What Is Love In Los?

[Alf Witt]

What is Love?

What is love in the Land of Smiles?

Is it different from elsewhere?

I have just been reading posts on the subject "Pattaya is great for lonely men" http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?sh...0560&st=135 and I was amazed by how often the word "love" came up. The word was nowhere in the original post so it set me thinking - is it a necessary ingredient in relationships? Does it exist in most relationships whether in Thailand or in Farangland? Do we delude ourslves that we "love" our partner or that they "love " us (as suggested in many posts). In any case, what is it? Do we all define it in the same way?

Let me kick-off with some ideas. When I hear some people talking about "love" I often get the sense that they are basically motivated by self-interest. Example - this partner makes me feel good, he/she is physically attractive (in my eyes at least), I enjoy being in his/her presence - therefore - I love him/her. Is that love? Not in my book.

In the same post there was a story about a go-go dancer who bent down and kissed a disabled man who had come into the bar. To me there is more "love" in terms of human kindness being displayed by that single act.

Other posters mentioned their happiness at introucing an elderly parent to Pattaya or their regret at their parent having passed away before they had done so. They were attacked by the same posters who seem to judge relationships between farang and Thai (usually girls) on the basis of "love". It's not love (however they define it) therefore its worthless, its delusion. The same posters seem to fail to detect the love being expressed by those who care about the happiness of their elderly parents to the extent that they are not going to moralise about the parent's behaviour. They don't detect that unselfish love which is the only love I can truly relate to.

Some posts expess the sentiment that the Thai girls are only in it for the money and her partner is deluding himself about the relationship which they rush to condemn. Their point seems to be that "love" is something that is valuable only if it is on the receivables side of the balance sheet. What do these people know about love? Does it never occur to them that an elderly farang may care for his partner and that he may be happy to support her (and perhaps even her family) even if the primary motivation in the girl is security/financial support? Do they attach no value to unselfish love? There has to be a return? To me they miss the fundamental concept of love when they express themselves in this way.

Love is something which can develop and it is most likely to develop on a reciprocal basis even if the relationship did not start that way. I am sure that many of the apparent mis-matched farang/Thai relationships that the "love" lobby choose to criticise have developed that way but they are too cynical to see it - probably because they have sought love as a receivable and have had a predictbly bad experience.

Sure there are gullable farangs and selfish Thais but that does not mean that every relationship has to be judged by that yardstick as the "love" lobby would have us believe. Lets leave that aside. Its been thrashed to death in other topics.

Are relationships fundamentally any different in the West or is it just that the veneer is slightly thicker? The financial needs are not so close to the surface so we can indulge in pretending its all about love? Are those in farang/farang relationships deluding themselves any less that those in farang/Thai relationships? Perhaps more so. Most marriages that last seem to do so out of habit or because the partners get basically what they want from the relationship. But is it love and, more to the point, after a while are they giving love?

Is a mutually convenient relationship necessarily a bad thing anyway? Does it matter if partners love each other or is it sufficient that they both behave as if they do? From a receivables point of view which is all that seems to concern the "love" lobby it would seem to make little difference.

What do you think?

[torito]

I do not know what is love....but I believe that there is one only......even the one who dare not speak its name

Love cannot be defined in isolation and absent of all other aspects of life, such as passion, atraction, relationship, culture, survival, races, sex, time, culture....

each mix is unique, but love is the component that has the magic, that has the force to move, to transform, to blind, to lie...

Edited May 22, 2007 by torito

[Alf Witt]

I do not know what is love....but I believe that there is one only......even the one who dare not speak its name

Love cannot be defined in isolation and absent of all other aspects of life, such as passion, atraction, relationship, culture, survival, races, sex, time, culture....

each mix is unique, but love is the component that has the magic, that has the force to move, to transform, to blind, to lie...

Well that certainly clarifies it for me.

[qwertz]

Ahoy from Branknock, Alf. Leave this to me, laddy. I understand latin Sassenachs.

Torito, se puede explicar el amor muy facilmente.

You can always get someone to love you - even if you have to do it yourself.

[cdnvic]

Love isn't any different in Thailand, it's just that too many people who don't know what it is come here looking for it.

[qwertz]

Love isn't any different in Thailand, it's just that too many people who don't know what it is come here looking for it.

And most of them leave LOS empty handed.

[sukanyacondo]

But not all.

[qwertz]

Don't tell me you bought a snide Rolex too!

[torito]

Don't tell me you bought a snide Rolex too!

[qwertz]

Romance

without finance

has no chance

or balance

[Glauka]

What I feel for my husband i do not feel it for anyone else...so that especial feeling it is what i call LOVE.

[Alf Witt]

And most of them leave LOS empty handed.

Doesn't this rather contradict your DIY suggestion in your earlier post, qwertz?

[Alf Witt]

Torito, Glauca (preciosa) from Spain, even qwertz breaking into Spanish? What is this? Are the Spaniards the only people left who have any opinion about love? Don Jaun is alive and well and living in Thailand!

