I Want Take Care Family

[November Rain]

Buttom line, if a girl puts her family before you, then she is not worth being with. This is plain and simple.

That's a bit of a far-reaching statement. Can you just clarify it a little for me, please? Do you actually mean that statement, as it stands, or do you mean that she can put her family first under certain exceptional circumstances?

For instance, I can see your point if family comes before partner all the time. But how about if mother or father is genuinely ill (I don't mean sick buffalo syndrome), but you have something special planned, say, a holiday overseas for the 2 of you. Would she really be wrong, in your eyes, to visit her sick family member, rather than be with you? What about a child (yours, or already existing)? Most mothers of any nationality will put their children before their partner. To a certain extent, society expects it (in abuse cases for instance, if the mother stays with the abuser, she is condemned for putting the partner before the child).

It's hard for women of any nationality to balance the obligations (or guilt) that they feel towards all the people in their life. It seems especially hard for Asian women, as they do seem to have a stronger familial responsibility than we Western women. That said, I don't think using a partner as an ATM to finance a family is right at all, but even in a loving, committed relationship sometimes family obligations will come first.

[Maigo6]

Look, I dont want to sound like a jerk............

An immediate vow to never post again would solve that problem.

Edited May 11, 2007 by Maigo6

[blizzard]

why dont people realize there always are exceptions. how is a guy going to make a point addressing all circumstances in one post.

what if the sick family member molested th girl as a child would you want the girl to visit papa instead of going on vacation?

please learn to understand generalizations of peoples posting. it would make this a better place ...lol.

[t.s]

...since I had a sex-free existense here for some time.

OK, I am getting a clearer picture of why you might be bitter!

cheap shot

Sounds like Thailand ain't for you. Move along then, nothing to see here!

standard TV response

P.S. And if you have been in a steady relationship for two years, why are you kissing pretty 20 somethings in Ireland? Perhaps your definition of steady is a bit different than most...

inability to read properly

[Loz]

Loz

Buying your father a BMW might have secured you a seat in heaven....

Buying him a M series, well ya, free pass buddy.... YOU ARE IN FOR SURE!

M series, they are simply awesome. Sounds like your dad got the E46 M3, a little heavy compared to the M E36 (My true love) but the E46 would deliver a better ride for an older individual. OHHH they are wonderful cars.

If you got him an M5..... that was insane. Those cars are pure brutal....

Loz, I can't tell you how much of a great guy you have to be.

I do agree with you, I believe a percentage of these girls have good hearts. I just wish them safety. I also whish that if they had a way out through a regular job they would take it. I am not in no way being judgemental... I worry about their safety, I worry about the long term psychological impact on these girls...

I gave him the E36 2 door coupe in Medira Black. My mum replaced it with the E46. I think it will be more comfortable as you say. I've only seen pics as I was over here at the time. Looks lovely though

I am still working on my place in heaven. Its a labour of love.

[qualtrough]

I was once describing some aspects of Thai culture to a friend in the West – this was while I was a tourist and before I lived here. I said Thai's seem to have a fondness for gold jewelry, mobile phones, trendy clothes and sun glasses – anything to make them look cool without care about how you they got the money, or what they would do for money tomorrow. Her response, "sounds like Thai people are very ghetto." Since then, I have realized that just as in the US or the UK or wherever, there is a certain segment of the population that behaves this way – it all depends on who you associate with. If you went to Harlem or Watts in the US and hung out there, dated there and lived there, you would think pretty much about Americans what you many seem to think of the lower class Thais. If you lived in Beverly Hills, you would have a very different opinion.

You raise an excellent point. A lot of the bitter people on this forum, male and female, got involved with people that are the Thai equivalent of the type of guests you see featured on the Jerry Springer show. If you have seen the show you will know exactly what I mean. The only real difference is the language and physical appearance. That's fine, and more power to them, but I wish they would realize that not all Thais are like that, and not all Farang-Thai relationships and interactions are like theirs. The type of people you associate with is a key factor. I don't have people hitting me up for money, family or otherwise, and I don't see anyone wearing ostentatious displays of gold either at work or in our neighborhood. Sure, there are Thais that do that, but you don't have to hang around with them unless you want to.

[WaiWai]

You raise an excellent point. A lot of the bitter people on this forum, male and female, got involved with people that are the Thai equivalent of the type of guests you see featured on the Jerry Springer show. If you have seen the show you will know exactly what I mean.

Someone once made the observation to me, and I think that it's probably true in general , that as foreigners/expats, until we develop deeper connections in a society, our impressions of the people are formed largely on the basis of impressions of people on the streets and in shops/services; in other words a rather limited slice of the population.

Edited May 11, 2007 by WaiWai

[larvidchr]

I am totally humbled by my Thai girlfriends villingness to sacrifice and her devotion to her family.

