2 Jokes

[Jamesyboi]

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his

wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of

meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so begged

their Dad for the clue."Well" he said, "It's what Mummy calls me sometimes"

The little girl jumps up and down and screams "Don't eat it....don't eat it.... it's an ######!!!"

To all Employees: Effective 1st April 2007

dress code.

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume

You are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,

So that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay

Raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and

Therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If

You are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called

Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead

Friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have

Non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late

Afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch break

and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a

Strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper

Roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be

Taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company

Notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the

company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so

That they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to

Maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time

Needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer

Of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,

Irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,

Contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

[Pink Mist]

How did you get my companies modus operandus Jamsie???