Do They Really Teach Thais Not To Complain

[sukanyacondo]

When I first met my wife she used to say when something did not work or service was bad that "this was Thailand" and everything was different here "mai pen rai" and all that hilarity. Now she moans like hel_l which I love ha ha, so are they taught to say nothing or like most things applies to only some people??

Often used to amaze me somethings were so extremely wrong yet they used to just shrug their shoulders.

[Travel2003]

My wife and her friends sit in the taxi, saying nothing when the taxis are trying to get more money out of us.

She never tells the driver when he by "accident" takes the wrong turn.

Never any questioning when the driver wants to take another (looooonger) route, due to bad traffic.

I normally intervene and say " always bad traffic" take the route I tell you to.

I do not care about the extra 5-10 Baht on the meter, i care about the extra time spent in the taxi.

She (and her friends) do not seem to care.

When we line up for something, and some cut infront of the line, again nothing will be said.

Absolutely nothing.

She just looks at me and hope I will not say anything.

Sailor

[sukanyacondo]

Ha ha ha I used to like sitting in traffic in a queue and watch someone carve their way down to the front and say to my wife why does he do that? the reply was "perhaps he is in a hurry"

I now adopt this approach!!!

If I have taxi problems I tell them to stop and out I get, have had a couple of instances one who went totally the opposite way to where I wanted to go in effect a huge circle after 45 seconds I told him just to stop jumped out and then crossed the road and jumped in another, the other time was when it was raining and he wouldnt go the way I asked claiming it was flooded but i had been down there 1o minutes previously.

Most are ok and I get to know some pretty well now. The best one I think is retired he has no taxi signs on his car so dont know how he picks up busin ess but hes very good.

Dont mention the ones who are asleep!!!

[Etrigan]

Try this one for size!!!.

In my soi, there is a house rented by chinese students who also keep 5 dogs, caged 24/7, in a sheltered area measuring about 4 square metres.

These dogs used to keep everyone awake at night, that is until I "had a word" at 4am on a Monday morning.

I asked the other neighbours why they never said anything before (we moved in), same response "mai pen rai" but was it really? There are young families here, and there is no way they could have slept through the constant howling and barking.

Anyhows since then, their alsation escaped twice and attacked two dogs that belong to other neighbours of the same soi, and again, no complaints. I'm beginning to wonder, does someone have to get hurt before my neighbours do anything?

On a plus side, my neighbours have been very friendly since that cursed Monday morning.

[DirkGently]

It's a collective plot that they are all in on.

If they show someone the error of their ways, then someone will show them theirs.

All hel_l would break loose with people being forced to actually think.

Just think of the chaos caused by people having to take responsibility for their actions, consider others and face their mistakes.

No! It is far better to amble along with simpletons grin saying 'mai pen rai' and worrying about 'face', which seems to me to be nothing more than a concept to avoid responsibility.

[kmart]

My missus is quite confrontational and doesn't put up with any great deal of bull. Probably learned from my bad example...

A lot of Thais are unsure of their status in the hiearchy of any given situation so elect to keep schtum instead. If anyone is being antisocial or trying it on financially, I always try to intervene immediately but politely. Usually works, and you can sometimes make friends and gain a bit of respect as an added bonus.

[Prakanong]

Try this one for size!!!.

In my soi, there is a house rented by chinese students who also keep 5 dogs, caged 24/7, in a sheltered area measuring about 4 square metres.

These dogs used to keep everyone awake at night, that is until I "had a word" at 4am on a Monday morning.

I asked the other neighbours why they never said anything before (we moved in), same response "mai pen rai" but was it really? There are young families here, and there is no way they could have slept through the constant howling and barking.

Anyhows since then, their alsation escaped twice and attacked two dogs that belong to other neighbours of the same soi, and again, no complaints. I'm beginning to wonder, does someone have to get hurt before my neighbours do anything?

On a plus side, my neighbours have been very friendly since that cursed Monday morning.

