Advice for single dad re rights in regard to restrict mother from access to child

[Kenny202]

This is a long read fellers, unless interested I would suggest you keep scrolling...

 

Split with GF about 6 years ago. Had a son whom when she left was about 3 months old. I was happy to take him and there was never any question she was capable or even wanted to take him. I was basically his mum from birth. We were never married but I have been legitimized as the father through the courts and its registered at the Amphur. Woman was absolutely mental. Train wreck of a past including 3 other kids to different fathers I didn't know about until my son was born. All abandoned to others. Got pages and pages of photos, copies of incriminating messages from her going back 6 years. her sending pics her trying to hang herself....a few times when she was living near me her saying the baby was annoying her (after her having him 1 hour lol)...messages asking how she can feed him and if Macdonalds or KFC was ok when he was an infant. Horrible abusive crazy messages. Not even sure if admissable in Thailand. Also have very accurate diary notes going back the same period all the dramas etc with her. Records at the hospital for mental treatment...well I don't have them but I guess they could be ordered by a court. And I haven't even got to the bad stuff yet lol. Anyway suffice to say life was a nightmare with her for 5 or 6 years until she did leave on her own accord, rented a small shop 200 meters from my home and moved all her stuff out. 2 days later she wanted back. I locked the gate and all hell ensued with her screaming at my back gate at all hours and nearly every day for 3 months until she finally returned to her natural calling in Pattaya. Since then get the odd crazy message or phone call from her in the wee hours but generally she has left me alone. She has to come to where I live in the North of Thailand every 6 months get her free meds (oh yeah she's sick too) and when she came she used to ask to see my son. I used to really feel awful leaving him with her for all the reasons above but also because he didn't know who she was and never felt comfortable with her. Couldn't be a good experience for him. problem was I would drive him into the city to see her...leave him with her then 30 mins later she would call for me to come and get him...he wouldn't stop crying etc. Was always a major disruption to our day, a ton of stress and she never let us know until the morning she arrived.

 

About 2 years ago I started making excuses for him not to see her. We were away sorry...or we're in isolation with Covid etc. She never challenged me about it, just left it alone. At this point I should also point out she has never made any attempt or request to take care of him or even have him for a holiday etc. Never sent presents and of course never offered any monetarial support. All she seemingly wanted to do was see him for a while or play with him, more than anything take some "I'm a good mummy" selfies. Often was all a lot about nothing because she would take him then not want him...story of her life really. She is an extremely dangerous and often violent person and a consumate liar. She broke into my house 3 months after we split and refused to leave. I wasn't home and after warning her 3 times to leave peacefully went to the Police. I actually thought she would go to prison. Nope, she painted a story where I had come in the home, invited her in and then tried to strangle her. (I hadn't even been home). The P couldn't speak English so I was standing there like a dummy unable to defend myself. They obviously made some sort of deal and was told I would have to give her 500k for her to leave. I told the P tell her kiss my big white one I was getting a lawyer, at which point he lost all interest and told her to get out of my house. Other time she came back to my city and starts sending me oddball messages about she knows I did it. Turns out a Thai guy came to where she was staying with a gun, demanding she get in the car. My best guess someone chasing her or a loan shark or gambling debt. She was with a new BF at the time so obviously to save face she told everyone I was behind it. And that's what I mean by dangerous, for her not only to be not anywhere near me...but not thinking about me. I mean it was all a lie she had concocted but as many will know Thai woman can be extremely cunning and convincing and maybe someone will be stupid enough to believe her one of these days. So a bit of back ground.

 

Hadn't heard from her for ages and I am pretty sure she has either lost my number or more than likely swapped phones to get away from creditors as she often does....so she turns up at my back gate, with 2 witnesses (who don't even know me) about 3 weeks ago. She was calm, no yelling or anything but asking to see my son...who I told her was at school. I wasn't aggressive etc but I was visibly angry....told her she is never to come to my home etc. The whole time she is looking at the other two ....like...I told you so. The gate was locked and I had no intention of going outside or unlocking the gate as I know how violent she is and has a transmisable disease. It was fairly tame, and she went away fairly easily. Whole thing about 3 minutes, and my son wasn't even at home. Thing that is worrying me is she may try it again. She loves drama and wouldn't be at all surprised if she shows up the next time she comes here, even with the police. I mean she called the police once because I blocked her on LINE! And they actually came. All had a laugh and it was ridiculous but she is capable of anything and is a supreme liar. Very good at garnering sympathy.

 

My plan probably to see a lawyer this week or next. I really don't want to go down the very expensive and time consuming custody saga, which while I have a ton of hard evidence and she has nought there is always a chance that can back fire. I was wondering anyone been through a similar thing and aware of what rights you have? I mean if she did get the police involved could go several ways. They might be stupid enough to believe her and act or let her take him without waiting for any facts, and me (if current GF not home) standing there like a helpless dummy. I don't know where she lives and if she did take him I wouldn't know where to start looking for him. There is no way in the world she would want to take care of him more than even a few hours but she may be spiteful enough to dump him in a village or with someone just to "win". In this scenario do I have to open the gate for them or hand over my child? Or even if she convinced them poor her, she only wants to see him for an hour or two then shoots through. he hasn't lived with her for at least 5 maybe 6 years....only a very brief visit every 6 months or so as described. If my missus is home will have a better chance of relaying the story and our concerns. I doubt if it was a Thai / Thai matter they wouldn't even be interested but if there is a sniff of an easy dollar who knows. My lawyer once told me they can not come in your home without official papers unless there is suspicion of drugs or physical harm to someone. Other thing in my favor my son fairly shy, doesn't even know her and I am sure he would make a fuss and not want to go with her. Sorry for war and peace but hoping someone has first hand experience / advice. I really want to be fore armed before she comes again. 

[Nojohndoe]

Restraining order? They do exist in Thailand.

[Kenny202]

1 hour ago, Nojohndoe said:

Restraining order? They do exist in Thailand.

Nice easy solution if she was harrassing only me. Totally different story restraining a mother from her child I imagine

[ChrisP24]

Can you move?   Even if you do get various court orders in place, it sounds like you and your son will still be living under the threat of drama for all of the years between now and when he reaches the age of majority.  But she can't cause (much) drama if she doesn't know where you are, certainly not of the type that involves showing up at your gate with police or witnesses, breaking in, etc. 

 

I suggest that you definitely see an attorney who specializes in this area about the possibility of legally terminating her parental rights.  

[Kenny202]

7 hours ago, ChrisP24 said:

Can you move?   Even if you do get various court orders in place, it sounds like you and your son will still be living under the threat of drama for all of the years between now and when he reaches the age of majority.  But she can't cause (much) drama if she doesn't know where you are, certainly not of the type that involves showing up at your gate with police or witnesses, breaking in, etc. 

 

I suggest that you definitely see an attorney who specializes in this area about the possibility of legally terminating her parental rights.  

We could move but we have lived here nearly 7 years. The Landlord is amazing, the house is perfect and just resigned a 2 year lease. Would be very hard to find another set up like we have now. I don't know how many of you have rented here but get the wrong Landlord and we would be exchanging one nightmare for another. Will be interesting to see my Lawyer tomorrow. I am hoping maybe she can lose parental rights by default over some type of time period. I am pretty sure this applies to fathers who haven't seen or don't support their children for a specific number of years. Maybe I can get some restraining order on her though I don't even have any contact details for her. I have seen a few lawyers before re custody and been quoted varying prices from 100-250k, even if she was in agreeance which I think is ridiculous. Problem with her is she could agree today and change her mind on the day we go to court. Hopefully have a clearer picture tomorrow