Easy To Get Her In ....how To Get Her Out ?

[suthnuh]

I am not a very young man and not born yesterday, use to keep my eyes open wide, especially in Thailand.

I have a girlfriend living with me for about one year. Once I realized that I was frequently missing money from my wallet and out of my shirts and pants.

She said she did not take any money from me.

I paid her 4000 thb a month next to her 3000 thb income from working in a restaurant.

The good feeling has gone and I asked her to leave my house. She does not want to leave, anyway not in an friendly way.

I have been told by some of my friends that if a girl lives with you for more than a year she has certain right and I will face problems if I kick her out of my house on a unfriendly way.

And that's my plan right now.

Anyone has experience with a situation like this ??

Well, since none of the other contributors seem willing to provide any polite advice, I'll give it a shot.

First, to all those accusing you of "buying" a girlfriend... I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are merely providing her an allowance NOT buying her off for sex, etc. This practice is perfectly normal, and in many cases is simply supplementary financial support of an upcountry family. My wife and I have provided similar support to her mother and grandparents for many years without any issue (though of a higher baht value).

I think it's interesting some posters seem to object to her continuing to work while staying with you, no one even caught on to the fact that the restaurant she's working at is illegally paying her less than half the national minimum wage! Well, my wife continued working after we were dating/living together/married because she wanted to. She wanted the independence of something hers.

Second, the monthly allowance is ridiculously low. I give my housekeeper more than that. If she is taking the money it's probably because she needs it since what she receives from work and you monthly is insufficient. You may be a retiree on a small pension, but even so you should consider increasing to at least 10k. That gives her some to send home, and some to keep for herself. I'm also assuming all household expenses are already paid by you? You aren't having her pay for bills, food, etc. out of her salary are you? And when you go out together you pick up the tab right?

Third, if you want to find out if she's really taking the money, or simply you being absent minded - mark the bills in a recognizable way. Then check her wallet when she's in a different room or something after verifying they are missing. Many of you may think this is overly suspicious and invasive, but if someone is actually taking money then its the only way to verify it other than installing cameras.

Fourth, getting her out of your house? I'm assuming everything is in your name? If so, and if you have been together for 1+ years, then you probably should offer her a monetary settlement as an all or nothing agreement. All door locks should be immediately changed after she has left to avoid any potential future disturbances. Don't be a scrooge though. Offer her something decent and help her get setup in her own apartment, do what you can to make sure she's settled comfortably - you owe her that.

Good luck.

[Vit77]

My friend takes girls for 1 or 2 nights and he usually tells them he is a doctor, earns a lot of money, blablabla.. but then he never wanna pay at mornings.. he found the way to make them go. Usually he calls some friend, they order food and eat together - of course thai lady becomes hungry (and thai people has to eat RIGHT now) and she is too shy / polite to ask for some food. And they ignore her.. so after while she gives up and go home .

There's a kind of evil genius to this .

Your friend sounds like a bit of an arse!

Mark

I know, and what to do with that? I don't care, especially he is good companion to have fun in pubs.

I do it rather another way - if I like some girl and she says: "I go with u", I answer: "Up to you, but I will never pay for taking girl to my room". After longer conversation usually they agree.. at morning we eat together breakfast, that's all.. and later they call more often and asking they can come for some fun and conversation or not.

[chrisspursbkk1]

100% Classic!

Keep them rolling!

[ZukiSuzuki]

I know, and what to do with that? I don't care, especially he is good companion to have fun in pubs.

I do it rather another way - if I like some girl and she says: "I go with u", I answer: "Up to you, but I will never pay for taking girl to my room". After longer conversation usually they agree.. at morning we eat together breakfast, that's all.. and later they call more often and asking they can come for some fun and conversation or not.

I bet your conversation is stimulating

[colino]

just move and buy a new sim and change your job and get a sex change that should do it

[Jockstar]

Cant believe that the OP is getting shit for giving the girl 4000Baht. So what? She is probably lucky to get that. Not all of those who live in LOS are well off. Also not all of us would have spare cash to through around. For those who pay more then thats up to them. But dont call the OP a tight arse. When maybe we could call you daft and stupid for giving someone money anyway for no reason except that you have obviously got too much money. Or you are the one paying for a girlfriend.

[Auntymarybrown]

Can you lads not remember a very similar posting published n the Bangkok Post 'Letters to the Editor' section three or four years ago. It created quite a furor at the time with hundreds of letters being sent in to the newspaper.

