What Should I Expect From This Divorce?

[Scotty]

Im new to these forumz, and i kind of came across this site while searching for information about divorcing my thai wife. I have known her, or thought i knew her, for over 3 years now, and last year we were married. After being married I had to come back to the US, and I began this paperwork so that she could move to America and we could begin our lives together. Now i dont know if i chose a real shitty lawyer to help me with that whole process, but here we are 1 year later and this process is still inwork, it should be to the embassy soon so she can get her interview and what not.

But recently we have spoken, and it seems we dont even know each other anymore, and our hearts have changed. Dont get me wrong, i really cared for her, and i believe she cared about me at some point, but i have found out about things she has done, and i cant believe how much ive found her to be quite a liar. I love who i thought she was, but i guess I mis judged her character. I understand though, we havent seen each other for so long, and I think that she really did not believe I was trying to get her over here.

As much as I wish things could have worked out, and we could have seen it through, i just dont see that happening now. We rushed into i think, we are both quite young, in our early 20's, and that last time I went to see her in thailand, we were not planning to get married, we just ended up doing it. Dont get me wrong, I loved her, we went through alot this last 3 years, and we were tired of having to constantly leave each other not knowing when we would be seeing each other again. I figured if we got married, and we moved to the states, we could see each other all the time, and we wouldnt have to leave each other again.

As I said I am in America, and she is in Thailand, we were married in Thailand, I guess according to Thai law, we are married, but as far as myself being considered married in America, i dont know. Ive tried to contact some kind of lawyer that might be able to help me here in america, and i get mixed advice. Some even told me I should contact a lawyer in Thailand, but ive yet to find one. Im not sure what Thai laws are involved in such matters.

My wife says that she is not able to leave Thailand because her passport has my last name on it i guess, is that true or is this another lie from her mouth? I am in no way trying to down talk her, but she has her moments when she seems to have 2 personalities, like I dont know who she is sometimes. She says some of the craziest things, and lies and lies and lies so much. Its just a feeling I have had inside for some time now, like I cant even trust her about anything. Do a good majority of thai women lie, or is this only in certain cases? Or did i just come across a crazy one. But also at other times i know in my heart that other times when she speaks, i can feel what she says is so sincere, and honest. I dont know, my wife is just crazy, but i loved her. But i am honestly tired of the stress and the bullshit that she does sometimes, i shouldnt have to deal with that.

Do I have to be in Thailand to get a divorce from her, I heard something like that somewhere, said we would both have to be present to do it, how true is that. Id really rather not go there, id just much rather be done with it from here, i have other things keeping me from making such a journey at this time.

Basically everyone, this is an amazingly long story and I could write about it for hours and hours and hours, but ill save you the bore, ive written much to much already. All i am saying is it seems my Thai wife and I may be seperating soon, and i just would like to know what i should expect from all of this, im clueless to thai law. Any advice or info would be great, thank you.

I have a feeling this divorce may be the best thing for us, or else it wouldn't be this way.

[Khun Larry]

I have a feeling this divorce may be the best thing for us, or else it wouldn't be this way.

Agreed.

You should put a hold on the visa process. Contact the US embassy ASAP and tell them to hold off on the visa until you straighten out some personal matters.

Have her fax you a copy of the passport page with her picture to confirm your suspicions.

Chookdee

[Scotty]

I have a feeling this divorce may be the best thing for us, or else it wouldn't be this way.

Agreed.

You should put a hold on the visa process. Contact the US embassy ASAP and tell them to hold off on the visa until you straighten out some personal matters.

Have her fax you a copy of the passport page with her picture to confirm your suspicions.

Chookdee

Thanks for that advice. I was really curious though if i needed to be there in Thailand to get a divorce. And I really want to make sure I am divorced, what kind of documentation should I be looking for when its over? I know I got the Thai Marriage liscense (paper) when I got married, but should I get a Divorce certificate or something when we are through? Id really like to make sure that its really over. I dont plan on it anytime soon for sure, but I would like to possibly marry again in the future, Id hate to have this come back to haunt me, and find out it wasnt a legit divorce. thanks again for the reply

and prossie, im not sure what your talkin about yo, i dont know daves bar.

[stroll]

There have been a few threads on divorce, use the search facility at the bottom of the page after you've logged in.

'prossie' is most likely a previously banned member trying to wind up and have his revenge on some people. There is nothing to understand here, the pointless postings will be removed soon, I think.

