy and at the end of the day have it all fall over because they are miserable?

when it falls over, the kids dont come into it because the relationship is unbearable.

if this woman is not prepared to put her half into this relationship, i say let her go and get someone who will.

man is not put on this earth to bend over backwards for a female, and it must be a 2 way partnership or one is better off single.

never let one's self be emotionally blackmailed.

this woman is blackmailing this dude.

Using this logic though terry57 it could be also said that women aren't put on this earth to bend over backwards for a male! I also agree with it must be a two way partnership but you can't just dump and run the first time an issue crops up in a relationship and before I get stomped on I am not necessarily talking about helicopters relationship here I am speaking about relationships in general. That is what relationships are all about....give and take from BOTH sides. To try to sort out a problem in any relationship doesn't make you pussy whipped at all. That's just BS! It means that the relationship and partner mean a great deal to you and you want to continue with living and loving that person for the rest of your life. Remember it was supposed to be for "better or for worse" something a lot of people seem to forget these days.

Cheers

Jimmy

ok jimmy,

and i agree to a certain point.

let me throw this at you.

this couple had an agreement to try it out for 12 months.

the woman done a bolt splitting the family and leaving the husband.

how far should the copper bend over, considering she has shafted him.

thank you very much.

[Naam]

My opinion for the little it's worth is to try to preserve your family at all costs.

my sympathy is with "helicoptor" but i don't agree at all that he has to give in. 32 years ago i was confronted with the same problem when i took up a job in Saudi Arabia where life for everybody was a zillion times tougher than life nowadays in Pattaya. fortunately for me there was no issue with children.

if "heli" gives in now he is looking forward to a married life in which one partner has the saying through blackmail. better an end with terror than terror without an end!

just my two satangs of "wisdom".

[Boo]

Lots of <deleted> talk on this thread about how this women hasn't honoured the agreement. Life is flexible. Who knows she would have agreed to the move if she had know she was pregnant before moving.

Things change, life changes, people change. Yes she has backed out of the agreement but then the goal posts moved didn't they with a new baby on the way? What about her husband, where is HIS flexibilty in adapting to the changes of having a new child on the way or her unhappiness in the country he seems to love so much?

Again, he has a busy job to go to every day, if she is stuck home with a kid all day & another one to come, why not be alone back home with mum/sisters/friends to spend time with rather than an absentee husband? Sometimes having a nice house & maid & loads of money are not so important when you are lonley & isolated & your husband is out working all hours for this so called "perfect" life.

As myself & a few others have said, there is 2 sides to this story. And as for you blokes who don't think you should bend over backwards for your women, it isnt about bending over backwards for her, it is about adapting to the changes in life.

The op started with the agreed time being 12 months & has now said that the reason for the move was to provide for a better future back in the UK in 3-5 years. SO if she had stayed the 12 months would helicopter have moved back if she said she had stuck it out & was still unhappy?? From his posts so far, I highly doubt it but who knows. Who of us except him & his wife knows what had been discussed or said about staying long term in LOS?

The point is, so many of you are oh so quick to slag off this women but without her side of the story then the best advice I have read so far is to go home & try to get to the bottom of the problem, possibly with 3rd party councilling.

As samran pointed out, get her info on BAMBI & other womens groups in Thailand and find out why she had no desire to get involved before. It is possible she only made the move to make you happy but realised, once she was here that she couldn't live with the lie anymore so went home ratehr than try to fake it?. What ever her reasons, ask HER & make a descision based on the conversatios you have had together & not fom a load strangers on a website.

I really hope you come to some agreement & best wishes for you both.

[solent01]

No disrespect meant here BUT, you guys that are trying to give advice, and have come from broken marriages, and are saying don’t give an inch cause she will take a mile, you will end up pussy whipped need to question why it went this way for you.

Marriage is about communication, understanding, respect, (could go on and on) but ultimately it’s about give “and” take, without applying these attributes then you are surely on a long dark road leading to unhappiness.

Some of the more constructive posts on this thread fully understand that marriage can at times be trying, but together as a couple, you can if you really want to, over come any obstacle.

