Baby Crying

[Neeranam]

Any ideas on how to stop a baby crying - 4 month old.

When I hold her, which seems to be all the time, she cries. As soon as her mother holds her, she stops. She is really driving me mad.

Should I try to hold her more often?

How long will it last? I can't remember with my last one.

[Goldenbead]

When you hold her, try draping one of your wife's unwashed shirts over your shoulder. You may find that she settles.

[coventry]

Any ideas on how to stop a baby crying - 4 month old.

When I hold her, which seems to be all the time, she cries. As soon as her mother holds her, she stops. She is really driving me mad.

Should I try to hold her more often?

How long will it last? I can't remember with my last one.

I myself think this is a baby that has learned early to get what it wants. She's controlling you by crying, resulting in getting what she wants and that's her mothers attention. I think you give her to her mother as soon as she starts to cry hence she now knows what to do to get her own way.

I'm proberly wrong, and will be corrected, but don't give in too easy. She isn't going to injure herself if you let her cry for a long time ! Keep hold of her when she cries and don't pass her over to her her mother. A case of who will give in first. I'm sure I'm right in that children right from day one are learning on how to get control of their parents and will carry on doing it until they realise who is in control.

[PeaceBlondie]

I found daughters easier to raise than boys when they're infants. I suggest that you talk gently to her, hold her kind of softly yet firmly enough she will be comfortable unless she squirms. Rock her or take her on a tour around the room, letting her touch and see things on the walls, up where she can't normally go. Don't shout around her, or move too quickly. She's just a tiny girl. Good luck.

[Douggie Style]

Any ideas on how to stop a baby crying - 4 month old.

When I hold her, which seems to be all the time, she cries. As soon as her mother holds her, she stops. She is really driving me mad.

Should I try to hold her more often?

How long will it last? I can't remember with my last one.

I myself think this is a baby that has learned early to get what it wants. She's controlling you by crying, resulting in getting what she wants and that's her mothers attention. I think you give her to her mother as soon as she starts to cry hence she now knows what to do to get her own way.

I'm proberly wrong, and will be corrected, but don't give in too easy. She isn't going to injure herself if you let her cry for a long time ! Keep hold of her when she cries and don't pass her over to her her mother. A case of who will give in first. I'm sure I'm right in that children right from day one are learning on how to get control of their parents and will carry on doing it until they realise who is in control.

There is this whole school of thought on controlled crying, which I think is where you are coming from, sort of developing a Pavlovian response etc.

Contrast that to places where anyone will placate a crying child which anecdotally leads to less crying and happier kids [no I don't have references but use this method and it has worked wonders].

There is also an Australian lady who has been quite successful in developing a method for understanding what the cry means to fine tune your response.

IMHO at 4 months, it is completely natural the baby will be well attached to the mother, don't stress it, at a certain point her preferences will change and may even flip flop back and forwards.

The worse thing you can do is worry about her not liking you etc as that will only make you tense which the baby will react to quite instinctively [not having developed other means of communication they are good at reading body language].

all the best

[mrtoad]

At 4 months, babies still tend to orientate to their mopther, espepcially if they are being breastfed. In time this will get easier, believe me. And as PB pointed out, daughters do tend to be easier than sons, well thats my experience as well.

Good luck, and enjoy those lovely sleepless nights. Thankfully, my youngest is nearly 2 and is a little bit more in a routine and is very sociable.It seems, that everyone in our Soi knows her.

I just now have the terrible two to look forward to.

[bina]

are u around every day?? or only on weekends etc?? at that age, babies dont like to go to all people; some dont like beards, or sunglasses, or whatever.... some breastfed babies prefer mommy for everything all the time until they are much older....

... did u change your hair style? , try holding her differently then mom does (mom holds her to her titties more, so avoid the sidewise close to your heart hold and hold her over your shoulder) i found my babies preferred dad in the wee hours of the a.m. crying jag times, but only draped over a shoulder....

dont sweat it, its not personal its just a phase and will pass; and wait til she only wants daddy to put her to bed and u are dead beat tired and no patience and she wants only daddy.....

[Neeranam]

Thanks folks for the advice, reassurance, and good wishes.

I know it will pass and my 4 year old ONLY wants Daddy ALL the time it seems. Just gets a bit stressful at times, especially as there's only my wife and I at home(no grandparents or aunties).

[Globeliner]

are u around every day?? or only on weekends etc?? at that age, babies dont like to go to all people; some dont like beards, or sunglasses, or whatever.... some breastfed babies prefer mommy for everything all the time until they are much older....

