Some Problems I Am Having

[Lickey]

Ive given up going food shopping with my mrs, now that she knows what i like!! i never give her money, she has her own buisness, this makes her more carefull for a start!! What stopped me? primarily its the noise and rude thai people at the check-outs, and our european countrymen walking around with a look on there faces like they were wiping there arse and the paper split!! {im the same BTW},,

Im a private person, and dont like lots of people round me when i want to relax, at the moment, where we live, family and friends are in and out all day, im chatting with mrs and they start talking to her like im not there, this pisses me off big time, and i go off on a wobbly,,, useally end up in bedroom on TV,

The new Salon/house we are having built has a family room on the ground floor, on the 1st floor {totally sound-proofed} is our living space, office ect, this will give me the privacy i need {as in UK }

Perhaps the OP is missing his privacy, try to find some, it can be calming for you, Good Luck, Lickey..

[November Rain]

I'd recommend not going shopping with her. Let her go with her friends. I've yet to see any man happy trailing round a shopping mall after his missus (any nationality).

Her remarks about others noticing your dour demeanour sound vague & not really convincing, but you're obviously not behaving in a way she finds acceptable & I suspect it is (as others have said) that she looks good if you look permanently ecstatic to be with her & not so good if you look serious.

Now, if she had been a Western woman, I, as another Western woman would have said you seriously need to look at whether you want to be in a relationship with someone so insecure. However, she's not. It seems, from the previous posts, that Thai women see these things differently (although my Thai BF never had any problems with me because I looked serious - whatever..) That being said, I wouldn't be comfortable in a relationship where my partner picked fights because of my facial expressions whilst out shopping.

[Naam]

What stopped me? primarily its the noise and rude thai people at the check-outs, and our european countrymen walking around with a look on there faces like they were wiping there arse and the paper split!

i wouldn't mind what you mentioned. but i have stopped more than 20 years ago going shopping with my old lady. she's driving me nuts contemplating 10 minutes which paper towels for the kitchen to buy... then she selects a few rolls and decides a few minutes later to go back to the same row, unloading the paper towels and contemplating again which ones would look nicer... the plain whites ones... or those with a little pink print... or perhaps those with the nice birds...................

edited for addendum:

i dearly love my old lady whom i married 28 years ago. if she would change i wouldn't like it at all.

Edited May 5, 2007 by Dr. Naam

[Dakhar]

Yes us westerners need some privacy for sanity. I always said, in Thailand doors are to keep musquitos out, not people.

One day I had people just coming in and out of the home office so much, I just finally got bare naked and opend the door wide open, open the bathroom door (in the office) and took a shower with every thing wide open.

People cleared out... but I am sure I lost face in their eyes. To this day I still don't care.

[Jockstar]

hen you first met she lit your fags wiped your brow ;put toothpaste on your brush ,she spoilt you

My wife always does these things and more. Used to annoy me when she wanted to clean my ears etc. Now i let her. To the OP. Try to not give in to her, maybe try and smile a little more though. I used to smile alot when i lived there. Just walking down the street thinking to myself. I felt lucky to be living in Thailand with my wife and had many great things about being there that i couldnt stop myself. But everyone is different. If she doesnt like it then find someone who does. Arguments every few months are not good. IMHO. I have been with my wife about 4 years and i can count on the one hand how many arguments we have had. Even those were petty things.

[Jockstar]

I'd recommend not going shopping with her. Let her go with her friends. I've yet to see any man happy trailing round a shopping mall after his missus (any nationality)

I dont do shopping with the wife. Food shopping no problem. But any kind of clothes shopping i avoid. Guys are easy. We know what we want when we go shopping. Usually by the 2nd shop we have found what we want. Chicks? Dont even start me :D

[a2396]

Could be a lot of stuff. Hopefully you enjoy being in Thailand & being with her. If so, no need for any sour face that you may have aquired during your lifetime in the western world. Thais like to put on a pleasant face to each other, compared to the "up front & in your face" attitudes back home. Maybe shopping is a grueling experience for you. My main "lady faire" likes to look at everything, so after 15 0r 20 minutes, she goes her way and I go mine & we meet up later. She is quite happy that I am not tagging along like a boat anchor & cramping her style. I assume your lady is happy with her "shopping money" allocation. Otherwise, this could also be a sensitive spot.