Is this not the concept of Kreng Jai - not imposing on people?

A lot of Asians do not complain though - even here in Singapore they will not say anything but then write to Newspapers etc.

I have had Dr's at work saying to me I get all the freebies from telephone companies etc as I am an ang mo and complain.

The other month it was all gossip as I called the customer service director of a very large company to say their service was terrible - as I would not speak to anyone else they thought it was amazing I just got put further and further up the chain till I got the top guy.

They would just put up with it

[chanchao]

When I first met my wife she used to say when something did not work or service was bad that "this was Thailand" and everything was different here "mai pen rai" and all that hilarity.

Hahahah, this *I* typically have to say *TO* my wife when she starts ranting on something or another. Like yesterday the paint crew couldn't come because the supervisor had to go to a funeral (all day I guess). I just said "whatever, this is Thailand, he'll be there again tomorrow.".

It's much better for your blood pressure, really.

Edited May 21, 2007 by chanchao

[Travel2003]

A few years back, me and my GF (future wife) went to a big place at Happyland, Bang Kapi, Bangkok.

Probably 500 tables there.

At the table behind me there was this guy that pumped into me all the time.

All the time!

He was so pissed, and had problems standing when he tried to dance.

My GF notice my face changed.

This kept going on for a good 45 minutes, as he pumped more and more into me.

Absolutely nobody did anything.

My gf sat there, hoping I would not create a scene, just trying to ignore the drunk.

People on all the other tables around clearly thought this was embarresing, but did nothing.

He then fell down, almost taking me with him in the fall since he grabbed my shoulder.

This was the point I almost reached for a bottle, as I honestly wanted to crush it into his head.

The Security guys finally took action and escorted the guy out of the place.

I looked around and could see a lot of people looking at me with the "we are so sorry for this face".

They all were happy that I kept cool, and were embarresed abouth what one of their own had done.

Again, it surprised me that nobody took any action before this guy fell on the floor.

My gf just said, he was very drunk, mai pen rai.

As my adrenaline was pumping, I remember saying, mai pen rai my a..!

rgds

Sailor

[cmsally]

I think my husband missed out on the "not complaining course" at school.

He will complain about anything if you give him the chance.

For example in a certain govt office he went in and the woman whose job it was to deal with all enquiries, was just amazingly unhelpful and unfriendly to everybody coming in.

He told her that it was his and other peoples tax money paying her wages and he wasn't satisfied being treated like that. He promptly asked to see her boss.

Amazingly next time he went in there , she was sooo.. nice to him and everyone else coming in.

But then he is pretty straight forward about what he thinks but there are plenty of others like him.

[bkkmadness]

This was the point I almost reached for a bottle, as I honestly wanted to crush it into his head.

Why was your first thoughts to stopping the problem violently attacking the dude with a bottle?

Why didn't you speak to the dude, maybe he would have just been more careful? Or better still moved to one of the other 500 tables!

[steveromagnino]

When I first met my wife she used to say when something did not work or service was bad that "this was Thailand" and everything was different here "mai pen rai" and all that hilarity. Now she moans like hel_l which I love ha ha, so are they taught to say nothing or like most things applies to only some people??

Often used to amaze me somethings were so extremely wrong yet they used to just shrug their shoulders.

not sure who 'they' are. But anyway....yes, in general Thai people tend to not complain about things outside their control; what is the point to rant incessantly about the roading system to friends for instance, if none of those friends work in any industry related to roading?

It is considered quite acceptable to complain about things within control where there is some clear right to do so (such as poor service in a restuarant). Not wanting to lose face or look stupid, a typical form of conflict resolution might be to never eat there again, or in some cases, a word to the manager, or in other cases a few sharp words to the staff in question.

Usually done more politely than an American might in the same situation, but there be some snarling bee-otches up in this place as well, particularly places like Emporium, or, curiously, a few wives of foreign men who suddenly sometimes either get an attack of being farang or think they are somehow suddenly high society and therefore able to snarl at waiters and waitresses at will - this group is dwarfed by the Thai 'society' set who are some of the nastiest people I have ever met.