When I met her she was working as a go go danser, living in a disgusting room the size of a closet, with a mat on the floor as almost her only possesion, there was one toilet to be shared by 40 odd people. the rent for this place was 1000 bath a month.

Her Father died when she was 12 in a motorbike accident, this was devastating for the family to loose the breadwinner, the Mother then struggeld on to support the family working as a farmhand in the rice fields, she is only a few years older than me but looks 30 years older and is worn out, there is a son too, my girlfriends little Brother 13 years old, and then Nong An my girlfriends 6 year old daugther, they lived in a corrugated ironplate schack, with a absolute minimum of decent comforts.

As soon as my Girlfriend was divorced from her first Thai man, and the support from him to the family dried up, she did what many Issan girls before her have done, she traveld to Pattaya to find work, so she as the oldest child could earn enough money to take care of her family.

Almost every satang she made doing the vertikal, with somtimes disgusting old and lewd farangs, was sent home, she has told me that she could almost shut off her feelings completely when she was working.

We have now been together 2 years, in that time she has never taken as much as one satang from me, she knows I am never going to buy a house in Thailand, I consider investing here to unsecure, and she knows that if we ever marry it wont be for before a lot more years have gone by.

She have with my help moved her mother out of the scack to a new but very modest rented

accomodation, and once a year she asks me for extra money to buy a new scool uniform for her daugther and brother, and for new books too, now and again she asks me for extra money for her Mother to stock up the home with food rice, and then there is the extra costs for medicin for her Mother who is now cronically sick from her hard work as a farm hand, apart from that she still sends almost all the money she gets from me home. She calls her Mother and daugther every day more than one time to check up on how they are doing.

Now some of you might think I am an idiot and I am being suckerd like many Farangs are, but let me tell you, when I get old and in need of somebody to care for me, I would be the luckiest man in the world, to be cared for with the devotion my girlfriend showers on to the ones she loves, but if for some reason she wont be there by then, and we have choosen to end our relationship, I will still fell good for having helped her dear old Mother, and I will feel good for having helped the children, so they could meet up in scool in new uniforms with new books rather than old secondhand ones, and I will feel god for having given the family the calm by knowing that there always is money enough for medicin if needed.

But top of the list is that, I will always feel proud to have known such a dignified and strong girl, a girl who can teach a lot of us, a thing or two about responsibilites and comitment to family, and curage in the face of desperate circumstances.

Kind regards

Edited May 11, 2007 by larvidchr

[Loz]

Look, I dont want to sound like a jerk, but those of you who have hooked up with a shop girl, typist or waitress... these girls are not all that different from the bar girls, atleast on an intellectual level. If you gave them an IQ test, they would probably score similarly.

OMG!!! ANYONE who beleives that Morality can be measured by IQ is not qualified to comment on this thread!!!

This is plain and simple.

[Maigo6]

If you lie down with dogs, you'll wake up with fleas.

[Maigo6]

Now some of you might think I am an idiot and I am being suckerd like many Farangs are..........

I don't think you're an idiot, you seem happy and content, which is more than I can say for most on this Forum.

[Loz]

What has interect got to with the behaviour we ar discussing?

hmmm that would be ziltch, me thinks...

[Loz]

Mai Go Hook,

I like the way you think.

[a2396]

I am totally humbled by my Thai girlfriends villingness to sacrifice and her devotion to her family.

When I met her she was working as a go go danser, living in a disgusting room the size of a closet, with a mat on the floor as almost her only possesion, there was one toilet to be shared by 40 odd people. the rent for this place was 1000 bath a month.

Her Father died when she was 12 in a motorbike accident, this was devastating for the family to loose the breadwinner, the Mother then struggeld on to support the family working as a farmhand in the rice fields, she is only a few years older than me but looks 30 years older and is worn out, there is a son too, my girlfriends little Brother 13 years old, and then Nong An my girlfriends 6 year old daugther, they lived in a corrugated ironplate schack, with a absolute minimum of decent comforts.

As soon as my Girlfriend was divorced from her first Thai man, and the support from him to the family dried up, she did what many Issan girls before her have done, she traveld to Pattaya to find work, so she as the oldest child could earn enough money to take care of her family.

Almost every satang she made doing the vertikal, with somtimes disgusting old and lewd farangs, was sent home, she has told me that she could almost shut off her feelings completely when she was working.

We have now been together 2 years, in that time she has never taken as much as one satang from me, she knows I am never going to buy a house in Thailand, I consider investing here to unsecure, and she knows that if we ever marry it wont be for before a lot more years have gone by.