The letter was from a man complaining he had been living with his Thai girlfriend/housekeeper upcountry for almost ten years , "keeping her comfortable with food and a roof over her head and even a generous allowance of two thousand baht a month for her needs" yet she had had the audacity to walk out on him . How ungrateful Thai women were, was the theme of his argument and that they could not be trusted.

Is there not a kind of similarity here ?

Edited April 7, 2007 by Auntymarybrown

[WaiWai]

just move and buy a new sim and change your job and get a sex change that should do it

Plus, if he gets a sex change, a foreign gentleman might invite him to move in and pay him a 4,000 B / month allowance, and then pay him more to move out.

Is this going to be one of those threads where the OP never tells us the outcome ?

I hope the transaction took place peacefully.

[TAWP]

I paid her 4000 thb a month next to her 3000 thb income from working in a restaurant.

Pay her for living with you != girlfriend. There are other terms for it, and yes the word 'girlfriend' is used in the name for it, but it isn't in the sence we are used too in the west.

She only get 3K/month from the restaurant? Really? Not only is it almost half the regulated lowest salary-levels, it's lower then any number I've seen quoted before. How did she survive before meeting you?

[mikethevigoman]

I am not a very young man and not born yesterday, use to keep my eyes open wide, especially in Thailand.

I have a girlfriend living with me for about one year. Once I realized that I was frequently missing money from my wallet and out of my shirts and pants.

She said she did not take any money from me.

I paid her 4000 thb a month next to her 3000 thb income from working in a restaurant.

The good feeling has gone and I asked her to leave my house. She does not want to leave, anyway not in an friendly way.

I have been told by some of my friends that if a girl lives with you for more than a year she has certain right and I will face problems if I kick her out of my house on a unfriendly way.

And that's my plan right now.

Anyone has experience with a situation like this ??

THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL YES ?

[mikethevigoman]

Why the continued debate / guessing-game about his relationship? And/or feeding a big fat troll? It's *SO* obvious, the little details about 'paying 4000 baht', I mean seriously.

"She doesn't want to leave" well guess what, people face that problem very regularly in the morning.

Suggest to close.

IF I WERE HER ( UNLESS SHES A COMPLETE PILE ) ID RUN WHILE I HAVE THE CHANCE ! NOT WISHING TO SOUND RUDE BUT AT 4K A MONTH SHE COULD DO BETTER IM SURE ,.I THINK ID BE INCLINED TO DO A BIT OF "SILENT BORROWING " !

[soundman]

Why the continued debate / guessing-game about his relationship? And/or feeding a big fat troll? It's *SO* obvious, the little details about 'paying 4000 baht', I mean seriously.

"She doesn't want to leave" well guess what, people face that problem very regularly in the morning.

Suggest to close.

IF I WERE HER ( UNLESS SHES A COMPLETE PILE ) ID RUN WHILE I HAVE THE CHANCE ! NOT WISHING TO SOUND RUDE BUT AT 4K A MONTH SHE COULD DO BETTER IM SURE ,.I THINK ID BE INCLINED TO DO A BIT OF "SILENT BORROWING " !

Lower case pls. CAPS hurt the eardrums

Soundman.

[Rhodo]

Sounds like the OP is one of these retirees trying to eke out a living on 30k per month.

And what's wrong with that? I live with less than 20K/month even if I could spend more. You forget that some people have a house already paid, no bargirls fees coz happily married and good time-food-drink at home. So why spend money outside when you feel happy at home.

[markr]

Cant believe that the OP is getting shit for giving the girl 4000Baht. So what? She is probably lucky to get that. Not all of those who live in LOS are well off. Also not all of us would have spare cash to through around. For those who pay more then thats up to them. But dont call the OP a tight arse. When maybe we could call you daft and stupid for giving someone money anyway for no reason except that you have obviously got too much money. Or you are the one paying for a girlfriend.

Please dont get me wrong, i was not refering to the OP as being an arse for giving his misses 4k, i was just refering to the guy that later posted stating how his mate was telling girls he was loaded, taking them home and then blatantly fobbing them off and not paying them for there 'services', this i find to be very below the belt, it's there job, and is the same as driving off without paying for your fuel..... so to speak...

Apologies for not being clearer,

Mark

[mikethevigoman]

I am not a very young man and not born yesterday, use to keep my eyes open wide, especially in Thailand.

I have a girlfriend living with me for about one year. Once I realized that I was frequently missing money from my wallet and out of my shirts and pants.

She said she did not take any money from me.

I paid her 4000 thb a month next to her 3000 thb income from working in a restaurant.