[terry57]

My opinion for the little it's worth is to try to preserve your family at all costs.

my sympathy is with "helicoptor" but i don't agree at all that he has to give in. 32 years ago i was confronted with the same problem when i took up a job in Saudi Arabia where life for everybody was a zillion times tougher than life nowadays in Pattaya. fortunately for me there was no issue with children.

if "heli" gives in now he is looking forward to a married life in which one partner has the saying through blackmail. better an end with terror than terror without an end!

just my two satangs of "wisdom".

so very true doctor Naam.

[Jimmy in Bangkok]

how many guys have done things to make there wifes happy and at the end of the day have it all fall over because they are miserable?

when it falls over, the kids dont come into it because the relationship is unbearable.

if this woman is not prepared to put her half into this relationship, i say let her go and get someone who will.

man is not put on this earth to bend over backwards for a female, and it must be a 2 way partnership or one is better off single.

never let one's self be emotionally blackmailed.

this woman is blackmailing this dude.

Using this logic though terry57 it could be also said that women aren't put on this earth to bend over backwards for a male! I also agree with it must be a two way partnership but you can't just dump and run the first time an issue crops up in a relationship and before I get stomped on I am not necessarily talking about helicopters relationship here I am speaking about relationships in general. That is what relationships are all about....give and take from BOTH sides. To try to sort out a problem in any relationship doesn't make you pussy whipped at all. That's just BS! It means that the relationship and partner mean a great deal to you and you want to continue with living and loving that person for the rest of your life. Remember it was supposed to be for "better or for worse" something a lot of people seem to forget these days.

Cheers

Jimmy

ok jimmy,

and i agree to a certain point.

let me throw this at you.

this couple had an agreement to try it out for 12 months.

the woman done a bolt splitting the family and leaving the husband.

how far should the copper bend over, considering she has shafted him.

thank you very much.

Terry,

Why should trying to work this out be classed as bending over? I'm not saying run back to England and drop it all here immediately. What I am saying is that a concerted effort to work through the problems needs to be made by both sides before either Mr or Mrs helicopter make a decision either way. It is called commitment and if two people are commited then they will attempt to work through the issues rather than just cut and run. Anyone can bail out at the first sign of trouble but it takes a lot more courage to sit down like adults and try to reach a compromise.

Cheers

Jimmy

Edited March 20, 2007 by Jimmy in Bangkok

[qwertz]

No disrespect meant here BUT, you guys that are trying to give advice, and have come from broken marriages, and are saying don't give an inch cause she will take a mile, you will end up pussy whipped need to question why it went this way for you.

Marriage is about communication, understanding, respect, (could go on and on) but ultimately it's about give "and" take, without applying these attributes then you are surely on a long dark road leading to unhappiness.

Some of the more constructive posts on this thread fully understand that marriage can at times be trying, but together as a couple, you can if you really want to, over come any obstacle.

I questioned it in my personal case and I pulled the plug finally, for all the reasons copter is now agonising over. If it were only me, I'd agree with all your post instead of only the half. But please, look around you and I don't think you're going to rate the chances as better than 50/50 at best. BTW, in my case I got the child too, because her mother even failed as a parent after having it all her own way. As for copter, it's heart over mind and these miles of advice will count for nothing when it's crunch time.

P.S. I didn't think Terry was a thinking man up to this point. Respect, you're talking a lot of sense here.

Edited March 20, 2007 by qwertz

[Naam]

Honestly, I feel right now you should be arranging a trip back home, only through supporting your wife in her time of need will you get the chance to encourage her back at a later date.

Great post!

YEAH RIGHT! "Heli" leaves his job, supports his lady in her "time of need" and the job will be still waiting patiently for him till she decides that "her time of need" is over.

give me a break please.

[terry57]

No disrespect meant here BUT, you guys that are trying to give advice, and have come from broken marriages, and are saying don’t give an inch cause she will take a mile, you will end up pussy whipped need to question why it went this way for you.