[uptou]

if you aint smiling is she making you appy?that will be 3000 baht,see you next week.

[lapamita]

I make it easy ,since 17yr in Los.

i have a grilfriend,or call it maid? since 4 years, when she come to me clear rules.

i amnot ugly and not old, but i even dont want to go with them to mals or wahtever.

my rule is and it worked out 4 years

1. monthly money 15.000 now 16.000 ( salary increase)

2. if you have problem its your problem however what.

3. no paymen for waht ever or what problem over nr.1

4. she cleans room, washing,and so oon and make SEX

5. friday and saturday it is free day, everybody can do what he/she wants

6. i can stay away over night

7. talk together only a minimum it reduces problems

8. when we go out, we only go for eat or at beach anything else do alone

i am happy with that, because i am fed up of all "mono"talking and stupid things ,like loosing face, or farangs or waht ever, i can solve my problems more easy alone than with a girlfriend.

our relation works out 4 years on this base, no hassle,no jealous, no blabla

compare to my 8 yr relation before, good luck i never married one, and i would even not do later..................

somebody speak now i give to much, i thinlk for my incomming ist fair, and the lady is worth the price, sex and body perfect,the rest inside the hat same thai

[sukanyacondo]

I would explain this is just the way I am and ask her if she could be miserable looking for a day to see how stupid and childish she is being. If you take care of her ok and she persists then Id tell her bye bye. I tell my wife I dont care for "face" I cant understand why its better to live in a fantasy world than reality. Let her find a happy man who keeps smiling as he beats her!!

[LinkPopularity]

I also look serious, I also got those remarks ... I don't care !

They might think of me whatever they want .. I have much more money then they do, because I'm serious ... let them deal with it !

I'm not saying that I'm a better person, because I make more money.

I'm saying that they need to learn and make a choice, you just can't be mister sunshine-careless all the time and be a professional at the same time. I can't be care-free and make a lot of money at the same time. if any women wants to stay with me, it's not only because of my personality, it's also for the comfort I'm able to give her. If me being seriopus is an issue, then she should stop spending my money.

But ok, some person has it in his signature, don't expect to find logic where there's none.

point being, if she don't like me being serious then why she is with me? because I can spend money. is it really so hard for her to see the connection between me being serious and me having money ?

what she wants ? Me being happy, funny, stupid ... and no money ... hey, wasn't that why she didn't want to have a Thai man to start with ?

Basically it comes down to this to me ... Thai people should make a choice, be as they are in common or become Buddhists !

They are the worst Buddhists ever !

Don't give me this "you're-in-Thailand-crap" ... this is suposed to be a Buddhist country and if me being an ass helps to make them actually understand (instead of abusing) Buddhism ... I will make my stand and do it with pride!

Edited May 5, 2007 by LinkPopularity

[Pepe']

Any advice?

when i read the topic of your thread i felt genuine sympathy and thought this guy needs help or advice without irony or sarcasm.

having gone through your posting my only advice is "kick her ass out of your life if she acts one more time like this!"

------------------------------

That's the ticket!!!

[Pepe']

I also look serious, I also got those remarks ... I don't care !

They might think of me whatever they want .. I have much more money then they do, because I'm serious ... let them deal with it !

I'm not saying that I'm a better person, because I make more money.

I'm saying that they need to learn and make a choice, you just can't be mister sunshine-careless all the time and be a professional at the same time. I can't be care-free and make a lot of money at the same time. if any women wants to stay with me, it's not only because of my personality, it's also for the comfort I'm able to give her. If me being seriopus is an issue, then she should stop spending my money.

But ok, some person has it in his signature, don't expect to find logic where there's none.

point being, if she don't like me being serious then why she is with me? because I can spend money. is it really so hard for her to see the connection between me being serious and me having money ?

what she wants ? Me being happy, funny, stupid ... and no money ... hey, wasn't that why she didn't want to have a Thai man to start with ?

Basically it comes down to this to me ... Thai people should make a choice, be as they are in common or become Buddhists !

They are the worst Buddhists ever !

Don't give me this "you're-in-Thailand-crap" ... this is suposed to be a Buddhist country and if me being an ass helps to make them actually understand (instead of abusing) Buddhism ... I will make my stand and do it with pride!

