Signs Your Relationship Has Run Its Course

[LaReina]

Five Breakup Signs

How to tell when you're about to get the boot

By Elina Furman

One day, you are madly in love. You're cuddling on the couch, reading love poems and feeding each other sushi. And that's when it happens: Your partner sits you down for the "It's-Not-You, It's-Me" talk. You're confused and left wondering, "How could I have missed the signs?"

Breaking up is never easy. Your ego and heart are bound to get bruised. But if you could just see the breakup coming, it might make the whole business easier to stomach.

While hindsight is 20/20, there are always warning signals along the way.

Top five signs you're about to get dumped

• 1. Picking fights. No one is saying you have to get along 24/7. Constructive conflict can actually be good for your relationship. But if you find that your partner has become argumentative over petty issues like your clothes or choice of restaurant, that should serve as a warning sign that he/she may be looking for an excuse to bail.
  
• 2. Forgetting to call. Used to be that your phone would ring all day long with your sweetie wanting to make plans or calling just to say, "I love you." Now your significant other doesn't even call when he/she is running three hours late. It may seem obvious, but going from speed dial to a blocked number is a sure sign that your relationship may be nearing its expiration date.
  
• 3. Changing their stripes. A major change in appearance can be a sign that your partner is looking toward greener pastures. Whether they've chopped off their hair, lost 40 pounds or gone from a bold brunette to a sultry blonde, major cosmetic changes should be noted. Of course, there's nothing wrong with being a little vain, but if the change is accompanied by any of the other signs listed here, you may need to get ready to go solo.
  
• 4. Criticizing. If your sweetie isn't feeling you anymore, don't be surprised if he/she becomes less tolerant of everything, from how you brush your teeth to how you tie your shoes. Constant criticism is a telltale sign that your days as a twosome are numbered.
  
• 5. Losing sexual interest. A healthy sex life can make or break a relationship. If you find that your partner is becoming more sexually aloof, you need to get to the root of the issue. While it's natural to have less sex as you settle into a comfortable groove together, waiting weeks or months to have sexual contact is a sign that something is amiss.
  
• Now that you know the warning signs, don't panic. Just because your partner exhibits some of these behaviors, that doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over. In fact, it's usually a combination of signs and not one isolated incident that foreshadows a breakup.
  
• If you're worried that your partner is itching to get out, the most important thing you can do is sit down and discuss your issues in an honest and open manner. If you take these signs as your cue to improve communication, your relationship may just have a fighting chance.
  

Elina Furman's photo by Linda Rowe

[PlainJane]

It's a good thing that I am a single woman. I don't have to watch the signs and I don't have to witness a relationship that's falling apart.

[GracelessFawn]

Thanks for sharing LaReina.

I think that a relationship dies the moment we stop having fun, when we no longer enjoy each other's company, when we don't put any effort to keep it floating, when we stop cultivating it, when we no longer care.

I hope that I continue to have fun in the relationship with my bf and it stays that way for a long time.

[teacup]

Nobody likes to get hurt, but it happened to the best of us. That's what life is all about and it's a reality.

However you shouldn't be so uptight. Go and enjoy yourself and the relationship of the moment to the fullest one day at the time, instead of worrying about what might go wrong.

Trial and error is how we find our life time partner.

BTW - We just celebrated our 21st anniversary

Edited July 13, 2007 by teacup

[funfun]

Five Breakup Signs

How to tell when you're about to get the boot

By Elina Furman

cos you get back to your house

1 its been sold

2 nobodys seen anything or heard anything

3 theres no money left in your bank account

4 the car and bike have vanished

theses somtimes give a bit of a clue!

[justagirl]

When it comes to relationship, I'm the lets-take-it-one-day-at-a-time-and-see-how-we-fee-tomorrow type. Life is less complicated and much easier this way.

[antsinmypantsouch]

Lies…when you find out that the one you really care about and love has been lying (meeting some other, etc) it basically causes irreversible damage. A relationship killer? You bet. Lying damages the relationship beyond belief and when you've lost trust it's really hard to get it back.

If you give that person another chance (or chances) it is usually unlikely that he/she will stop such behavior. It's so disrespectful for someone to lie to their partner (also, of course, conducting the actual behavior that's being lied about) but it's also disrespectful to allow yourself to stay in that situation when you find out about it. Thinking that only if he/she treats me better may not be the wisest of thoughts…..Whether physical or emotional cheating and the lies that follow there's such a draining of the heart which carries on even after the relationship has ended.