[lopburi3]

My wife says that she is not able to leave Thailand because her passport has my last name on it i guess, is that true or is this another lie from her mouth?

There is no way she could obtain a tourist visa to visit you while the immigrant visa process in taking place so she is telling you the truth. I suspect many of the lies you see would not be as black and white if you understood each other better but if the time has come so be it.

If you both agree a divorce is an easy matter but as she says you both have to appear at a District Office as you did for marriage and sign the paperwork and get the divorce paperwork. It can be done in other ways but they will be much longer and more complex.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

My wife says that she is not able to leave Thailand because her passport has my last name on it i guess, is that true or is this another lie from her mouth?

There is no way she could obtain a tourist visa to visit you while the immigrant visa process in taking place so she is telling you the truth. I suspect many of the lies you see would not be as black and white if you understood each other better but if the time has come so be it.

If you both agree a divorce is an easy matter but as she says you both have to appear at a District Office as you did for marriage and sign the paperwork and get the divorce paperwork. It can be done in other ways but they will be much longer and more complex.

If it is the divorce route that you both choose, you both must appear at the Amphur to do the divorce. With your marriage history, it won't be a difficult process

[KevinN]

And I would say that it would be best if you were to return to the AMPHUR where you were married, then it will only take a few minutes and you can go find the MRS. SCOTTY of the future if you so wish.

But as has been said before,,there might be a lot of misunderstanding that is causing this,,and there was no need to hire a lawyer to do what you could have done,,I have got a wife visa and was told by INS that it is better to do it your self.

[Yohan]

I can only say, what I heard from my friends, luckily I was never in such a situation.

1- Your position as a married man is better than as a divorced man.

2- Do not file for divorce, and try to make divorce as difficult as possible for her

3- In the meantime remove your assets to a safe place, you should not own anything....

4- As the marriage was short or not really existing as living together as man and wife, and the woman is poor and you are well-off, try to claim marriage fraud and ask for annullation of this marriage.

5- Look for a good lawyer - prepare for dirty talks, no place for the bashful ones...

Johann

[Scotty]

I appreciate all the advice.

KevinN- I really dont think i can go back to Thailand anytime soon, I really would rather not anyway. We got married in her home town, some small village in the middle of nowhere. Id rather not go there and have to see her family again, and to see her, id probably end up in a screaming match. Id rather never see her face again. And i know maybe i shouldnt have gotten a lawyer to help me with all that paperwork to get her over here to the states, but i really had no idea what to expect of all the paperwork, so I thought they would be able to help me through the process.

lopburi3- she says she wants to go to Hong Kong to work with her uncle who owns some company, but she says she cant go there because of her marital status. maybe that is more clear, so she still cant leave thailand to go to any country?

Yohan- you really think i should make it hard on her, and not divorce her? That is interesting, why do you think so?

[Up2U]

As I said I am in America, and she is in Thailand, we were married in Thailand, I guess according to Thai law, we are married, but as far as myself being considered married in America, i dont know. Ive tried to contact some kind of lawyer that might be able to help me here in america, and i get mixed advice. Some even told me I should contact a lawyer in Thailand, but ive yet to find one. Im not sure what Thai laws are involved in such matters.

My wife says that she is not able to leave Thailand because her passport has my last name on it i guess, is that true or is this another lie from her mouth?

I am in no way trying to down talk her, but she has her moments when she seems to have 2 personalities, like I dont know who she is sometimes. She says some of the craziest things, and lies and lies and lies so much. Its just a feeling I have had inside for some time now, like I cant even trust her about anything. Do a good majority of thai women lie, or is this only in certain cases?

.....

Do I have to be in Thailand to get a divorce from her, I heard something like that somewhere, said we would both have to be present to do it, how true is that. Id really rather not go there, id just much rather be done with it from here, i have other things keeping me from making such a journey at this time.

Until recently a Thai lady was supposed to change her family name to that of her husband. Thus if your wife had her passport after you were married, and she had changed her name at the Amphur, then she is correct in stating that the name on the passport is your family name. Why is this a pronlem?

With regard to lies, or different way of looking at events and facts - most women have a completely different view of life to that of the average man. Most Thai ladies are also not familiar with the way of life in the Western world - they see movies and so on, but that ain't life.

Look also at Thai 'soaps' on TV. They are utterly different to US or UK soaps. Absolutely a different mind-set.