Marriage is about communication, understanding, respect, (could go on and on) but ultimately it’s about give “and” take, without applying these attributes then you are surely on a long dark road leading to unhappiness.

Some of the more constructive posts on this thread fully understand that marriage can at times be trying, but together as a couple, you can if you really want to, over come any obstacle.

i consider your intention to be honerable, but the reality of your statement does not hold water and statistics prove you wrong.

in australia the divorce rate is 1 in 3 .

where does this leave your statement?

im sorry but it leaves it down the shitter as life is not perfect and people split up and divorce every day.

i can not think of anything worse than being in an unhappy marrage, as one would surely be better of dead.

at the end of the day the children end up mad through viewing all the unhappyness.

one must face facts and realise when the relationship is over, as its life that many marrages are wrong from the beginning.

[Naam]

Some of the more constructive posts on this thread fully understand that marriage can at times be trying, but together as a couple, you can if you really want to, over come any obstacle.

fully agree BUT i could not find anything in "Heli's" post which pointed to "together as a couple".

[terry57]

how many guys have done things to make there wifes happy and at the end of the day have it all fall over because they are miserable?

when it falls over, the kids dont come into it because the relationship is unbearable.

if this woman is not prepared to put her half into this relationship, i say let her go and get someone who will.

man is not put on this earth to bend over backwards for a female, and it must be a 2 way partnership or one is better off single.

never let one's self be emotionally blackmailed.

this woman is blackmailing this dude.

Using this logic though terry57 it could be also said that women aren't put on this earth to bend over backwards for a male! I also agree with it must be a two way partnership but you can't just dump and run the first time an issue crops up in a relationship and before I get stomped on I am not necessarily talking about helicopters relationship here I am speaking about relationships in general. That is what relationships are all about....give and take from BOTH sides. To try to sort out a problem in any relationship doesn't make you pussy whipped at all. That's just BS! It means that the relationship and partner mean a great deal to you and you want to continue with living and loving that person for the rest of your life. Remember it was supposed to be for "better or for worse" something a lot of people seem to forget these days.

Cheers

Jimmy

ok jimmy,

and i agree to a certain point.

let me throw this at you.

this couple had an agreement to try it out for 12 months.

the woman done a bolt splitting the family and leaving the husband.

how far should the copper bend over, considering she has shafted him.

thank you very much.

Terry,

Why should trying to work this out be classed as bending over? I'm not saying run back to England and drop it all here immediately. What I am saying is that a concerted effort to work through the problems needs to be made by both sides before either Mr or Mrs helicopter make a decision either way. It is called commitment and if two people are commited then they will attempt to work through the issues rather than just cut and run. Anyone can bail out at the first sign of trouble but it takes a lot more courage to sit down like adults and try to reach a compromise.

Cheers

Jimmy

i agree with you jimmy,

as the copter must try his hardest to get the family back together but at the same time the woman must meet him half way.

if she is not prepared to come to the table the copper might have to reconsider his relationship, as to throw every thing away in los might leave him with nothing.

it must be a compromise.

[lannarebirth]

Some of the more constructive posts on this thread fully understand that marriage can at times be trying, but together as a couple, you can if you really want to, over come any obstacle.

fully agree BUT i could not find anything in "Heli's" post which pointed to "together as a couple".

I think he mentioned that "together as a couple" they decided to have children, have him quit his job and sell his assets, move to Thailand to take advantage of an opportunity to improve the quality of their lives and their childrens lives and make a better future. Then she lost the plot.

[Jimmy in Bangkok]

how many guys have done things to make there wifes happy and at the end of the day have it all fall over because they are miserable?

when it falls over, the kids dont come into it because the relationship is unbearable.

if this woman is not prepared to put her half into this relationship, i say let her go and get someone who will.

man is not put on this earth to bend over backwards for a female, and it must be a 2 way partnership or one is better off single.

never let one's self be emotionally blackmailed.

this woman is blackmailing this dude.