From my own experience with someone (in a long relationship) who lied to me many times I still feel the pain and often wish that this particular person never acted in such a way—how I wish it was different… Because of the lies the relationship stopped developing and I didn't want to do anything special for that person anymore as I was so preoccupied with anxiety and a lack of strength to doing anything about it.

Life is a learning experience and I realize that there are a lot of people out there that can't be trusted. However, one should not give up but instead try to find someone who is true and then love again as if you've never been hurt before. This has been my thinking to become more positive, to help me get over much of the past, and to be with a new person-- who by the way is pretty terrific.

I truly believe that a good relationship is respecting each other (being honest, kind and so forth) which eventually leads to a strong bond of trust—a must for any healthy and lasting relationship. The trust part, too, sure helps out in the connectivity including sexual connectivity…Also, when you can trust and sleep at night knowing that you've got something special that's such a wonderful feeling—definitely makes me feel good.

[Jersey_UK]

How to tell when you're about to get the boot

6. When you think everything is going well.

[LaReina]

How to tell when you're about to get the boot

6. When you think everything is going well.

No, that is usually when they die on you.

[LaReina]

Lies…when you find out that the one you really care about and love has been lying (meeting some other, etc) it basically causes irreversible damage. A relationship killer? You bet. Lying damages the relationship beyond belief and when you've lost trust it's really hard to get it back.

If you give that person another chance (or chances) it is usually unlikely that he/she will stop such behavior. It's so disrespectful for someone to lie to their partner (also, of course, conducting the actual behavior that's being lied about) but it's also disrespectful to allow yourself to stay in that situation when you find out about it. Thinking that only if he/she treats me better may not be the wisest of thoughts…..Whether physical or emotional cheating and the lies that follow there's such a draining of the heart which carries on even after the relationship has ended.

Actually I think some people can cheat and can be faithful again? but for how long? I have no idea. I think european men (at least mainly the french) tend to view cheating not as "I do not love you" but as I need something more in my pants, and I would never leave my spouse.

To some extent I think Americans are more uptight about maritial affairs than the rest of the world.

Having said that...and as an american, I think that cheating is definetly a relationship killer and that the lying does damage the relaionship beyond belief.

I must admit I admire people who can go through that ordeal and still make things work. I always wonder, just how far back to the happiness and innocence of the relationship people can back track to after an affair.

[justagirl]

When watching tv is much more prefered than playing with each other. :-)

Edited July 17, 2007 by justagirl

[GreenShone]

Ummm, when you run out of gasoline?

[delly]

Lies…when you find out that the one you really care about and love has been lying (meeting some other, etc) it basically causes irreversible damage. A relationship killer? You bet. Lying damages the relationship beyond belief and when you've lost trust it's really hard to get it back.

Totally agree. Just like in any type of relationship, "lies" definately ruin all the trust you have to others.

[qwertz]

If you ask Dr: Naam, it's when she refuses to pass the salt.

[girlx]

I think european men (at least mainly the french) tend to view cheating not as "I do not love you" but as I need something more in my pants, and I would never leave my spouse.

To some extent I think Americans are more uptight about maritial affairs than the rest of the world.

i agree with you there (i'm American) but personally i think it is the lying aspect of cheating that is the hurtful part. i would get jealous of another girl but could probably get over it if my significant other was upfront and honest about it. preferably beforehand.

[GreenShone]

Breaking up and letting go is never easy, especially when we love someone. There are relationships that could have worked and lasted awhile had it been the right time, while there are some that's doomed from the start, but we convince ourselves that it could work. Either way, when it's all said and done, we still feel that pain, that loneliness, the longing, even if we know deep-down that it is what's best.

Believe me, it does hurt and there's no escaping the pain. The pain could even tear us apart for awhile, cut our hearts to pieces, polvorizing it. It is part of humanity. We all most suffer in one way or another. Life is strange.

The key here is patience. If we give it time, we'll surely be OK and feel OK in the future. It's the present that's the enemy. The future's our friend. For although we ache and suffer at the moment, the future will be different. We will be over it in the future.

[AlexLah]

Please some advice.

My friend met this girl and in the beginning he really was i love with her.

Sex was good.

Now after 4 years together he is not aroused by her and just see her as a friend.

She has no job and no income just study.

What to do?

[donna]

Please some advice.

My friend met this girl and in the beginning he really was i love with her.

