More Things You Wouldn't Know

[peter991]

1) If you're running from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature expect to trip and/or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Do not turn to look back, if you do, you stand a good chance of tripping immediately and being killed. If you turn and look back, and you don't see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came because the maniac/spirit/demon/creature is now in front of you.

2) If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately or else you will quickly die.

3) If you've hidden from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature and you are not found, do not peek from or decide it's safe to leave your hiding place. If you do decide to leave, scan the ground for twigs before you take a step.

4) If you've just finished running over the maniac/spirit/demon/creature in your car, keep going. Most certainly do not get out of the car under any circumstances to see if he/she/it is "really" dead.

5) If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. (Note: It will probably take several rounds of gunfire to incapacitate them, so be prepared.)

6) If your companions exhibit uncharacteristic behaviour such as hissing, biting, thirst for blood, howling, glowing eyes, unnatural hairiness, marked resemblance to demons, excretion of ectoplasm or other forms of gelatinous goo, flaming appendages, extra appendages, etc., get as far away from them as possible.

7) If your companions start turning up dead, make yourself scarce before someone else does it for you. Worry about funerals later.

8) If your space ship gets an alien distress signal from what appears to be a dead planet, don't stop to check it out.

9) If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

10) In situations like the Vietnam war, and violent inner city neighbourhoods, the person with the most plans, prospects, and hopes will die.

11) Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.

12) IP addresses automatically supply the police with the physical address (i.e. log on and they know where you are!)

13) It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

14) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

15) Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

16) Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP.

17) Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.

18) Make sure that your weapon is really loaded before you try to use it.

19) Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

20) Male characters generally are cold-natured. They need to wear jeans and leather jackets when the female characters are comfortable in cut-offs and a halter top.

21) Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.

22) Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

23) Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

24) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization, unless the solution could be equally solved by smashing or shooting something, in which case the computer will fail to allow for gratuitous violence and destruction.

25) Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

26) Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

27) Movie passengers either don't pay cabs at all, or have the exact change. Same is true in restaurants. Cheques are always designed to be 15 percent under the bills the male costumer has in his hands first.

28) Never accept gifts from strangers, especially if you suspect that they are really supernatural beings.

29) Never believe that your companion has truly become “dispossessed.”

30) Never get into a car without first checking the back seat for occupants.

31) Never pick up a hitchhiker or stop to aid a suspicious person, especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus or Satan.

32) Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or near a window, especially those that appear they would break easily.

33) Never speak to clowns in sewers.

34) Never take a bath or shower with a maniac/spirit/demon/creature in the house.

35) Never take the dare to spend a night in a haunted house.

36) No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

37) No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

38) No matter what you ask a computer to do it will respond with a percentage complete bar graph - especially when searching for data it can accurately give you the time remaining until it finds that data.

39) One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

40) Only men are alcoholics. Any hopeless alcoholic can quit drinking when faced with an important challenge. The instant the alcoholic stops drinking, all his faculties return and he faces no annoying withdrawals.

41) People are often exact duplicates of remote ancestors, or of their parent at the same age.

42) People being chased by a car will keep running down the middle of the road instead of ducking in somewhere where a car cannot go.

43) People on TV never finish their drinks.

44) People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

45) Police cars involved in chase scenes usually tend to suffer more than any other vehicles - they have head on collisions, smash parked cars, fall into water, and of course, experience the ever popular flying-roll, causing the car to land upside down and crush the lights and siren. Usually, we never get to see the unlucky police force member before or after the inevitable accident.

46) Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.

47) Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

48) Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

49) Science is a dangerous profession. "Good" scientists are killed during the first half of the film, "evil" scientists are destroyed by their creations at the end.

50) Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

51) Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

52) Sudden acceleration of a car (be it forwards, backwards, stopping, skidding, sliding, or whatever) causes a loud skid, even on dirt or wet roads. Be prepared. Each wheel is also fitted with a smoke device to let you know when this happens. Hollywood cars are also special: when you take off quickly, you always leave a skid mark for each drive wheel, regardless of whether you have a limited slip differential or not.

53) Suspects always seem to know exactly what they were doing a week last Tuesday. Real people can't remember what they were doing this morning.

166) Telephone calls can be easily redirected through places all over the world, and upon a trace, a globe will be displayed complete with lines travelling between each place.

54) The chief of police is always wrong.

55) The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

56) The hero and heroine in love always get a great table in a restaurant, even in New York City at lunch on Saturday

57) The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.

58) The 'rich guy' is always evil.

59) The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

60) There are always a couple of guys carrying glass panes and pushing carts of perishables in any large chases, and those items invariable get destroyed as a result.

61) There are no stop signs in movie land. Wherever you have to drive, no matter how close or far away it is, you never have to stop before you get there.

62) To be a brainy female in a film, you have to have long hair tied back and wear glasses; otherwise you must be thick. You can turn into a beautiful, undiscovered swan later by having the hair untied and the glasses removed, but then you have to look like a rabbit in headlights.

63) Two people will often converse while one stares out the window, with their back to the other. When an emotional point is made, the first person will turn around.

64) Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

65) When a car falls off a cliff after a car chase, it usually explodes before reaching the ground.

66) When a hero is paired with a weak sidekick, that sidekick will invariably save the hero's life at a crucial moment, or show remarkable proficiency with weapons in a key scene.

67) When it appears that you have killed the maniac/spirit/demon/creature, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it is really dead. Keep hacking at it until it is in pieces small enough not to be a threat to you. If you've shot at it, shoot it again in the head, and remember, shoot till it stops moving, and then keep shooting till you're out of ammo. Then reload and shoot it some more. Then set it on fire and burn it up, this works with everything except demons and spirits. Then get the hel_l out of there!

68) When men drink whiskey, it is always in a shot glass, and they always drink it in one gulp. If they are wimps, they will gasp for air, then have a coughing fit. If they are macho, they will wince briefly, flashing clenched teeth.

69) When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

70) When the detective pulls up at the very door of the busy urban locale he needs to visit, there's always a parking space, he never gets a ticket, and his car is never gone or damaged when he gets back.

71) When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

72) When you cut the wire to the detonator, the timer will stop. You will not be able to do this, however, until only one second remains.

73) When you go to rob a bank in a film, you will always choose the teller who has just started his or her first day on the job.

74) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

75) Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.

76) Whenever someone looks through the binoculars, you see two joined circles instead of one.

77) Women fall to the ground whilst being chased by a bad guy, even when running over level, unobstructed terrain. Note that when a man and woman are being chased, usually the woman falls, then the man pauses and helps her up.

78) Word processors never display a cursor.

79) You can eat as much as you want in a film and you'll never EVER have to go to the bathroom.

80) You can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.

81) You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences. Just keep hitting the keys without stopping.

82) You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of you sweetheart back home.

Peter

[kayo]

81) You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences. Just keep hitting the keys without stopping.

[peter991]

79) You can eat as much as you want in a film and you'll never EVER have to go to the bathroom.

That applies to TV serials too. Even the people who don't have a maid/housekeeper always have spotless homes, never have to go shopping, or balance a budget.

Peter