You say you are both in your twenties. This is a normal age to get married, but you both have a lot of growing-up still to do (I suspect). This can be done during marriage, but needs tolerance from both partners. Many Thai girls are less than tolerant, think that everything should come to them NOW, and get extremely upset when it doesn't work out the way they expect. But most grow out of this, when living in a stable and caring, peaceful and tolerant environment.

If you both want to make a go of it, then try very hard to do so. If one or other does not want to contribute, there is little point in proceeding further. You need to communicate well to achieve tolerance and understanding. How good is your Thai? How good is her English?

[meadish_sweetball]

Laem Thae Khun

You mean "laew tae khun" as in "up to you", right? The way you write it, it seems like "you are really pointed".

[Scotty]

As I said I am in America, and she is in Thailand, we were married in Thailand, I guess according to Thai law, we are married, but as far as myself being considered married in America, i dont know.  Ive tried to contact some kind of lawyer that might be able to help me here in america, and i get mixed advice.  Some even told me I should contact a lawyer in Thailand, but ive yet to find one.  Im not sure what Thai laws are involved in such matters. 

My wife says that she is not able to leave Thailand because her passport has my last name on it i guess, is that true or is this another lie from her mouth?

I am in no way trying to down talk her, but she has her moments when she seems to have 2 personalities, like I dont know who she is sometimes.  She says some of the craziest things, and lies and lies and lies so much.  Its just a feeling I have had inside for some time now, like I cant even trust her about anything.  Do a good majority of thai women lie, or is this only in certain cases?

.....

Do I have to be in Thailand to get a divorce from her, I heard something like that somewhere, said we would both have to be present to do it, how true is that.  Id really rather not go there, id just much rather be done with it from here, i have other things keeping me from making such a journey at this time.

Until recently a Thai lady was supposed to change her family name to that of her husband. Thus if your wife had her passport after you were married, and she had changed her name at the Amphur, then she is correct in stating that the name on the passport is your family name. Why is this a pronlem?

With regard to lies, or different way of looking at events and facts - most women have a completely different view of life to that of the average man. Most Thai ladies are also not familiar with the way of life in the Western world - they see movies and so on, but that ain't life.

Look also at Thai 'soaps' on TV. They are utterly different to US or UK soaps. Absolutely a different mind-set.

You say you are both in your twenties. This is a normal age to get married, but you both have a lot of growing-up still to do (I suspect). This can be done during marriage, but needs tolerance from both partners. Many Thai girls are less than tolerant, think that everything should come to them NOW, and get extremely upset when it doesn't work out the way they expect. But most grow out of this, when living in a stable and caring, peaceful and tolerant environment.

If you both want to make a go of it, then try very hard to do so. If one or other does not want to contribute, there is little point in proceeding further. You need to communicate well to achieve tolerance and understanding. How good is your Thai? How good is her English?

Up2U----

I dont think you understand what im saying. As far as her passport I am asking, is she able to leave Thailand, to go to Hong Kong or Singapore or wherever, anywhere as a married Thai woman. She says she wants to go to Hong Kong to go work with her uncle who owns a company there, she says she cannot go because her passport says she is married, or something on her passport is preventing her from going there. She says she has to divorce before she can leave the country.

I also dont understand what movies and Thai soaps have to do with anything, i understand its 2 different cultures, but this is not a TV show, this is real life, i think she and I understand that much at least. Yes they are lies, it has nothing to do with different ways of looking at events, a lie is a lie in any language, she is a compulsive liar, and she would admit that to you. There is something about her mentality that she cannot communicate without lying about something, for 3 years she had lied consistently, about big things, even the littlest things, and i have found out.

As for tolerance, I have tolerated enough, and I do agree that she is less than tolerant and wants everything now. Communication with her is horrible, not because of language barriers, she speaks english very well, its bad because of the things that come out of her mouth sometimes.

I loved her I honestly did, I thought she was something other than what i found out she really was. It is unbelievable how this 3 years has been up and down, good and bad, on and off. Its like a roller coaster. I didnt expect it to turn out this way, but It did, and I believe it is time to move on in seperate directions.

I didnt mean to speak about all of this, just wanted to know about a divorce and what to expect. And any advice and info i could get would be great.

[Yohan]

Yohan-  you really think i should make it hard on her, and not divorce her?  That is interesting, why do you think so?

Legally seen, as I said in my posting, the position of a husband is stronger than that of a divorced man.