Using this logic though terry57 it could be also said that women aren't put on this earth to bend over backwards for a male! I also agree with it must be a two way partnership but you can't just dump and run the first time an issue crops up in a relationship and before I get stomped on I am not necessarily talking about helicopters relationship here I am speaking about relationships in general. That is what relationships are all about....give and take from BOTH sides. To try to sort out a problem in any relationship doesn't make you pussy whipped at all. That's just BS! It means that the relationship and partner mean a great deal to you and you want to continue with living and loving that person for the rest of your life. Remember it was supposed to be for "better or for worse" something a lot of people seem to forget these days.

Cheers

Jimmy

ok jimmy,

and i agree to a certain point.

let me throw this at you.

this couple had an agreement to try it out for 12 months.

the woman done a bolt splitting the family and leaving the husband.

how far should the copper bend over, considering she has shafted him.

thank you very much.

Terry,

Why should trying to work this out be classed as bending over? I'm not saying run back to England and drop it all here immediately. What I am saying is that a concerted effort to work through the problems needs to be made by both sides before either Mr or Mrs helicopter make a decision either way. It is called commitment and if two people are commited then they will attempt to work through the issues rather than just cut and run. Anyone can bail out at the first sign of trouble but it takes a lot more courage to sit down like adults and try to reach a compromise.

Cheers

Jimmy

i agree with you jimmy,

as the copter must try his hardest to get the family back together but at the same time the woman must meet him half way.

if she is not prepared to come to the table the copper might have to reconsider his relationship, as to throw every thing away in los might leave him with nothing.

it must be a compromise.

Fully agree with those sentiments Terry.

Cheers

Jimmy

[terry57]

No disrespect meant here BUT, you guys that are trying to give advice, and have come from broken marriages, and are saying don't give an inch cause she will take a mile, you will end up pussy whipped need to question why it went this way for you.

Marriage is about communication, understanding, respect, (could go on and on) but ultimately it's about give "and" take, without applying these attributes then you are surely on a long dark road leading to unhappiness.

Some of the more constructive posts on this thread fully understand that marriage can at times be trying, but together as a couple, you can if you really want to, over come any obstacle.

I questioned it in my personal case and I pulled the plug finally, for all the reasons copter is now agonising over. If it were only me, I'd agree with all your post instead of only the half. But please, look around you and I don't think you're going to rate the chances as better than 50/50 at best. BTW, in my case I got the child too, because her mother even failed as a parent after having it all her own way. As for copter, it's heart over mind and these miles of advice will count for nothing when it's crunch time.

P.S. I didn't think Terry was a thinking man up to this point. Respect, you're talking a lot of sense here.

yes well dont start sucking up to me now mate, as you have been proved very wrong hav'nt you.

im very surprised you have anything decent to say at all going on your previous posts as there all bollicks.

[John_Rambo]

The op started with the agreed time being 12 months & has now said that the reason for the move was to provide for a better future back in the UK in 3-5 years. SO if she had stayed the 12 months would helicopter have moved back if she said she had stuck it out & was still unhappy??

I would say that that is obviously the compromise that they had reached. At that point Helicopter would then be bound by this agreement to reassess the direction of their life if she was still unhappy.

Using the children as blackmail is not acceptable behaviour within a relationship and she has broken her side of the agreement.

So what if she was a bit bored during the day? She has a commitment to her children and husband to be to give it her best shot to make things work for all their future sakes. Life isn't always perfect nor always fun, but that is no excuse for her actions. She needs to grow up and realise that her life is no longer just about what makes her happy.

[terry57]

Honestly, I feel right now you should be arranging a trip back home, only through supporting your wife in her time of need will you get the chance to encourage her back at a later date.

Great post!