The good feeling has gone and I asked her to leave my house. She does not want to leave, anyway not in an friendly way.

I have been told by some of my friends that if a girl lives with you for more than a year she has certain right and I will face problems if I kick her out of my house on a unfriendly way.

And that's my plan right now.

Anyone has experience with a situation like this ??

[

Easy out here for you my friend,. tell her ( and convince her

) that you are skint and cant afford to pay her anymore,dont leave any money in your pants etc ( try leaving a note in the trouser pocket with "sorry ,i really am skint "on it )

if you convince her her little ass will be history before you can say "next lucky girl please "

[mikethevigoman]

Cant believe that the OP is getting shit for giving the girl 4000Baht. So what? She is probably lucky to get that. Not all of those who live in LOS are well off. Also not all of us would have spare cash to through around. For those who pay more then thats up to them. But dont call the OP a tight arse. When maybe we could call you daft and stupid for giving someone money anyway for no reason except that you have obviously got too much money. Or you are the one paying for a girlfriend.

Please dont get me wrong, i was not refering to the OP as being an arse for giving his misses 4k, i was just refering to the guy that later posted stating how his mate was telling girls he was loaded, taking them home and then blatantly fobbing them off and not paying them for there 'services', this i find to be very below the belt, it's there job, and is the same as driving off without paying for your fuel..... so to speak...

Apologies for not being clearer,

Mark

i agree, its a bit like giving the girl a check and it bounces, she is entitled to shout rape !

[jeebusjones]

Cant believe that the OP is getting shit for giving the girl 4000Baht. So what? She is probably lucky to get that. Not all of those who live in LOS are well off. Also not all of us would have spare cash to through around. For those who pay more then thats up to them. But dont call the OP a tight arse. When maybe we could call you daft and stupid for giving someone money anyway for no reason except that you have obviously got too much money. Or you are the one paying for a girlfriend.

This is spot on. The girl has been given a free place to stay, all expenses paid. She is completely taken care of. She is given 4,000 a month in addition, which is not a small sum of money in Thailand.

An average salary for someone with a BA in Bangkok would be around 8,000 baht a month. So this "bully" is giving the girl a home, free meals, and all other expenses paid, and in addition he's giving her the equivalent of half a very decent month's salary.

Consider the same scenario in the West: Two people live together. The man pays for everything; apartment, food, bills, everyday needs and expenses. The woman still works and has her own salary. Then, in addition, the man gives her $1,500 a month extra. It's not a bad deal for the girl at all.

As Jockstar said:

dont call the OP a tight arse. When maybe we could call you daft and stupid for giving someone money anyway for no reason except that you have obviously got too much money. Or you are the one paying for a girlfriend

[soundman]

Cant believe that the OP is getting shit for giving the girl 4000Baht. So what? She is probably lucky to get that. Not all of those who live in LOS are well off. Also not all of us would have spare cash to through around. For those who pay more then thats up to them. But dont call the OP a tight arse. When maybe we could call you daft and stupid for giving someone money anyway for no reason except that you have obviously got too much money. Or you are the one paying for a girlfriend.

This is spot on. The girl has been given a free place to stay, all expenses paid. She is completely taken care of. She is given 4,000 a month in addition, which is not a small sum of money in Thailand.

An average salary for someone with a BA in Bangkok would be around 8,000 baht a month. So this "bully" is giving the girl a home, free meals, and all other expenses paid, and in addition he's giving her the equivalent of half a very decent month's salary.

Consider the same scenario in the West: Two people live together. The man pays for everything; apartment, food, bills, everyday needs and expenses. The woman still works and has her own salary. Then, in addition, the man gives her $1,500 a month extra. It's not a bad deal for the girl at all.

As Jockstar said:

dont call the OP a tight arse. When maybe we could call you daft and stupid for giving someone money anyway for no reason except that you have obviously got too much money. Or you are the one paying for a girlfriend

I'm not sure how this is going to go down, however...

My father in law keeps on average six housekeepers & gardeners. These girls & boys get free room, free food, shopping with pocket money once a week, free medical care, fully looked after etc etc.

They are live in so pretty much assimilate with our family & keep the same hours as our family. That means 6 am - 10 pm most days.

The average time of stay in the household is about 15 months.

He pays them 2000 - 3000B per month, depending on the employment agent.

Soundman.

[jeebusjones]

I'm not sure how this is going to go down, however...

My father in law keeps on average six housekeepers & gardeners. These girls & boys get free room, free food, shopping with pocket money once a week, free medical care, fully looked after etc etc.

