Farang With Thai Husband

[RueFang]

Oh the joy of finding this forum!! I have been living in Thailand for 3 years, been married to my Thai husband for about a year and a half and living in the south of Thailand - unfortunately with the parents-in-law, but that's another story! In the whole time I've been in Thailand I have only met one farang woman married to a Thai man and one in a long term relationship with a baby. Needless to say I've seen thousands of farang men with Thai gf/wife.... I thought I was the only one with a Thai husband!!! I know on the islands there's a lot of foreign women that hook up with Thais for a holiday fling, but it's not really the same thing. So, it's a great comfort to me to know that others are experiencing similar situations to me

What I want to know is - are there any farang women living in an area with no other farang? I've read posts from people who are living on the islands that don't sound so remote...I think I'm the only farang woman in my whole province! and I've only ever seen about 4 other foreigners who are retired men and not really up for much conversation Anyhow, it's good to find you all!

[sbk]

Welcome to the forum!

Gisele is pretty remote, she is in Nakhon. If you scroll down to the bottom of the main forum page you will see the Southern Thailand forum, she visits there from time to time.

When I first came to Koh Phangan it wasn't that touristy but there were a few other farang women here.They have since all gone back to their home countries, some with their husbands, some without. Usually because of kids education.

None of the women who were here (or who came shortly after) are left, only me. There are a few other women close to my age but we are all busy and don't live that close together so don't see each other much. Agree about the holiday girlfriends. Having been married for 18 years we don't usually have alot in common.

Anyway, welcome, and feel free to join in.

[girlx]

wow, talk about culture shock- so what's it like then, living with no farang around?

[Boo]

I can sympathise with you. I lived in a small town in Khon Kaen with my thai husband for several months after moving from down south & lasted 5 days living with his mum, aunt & 2 neices so rented a house a few streets away(nothing wrong with them, we all get on but I don't do living in another women house).

I too was the only other farang women in town (prob nearly most of KK province too I would imagine!!) & had to put up with being groped by all the old ladies in the MIL's company who liked to have a feel of the nom yai as well as other parts of my being

Driving to the 7-11 was a treat with school kids stopping en mass in the playground at the sight of a 6ft blonde farang women driving past & after the first few times I stopped freaking out at being followed around whilst I shopped at seven by the local police man who would leave his road side check point when he saw me coming & trail me to see what I bought.

I didn't mind living there so much even with the ogling & touching & stalking but found it soooo boring with no other farang women to meet up with or talk to. In fact ThaiVisa was my life line during those months. I did eventually find an American teacher at the local school but she was part of a Christian enxhange thing & not really my kind of person & I wasn't hers I think, she didn't seem to approve that I had hooked up with a native :0

So welcome to thaivisa & now you have found us, hope you enjoy yourself. 4odd years ago when I found this place there was only about 3 of us farang women around & now I counted recently we have at least 50 with 20+ actively posting & a large majority are either with or married to thais too.

[meme]

I am getting married very soon and I live in Trang (or I should say will be living in Trang...in 3 days!!! ) I met my bf there when I moved there to work. We lived together for a year and a half. My bf is from a village about 15 min away and we spent several days a week there and I was the only farang they had ever seen..same experiences as Boo...all the ladies love to pinch me and cop a feel or pat my hips. People stopping dead in their tracks if they saw me...or just random people at a stop lights next to us while we were on our bike asking my bf all these questions about me and our relationship.

I too found it really hard without girlfriends (although for a year I was working with one of my friends form home). Although there is a small farang community in Trang they are mostly male. Now that I am moving back I again am worried that it will be really isolating but I really love it there and love my bfs family..after working and living in Korea for a year I just cant wait to be back!

I too thought I was the only farang involved with a Thai guy who did not live or work on the beach. It was so great to find TV and just connect with other women living in Thailand period.

Welcome to the forum Ruefang

And if any of you ladies are ever down my way come say hi!!

[RueFang]

Thanks for the warm welcome! It is so hilarious reading your experiences because it's just what I've gone through too...can't say I've ever had my "nom yai" grabbed though!! Only lot's of arm squeezing and face stroking It took me a good year to get over all the staring..I became a bit of a recluse for a while there because I just couldn't deal with it. Then I realised that people are not being rude or impolite (as staring is in our culture) they are just genuinly fascinated at seeing a whitey! I still get stares sometimes by people that live further away from my village that don't see me so often but not a drama now.

The hardest thing about living here is not having friends to hang around with and have good chats. My friends in oz are really great with calling but as you know, it's just not the same The other hardest thing is not having books to read. The only thing in English here is the newspaper! Thanks be to the internet. Have to start ordering books online or something!