---------------------------------------

Actually I kind of like this one too...

[farang prince]

I think I'm going to keep a lot of these posts in case my Thai ladyboy ever complains about me. My heavens some of you guys have got some attitudes! I love my four-year-old relationship with my partner. Both of us go out of our way to make our life special for each other. We shop together at times and while it is not the highlight of my life, it's also not like being lined up in front of a firing squad. When she is shopping for herself, she usually does this on her own. But if I need something, she will come with me in case I need some "negotiating" to be done.

Here is the bottom line for me. I'm here by choice. I'm with my partner by choice. No one has shot at me since I've been here or tried to blow me up (and after being in four wars, that is very nice) and every day when I wake up next to one of the most beautiful creatures in the world, I give thanks to whoever is up there looking over me.

If there is one thing I can suggest to you, make your lady feel like she is special to you. Are you happy with her? Then tell her. Do you love her? Then tell her. Is this the best time of your life? Then show it. hel_l, none of that costs a cent.

[hgma]

Its as simple as 1+1 =2

Lack of social skills my friend.

Please keep in mind that asian people...in general of course....live on INSTINCT not COMMEN SENSE

and to make things worse...you cant blame them..nobody learned or thouhgt them.

living with a asian partner...again ingeneral of course.....?

watch the behaviour of women in a Thai soap......and you know whats waiting for you.

good luck

hgma

you see Nobody can make sence out of NON sence....

i have been in thailand for 2 years and I have been in a relationship for 1.5 years that has been going well. We have a semi-reoccuring fight, probably once every 2 months that usually starts in a shopping mall. We will be having a nice day, when she will take an attitude with me. Each time, I spend X amount of time trying to figure out how we started fighting and when it eventually comes out from her, she will say that everyone walks by and looks at me and that they think I am miserable. When I ask her how she knows this, she says that she just does.

This is very difficult for me because I might be thinking in my mind "Wow, this is a nice day", and the next minute she is aggravated claiming I am miserable and hate being with her.

Today it comes out for the first time in our relationship that Thai people often talk bad about me and look down upon me but she has never wanted to tell me about it. When I asked her for examples she was very vague and mentioned a motorcycle driver and a waiter. When I asked her why they had a problem with me, she said It was because of my face (facial expressions). I asked her if they told her it was because of my face, and she said "no. i know. everyone knows".

Since I have been in Thailand, I have never had any problems with any Thai people. Personally, I am not the type of person to get worked up because a motorcycle driver or waiter decides that they do not like me. I suppose that I have a serious face, but I am having a hard time figuring out if she is just being overly sensitive or if there is some other underling issue. I have always felt that I am very polite. The fact that I have never had a problem with a Thai person makes me believe that I cant be 'that bad'.

Any advice?

[Naam]

Its as simple as 1+1 =2

Lack of social skills my friend.

Please keep in mind that asian people...in general of course....live on INSTINCT not COMMEN SENSE

and to make things worse...you cant blame them..nobody learned or thouhgt them.

living with a asian partner...again ingeneral of course.....?

what a bunch of generalizing rubbish! i am married to an asian lady for nearly 28 years and speak based on experience. of course cultural differences exist and of course both partners have to accept quite often different views but these are for sure not related to "instinct or common sense".

[WaiWai]

Its as simple as 1+1 =2

Lack of social skills my friend.

Please keep in mind that asian people...in general of course....live on INSTINCT not COMMEN SENSE

and to make things worse...you cant blame them..nobody learned or thouhgt them.

living with a asian partner...again ingeneral of course.....?

what a bunch of generalizing rubbish! i am married to an asian lady for nearly 28 years and speak based on experience. of course cultural differences exist and of course both partners have to accept quite often different views but these are for sure not related to "instinct or common sense".

I think what hgma is touching on is the Thai/Asian cultural tendency to prioritize the emotional & social (importance of "good feeling" between people) rather more highly than many Western cultures do.

Perhaps not smiling at others may be seen as somewhat disrespectful ?

[Luckydog]

Ummmm,

A miserable sour faced Farang in The shopping Mall, what's so unusual about that?

You should take her to the UK, she would soon see that 99% of the male population shuffling around the shops with their wives are miserable.

Tell her if she don't like your miserable face, you can always find another person that will!!

