Terms Of Endearment

[ohiodad]

My wife and I will soon be traveling to Thailand to adopt a 9 year old girl. We previously adopted children from China as toddlers. Those kids have no recollection of their native language and speak only English.

I use many nicknames for my 5 year old daughter. Examples include "sweetie", "cutie" and "punkin" (from pumpkin). What kind of Thai nicknames do you use for your daughters? Please include their English equivalents.

Thanks in advance.

[think_too_mut]

My wife and I will soon be traveling to Thailand to adopt a 9 year old girl.

Just like that? A foreign couple can adopt a 9 years old?

[sylvafern]

International adoption does occur with Thai children being adopted into foreign families ... assumably they have gone through a long process to get to this stage.

I would say, use the same terms of endearment you use for your other children .... you want them to all feel equally as special, right - not one more than the other. At 9 years old she is going to face major language and cultural barriers if you are taking her back to the US (assuming that's where you are from by your nickname). I think you need to worry more about breaking down those barriers than worrying about terms of endearment in Thai. Anyhow, I'm not even sure if they even have any although I have heard 'noo/mouse' being used for a boy.

[blacklabel]

Btw noo/mouse is being used for both boys and girls.

Can try this link www.apmforum.com/colums/thai22.htm

Cheers

[ohiodad]

It takes about a year from the time a family decides to adopt and when you actually get your child. There's lot of paperwork hoops to jump through, both on the US side and the Thailand side.

With our two other children, language was not really a barrier. As toddlers, they responded more to the sound of our voice and our cuddles more than the actual words we used.

We are at the beginning of a long wait before we travel. We are reading a lot about the potential problems of adding an older child to a family. (The social workers are big on something called "Attachment Disorder".) We are also trying to absorb as much as we can about Thai culture.

At this point, I am trying to consider ways to reduce the tension and stress for the 9 year old. We are told that she is learning English. I am struggling to learn a bit of Thai. I recognize that most of the Thai instruction I find in books, internet and software is directed at adults. So, my question is really: How do parents talk to their children? What phrases do parents use to comfort them?

For example, I would not say to my 5 year old "Good morning. How are you?" Instead, I'd say "Hey cutie! What's up?" I might say "Are you hungry?" but I'd just as likely say "Ya wanna eat something?"

My feeling is that if I can master some colloquial phrases along with the stiff, formal stuff, it might reduce the tension. At the very least, my poor skill with tones will likely cause some laughs.

By the way, thanks for the apmforum link. That's a good start for me.

[Boo]

it may help if we know what area the child originates from as different regions has specific languages/dialects.

[ohiodad]

She is nine years old. For the last seven years, she has been living in a group home in Nonthaburi. We have very limited information about her. We know that there are six other children in the group home and that she is now the oldest child there. She is in 3rd grade (reported last July), is articulate and gets good grades -- 4 out of 4. I don't know how the school year runs, so I don't know if today she is in 4th grade.

[think_too_mut]

She is nine years old. For the last seven years, she has been living in a group home in Nonthaburi. We have very limited information about her. We know that there are six other children in the group home and that she is now the oldest child there. She is in 3rd grade (reported last July), is articulate and gets good grades -- 4 out of 4. I don't know how the school year runs, so I don't know if today she is in 4th grade.

Well, a farang man and his Thai wife, both Uni educated, had no luck in having their own children.

They first tried to adopt Thai kids but it was so cumbersome.

They ended up adopting 2 Chinese girls (only girls they could get there) and it took 3 years and 10K US$.

To adopt a Thai kid, according to their story, was a 3-5 years process and they were aging and not willing to wait that long and have a kid when they are both in their 50s.

Good luck to you.

[Boo]

the question wasn't how to adopt a thai child. the op has obviously managed to arrange the legalities already.

[think_too_mut]

the question wasn't how to adopt a thai child. the op has obviously managed to arrange the legalities already.

What was this then:

She is nine years old. For the last seven years, she has been living in a group home in Nonthaburi. We have very limited information about her. We know that there are six other children in the group home and that she is now the oldest child there. She is in 3rd grade (reported last July), is articulate and gets good grades -- 4 out of 4. I don't know how the school year runs, so I don't know if today she is in 4th grade.

[Boo]

it doesn't matter what that was, they have asked terms of endearment for a thai child not how to adopt one or whether they have completed the process. it is not the topic at hand.

[solo siam]

Good on you OP, its a lovely gesture and Thai people are very nice.

If I was you though I would be learning how to cook Thai rather than worry about learning Thai phrases, this will be the biggest shock if she's going from Thai food every meal (probably never even had a hamburger) straight onto US food.

Can you perhaps find a part-time Thai maid or similar, someone who could teach you to cook Thai and help the young girl integrate better?

[sylvafern]

That sounds like a good idea ... definitely agree with the food thing.

What about coming to Thailand on holiday or staying in Thailand for longer when you come to collect her and enrolling in a Thai language course ... or paying for a private Thai tutor to tutor you as a family. A basic understanding of some Thai will help the transition ... even simple phrases like "Chorp mai?"(do you like it?) will help your communication. From my understanding, by law you will be required to stay in Thailand for about a month, I think, for paperwork to be finalised and everything made legal.

Do you know what the name of the home is? Are you allowed to come and visit her before the adoption actually happens? Is there anyway you can make contact with her to start building a relationship before the actual adoption takes place? There are a number of well-known children's homes/orphanages in Nonthaburi (although a seperate province, most of it is still part of wider Bangkok city) where many western volunteers help out. Maybe there are some foreign volunteers that would be able to help write letters to you and read ones you have sent. That way you could get to know her, including some of her likes and dislikes, before she comes which again, could help make the transition smoother.

[ohiodad]

Although it wasn't my intent, this thread is turning into more of a discussion about Thai adoption rather than how you talk to your children. That's OK by me.

There are a lot of paperwork hoops to jump through on the US end. Once that is complete, the application is forwarded to the Child Adoption Center of the Thai Department of Social Development & Welfare (DSDW, formerly known as the DPW, or Dept. of Public Welfare). At about the time the paper gets to Thailand, we will be allowed to write to the girl. (In the case of older children, the DSDW allows adoption agencies to advertise the availability of specific children. So, we've identified our future daughter even though we have not received formal approval for the adoption.) We will be spending about 10 days in and around Bangkok, getting to know our daughter, meeting with the DSDW, and obtaining a US entry visa for her. The adoption becomes final about a year after we return to the States, when we complete some more paperwork through the Thai Embassy.

At this point, the US adoption agency that has responsibility for placing her has given us preliminary approval and has sent us a little information about her. We hope to travel to Bangkok by the end of the year. So now we are just waiting, trying to learn Thai language, Thai cooking and absorb as much culture as we can.

I am imagining that the first few days in Bangkok, being in a hotel, will be extremely stressful for a 10 year old. Hence, my question about language. I hope to "break the ice" by being able to speak like a dad. (There are many other issues, but I'm taking these things in small chunks.)

[sbk]

Good luck to you ohiodad, with such concern for her well being and happiness I am sure things will turn out alright in the long run

I haven't heard that many, but luuk (which is shortened from luuk sao, which means daughter) is very common.

Thai speech isn't as formal as it translates, so don't worry too much about that at the beginning. Sylvafern has an excellent suggestion, if you will be in Thailand that long a short course at one of the language schools will help.

Also, the school year ended last month and will start again next month. So, she will be starting 5th grade.

Most kids pick up language really quickly so I wouldn't be too stressed about your lack of Thai language skills as once she is immersed in English her learning will outstrip yours. I would stick with the terms of endearment you know, she will learn.