I absolutely love living here, I've never been a big fan of city life which helps, and being surrounded by rice fields, rubber plantations and mountains ain't bad at all! It also helps to have an amazing husband who is always asking if I'm ok and if I'm bored or upset he'll take me for motorbike trips through the countryside which always makes us both feel better because it's so gorgeous.

I'm completely over living with the mother-in-law (from hel_l) however. I haven't lived with parents since I was 17 and being nearly 30, it's a challenge to say the least! Unfortunately there's no option to rent outside as we don't live near town. When we were married his father gave us some land but due to lack of funds, haven't been able to build...yes i've considered living in a tent there, but just wouldn't work I think We've decided to give it til December (that will be over 2.5 yrs with MIL!), and if we still don't have enough money to build we will move back to oz to work for a year or so, then come back.

Out of interest, what do you ladies do for work/money? I know SBK has a bungalow/resort (?) but what about the rest of you. I tried teaching for 3 months but I am definately not cut out for teaching in local schools where they have absolutely no interest in learning anything (and don't even bring a bag to school!). We have a small business at home, but not a big money earner.

Meme, good luck with your wedding! It's really such a beautiful ceremony....so so different from western weddings and so much fun! I had no idea what was happening at my wedding but laughed the whole way through it as they dragged me around showing me what to do. We live about 70 kms from Trang and go there occasionally, so maybe one day we'll meet up.

Thanks again for the stories and making me laugh

[DamianMavis]

Sorry to intrude, if you are desperately looking for books you could try downloading them. You can download them and read them on your computer screen or if you have a pda you can read them on your phone while you are out and about or even a psp and I think even an Ipod. I use emule to download books and its usually pretty fast even with a slow connection because book files are very small.

Damian Mavis

[RueFang]

Good idea re: ebooks. I've downloaded a few small books from the net, but not so great for bedtime reading! Thanks for your idea though

[bina]

rue fang

glad to see someone else with no major career and not much money on board here; helps to know if we have to go bakc to thailand in near future that there are others in same situation;

married to poor korat area thai, i'm 44+ + 3 (mine) on kibbutz in israel...thinking about that move that may occur in future .

not being to close to people doesnt seem to bother me as much now as it used to... maybe due to age? but do wonder what will happen if we move to thailand and husband is back in familiar waters again with HIS friends. if he is out with the boys or off working provided he works at a job. if he is working agricultural or migrant labour like a majority of farming men then i am stuck me myself and i with a small tv and probably no real internet my kids grown and not with me... i may have to take up homestead type activities to keep myself busy and go the tutoring english etc route. main worries arent MIL but sisters in law especially eldest.

out of curiosity:

financially how are u living apart from the small business?

what kind of visa do u have?

what info did your husband have to provide for your visa?

do u have kids?

transportation to places, do u have financial means for doing things u want to do, or only just enough to make ends meet if at all

what about medical stuff?

reason i'm asking is my situation is slightly different than most of the western women that seem to post on the site, though not all of them i will have no pension, no insurance and no backup money, and no real useful job skills (goat herd, small animal care) but can farm. and once i leave here, i have no where to come back too unlike many ex pats as i am an ex pat here also.

bina

israel

[meme]

Out of interest, what do you ladies do for work/money? I know SBK has a bungalow/resort (?) but what about the rest of you. I tried teaching for 3 months but I am definately not cut out for teaching in local schools where they have absolutely no interest in learning anything (and don't even bring a bag to school!). We have a small business at home, but not a big money earner.

Meme, good luck with your wedding! It's really such a beautiful ceremony....so so different from western weddings and so much fun! I had no idea what was happening at my wedding but laughed the whole way through it as they dragged me around showing me what to do. We live about 70 kms from Trang and go there occasionally, so maybe one day we'll meet up.

Thanks again for the stories and making me laugh

Thank-you! My bf is in full wedding mode right now, its very funny to see, like he is a western bride...planning this planning that...it is getting a bit out of control...now there is talk of elephants in the procession (we were not even going to have the procession in the firs place!)....But it's nice that I don't have to plan any of it!! We have 20 people coming from Canada for the wedding so I have enough planning to do for them!! Luckily one of his family members is an English teacher so she can fill me in and let me know what is going on, as my bf really has not been to a lot of wedding ceremonies only the parties. So he is not a lot of help although he is having a crash course in all that is involved.