They are live in so pretty much assimilate with our family & keep the same hours as our family. That means 6 am - 10 pm most days.

The average time of stay in the household is about 15 months.

He pays them 2000 - 3000B per month, depending on the employment agent.

Soundman.

That doesn't surprise me at all. From what I've heard, in the provinces 3-4,000 is a reasonable wage. Several people have mentioned that the legal minimum is twice 3,000 (so 6,000), but that's actually not true. Minimum wage depends on the location. In Bangkok it's about 170 baht per day, which translates to only 5,100 a month if the person works everyday. In some provinces, the minimum is much lower.

See more here:

http://www.d-trac.org/en/average_thai_wages

Edited April 7, 2007 by jeebusjones

[TAWP]

Yes, but didn't the OP live in BKK? Perhaps one read to much into his post.

[pattayadave]

Yeah, probably troll

I've never given any money to my girlfriend nor she asked me for any. And usually I keep few thousand in my pockets or on my desk.. during 3 years I've never lost a single baht. Just sometimes if we order food we pay money we can find around - doesn't metter money is hers or mine. I explained to her I prefer to teach her something or pay money to finish some school (like tourist guide) then support her every month for beeing my gf. And it works.. she was working for 2 seasons as a guide and earned 5 times more than I paid for studies and then I had opportunity to give her job by myself. Then I give her % as a salary - because she does 70-80% of all job needed. And she is happy of that and never ask me for more.. and from time to time she takes me to restaurant and pays by herself.

And if not troll... dunno what to advise. My friend takes girls for 1 or 2 nights and he usually tells them he is a doctor, earns a lot of money, blablabla.. but then he never wanna pay at mornings.. he found the way to make them go. Usually he calls some friend, they order food and eat together - of course thai lady becomes hungry (and thai people has to eat RIGHT now) and she is too shy / polite to ask for some food. And they ignore her.. so after while she gives up and go home

But in this case one year together - it's not gonna work. But you can try to not give any money. 3000 THB for thai lady? 3 times per day noodles? No cosmetics? No hygiene stuff? You sure it's her only salary? Did you visit her in this "restaurant"?

bet he's really proud of himself eh

[larvidchr]

/quote(TAWP 2007-04-07 17:24:27)

Pay her for living with you != girlfriend. There are other terms for it, and yes the word 'girlfriend' is used in the name for it, but it isn't in the sence we are used too in the west.

/quote]

Thats absolutely true, it is called a "wife" in the west, and if she is not working, she takes as a minimum 50% of your income, if and when she leaves you, she takes 50% of everything else too. obviusly she is not with you for the money, it is true love!!! this is after all the west.

Continuing this logic that I now have seen in several posts, indirectly/directly, naturally makes the Thai girl that recives 4000 bath a. m. a bigger hore, than your decent and honest west wife you "only pay" 60-70-80 thousand bath a month.

Give me a brake you "I have never paid anything guys". I have been west married a couple of times during a longish life, and both my west wifes have been a lot more expensive than my present Thai "hore" if that is how you insists she should be named. But then again the west wifes where all about true love!!!!!!!

Edited April 7, 2007 by larvidchr

[Lickey]

Perhaps its time Thai Visa had an Agony Aunt to deal with op comments, and others that are sure to follow, any moderators want to take this up?

[KhunMarco]

/quote(TAWP 2007-04-07 17:24:27)

Pay her for living with you != girlfriend. There are other terms for it, and yes the word 'girlfriend' is used in the name for it, but it isn't in the sence we are used too in the west.

/quote]

Thats absolutely true, it is called a "wife" in the west, and if she is not working, she takes as a minimum 50% of your income, if and when she leaves you, she takes 50% of everything else too. obviusly she is not with you for the money, it is true love!!! this is after all the west.

Continuing this logic that I now have seen in several posts, indirectly/directly, naturally makes the Thai girl that recives 4000 bath a. m. a bigger hore, than your decent and honest west wife you "only pay" 60-70-80 thousand bath a month.

Give me a brake you "I have never paid anything guys". I have been west married a couple of times during a longish life, and both my west wifes have been a lot more expensive than my present Thai "hore" if that is how you insists she should be named. But then again the west wifes where all about true love!!!!!!!

You can call her as you like, that's not a big deal, but imho people who call a taxi "their car", are a bit weird, just a bit

[larvidchr]

/quote(TAWP 2007-04-07 17:24:27)

Pay her for living with you != girlfriend. There are other terms for it, and yes the word 'girlfriend' is used in the name for it, but it isn't in the sence we are used too in the west.