Changing things is a lot harder than simply complaining.

[Prakanong]

I was just discussing this with a friend visiting me.

My other pal has his Thai GF down here at the moment. Nice girl, very pleasant and polite. Friday night in the bar she was on a stool and were were standing. Some other guys there kept leaning onto her and generally invading her space - nothing nasty but you know these financial industry types - talking about how many million they just made but elbow you out of the way for last drinks at happy hour.

Well she looked very uncomfortable and I had to ask the guys to move away a bit - she was happy I did so and I said you should have said something earlier - she said she never would.

Then the other case we spoke of. Quite a senior Asian guy has a Hi-So (so its said I have never met her) Thai wife. My re-location consultant was doing his at the company he works for. She said the guy had lost face big time as the Thai wife and marched into the office, went to see HR and demanded more re-location, better benefits etc.

One case the Thai girl could have asked the guys to move and they would have - the other she went to somebody's office and tried to get something she never could have.

[Stephen Cleary]

I think i shall have to agree with Steveromagnino. It's not the Thais who dont moan a lot, it is Farangs who moan too much.

To witness for yourself the amazing phenomenom of relentless Farang bicker it is advised to visit some ex-pat bar preferably in Pattaya or the likes. Within 10 times of arriving you'll soon be on the receiving on some complaining Farang going on to the likes of

"Bloody waitress, tried tae sting us fir 5 baht"

"Hey man, if only they had an effecient postal service like back home in The States" and the classic of all

"<deleted> Thai women are all the bleedin same, money, money, money"

By the way, this server of mine is dead slow today.

[qwertz]

IMO, if you don't have much, what are you going to complain about?

[DirkGently]

TRAVEL2003! "there was this guy that pumped into me all the time" and "as he pumped more and more into me ".

What exactly was the drunk guy pumping into you? How was he able to pump into you in front of people? Did you feel that he had not pumped enough into you? Is that the reason you wanted to scar the guy forever?

I feel that we should all be told!

[peter991]

I don't know if it's Thai culture, tradition or the fact that the majority of Thai people are Buddhist but I rarely hear them complaining about ANYTHING.

The other morning - woke up and wanted to have a shower. No water supply to the village. I tried the polite approach first and asked how long before water was restored. Nobody seemed to know or care.

I spoke to a senior villager and told him that when my Water Bill came in at the end of the month I would be deducting a percentage for 'lack of continuity of an essential service.' Within minutes he was on the phone to somebody in authority and was told the reason for the lack of water (broken pipe) and the time supply would be restored (30 minutes). In fact - water was back on again within 20 minutes.

Peter

[keebone]

I got this username from my GF because of my refusal to just go along with the system and mai pen rai.

[highdiver]

I think any forigner coming to stay in Thailand should try and learn the local customs. you dont need to agree vut at least you will understand why thais behave the way they do.

the following is info from a wonderfull web site that i recomend to all those who want to understand.

95% of the population is Buddhist, most Thais adhere to the dictates of Brahminism and animism. A lot of them do not differentiate among Buddhism and the other two beliefs. Buddhism is more of a philosophy while the other two ways deal more with customs and practices. Buddhists believe in the karma; what goes around, will come around. The mai pen rai (it doesn't matter) attitude is influenced by this belief. It helps to calm down a situation with a lot of flexibility and forgiveness. However, foreigners might perceive that Thais lack ambition.

Kreng-jai (considerate / care for feeling of others)is a core value of Thais. We have a sombat poo dee (the etiquette manual). The manual says kreng jai is the core characteristic for civilised people. Kreng-jai means you should not criticise someone if he says something wrong in order to save face (hai kiat) for the speaker. You should be sam ruam (self-controlled) when sitting in public.