... did u change your hair style? , try holding her differently then mom does (mom holds her to her titties more, so avoid the sidewise close to your heart hold and hold her over your shoulder) i found my babies preferred dad in the wee hours of the a.m. crying jag times, but only draped over a shoulder....

dont sweat it, its not personal its just a phase and will pass; and wait til she only wants daddy to put her to bed and u are dead beat tired and no patience and she wants only daddy.....

Did you change your hair style?

[Tony Clifton]

are u around every day?? or only on weekends etc?? at that age, babies dont like to go to all people; some dont like beards, or sunglasses, or whatever.... some breastfed babies prefer mommy for everything all the time until they are much older....

... did u change your hair style? , try holding her differently then mom does (mom holds her to her titties more, so avoid the sidewise close to your heart hold and hold her over your shoulder) i found my babies preferred dad in the wee hours of the a.m. crying jag times, but only draped over a shoulder....

dont sweat it, its not personal its just a phase and will pass; and wait til she only wants daddy to put her to bed and u are dead beat tired and no patience and she wants only daddy.....

Did you change your hair style?

A newly shaved head could be quite frightening.

[Neeranam]

are u around every day?? or only on weekends etc?? at that age, babies dont like to go to all people; some dont like beards, or sunglasses, or whatever.... some breastfed babies prefer mommy for everything all the time until they are much older....

... did u change your hair style? , try holding her differently then mom does (mom holds her to her titties more, so avoid the sidewise close to your heart hold and hold her over your shoulder) i found my babies preferred dad in the wee hours of the a.m. crying jag times, but only draped over a shoulder....

dont sweat it, its not personal its just a phase and will pass; and wait til she only wants daddy to put her to bed and u are dead beat tired and no patience and she wants only daddy.....

Did you change your hair style?

I may have changed the parting.

[Oleg_Rus]

A newly shaved head could be quite frightening.

Hey, watch out religous remarks!

I don't get it, how can baby cries with her father ? Probably, its backward - she cries with everybody, and only her mother's hands can harbour her from her little fears.

That will make sense, right ?

Now go figure out why does she cry at all. Well, they all cry.

[t.s]

mine did the same thing for about a month at 2-3 mos.

I didn't give up, but realized that until i started to lactate it was more biological than personal, so i stepped back for a bit.

Also having as many random people hold her as possible helped break the habit. it wasn't just me, it was EVERYONE that wasn't her mother.

now all that has changed, if i am around she has no interest in mother nanny or anyone else.

interestingly when we go on holiday just the three of us for any time over a week, she shows disdain for anyone that isn't one of us when we get back. this lasts a couple of days.

[chanchao]

When I hold her, which seems to be all the time, she cries. As soon as her mother holds her, she stops.

... and this is a BAD thing?? Count thy blessings I'd say, it means you're off the 2am, 4am and 6am feeding & comforting roster. Personally I'd hope she keeps it up.

Seriously I think 4 months is to young to be using crying as a means to get something. That happens a little (but not much) later. So most likely it IS a genuine feeling of not feeling as safe & comfortable as with her mum. Which is okay.

In my case, my daughter's mum was exceptionally worried whenever we verntured outside, so much so that she tightenend up and showed discomfort that was apparent enough for the baby to notice. So for a couple months we have the interesting situation that she preferred mum inside, but me outside. She did enjoy the outside, and I guess felt safer with me than with all-tense-and-worried mummy.

Don't worry about it. Enjoy it while it lasts.. :bah:

[t.s]

When I hold her, which seems to be all the time, she cries. As soon as her mother holds her, she stops.

... and this is a BAD thing?? Count thy blessings I'd say, it means you're off the 2am, 4am and 6am feeding & comforting roster. Personally I'd hope she keeps it up.

Seriously I think 4 months is to young to be using crying as a means to get something. That happens a little (but not much) later. So most likely it IS a genuine feeling of not feeling as safe & comfortable as with her mum. Which is okay.

In my case, my daughter's mum was exceptionally worried whenever we verntured outside, so much so that she tightenend up and showed discomfort that was apparent enough for the baby to notice. So for a couple months we have the interesting situation that she preferred mum inside, but me outside. She did enjoy the outside, and I guess felt safer with me than with all-tense-and-worried mummy.

Don't worry about it. Enjoy it while it lasts.. :bah:

i find this too. my daughter is 8 mos now and wants to bypass crawling except as a means to get to something that she can use to support her so she can stand and walk (constant laps around the coffee table). this means alot of falls, but she only cries when her mother is aroound because of her reaction. with me she looks surprised and gets right back up

but with one already, you already know this