She have with my help moved her mother out of the scack to a new but very modest rented

accomodation, and once a year she asks me for extra money to buy a new scool uniform for her daugther and brother, and for new books too, now and again she asks me for extra money for her Mother to stock up the home with food rice, and then there is the extra costs for medicin for her Mother who is now cronically sick from her hard work as a farm hand, apart from that she still sends almost all the money she gets from me home. She calls her Mother and daugther every day more than one time to check up on how they are doing.

Now some of you might think I am an idiot and I am being suckerd like many Farangs are, but let me tell you, when I get old and in need of somebody to care for me, I would be the luckiest man in the world, to be cared for with the devotion my girlfriend showers on to the ones she loves, but if for some reason she wont be there by then, and we have choosen to end our relationship, I will still fell good for having helped her dear old Mother, and I will feel good for having helped the children, so they could meet up in scool in new uniforms with new books rather than old secondhand ones, and I will feel god for having given the family the calm by knowing that there always is money enough for medicin if needed.

But top of the list is that, I will always feel proud to have known such a dignified and strong girl, a girl who can teach a lot of us, a thing or two about responsibilites and comitment to family, and curage in the face of desperate circumstances.

Kind regards

What's she been doing for the past 2 years while she lives with you? Does she still work as a dancer or not at all? How old is she & yourself??

[larvidchr]

I am totally humbled by my Thai girlfriends villingness to sacrifice and her devotion to her family.

When I met her she was working as a go go danser, living in a disgusting room the size of a closet, with a mat on the floor as almost her only possesion, there was one toilet to be shared by 40 odd people. the rent for this place was 1000 bath a month.

Her Father died when she was 12 in a motorbike accident, this was devastating for the family to loose the breadwinner, the Mother then struggeld on to support the family working as a farmhand in the rice fields, she is only a few years older than me but looks 30 years older and is worn out, there is a son too, my girlfriends little Brother 13 years old, and then Nong An my girlfriends 6 year old daugther, they lived in a corrugated ironplate schack, with a absolute minimum of decent comforts.

As soon as my Girlfriend was divorced from her first Thai man, and the support from him to the family dried up, she did what many Issan girls before her have done, she traveld to Pattaya to find work, so she as the oldest child could earn enough money to take care of her family.

Almost every satang she made doing the vertikal, with somtimes disgusting old and lewd farangs, was sent home, she has told me that she could almost shut off her feelings completely when she was working.

We have now been together 2 years, in that time she has never taken as much as one satang from me, she knows I am never going to buy a house in Thailand, I consider investing here to unsecure, and she knows that if we ever marry it wont be for before a lot more years have gone by.

She have with my help moved her mother out of the scack to a new but very modest rented

accomodation, and once a year she asks me for extra money to buy a new scool uniform for her daugther and brother, and for new books too, now and again she asks me for extra money for her Mother to stock up the home with food rice, and then there is the extra costs for medicin for her Mother who is now cronically sick from her hard work as a farm hand, apart from that she still sends almost all the money she gets from me home. She calls her Mother and daugther every day more than one time to check up on how they are doing.

Now some of you might think I am an idiot and I am being suckerd like many Farangs are, but let me tell you, when I get old and in need of somebody to care for me, I would be the luckiest man in the world, to be cared for with the devotion my girlfriend showers on to the ones she loves, but if for some reason she wont be there by then, and we have choosen to end our relationship, I will still fell good for having helped her dear old Mother, and I will feel good for having helped the children, so they could meet up in scool in new uniforms with new books rather than old secondhand ones, and I will feel god for having given the family the calm by knowing that there always is money enough for medicin if needed.

But top of the list is that, I will always feel proud to have known such a dignified and strong girl, a girl who can teach a lot of us, a thing or two about responsibilites and comitment to family, and curage in the face of desperate circumstances.

Kind regards

What's she been doing for the past 2 years while she lives with you? Does she still work as a dancer or not at all? How old is she & yourself??

She stopped working when we met, now she takes care our home and me, she is 28 and I am 49.

[November Rain]

why dont people realize there always are exceptions. how is a guy going to make a point addressing all circumstances in one post.

what if the sick family member molested th girl as a child would you want the girl to visit papa instead of going on vacation?

please learn to understand generalizations of peoples posting. it would make this a better place ...lol.

I politely asked for clarification of a point I was unsure of. The reason I asked for this clarification was, to some degree I agree with Siam Square's statement, but only if he was willing to make concessions to a wife/gf in exceptional circumstances. I wanted to know what he had actually meant, as to me, that wasn't clear. As he hasn't answered, I'm still unclear on that point.

The examples I gave were just to make my point clearer, to avoid any misunderstanding of what I meant.

As for picking parts of my post out & making ridiculous scenarios - well, if that's what floats your boat, carry on.

I will try to learn to understand generalisations of people posting, in order to enhance others' reading pleasure. Will you try to start using punctuation and the odd upper-case letter to help others enjoy this forum more?