As for work, I am a teacher but I have a degree in Theatre and Women's studies so I can incorporate both into teaching. Maybe you would have a different experience if you and you husband moved somewhere in Thailand where the children want to learn or are at least used to having farang teachers. I have always taught in private schools both in Thailand and Korea. I know that in Korea if the students are not used to farang teachers they really cannot be handled. However saying that, when I was a volunteer teacher to Burmese orphans they were the most amazing students I have ever had and not all of them had been taught by a farang before, very polite and courteous.....but anyway, for sure if teaching is not your thing don't force yourself to do it.

Meme.

Edited June 29, 2007 by meme

[RueFang]

Meme - WOW elephants!! Good luck with that You're very lucky to have so many friends and fam coming. It will be SO much fun!!

Bina -

out of curiosity: financially how are u living apart from the small business?

Only the small business (internet, photocopying, reports, translating). We also cut rubber trees much to the amusement of all the locals but that's mainly just to get outside for a couple of hours in the mornings because we're stuck inside with the business most of the time and provides a little extra cash.

what kind of visa do u have?

I have a Non-O multi-entry for one year. Last year I had Non-B (I was briefly teaching and you need non-B for work) for one year then had to return to oz in a hurry so applied for the non-o. Next year I will apply for the one year extension in BKK.

what info did your husband have to provide for your visa?

Wedding certificate with translation, copies of house address book, Thai ID card, no proof of money was required.

do u have kids?

Not yet

transportation to places, do u have financial means for doing things u want to do, or only just enough to make ends meet if at all

No extras We try to get away for a couple of days every 3 months or so, but doesn't always work out

It's really cheap to live here...our major expenses are my phone bills to australia, and the electricity bill. We don't really even save at this point.

what about medical stuff?

I don't have insurance. When I've needed the doctor/hospital they charge me the same as a Thai. Once when my hospital bill was super expensive we went to talk to the finance department (I think!!) and they asked us how much can you afford? We answered 1000 baht and that's all we had to pay I think if we weren't married it would have been a different story. Also being able to speak Thai has made things a lot cheaper for me too!!

At the moment I'm waiting on some money to come through from Australia (my brother died last year and left me some money). I'm not certain of the amount but I think it may be enough to build a house. If not, like I said before, we'll go back to oz to work for a year or two.

Can you speak Thai? It really helps (obviously ). You could always do farming with your husband like selling vegies at markets and selling animals is very profitable. What does your husband do where you live now?

[bina]

i speak thai, english and hebrew ;

how do u go about in an internet photo copy business (visa legalities if u are caught)?

i think anon's area is so poor noone needs those services; at moment anon is working in gardening (the lawn cutting, cleaning apartment gardens service type thing; not garden design), in past, he was migrant worker apple picking, cucumbers, flowers, hothouses,etc.) funnily enough, he has a knack for fixing washing machines that others throw away here, so he is repairing the junk, and then rents them out to other thai migrant workers (thousands of them here) living on moshavim (agric. communities)-- he's just started that, its small money but for us, every shekel (8 baht to a shekel) counts. dont think he could do that either where he lives as no one has a washing machine!

farming puts food on the table at the most; at the worst, no rain, no food!! at moment he has no land (tied up with mum's financial things like morgtages in the 'grey' market), no savings, so not sure...

the local school had made noises at me but w/o visa i couldnt do it w/o protection from the puyai baan since i have no teaching cert. and cant afford to do one thats internationally exceptable (real english is better then posted english). he will go for tractor liscense here in israel in winter (work slacks off then) so may help here but not in rural korat.

i had though about guest house catering to the backpack israeli tourist wanting homestay thing but not sure i want to 'import' israelis to his area; also not much siteseeing tourism whre he lives, just 'real life experience type' tourism meaning non at all.

his parents and sisters lead a hand to mouth existance which is fine for really basic spartan daily living. it does not include that i have three older kids that would be overseas and i would want to visit as they are going in to army, or elderly parents in america, telephone, internet (my library), and more than basic health care.

these are basic concerns but are concerns that are realistic and not just 'luxury' concerns .... so nice to meet u.... keep up with info i find it interesting.

bina and anon

israel

[RueFang]

Technically, I don't work I live with my husband and if any questions are raised, I help take care of his parents I live in a village far from town where everyone knows everyone (that is everyone is related to everyone!!) so I can't imagine there ever being a problem.

Funny about the washing machine - this house (parents) had never had one.. I lived here for a year without one and finally got so sick of hand washing that I splurged the 3000baht to buy one. Every time I look at it I still feel great affection for that machine His mother was absolutely horrified, giving us a lecture about saving money and that life shouldn't be made too convenient!! Amusing in hindsight. My family still ask me "How's the washing machine going?" it's become quite the joke.