YEAH RIGHT! "Heli" leaves his job, supports his lady in her "time of need" and the job will be still waiting patiently for him till she decides that "her time of need" is over.

give me a break please.

spot on again DR Naam,

it will all be ok when she feels better

famous last words arnt they, and in the mean time she has done a runner on him leaving him high and dry.

bollicks

[Naam]

"one must face facts and realise when the relationship is over, as its life that many marrages are wrong from the beginning."

it is difficult to face facts. thanks God i made the right decision these mentioned 32 years ago and let a western feminist career woman go her own way. worked my butt off, found 2 years later an asian lady, married her only after a long time trying to evaluate what problems our cultural difference might cause. (fortunately our level of education was not too much different). we went together through all possible S.H.I.T² and hardship in the desert, the african bush and some jungles but are still a happy couple after nearly 28 years of marriage.

worthwhile to mention is that my wife draws more pocket money than my former mate earns inspite of making a "career".

[terry57]

Lots of <deleted> talk on this thread about how this women hasn't honoured the agreement. Life is flexible. Who knows she would have agreed to the move if she had know she was pregnant before moving.

Things change, life changes, people change. Yes she has backed out of the agreement but then the goal posts moved didn't they with a new baby on the way? What about her husband, where is HIS flexibilty in adapting to the changes of having a new child on the way or her unhappiness in the country he seems to love so much?

Again, he has a busy job to go to every day, if she is stuck home with a kid all day & another one to come, why not be alone back home with mum/sisters/friends to spend time with rather than an absentee husband? Sometimes having a nice house & maid & loads of money are not so important when you are lonley & isolated & your husband is out working all hours for this so called "perfect" life.

As myself & a few others have said, there is 2 sides to this story. And as for you blokes who don't think you should bend over backwards for your women, it isnt about bending over backwards for her, it is about adapting to the changes in life.

The op started with the agreed time being 12 months & has now said that the reason for the move was to provide for a better future back in the UK in 3-5 years. SO if she had stayed the 12 months would helicopter have moved back if she said she had stuck it out & was still unhappy?? From his posts so far, I highly doubt it but who knows. Who of us except him & his wife knows what had been discussed or said about staying long term in LOS?

The point is, so many of you are oh so quick to slag off this women but without her side of the story then the best advice I have read so far is to go home & try to get to the bottom of the problem, possibly with 3rd party councilling.

As samran pointed out, get her info on BAMBI & other womens groups in Thailand and find out why she had no desire to get involved before. It is possible she only made the move to make you happy but realised, once she was here that she couldn't live with the lie anymore so went home ratehr than try to fake it?. What ever her reasons, ask HER & make a descision based on the conversatios you have had together & not fom a load strangers on a website.

I really hope you come to some agreement & best wishes for you both.

its ok for you to throw this up boo,

but what about her responsibility to her man, and in the fairness to him, to honor her side of the deal. ?

its not like she was living in a hovel is it.

she had it all here ,best hospitals, condo , maids and every thing else.

she missed her friends and family just like many other expat wifes do as its normal.

it is her that has caused this problem by not giving it a fair go, as she took her bat and ball and done a bolt splitting the family.

[bkkmadness]

worthwhile to mention is that my wife draws more pocket money than my former mate earns inspite of making a "career".

Why was that worthwhile to mention?

[qwertz]

"one must face facts and realise when the relationship is over, as its life that many marrages are wrong from the beginning."

it is difficult to face facts. thanks God i made the right decision these mentioned 32 years ago and let a western feminist career woman go her own way. worked my butt off, found 2 years later an asian lady, married her only after a long time trying to evaluate what problems our cultural difference might cause. (fortunately our level of education was not too much different). we went together through all possible S.H.I.T² and hardship in the desert, the african bush and some jungles but are still a happy couple after nearly 28 years of marriage.

worthwhile to mention is that my wife draws more pocket money than my former mate earns inspite of making a "career".

And what a pleasant surprise after your disappointments, Dr. N. We might ask copter what he thinks the lady's doing at this moment to demonstrate her undying love for him. Visiting a marriage guidance counsellor and hearing good advice she doesn't want to hear? Or more likely avidly discussing strategy with a clutch of bitter housewives urging her to do what they cannot or dare not do? Copter, this is your life.

Edited March 20, 2007 by qwertz

[Boo]

Just trying to give another point of view from all the "she's out of order, she should stand by her man" type of posts that so many of the men have so far posted.