If she really wants divorce, then let her do the first step.

But this is not the only reason why I wrote this remark...and interesting, that you are responsive to my suggestion.

Up to now she did not openly request divorce....She does NOT directly refuse, not to follow you abroad.....

Reading your posting, I feel, you too are pretty unsure, what to do.... and I feel, your BOTH feelings is not totally broken into 2 different parts.

Yes, there are some points, what you do not like with this girl, she might be a liar (how many Thai girls are not telling the truth? just read through this forum....) Take this easy, I would say....If you are a clever man and you know her in a deeper sense, you will easily feel it, when your wife is telling you a lie.....

But recently we have spoken, and it seems we dont even know each other anymore, and our hearts have changed. Dont get me wrong, i really cared for her, and i believe she cared about me at some point, but i have found out about things she has done, and i cant believe how much ive found her to be quite a liar. I love who i thought she was, but i guess I mis judged her character. I understand though, we havent seen each other for so long, and I think that she really did not believe I was trying to get her over here.

In your posting I did not notice anything about that your wife has any affair with somebody else, and you also are obviously without any closer relationship with another woman.

You did not see each other a long time, and I recommend you to meet one time more again...

in person....face to face....talk together....stay calm....consider all again.... both of you...

Still young...I think, some chance....do not break up quickly....

Why hurry into divorce? Try to find again together as a first step, this is nicer.....

i have found out about things she has done, and i cant believe how much ive found her to be quite a liar

What has she *done*? and what you *cannot believe?*

You did not post all of your story, but I did not notice anything, that your girl is demanding unreasonable money from you, or that she is accusing you in a bad way, or that she is refusing to go abroad, or that she does not want to meet you in person anymore..... - Is it really wrong to check it out, if it is worth to try a beginning again?

If you insist to continue marriage and if you tell this girl in a rather rough and firm way, what you do not like about her, and as your wife living with you, she might change a lot.....

I am maybe wrong, but you might regret it, if I am right....

My opinion: Check your both relationship once more!

Johann

[KevinN]

scotty,,if you are going to get a lawyer for the divorce I think you will have to have a Thai as the rules for an amphur divorce say that you both have to be present,now maybe a lawyer could go in your stead,I don't know

But I have heard that a court divorce is very expensive as the lawyer will want something over a grand just to talk to you,so maybe the annulment on fraud might be something to think about.

But I do know if you want out,get it quick and be sure to stop the immigration work that you are having done there,and notify INS of the stop.

I didn't do that one time,I listened to her and let the stuff go on and she got a visa, Before her visa and bullshit i had asked a lawyer and he said $2500 for a divorce she will get nothing and everything will be cool cause she in mexico and cant come here.

Like a fool I let her get the visa so she could work on the US side of the border and would be better for her and her kids,,she got the visa,came to the states where I was living,accused me of a bunch of stuff,like abuse both physical and sexual ,had my ass in the can and I filed and got a divorce,, she got everything I had.

[Yohan]

...and I filed and got a divorce,, she got everything I had.

KevinN, seems your sad experience confirms what a lawyer told me, when my friend has a very difficult divorce in the EU (Austria)....

His marriage was not divorced, but cancelled.

He still has his house and does not pay any support to that woman. This was only possible, because he followed the lawyers advice, even when he felt ashamed to do so.

Basic rules in his case:

1- Your position as a married man is better than as a divorced man.

2- Do not file for divorce, and try to make divorce as difficult as possible for her

3- In the meantime remove your assets to a safe place, you should not own anything....

4- If the marriage was short or not really existing as living together as man and wife, and the woman is poor and you are well-off, try to claim marriage fraud and ask for annullation of this marriage.

5- Look for a good lawyer - prepare for dirty talks, no place for the bashful ones...

Johann

[Scotty]