I can't believe that you would need a special teaching cert to teach in Korat. Even where I am I didn't need one. I did have to show my university degree though. Even if the schools don't take you on, you could teach from home, one on one, or small classes. I find there's heaps of kids about 10 years old who are dying to learn english...don't know what it is about that age! I was teaching a "class" of 8 kids in our garage for about 6 months, but like I said before, teaching's not for me at least at this stage.

What are your husband's thoughts about moving back here and what work you'll do, living arrangements, etc?

It's so great to meet you too I can't believe I never knew about this forum for so long!!!

[bina]

hi,

btw, u didnt mention age? how do u get along with the MIL?? other extendeds? what things do u miss besides the washing machine?? friendships among the thai women?? or not??

What are your husband's thoughts about moving back here and what work you'll do, living arrangements, etc?

my husband would go back with me in two seconds if i said i want to; however, i have one child going into army in four weeks (she will be a teaching soldier so no worries there); my son has one more year of school and then army and will be active duty so really would want to be in the country but life doesnt always work out like that; so our plan is five years here first so 1. so husband gets residency here in israel 2. the two older kids get thru their army etc stuff and the youngest becomes 18. her father is here on kibbutz with extended family so she will still have family with her.

my husband's thoughts : to earn as much as possible here in my country and save. at the moment the saving part isnt happening as he doesnt realize that the cost of living here is expensive compared to minimum wage that he earns, and general life expenses are higher, as we are not living like thai migrant workers in a caravan with no other expenses other then food. we have friends, and my kids, and a life which i dont put on hold the way the thai workers do for five years. we are not providing his parents with money (here and there but not monthly). i have no problem being rural or agricultural but would not last long without internet access to all the folks at home plus thai visa which really really is a big big help.

i DO NOT want to live with my inlaws (they dont really have a house but an old fashioned three side shed in or on a tree) there is no private space or room for living. anon is sure that i can teach english privately but i'm not so sure his village has people that can afford to pay for it (why dont they do that now?). also, i wouldnt want to step on their neighbhor the english teacher's toes in any way. his village have a few elderly male farang back and forthing. husband understands my wants but i think he is less practical then me when it actually comes down to reality. he has no land of his own (mom's land heavily morgtaged at the moment for a brother), no house (even a shack would be ok), no heavy weights in the village with job offers for him, and no capital. for sure he will not last long in israel and i have no real options of living off the kibbutz i.e. in the city (at my age considered unemployable so wouldnt be able to find housing job etc for us) and he really feels stifled here in this particular area near jerusalem with religious intolerancy, friday/saturday no busses shops etc.

he feels the rules and regs here in israel are arbitrary as they probably are ) as if thailand doesnt have those, but he as a country boy has never had to deal with rules and regs and doesnt realize that with me as a wife, he will in thailand have to deal with these crazy and changing regs for visas, work permits and all the other things needed.

he's sure i'll be friends with everyone and it will all be hunkydory.

i am also concerned about growing old (although i would probably die first as he is younger than me); what will happen to me if he dies first? as i have no financial safety nets to fall back on. not worried abou the med care so much as i dont want to be on machines but dont want to becme a homeless old lady farang begging in the streets of bangkok.

how is your social life? how did u meet your husband? doesn he have any education? anon doesnt although he is super smart and a great DIY fixit guy.

what transportation do u use/have to get around? what about raising children ?

lotsa questions huh???,

bina

israel

[RueFang]

I'm 29 (it's on my profile..assumed you knew ) There is no "getting along" with MIL!! We barely speak to each other...at first I thought it was because she just had no idea about farang (that too!) but I've since found out that no one in the whole village likes her, so that made me feel better She's very selfish and controlling...people like to talk about her because in Thai communities all the women always get together at parties to prepare the food, etc, but MIL never helps out anyone who's not her sisters..literally. Father in law's family never visit us either because they can't stand her. Thanks be that FIL is fabulous...love love love that man! He's really funny and always talking to me, cracking jokes and trying to speak in english..I have no idea how their marriage works. She's never tried to teach me cooking (I gave up asking after continual non-acknowlegement), every time I cook a curry she complains there's something wrong with it (not once has it been aroi!!) oh the list could just go on and on.........Get on with everyone else great.

"husband understands my wants but i think he is less practical then me when it actually comes down to reality" - exactly how I feel

"has never had to deal with rules and regs and doesnt realize that with me as a wife, he will in thailand have to deal with these crazy and changing regs for visas, work permits and all the other things needed" - my husband still has no idea...this is a MAJOR difference in our cultures...you know i love the Thai way of being laid back and chilled about everything, BUT it also drives me completely crazy sometimes!