[Alf Witt]

Love isn't any different in Thailand, it's just that too many people who don't know what it is come here looking for it.

What guide book are they using, cdnvic? Would it be the "Rough" Guide, or the "Lonely" Planet or perhaps "Asia on $5 a day"?

[teacup]

What is Love?

What is love in the Land of Smiles?

Is it different from elsewhere?

What do you think?

First of all; What is "LOVE" anyway? How do you know if you're in it?

I might be in love but what are some "symptoms" to know if you really are in love? Please don't give me answers like "You will just feel it."

So what is it?

[Momo8]

As the saying goes 'No money, no honey'! 99% of relationships get bogged down into material elements and that is a cross cultural thing.Money can't buy love, would a Thai girl really be around some old codger wiping his butt if he didn't have the dough??? Or would a Thai girl be with some young guy if he didn't spring the cash to give her 'face'?

As for care etc. sure the guy has the Odeypus (spelling?)syndrome but that's not love that's a business.

I love my husband because he makes my heart skip a beat,we understand each other, he's hilarious,passionate,gorgeous in my eyes,the little everyday things that are not asked for but given,clever,resourceful and not farang, swore off farangs long time ago.Once they go to LOS they lose their mind and become alcoholic womanisers then wake up one day and think 'Shit I'm old, better find some nubile young trophy to push the wheelchair around and take care of me in my doddering old age".Well seen that happen to many friends,just glad I got a diamond from the sand.

Edited May 23, 2007 by Momo8

[Glauka]

Torito, Glauca (preciosa) from Spain, even qwertz breaking into Spanish? What is this? Are the Spaniards the only people left who have any opinion about love? Don Jaun is alive and well and living in Thailand!

That´s part of being an spaniard.. ...just joking

[Robski]

My mate Benny says it's 1000 baht per night.

[rgs2001uk]

My mate Benny says it's 1000 baht per night.

and works out cheaper in the long run, no need to worry about sick buffalos, granny needing a hip replacement, well run dry, brother needing a ladyboy operation, etc etc

also no need for cars, houses, new mobile phones and sending money every month.

benny maybe smarter than we think

[cdnvic]

Love isn't any different in Thailand, it's just that too many people who don't know what it is come here looking for it.

What guide book are they using, cdnvic? Would it be the "Rough" Guide, or the "Lonely" Planet or perhaps "Asia on $5 a day"?

I'm thinking most don't spend a great deal of time reading.

[PlainJane]

Love......... it is what you make it.

In the end, it all depends what you are looking for.

[wolfmanjack]

If you can't be with the one you love then love the one you're with.

[PlainJane]

My mate Benny says it's 1000 baht per night.

and works out cheaper in the long run, no need to worry about sick buffalos, granny needing a hip replacement, well run dry, brother needing a ladyboy operation, etc etc

also no need for cars, houses, new mobile phones and sending money every month.

benny maybe smarter than we think

Maybe, I should smarten up as well, start paying my man! D*amnit! I'm in big financial trouble now!

[lazeeboy]

My mate Benny says it's 1000 baht per night.

and works out cheaper in the long run, no need to worry about sick buffalos, granny needing a hip replacement, well run dry, brother needing a ladyboy operation, etc etc

also no need for cars, houses, new mobile phones and sending money every month.

benny maybe smarter than we think

Maybe, I should smarten up as well, start paying my man! D*amnit! I'm in big financial trouble now!

the more money you have the more you will be loved,not only thailand but world wide

[aslan612]

What is Love?

Love is where "I" ends and "We" begins. That's how I would explain it.

[Luckydog]

Romance

without finance

has no chance

or balance

In a nutshell as ever qwerty. Too bluddy true!

[Luckydog]

The only REAL feelings of LOVE I get is when I stroke my two wonderful Thai Dogs.

They never ask me to send bones to their families on Jomtiem Beach.......

Love them to bits!

[tropo]

Are relationships fundamentally any different in the West or is it just that the veneer is slightly thicker?

Fundamentally there is no comparison.

How could you possibly compare an equal aged, elderly married couple type of relationship in Farangland with a relationship between a 20 year old Thai girl and a 60 year old gent for example in LOS.

How different can you get? The whole concept is beyond the grasp of most foreigners not actually living here, and by the sounds of it even those who are.

Edited June 6, 2007 by tropo

[a2396]

The only love I have seen here, or should I call it "willingness to associate" is related to money. You offer small or no money - you get nothing.

[torito]

I see no difference in the love I feel in here or somewhere else.....love is a personal state and it has no frontiers.

A relationship does not imply love. In Thailand there are many relationships that are driven by survival motivations...but c'mon, do not spoil the word love with this, even if it is done on its name.

In Thailand when love it is, for sure it is as great as anywhere else.....

(by the way...I am not spanish...I am latino)