/quote]

Thats absolutely true, it is called a "wife" in the west, and if she is not working, she takes as a minimum 50% of your income, if and when she leaves you, she takes 50% of everything else too. obviusly she is not with you for the money, it is true love!!! this is after all the west.

Continuing this logic that I now have seen in several posts, indirectly/directly, naturally makes the Thai girl that recives 4000 bath a. m. a bigger hore, than your decent and honest west wife you "only pay" 60-70-80 thousand bath a month.

Give me a brake you "I have never paid anything guys". I have been west married a couple of times during a longish life, and both my west wifes have been a lot more expensive than my present Thai "hore" if that is how you insists she should be named. But then again the west wifes where all about true love!!!!!!!

You can call her as you like, that's not a big deal, but imho people who call a taxi "their car", are a bit weird, just a bit

Well I would like to continue to call my girlfriend my girlfriend, wether i pay her every month or not, if that is not to much to ask.

Kind regards.

[Glauka]

Well Bully, I think you should talk to her to find out why she did it...

If I am honest i could not trust my partner anymore whatever she/he said to me...if she needed more money she should have asked for...If she steals you during your first year...what she should do in the future? Try to get out of that relationship...live is too short to spend it with someone who don´t treat you well.

all the best

G

[swain]

hmmm it would depend if she had family to fall back on... if no.. and she had no other place to go... I might try to help her find a cheap apartment to stay in... you say she has work at a restaurant ... well my understanding is those jobs don't pay much... and getting a deposit and first and last months is going to be hard for her... I couldn't just dump someone I was involved with paid or unpaid into the street after a year.. even if they were stealing... yes its not fair that you are footing the bill.. but take it as a learning tax ... and screen your future partners better... doing it this way (for me anyway) would allow me to sleep at night...

[November Rain]

/quote(TAWP 2007-04-07 17:24:27)

Pay her for living with you != girlfriend. There are other terms for it, and yes the word 'girlfriend' is used in the name for it, but it isn't in the sence we are used too in the west.

/quote]

Thats absolutely true, it is called a "wife" in the west, and if she is not working, she takes as a minimum 50% of your income, if and when she leaves you, she takes 50% of everything else too. obviusly she is not with you for the money, it is true love!!! this is after all the west.

Continuing this logic that I now have seen in several posts, indirectly/directly, naturally makes the Thai girl that recives 4000 bath a. m. a bigger hore, than your decent and honest west wife you "only pay" 60-70-80 thousand bath a month.

Give me a brake you "I have never paid anything guys". I have been west married a couple of times during a longish life, and both my west wifes have been a lot more expensive than my present Thai "hore" if that is how you insists she should be named. But then again the west wifes where all about true love!!!!!!!

Oh great! Here we go again!

Yeah, yeah, yeah! We all know: Western women = bad, Thai women = good. It has been "proven" again & again by many well-adjusted, unbigoted, balanced men with no chip on their shoulder, no axe to grind & definitely no lasting resentment to their ex partners. It has also been proven that said men had absolutely no part in the break-up of said partnerships in farangland, it was all the fault of their harpies of wives! Who, incidentally, one and all, screwed these poor blameless men out of lots of money.

We all know this. It's been said so often, it must be true.

Isn't it time to change the record, now?

BTW, "hore" (sic) is not a very nice way to describe a woman.

[farang prince]

just move and buy a new sim and change your job and get a sex change that should do it

Is this going to be one of those threads where the OP never tells us the outcome ?

I hope the transaction took place peacefully.

I'm reading the Post and the Nation regularly to see when they will have an article about an older Farang gentleman who took a dive off his balcony or was found in an alley with a knife between his ribs.

Bully should have resolved his relationship the minute he discovered that money was missing. If he didn't believe her answer about the missing money, he should have ended the relationship right there and then. Waiting a long time to make up his mind has just complicated matters. Pay her off. Say goodbye. Change the locks or move...or become a newspaper story. It wouldn't be the first time.

[jomama]

Real big spender we have. Not only do you make her work god knows how many hours you also give her a measly 4000 baht or 60 pounds a month to no doubt cook, clean and keep you happy in bed. And you wonder why she takes more money

Right on the mark. Her total income from working her butt off and keeping you happy is 7,000 baht a month? If I were her I would what I could too.

I've been married to a Thai lady for seven years now and money never goes missing -- she knows that she can take what she needs and just tell me, buy she's more careful with OUR money than I am