Alright ill explain alittle bit more. Ok I am not a well off man, I did have a steady job, but I quit that job due to the fact I chose to go see her and spend time with her in Thailand for about 3 months last year when we were married. Upon coming back to the States, I began to file for these papers to get her over here, and I picked up the first job i could find over here so I could use this as a job referance, because I needed to find a job, and show I could support my wife. This job is an ok job, nothing i would call a career, just something I could get to show immigration that I had some sort of income. Now while im in the states workin everyday, and doing all this paper work, she is in Thailand not doing anything. Just waiting for the paperwork to finish so she can come over. Maybe I did not send her mass amounts of money, but when she needed money, I sent it to her, even times when she didnt ask, i would send her money. Everything seemed to be ok, just waiting for this paperwork took so ###### long, and one year later its still in process. She said she had met someone one day, and then about 2 days later she told me that she just lied, and that she really only had sex with someone for money. She says she has been living in Thailand like a poor girl, but she never told me that. Everytime I asked her how she was with money, she always said she was fine. She said that we should divorce, she says she is tired of living like a poor girl. She does not understand that I am in the states, and paying what was to be our future home, our future car and everything else involved. I am paying for lawyer and immigration fees, furnishing a house, saving for her tickets here, all that stuff and much more. I told her I know it is hard now but when she got here everything would be alright. Now she says that her uncle owns some company and she wants to go work with him in another country, but she says she cant go because of her passport, so she wants a divorce. There is so much more to it all, i cant explain everything, but yeah she did do me wrong, i changed my whole life for her, and I know she would have been better off with me over here than where she was now. But i feel it has made me worse off, i changed many things, and sacrificed many things to make this relationship work, but she just doesnt understand that i think, because she is not here to see this. I didnt mind changing my life for her, because I thought she was worth it, but Ive found that I dont even know her anymore. I think maybe its best to move on, its just hard to grasp all of this, having someone telling you they love you and all that, then the next day hearing they dont love you anymore, and want a divorce. She said that she will never be able to come here anyway, so we should finish, i assume she honestly does not think i am doing anything to get her here, but i assure you I am on the phone everyday, and going to immigration to find out how the process is coming along, I am trying as hard as i can. I know our futures would have been hopeful, if only she could have been here sooner. 1 year gone and still waiting.

[ProThaiExpat]

Scotty: Your posts seem to indicate your ready to divorce her and chalk it off to an impetuous act done during your twenties. Your strong desire to avoid any personal contact with her and your aversion to returning to Thailand, all speak to your obtaining a Thai lawyer to appear on your behalf at the amphur with your wife and quickly end the marriage.

Incapacity of the husbank ( or lack of availability due to being overseas) properly documneted and presented by a lawyer to the amphur should be possible.

While some have suggested that it will be a bitter contest, from what you have said, she wants to clear her passport by obtaining a divorce. Your leverage, through your lawyer, is to give her what she wants, a divorce and the ability to clear her passport and go to Hong Kong.

Find a divorce lawyer in a major city near where you were married and proceed.

[Yohan]

She said she had met someone one day, and then about 2 days later she told me that she just lied, and that she really only had sex with someone for money.  She says she has been living in Thailand like a poor girl......

I know our futures would have been hopeful, if only she could have been here sooner.  1 year gone and still waiting......

Reading your last posting, I do not find very much new to change my mind, and I think, you should try it out with this girl, I think, she is not such a bad one.....

You said, you are far away of being rich and your job is in no way related to any carrier.... you cannot lose very much anyway....

Immigration into the USA is a mess, and all takes unbelieveable long for a decision, like in a 3rd world country - a reason indeed that many international relations are breaking up before marriage.....

About divorce, I think, it is better, first to finish all this paperwork and see, if she is coming or not. If she is coming, she might change her behaviour, and if she is refusing to join you as wife, then you have a good proof to ask for annulation (not for divorce) of your marriage.

Your case remembers me a lot of my friend's situation 10 years ago....

The girl was telling nothing but lies about boyfriends and no money and big business of her relatives and separation from him, but when he finally showed up personally, and ready to bring her out of Thailand with the finished paperwork, then she was totally in tears, said no, then maybe, but came with him quite reluctantly and complaining about all and everything....

Now 10 years later, she is totally different, and she says she never expected him to show up again and to bring her out, because it took such a long time....

and that she expected rather bad treatment from him, because she told him many stories and all untrue, to get away from him....and so on....

Still married, and totally devoted to her husband.....

I would try it out with her in your case....Why not?

Johann

[Scotty]

im getting alot of different opinions on this, some saying get the divorce quick, some saying make it hard for her, some saying chalk it off as a mistake and move on. Even someone saying to keep trying to make it work.

Truth is we havent spoken in about 2 weeks since our last conversation. I have been tempted to call her and try and talk it over, but a part of me is telling me not to. I dont know if she is feeling the same way, or if she really is moving on. She can be selfish sometimes, and she rarely attempts to make the first move to settle arguments we have. Should i call her, or wait till she calls me. I feel i have to be strong about this and show her I am not gonna take this anymore, but if i do this for too long it might be too late. Then again if i do call her, then she will always think that no matter what she does to me ill always forgive her.