Foreigners from countries that have been industrialised for more than 200 years are often disappointed by the Thai mentality if they expect to use their own standards here. It's not because Thais are not smart. It's more a reflection of the different stages of development.

In the old days, the planting of rice was very labour intensive which required a lot of help from neighbours. They would gather groups of people to work together called long-kag. With this kind of work, Thais needed to rely on their relationships with friends. They tried to avoid conflict and confrontation in order to preserve relationships.

Thais dont complain as as to save face or avoid confrontations. and they are amazed on how much compalining and bitching most farrangs do.

if you wish to learn more about thai culture then use the link below.

http://www.thaicoach.com/new/eng_columns.php

[terry57]

This was the point I almost reached for a bottle, as I honestly wanted to crush it into his head.

Why was your first thoughts to stopping the problem violently attacking the dude with a bottle?

Why didn't you speak to the dude, maybe he would have just been more careful? Or better still moved to one of the other 500 tables!

i was thinking the same thing maddy.

why did this cat not just get up and move to another table. ?

whats the point of sitting there and getting upset about this thing. ?

much easier to move your arse isn't it and the majority of people would.

makes absolutely no sense to me.

[scousemouse]

A few years back, me and my GF (future wife) went to a big place at Happyland, Bang Kapi, Bangkok.

Probably 500 tables there.

At the table behind me there was this guy that pumped into me all the time.

All the time!

He was so pissed, and had problems standing when he tried to dance.

My GF notice my face changed.

This kept going on for a good 45 minutes, as he pumped more and more into me.

Absolutely nobody did anything.

My gf sat there, hoping I would not create a scene, just trying to ignore the drunk.

People on all the other tables around clearly thought this was embarresing, but did nothing.

He then fell down, almost taking me with him in the fall since he grabbed my shoulder.

This was the point I almost reached for a bottle, as I honestly wanted to crush it into his head.

The Security guys finally took action and escorted the guy out of the place.

I looked around and could see a lot of people looking at me with the "we are so sorry for this face".

They all were happy that I kept cool, and were embarresed abouth what one of their own had done.

Again, it surprised me that nobody took any action before this guy fell on the floor.

My gf just said, he was very drunk, mai pen rai.

As my adrenaline was pumping, I remember saying, mai pen rai my a..!

rgds

Sailor

I dont think a I could have let all that sh#t go on for 45 minutes , especially if I was with my gf.

Maybe you've become accustomed to the "mai pen rai attitude" more than you know .

And sometimes, the "mai pen rai" attitude is for the best ( only sometimes though ).

[keebone]

My philosophy is quite simple - if I'm paying for something then I expect to get what I want.

I've been out with my GF and her Mum and after clearly asking for a certain brand of beer I've been brought another. Their attitude especially her mothers is that I should just accept it and not say anything - mai pen rai, but no way will I just take it with a smile. On 1 occasion I was with my GF in a fairly expensive restaurant mostly catering to Farangs and I wanted a Thai red curry, some call this gaeng dang and some call it gaeng ped. In the UK I've been to a Thai restaurant that had both gaeng dang and gaeng ped on their menu, the girl told me their gaeng ped is not made with coconut but mostly what I've had that's described as gaeng ped in Thailand is made with coconut which is how I like it. On the menu in this restaurant is gaeng ped, I ask my gf to ask if it's made with coconut as the waitress speaks next to no English and she doesn't want to, I make my displeasure known to her about this so she reluctantly asks. The waitress says she doesn't know if it has coconut and her and my GF seem happy to leave it at that. I ask my GF to tell the waitress to go to the kitchen and ask if it has coconut or not and she refuses point blank.

Do all Thais really just suffer in silence paying for something they never ordered or does this only apply to Farang money.

[scousemouse]

This was the point I almost reached for a bottle, as I honestly wanted to crush it into his head.

Why was your first thoughts to stopping the problem violently attacking the dude with a bottle?

