I have made a few posts here today re planning for my sons future and the proper advice should be go see a lawyer. I have discussed some of these issues with 2 different lawyers and have had wildly differing advice. Am hoping to get some feedback from someone that maybe has had first hand experience.

 

I am separated from my sons mother for 3.5 years. He is near 4yo and I have taken care of him alone since he was 3 months old basically.

I have had myself legitimised through the courts. His mother is around and in contact but probably has no real interest in him apart from times when she is feeling sorry for herself or if there was any financial benefit in it for her. I have considered going for sole custody and she has in theory agreed to it however would involve several trips to process things, interviews, court appearances etc and while she may agree to it today, the second or third step she may have completely changed her mind or may not be available. She lives a considerable distance away. It would make life a lot easier for sure but would be costs involved and at this stage I wouldn't trust her to complete the process. I could also go for custody anyway but a lot more expensive and involved if she disputes it.

 

My question is, should I get sole custody do I have any rights over what happens to my son in the event of my death? Can I nominate who would take care of him or would custody revert back to the mother or perhaps her family. Reason I ask is I would need to bequeath money to whom I would wish to look after him and I would be loathe to do this not knowing if the person would have the rights to keep the child or not

A court would ultimately decide, but would take notice of your objections (and reasons) of the mother not being the guardian. So it helps to state it in a will, but is no guarentee.