I really am just tempted to go to Thailand and sleep with one of her friends or something, and have a holiday with her friend and take her shopping and spend money on her. Then see what my wife says after, and we can call it even for her sleeping with another guy, and see what happens. nahh i couldnt do something like that to her, but its funny how she can do this to me.

[Yohan]

What I would try out:

What about one time not to use the phone?

Phone calls are quickly forgotten, often misunderstood....

especially if one person is speaking Thai and the other one US English as a native speaker...

Maybe you should write a letter, in a nice way, that you are still working on to bring her to the USA and to live with her. Ask her to reply to you, (and tell her, that divorce is out of question, or better do not even mention it) and she must be a little more patient.... for a good future with you.

Maybe good, if you send this letter including a Thai translation - include some photos of yourself.....

Such letters are usually better for personal feelings than phone calls....

To tell you openly after living in Asia for almost 30 years, correspondence still has a firm position between lovers and phone-calls and e-mails did not totally replace it.

Why not?

About all, what I heard from you so far, I would still try it for a while...

I do not think, that you found such a bad girl....

Johann

PS: I would not to go to Thailand before all paperwork is approved, and I would not sleep with her girl-friends....

Better to show up, when she is able legally to leave with you, and then sleep with her....

Again I do not think you found such a bad girl, and only two weeks ago you had the last conversation with her.....

[Scotty]

thanks for the advice yohan, yeah maybe i should write her. But problem is i dont know where she is now, so maybe i shouldnt anyway. She probably just found some guy with big money and she is out on a holiday with him or something. I can feel something like that is happening, i dont know why i just feel it. I think she is just out for the money, she needs to support herself someway, just waiting for her to tell me when she gets pregnant by another man and really kills our future. Ive decided to just wait and do what I have to do for myself, and keep my life moving. She obviously does not care enough about our marriage to try and work things out, so I will let her go, do what she wants. I am a young man, i got a whole life ahead of me, I dont need to spend my life worrying about a girl who dont give a shit about me.

Im sure ill hear from her again someday, but maybe next time i wont be there to listen.

[stroll]

Oii, this is turning into an agony aunt column!

Just reading the words drawing to the inevitable conclusion made me kindda depressed, and my fridge is void of beer...

Seriously, I do not blame either of you, one year is a long time to be apart, and, without letting prejudices play, for a young Thai from a 'poor' background it must seem an eternity. She might well have given up on you, which would explain her behavior, you are the only one to judge, I am afraid.

And you are the one to get clear about how you feel and what you want to do, I know, easier said than done, BUT THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT!

[Scotty]

Oii, this is turning into an agony aunt column!

Just reading the words drawing to the inevitable conclusion made me kindda depressed, and my fridge is void of beer...

Seriously, I do not blame either of you, one year is a long time to be apart, and, without letting prejudices play, for a young Thai from a 'poor' background it must seem an eternity. She might well have given up on you, which would explain her behavior, you are the only one to judge, I am afraid.

And you are the one to get clear about how you feel and what you want to do, I know, easier said than done, BUT THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT!

1 year can change alot of things for sure. What i would really like to do is find out where my paperwork is and what is going on with this BS. How this process can take this long is unbelievable. Id like to slap somebody, whoever is working on these papers. I know the ball is in my court i guess. I still love her, and want it to work out, i think if she came to the states to live with me, and we got back to actually seeing each other day after day, things might get back to the way they were before.

[RDN]

...some guy with big money...

Are you American or Thai? Most farangs say "with a lot of money". Or did you pick up that phrase from your wife?

[Scotty]

...some guy with big money...

Are you American or Thai? Most farangs say "with a lot of money". Or did you pick up that phrase from your wife?

American, but i have found myself talking with a strange accent when ever i do speak to her. Its like broken english, mixed with baby talk. She speaks english well, but with her accent, ive seem to have developed my own.

And thanks, out of all ive written, this is what you chose to comment on.

[RDN]

...some guy with big money...

Are you American or Thai? Most farangs say "with a lot of money". Or did you pick up that phrase from your wife?

American, but i have found myself talking with a strange accent when ever i do speak to her. Its like broken english, mixed with baby talk. She speaks english well, but with her accent, ive seem to have developed my own.