Did you say social life...I'll have to look that up, I don't know what that means Lucky I love my sleep and early nights! I have one Thai friend but she just went and married a farang so she'll be moving to Canada soon!! Met my husband volunteering after the tsunami...we were both volunteers and I knew within 2 weeks he was "the one". He has a law degree but doesn't want to use it! He says there's too much corruption and he couldn't handle defending guilty people. We mostly get around on a motorbike but for border runs or going into town we'll use the folk's car. Haven't crossed the raising children bridge...I'm kind of freaking about giving birth in Thailand (thread in Family, etc TV), worry about the education thing but that's many years away at this point.

How long have you been back in Israel with anon? or did you meet there? How long have you been married? Are your kids ok with the idea of you moving over here? Is he going for citizenship in Israel or only residency? How did you meet? - all the questions right back at you

About the growing old/dying thing, it does cross my mind from time to time, when it does I'll tell my husband not to go dying on me, because that's about as much control over it we have. It's too big an uncertainty to spend much energy thinking about it...not very reassuring I know

[sbk]

Do not get me started on the unwillingness to deal with authority! Seems to be a Thai disability

My husband is exactly the same and often makes me call, regardless if its about the phone, the internet, immigration, whatever. Its like pulling teeth, getting him to deal with stuff, I swear to god. But, hearing you guys have the same problems (as well, other female friends have confessed the same) makes me feel better and realize it is epidemic

[renunakorn]

hi everybody

i just found this topic because i was looking for some information about marriage visa. i just got married to a thai and it's so funny to read all your comments.

i didn't really find out how this website works but i will! how can i join your group?

i think every farang woman in the 'free country' is happy to meet more farang women!

yeah!

[ObertoSanchez]

A very rare breed indeed, are there any couples in bangkok? Havent seen one in 5 years.

[poshthai]

Wow i am amazed what you ladies go thru,i couldnt live up country for a second.Hats off to you all for living the simple life and entering a totaly different culture to what you were used to.

I chokdee your strenght.

[tamsin]

Wow i am amazed what you ladies go thru,i couldnt live up country for a second.Hats off to you all for living the simple life and entering a totaly different culture to what you were used to.

I chokdee your strenght.

Yayyyyy. Rue 'found' when she was a senior member! yayyy. And Poshthai's a patronising sod. yayyyyyyyy.

[donna]

bad day tamsin?

[eek]

Yayyyyy. Rue 'found' when she was a senior member! yayyy. And Poshthai's a patronising sod. yayyyyyyyy.

If you care to notice the OP date...Rue posted this on 2007-06-27, one day after she joined.

Edited August 16, 2008 by eek

[DaoDao]

bad day tamsin?

again...

[poshthai]

Wow i am amazed what you ladies go thru,i couldnt live up country for a second.Hats off to you all for living the simple life and entering a totaly different culture to what you were used to.

I chokdee your strenght.

Yayyyyy. Rue 'found' when she was a senior member! yayyy. And Poshthai's a patronising sod. yayyyyyyyy.

excuse me who is a patronising sod,thats enough to be banned and its flaming and trolling and everything else lol.

dont worry you are a woman( i think) so you wont even get a warning.

btw i still emant the nice comments to the op and i noticed she didnt say anything bad against me.

i wont state the obvious

[whatsoever]

A bit off subject, but why on earth would a ferang lady want to marry a Thai. Especialy when there are thousands of well off (relatively) eligible ferangs in Thailand Disgusting

[poshthai]

A bit off subject, but why on earth would a ferang lady want to marry a Thai. Especialy when there are thousands of well off (relatively) eligible ferangs in Thailand Disgusting

thats a bit naughty whatsoever.there are many reasons to me.

1/ love

2/ exotic appeal

3/ a great guy

4/ skin colour

5/ younger

6/ good job

a combination of all that and i will marry him heheheheheheheheheh

[whatsoever]

With the exeption of 'good job' your reasons are possibly the same as most ferang guys. However, following the honeymoon period the view point changes to: 'I want a divorce' because - shes to dark skinned; she has a violent temper; she stinks when she insists on eating 'somtam boo'; we are culturaly miles appart

[poshthai]

maybe farang ladies like somtam smell lol

[whatsoever]

As i said previously - DISGUSTING

[sawadeesparkle]

The farang men in Chiang Rai are what's disgusting........That's why I will move to Chiang Mai. I would seriously consider a Thai man if he has a good heart and makes me laugh!