As I said at the end of my post, no one knows her side do they? Who knows if helicopter was such a good husband as he claimed, who knows what was actually agreed. He needs to speak with her not the "experts" on this forum.

[Ulysses G.]

Or more likely avidly discussing strategy with a clutch of bitter housewives urging her to do what they cannot or dare not do? Copter, this is your life.

Take him for all you can.

[qwertz]

Just trying to give another point of view from all the "she's out of order, she should stand by her man" type of posts that so many of the men have so far posted.

As I said at the end of my post, no one knows her side do they? Who knows if helicopter was such a good husband as he claimed, who knows what was actually agreed. He needs to speak with her not the "experts" on this forum.

And that's why all this well intended advice will be as nothing if and when copter makes a decision. He'll do what he thinks is right for him, as most of us do.

[soundman]

"one must face facts and realise when the relationship is over, as its life that many marrages are wrong from the beginning."

it is difficult to face facts. thanks God i made the right decision these mentioned 32 years ago and let a western feminist career woman go her own way. worked my butt off, found 2 years later an asian lady, married her only after a long time trying to evaluate what problems our cultural difference might cause. (fortunately our level of education was not too much different). we went together through all possible S.H.I.T² and hardship in the desert, the african bush and some jungles but are still a happy couple after nearly 28 years of marriage.

worthwhile to mention is that my wife draws more pocket money than my former mate earns inspite of making a "career".

And what a pleasant surprise after your disappointments, Dr. N. We might ask copter what he thinks the lady's doing at this moment to demonstrate her undying love for him. Visiting a marriage guidance counsellor and hearing good advice she doesn't want to hear? Or more likely avidly discussing strategy with a clutch of bitter housewives urging her to do what they cannot or dare not do? Copter, this is your life.

I cannot start to even begin to sing the praises of this comment. On the few occasions I have had a serious fallout with the wife, off she runs to her friends (some who hate my guts for various reasons), receiving all sorts of totally bad and manipulating advice. Bad turns to worse & what started out as a minor disagreement with pent up anxiety turns into the war of the roses.

Soundman.

[John_Rambo]

As long as we've helped to reassure him that he is the wronged party in all of this, then our work here today will not be in vain....

[November Rain]

"one must face facts and realise when the relationship is over, as its life that many marrages are wrong from the beginning."

it is difficult to face facts. thanks God i made the right decision these mentioned 32 years ago and let a western feminist career woman go her own way. worked my butt off, found 2 years later an asian lady, married her only after a long time trying to evaluate what problems our cultural difference might cause. (fortunately our level of education was not too much different). we went together through all possible S.H.I.T² and hardship in the desert, the african bush and some jungles but are still a happy couple after nearly 28 years of marriage.

worthwhile to mention is that my wife draws more pocket money than my former mate earns inspite of making a "career".

And what a pleasant surprise after your disappointments, Dr. N. We might ask copter what he thinks the lady's doing at this moment to demonstrate her undying love for him. Visiting a marriage guidance counsellor and hearing good advice she doesn't want to hear? Or more likely avidly discussing strategy with a clutch of bitter housewives urging her to do what they cannot or dare not do? Copter, this is your life.

I cannot start to even begin to sing the praises of this comment. On the few occasions I have had a serious fallout with the wife, off she runs to her friends (some who hate my guts for various reasons), receiving all sorts of totally bad and manipulating advice. Bad turns to worse & what started out as a minor disagreement with pent up anxiety turns into the war of the roses.

Soundman

OMG! Can none of you see the (obviously not meant) irony of that remark? Much as I stand by my posts earlier, although I didn't know she was pregnant at the time, and I do see her point of view more now, don't any of you think that that is exactly what OP has also done today? Discussed strategy with a clutch of bitter "housewives" urging him to do what they cannot or dare not do? It's human nature to seek out comfort & solace & reassurance that you are "doing the right thing". OP has done it on here, who can blame his fiancee if she's doing it, too?

Edit - typos

Edited March 20, 2007 by November Rain