And thanks, out of all ive written, this is what you chose to comment on.

I'm glad you gave that response. I too sometimes talk that way, but I try not to - I don't think it helps Thai people to learn how to speak good English if we talk in Thai-English. My g/f is always saying "big money" and I always tell her "a lot of money".

Regarding me not commenting on everything else that you wrote, that's because:

1. everyone else has written what I would have

2. except that nobody else has admitted they've been totally taken in by a girl who has turned out to be a total lying b1tch and not the person they thought they were. But I don't want to go into that - too painful, even now.

Hope you get your stuff sorted out.

[Scotty]

Hope you get your stuff sorted out.

^^^ Thanks, i hope so too

[maerim]

except that nobody else has admitted they've been totally taken in by a girl who has turned out to be a total lying b1tch and not the person they thought they were

I admit it, unfortunately.

You see they are not like cars you can't take them back when they go wrong.

Would be nice if you could though, imagine turning up at the father in laws house and saying oi, this don't work I want another or my money back.

[otherstuff1957]

I really am just tempted to go to Thailand and sleep with one of her friends or something, and have a holiday with her friend and take her shopping and spend money on her. Then see what my wife says after, and we can call it even for her sleeping with another guy, and see what happens. nahh i couldnt do something like that to her, but its funny how she can do this to me.

Tempting? Yes it would be a good revenge and she probably has some really sexy friends that you would love to spend some time with, BUT... That sort of thing would lead to a really huge loss of face for her. The sort of - go out and shoot your husband - sort of loss of face.

Sure, come on back and get some of the 'hair of the dog that bit you' - ie, another Thai girl, but I'd recommend doing so far away from her or her friends.

[Up2U]

Now while im in the states workin everyday, and doing all this paper work, she is in Thailand not doing anything. Just waiting for the paperwork to finish so she can come over.

........

She says she has been living in Thailand like a poor girl, but she never told me that. Everytime I asked her how she was with money, she always said she was fine. She said that we should divorce, she says she is tired of living like a poor girl. She does not understand that I am in the states, and paying what was to be our future home, our future car and everything else involved. I am paying for lawyer and immigration fees, furnishing a house, saving for her tickets here, all that stuff and much more. I told her I know it is hard now but when she got here everything would be alright.

Now she says that her uncle owns some company and she wants to go work with him in another country, but she says she cant go because of her passport, so she wants a divorce.

But i feel it has made me worse off, i changed many things, and sacrificed many things to make this relationship work, but she just doesnt understand that i think, because she is not here to see this.

She said that she will never be able to come here anyway, so we should finish, i assume she honestly does not think i am doing anything to get her here, but i assure you I am on the phone everyday, and going to immigration to find out how the process is coming along, I am trying as hard as i can. I know our futures would have been hopeful, if only she could have been here sooner. 1 year gone and still waiting.

I've edited your post down, 'cos these are the points I will try to answer.

I am married to a Thai, live in Thailand. We have many friends, both farang/Thai couples and Thai/Thai couples, as well as many single Thais.

Most of the girls are from Issaan and almost every one of them has no experience of anything outside their own upbringing. Even though they now live in a different (high-level tourist) environment, their thinking is still Issaan-based. This means that money has little meaning in life - it comes and it goes. Government rules and regulations are confusing, live from day-to-day, everything is better over the next hill.

I too have changed my life to fit in with my wife's way of life (but only to a certain extent). One has to, when one marries. She is probably nervous about going overseas to the US, to spend her life with someone who has seemingly grown away from her, or at least has not come rushing back every couple of months to tell her that he cannot live apart from her any longer. (This is the Thai soaps bit).

Living in Thailand like a poor girl? What does she mean? My wife was in a shared room, living off street-vendor food, probably spending less than 4,000 baht per month. And had her own business. But she had little concept of making har business run properly, so it died. But she never regarded US $100.- per month as being poor.

With regard to her uncle - I have had girl-friends before who have gone to other countries to work in factories or domestic work. Most have wound up in brothels in HK or Taiwan. The human-traffickers are reluctant to take married girls, because someone will be checking up. How close is this uncle? I do not trust half of my wife's family to have her best interests at heart.

If you have made up your mind that the struggle you've been through for the past year has been a waste of time, then go ahead with the divorce. You CAN do it by lawyer representation. If it is amicable. You have no assets in Thailand, so no problems.

Come over to Thailand - sacrifice some of the savings for the car - and talk face to face.