This man has a way of putting things.......Frankly I am fedup to the bluddy teeth with Thai women. My two lovely Dogs are so much better company........

[blizzard]

its becoz he intensely hates farang, thus his interesting way of putting things.

[viciouskitty74]

Geee.....

To think that I am so not used to smiling. Being in America, I was 'hi there, how are you doing' so often, that I finally cracked my face for smiles.

Serious, the joining of my upper and lower lips are now cracked and covered with vaseline. (It could also be the whole family is kinda sick today... )

Sometimes, its just not about a serious face, its about a body vibe. I used to date this asian guy, who is friendly only to me. But any males that walked by, he would be shooting eye daggers at those poor chaps. And frankly, those guys arent interested in me at all. They were just wondering who is that Azzwipe with that fat female.

I would think that the Threadstarters g/f was trying to tell him, not to be so intense!

[blizzard]

another tough topic.........not.

explain to yr blond thai gf........lol. that god did not give everyone smiley feces.

[CarlBkk]

To the OP: post a pic of you both so we can judge if/how miserable you look and then we give some accurate answers.

Seriously though, surely she could have decided that you were a miserable bugg*r much earlier on in the relationship and mentioned it then. If it's such a problem for her you can do one of two things: smile more and have a laugh with her friends/waiters etc. or tell her that she chose you this way. Some posters are linking her dissatisfaction with money/shopping...you haven't given any indication that it could be so, but if you have a feeling that it's because you don't spend enough money on her what does it really matter what she thinks about your face anyway?

There is also another possibility. She's using your facial expressions as a cover for the real reason, which may be how she is perceived by other Thais for being with you. I know nothing about the difference in looks, age, her skin shade, height, attire, your attire etc. but I know how Thais will immediately put you both into a box and look down on you for certain reasons. You may not notice and care, but if she's a decent girl she will care and it becomes tiresome. The lower classes such as taxi drivers, motorbike taxis, some cafes, shop assistants AND the opposite end of the scale...hi-so girls and Khun Yings will sometimes speak to or look at her in a not-so-polite manner if she's seen with a farang. Their minds are not open enough to be able to distinguish between a freelancer/farang relationship and an officegirl/expat relationship.

[a2396]

I make it easy ,since 17yr in Los.

i have a grilfriend,or call it maid? since 4 years, when she come to me clear rules.

i amnot ugly and not old, but i even dont want to go with them to mals or wahtever.

my rule is and it worked out 4 years

1. monthly money 15.000 now 16.000 ( salary increase)

2. if you have problem its your problem however what.

3. no paymen for waht ever or what problem over nr.1

4. she cleans room, washing,and so oon and make SEX

5. friday and saturday it is free day, everybody can do what he/she wants

6. i can stay away over night

7. talk together only a minimum it reduces problems

8. when we go out, we only go for eat or at beach anything else do alone

i am happy with that, because i am fed up of all "mono"talking and stupid things ,like loosing face, or farangs or waht ever, i can solve my problems more easy alone than with a girlfriend.

our relation works out 4 years on this base, no hassle,no jealous, no blabla

compare to my 8 yr relation before, good luck i never married one, and i would even not do later..................

somebody speak now i give to much, i thinlk for my incomming ist fair, and the lady is worth the price, sex and body perfect,the rest inside the hat same thai

If you have a good relationship, I think 15,000 bht is OK, if you can afford it & the sex is good. Where are all the esteemed fourm members who brag that they give thier ladies no money? I would expect they might like to take a few whacks at your foolishness. Good luck to you.

[blizzard]

girlfriend, maid, hooker all same same.. espececially when farang is involved.

isnt 16000 more than what an avg bkk factory worker makes. and from my experience it looks like a lot of hookers dont make that much.

Edited May 6, 2007 by blizzard

[buriramboy]

I make it easy ,since 17yr in Los.

i have a grilfriend,or call it maid? since 4 years, when she come to me clear rules.

i amnot ugly and not old, but i even dont want to go with them to mals or wahtever.

my rule is and it worked out 4 years

1. monthly money 15.000 now 16.000 ( salary increase)

2. if you have problem its your problem however what.