Why didn't you speak to the dude, maybe he would have just been more careful? Or better still moved to one of the other 500 tables!

i was thinking the same thing maddy.

why did this cat not just get up and move to another table. ?

whats the point of sitting there and getting upset about this thing. ?

much easier to move your arse isn't it and the majority of people would.

makes absolutely no sense to me.

I'm on agreement with terry and bkkmaddness , people who use bottles to hit other people are sh#t-houses .

Either have a word or move on.

[scousemouse]

TRAVEL2003! "there was this guy that pumped into me all the time" and "as he pumped more and more into me ".

What exactly was the drunk guy pumping into you? How was he able to pump into you in front of people? Did you feel that he had not pumped enough into you? Is that the reason you wanted to scar the guy forever?

I feel that we should all be told!

sawadee cap dirk , I was also thinking that the use of the word "pumped" was a bit bent ,I hope what TRAVEL2003 really means is something totally diffrent .

[bkkmadness]

There's a Thai only forum somewhere with the thread title 'Do they really teach farangs to crush people's heads with bottles as a first course of action?'.

[terry57]

when i was living on koh phan gan we had 2 junkies move to a bungalow in our village.

they used to go to the ice cream man in tong sala every second day to buy there smack. ( true story)

i used to hate these people as they were low life scum bags not worthy of living in our community.

i tried to get the thais to move them on as i could see trouble brewing but they did not want to do anything about it just saying to me, " never mind"

anyway,

one night when they were wacked of there face they managed to burn there bungalow down, as we had no electric and used those small fuel lamps and candles.

they were very lucky to escape with there lives that night, and it would of been no great loss if they had not.

that day they had to pay for a new bungalow and left our village.

cost them plenty with the help from the cops.

next thing i know they have built a new bungalow and were very happy.

i had only been around a short time and was wondering why they had not moved them on.

as i gained more experience with these thai and seen this sort of thing occur time and again i learned about mai be penn rai.

nothing has changed except they have got smarter and when the farang get really silly it costs them a <deleted> load of money and they must pay.

ive come to learn that its a business manover as they know that to kick a trouble making farang out before he does damage is not a smart thing as they cant get any extra money from him.

makes sense i suppose.

thank you very much.

terence

[bkkmadness]

Why was there need to complain, it's Koh Phangan, lots of people doing drugs there, if they aren't causing trouble and still spending there cash then no problem.

[Maigo6]

Do all Thais really just suffer in silence.

I think the Thai wives and girlfriends of many Farangs suffer in silence.

[bkkmadness]

I guess Maigo's wife is noticabley quiet.

[meemiathai]

My philosophy is quite simple - if I'm paying for something then I expect to get what I want.

I've been out with my GF and her Mum and after clearly asking for a certain brand of beer I've been brought another. Their attitude especially her mothers is that I should just accept it and not say anything - mai pen rai, but no way will I just take it with a smile. On 1 occasion I was with my GF in a fairly expensive restaurant mostly catering to Farangs and I wanted a Thai red curry, some call this gaeng dang and some call it gaeng ped. In the UK I've been to a Thai restaurant that had both gaeng dang and gaeng ped on their menu, the girl told me their gaeng ped is not made with coconut but mostly what I've had that's described as gaeng ped in Thailand is made with coconut which is how I like it. On the menu in this restaurant is gaeng ped, I ask my gf to ask if it's made with coconut as the waitress speaks next to no English and she doesn't want to, I make my displeasure known to her about this so she reluctantly asks. The waitress says she doesn't know if it has coconut and her and my GF seem happy to leave it at that. I ask my GF to tell the waitress to go to the kitchen and ask if it has coconut or not and she refuses point blank.

Do all Thais really just suffer in silence paying for something they never ordered or does this only apply to Farang money.

Wow! You only asked the waitress to go to the kitchen and ask if if has coconut or not? I would have made her go and ask what ingredients, how much sugar, how much salt, how much grams of curry, how many cups of water and how exactly it is cooked and come back and tell me!!! And probably give her a few punches for not able to speak english in England!