[qwertz]

Rain, I suspect that some of these posters are speculating on situations they've never personally been in. Family obligations come in all shapes and forms, not the least the maternal ones, and often depend on who's not pulling their weight in the family unit.

I pulled the plug on one otherwise cosy relationship because my woman (not Thai) told me it was time to choose between her and my terminally ill mother in England, where a brother and two sisters living close by could never seem to find the time to give her a little love and care. I took three seconds to decide where my obligations lay.

BTW, this had nothing to do with money and everything to do with family obligation.

How are you ever going to know what pressure a Thai women is under if you don't know the family situation? And many farangs haven't a clue.

I note all your comments here and I admit to being more than a little cynical about Thai/farang pair bonds because I've seen so many there that are blatantly impermanent simply because they're based only on a trade off.

[torito]

Family obligations come in all shapes and forms

And relationships in general I would say....I cannot see having a girlfriend and being free of her struggles....

And many farangs haven't a clue.

Or do not want to hear about it...a very convenient way to do things

Thai/farang pair bonds because I've seen so many there that are blatantly impermanent simply because they're based only on a trade off.

In where farangs expect all for nothing...

[qwertz]

Good edit, torito. And all of it relevant. Family obligation is king size can of worms.

[Dakhar]

I am totally humbled by my Thai girlfriends villingness to sacrifice and her devotion to her family.

When I met her she was working as a go go danser, living in a disgusting room the size of a closet, with a mat on the floor as almost her only possesion, there was one toilet to be shared by 40 odd people. the rent for this place was 1000 bath a month.

Her Father died when she was 12 in a motorbike accident, this was devastating for the family to loose the breadwinner, the Mother then struggeld on to support the family working as a farmhand in the rice fields, she is only a few years older than me but looks 30 years older and is worn out, there is a son too, my girlfriends little Brother 13 years old, and then Nong An my girlfriends 6 year old daugther, they lived in a corrugated ironplate schack, with a absolute minimum of decent comforts.

As soon as my Girlfriend was divorced from her first Thai man, and the support from him to the family dried up, she did what many Issan girls before her have done, she traveld to Pattaya to find work, so she as the oldest child could earn enough money to take care of her family.

Almost every satang she made doing the vertikal, with somtimes disgusting old and lewd farangs, was sent home, she has told me that she could almost shut off her feelings completely when she was working.

We have now been together 2 years, in that time she has never taken as much as one satang from me, she knows I am never going to buy a house in Thailand, I consider investing here to unsecure, and she knows that if we ever marry it wont be for before a lot more years have gone by.

She have with my help moved her mother out of the scack to a new but very modest rented

accomodation, and once a year she asks me for extra money to buy a new scool uniform for her daugther and brother, and for new books too, now and again she asks me for extra money for her Mother to stock up the home with food rice, and then there is the extra costs for medicin for her Mother who is now cronically sick from her hard work as a farm hand, apart from that she still sends almost all the money she gets from me home. She calls her Mother and daugther every day more than one time to check up on how they are doing.

Now some of you might think I am an idiot and I am being suckerd like many Farangs are, but let me tell you, when I get old and in need of somebody to care for me, I would be the luckiest man in the world, to be cared for with the devotion my girlfriend showers on to the ones she loves, but if for some reason she wont be there by then, and we have choosen to end our relationship, I will still fell good for having helped her dear old Mother, and I will feel good for having helped the children, so they could meet up in scool in new uniforms with new books rather than old secondhand ones, and I will feel god for having given the family the calm by knowing that there always is money enough for medicin if needed.

But top of the list is that, I will always feel proud to have known such a dignified and strong girl, a girl who can teach a lot of us, a thing or two about responsibilites and comitment to family, and curage in the face of desperate circumstances.

Kind regards

I bet you woulld do more if you could, and at times you want to do more.

I hope it works out for you, I sincerely do.

[torito]

I am totally humbled by my Thai girlfriends villingness to sacrifice and her devotion to her family.

.....

Now some of you might think I am an idiot and I am being suckerd like many Farangs are, but let me tell you, when I get old and in need of somebody to care for me, I would be the luckiest man in the world, to be cared for with the devotion my girlfriend showers on to the ones she loves, but if for some reason she wont be there by then, and we have choosen to end our relationship, I will still fell good for having helped her dear old Mother, and I will feel good for having helped the children, so they could meet up in scool in new uniforms with new books rather than old secondhand ones, and I will feel god for having given the family the calm by knowing that there always is money enough for medicin if needed.

But top of the list is that, I will always feel proud to have known such a dignified and strong girl, a girl who can teach a lot of us, a thing or two about responsibilites and comitment to family, and curage in the face of desperate circumstances.

kind regards

I bet you woulld do more if you could, and at times you want to do more.

I hope it works out for you, I sincerely do.