3. no paymen for waht ever or what problem over nr.1

4. she cleans room, washing,and so oon and make SEX

5. friday and saturday it is free day, everybody can do what he/she wants

6. i can stay away over night

7. talk together only a minimum it reduces problems

8. when we go out, we only go for eat or at beach anything else do alone

i am happy with that, because i am fed up of all "mono"talking and stupid things ,like loosing face, or farangs or waht ever, i can solve my problems more easy alone than with a girlfriend.

our relation works out 4 years on this base, no hassle,no jealous, no blabla

compare to my 8 yr relation before, good luck i never married one, and i would even not do later..................

somebody speak now i give to much, i thinlk for my incomming ist fair, and the lady is worth the price, sex and body perfect,the rest inside the hat same thai

If you have a good relationship, I think 15,000 bht is OK, if you can afford it & the sex is good. Where are all the esteemed fourm members who brag that they give thier ladies no money? I would expect they might like to take a few whacks at your foolishness. Good luck to you.

Its not a case people giving their wives no money, like most married couples, I have joint a bank account and my wife can take what she needs. She is not my employee and therefore is not on a salary.

[a2396]

I make it easy ,since 17yr in Los.

i have a grilfriend,or call it maid? since 4 years, when she come to me clear rules.

i amnot ugly and not old, but i even dont want to go with them to mals or wahtever.

my rule is and it worked out 4 years

1. monthly money 15.000 now 16.000 ( salary increase)

2. if you have problem its your problem however what.

3. no paymen for waht ever or what problem over nr.1

4. she cleans room, washing,and so oon and make SEX

5. friday and saturday it is free day, everybody can do what he/she wants

6. i can stay away over night

7. talk together only a minimum it reduces problems

8. when we go out, we only go for eat or at beach anything else do alone

i am happy with that, because i am fed up of all "mono"talking and stupid things ,like loosing face, or farangs or waht ever, i can solve my problems more easy alone than with a girlfriend.

our relation works out 4 years on this base, no hassle,no jealous, no blabla

compare to my 8 yr relation before, good luck i never married one, and i would even not do later..................

somebody speak now i give to much, i thinlk for my incomming ist fair, and the lady is worth the price, sex and body perfect,the rest inside the hat same thai

If you have a good relationship, I think 15,000 bht is OK, if you can afford it & the sex is good. Where are all the esteemed fourm members who brag that they give thier ladies no money? I would expect they might like to take a few whacks at your foolishness. Good luck to you.

Its not a case people giving their wives no money, like most married couples, I have joint a bank account and my wife can take what she needs. She is not my employee and therefore is not on a salary.

You don't quite fit my description. If you have a joint bank account, and some or all of the funds are yours, you are giving her money. I did not specify wives or girlfriends, just ladies. I expect a fair and honest relationship with someone. My rantings in a previous post concern this issue of which you don't know the details.

[qwertz]

Ummmm,

A miserable sour faced Farang in The shopping Mall, what's so unusual about that?

You should take her to the UK, she would soon see that 99% of the male population shuffling around the shops with their wives are miserable.

Tell her if she don't like your miserable face, you can always find another person that will!!

This man has a way of putting things.......Frankly I am fedup to the bluddy teeth with Thai women. My two lovely Dogs are so much better company........

Yes, he wraps it up so nicely, I can't help but agree with him.

BTW, I think lapimata has a good arrangement and I will note his input before I enter into a relationship there.

[Rhys]

Dude..no need to take that type of "play", find a new fan..

[SiamSquare123]

i will not post my photo but i am 30 years old and average looking by western standards, but probably above average by thai standards. my girl is a student.

I think a couple of people nailed it: she feels like she loses face when i look miserable. She said that Thai people dont talk bad about me, and that her main grief comes when we are in a shopping mall and i look miserable which means that she cant make her man happy. So... I am going to do two things, 1. cut back on going shopping with her, and 2. make sure i am smiling and chatting up all the shop girls bringing her 15 boxes of shoes to try on.

I do realize that she is somewhat insecure, and its hard to blame her. Like most Thai girls, she is very realistic about the nature of men.

OK, another question. I am gonna guess that many of your girls are passive aggressive. This always drives me nuts. It makes my blood boil. Each time I swear that I will be patient, but its soo hard.

[blizzard]

30 year old farang with uni student.

its the money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they always leave out the itsy bitsy non important info.

Edited May 6, 2007 by blizzard