Sex was good.

Now after 4 years together he is not aroused by her and just see her as a friend.

She has no job and no income just study.

What to do?

does not being aroused by someone mean that the relationship is at its end? i mean, he WAS aroused by her at one stage, so why not go back to that time? it takes a bit of imagination and maybe some communication between the couple but it can be done. everyone has their flat moments.

if its just not working, then its time to say goodbye....obviously....

[GreenShone]

I suck at saying goodbye. There was a time when it was a lot easier to pull the plug, ignore someone, cut them loose, cut them off my life. Now, instead of saying goodbye, I seem to be stuck on friendships. I'm prolly growing up, or I could be changing for the worse. Hehehe. Only time can tell which is which.

[girlx]

Now, instead of saying goodbye, I seem to be stuck on friendships.

me too! i can't seem to do the cut off thing... doesn't go over well in thailand trying to stay friends though

[khall64au]

Yeah, hard to take when a few months ago it was " will stick with you all the way, through thick and thin" and now it boils down to " I'll move out once you pay me back last month's rent that I lent you"....

[zaza]

Please some advice.

My friend met this girl and in the beginning he really was i love with her.

Sex was good.

Now after 4 years together he is not aroused by her and just see her as a friend.

She has no job and no income just study.

What to do?

OH what a catastrophe!!!

I will tell u what to do : he(you) should commit suicide by jumping a 10 story building and during that landing arousal will be guaranteed !! I suggest you should BE with your friend till the end

And his,yours and all our problems will be solved then !

[GreenShone]

OH what a catastrophe!!!

I will tell u what to do : he(you) should commit suicide by jumping a 10 story building and during that landing arousal will be guaranteed !! I suggest you should BE with your friend till the end

And his,yours and all our problems will be solved then !

I totally agree! Send Zaza and GreenShone a tell if you need a bit of a push!

[zaza]

OH what a catastrophe!!!

I will tell u what to do : he(you) should commit suicide by jumping a 10 story building and during that landing arousal will be guaranteed !! I suggest you should BE with your friend till the end

And his,yours and all our problems will be solved then !

I totally agree! Send Zaza and GreenShone a tell if you need a bit of a push!

Welcome to the club GreenShone !

[Wolfie]

OH what a catastrophe!!!

I will tell u what to do : he(you) should commit suicide by jumping a 10 story building and during that landing arousal will be guaranteed !! I suggest you should BE with your friend till the end

And his,yours and all our problems will be solved then !

Thats a bit harsh, people move on, relationships fail (for various reasons) people drift apart...

... and your solution is to jump (or be pushed) off the top of a 10 story building? Maybe you should try this yourself and let us know the results

[zaza]

OH what a catastrophe!!!

I will tell u what to do : he(you) should commit suicide by jumping a 10 story building and during that landing arousal will be guaranteed !! I suggest you should BE with your friend till the end

And his,yours and all our problems will be solved then !

Thats a bit harsh, people move on, relationships fail (for various reasons) people drift apart...

... and your solution is to jump (or be pushed) off the top of a 10 story building? Maybe you should try this yourself and let us know the results

I would if I were a Vampire!

Edited August 9, 2007 by zaza

[GreenShone]

Nah, we were only kidding Wolfie. Kidding aside, I'd jump off a bldg or allow myself to be pushed if I were a vampire, but nah, the last time I check - I am still me, GreenShone. My blood is too precious! Besides, I have't met a guy worth jumping over the edge. Maybe, someday I'll change my mind, but he has to be real special.

Thanks for the warm welcome ZaZa. How are you doing girl?

[zaza]

Nah, we were only kidding Wolfie. Kidding aside, I'd jump off a bldg or allow myself to be pushed if I were a vampire, but nah, the last time I check - I am still me, GreenShone. My blood is too precious! Besides, I have't met a guy worth jumping over the edge. Maybe, someday I'll change my mind, but he has to be real special.

Thanks for the warm welcome ZaZa. How are you doing girl?

Yw . Am doing well (lately);thanks for the kind question .

PS.but am an old grumpy granny (not a young gal anymore) I was born the same year you was born in !

Edited August 10, 2007 by zaza

[DaggerEyes]

It's over when you no longer scream while doing it in bed...............

[DaggerEyes]

Kidding aside, it sucks when things have to end, but in this world everything ends. Some relationships last a day, a week, a year, fiver years, ten years or until you die; everything thus ends and nothing is forever. The sooner you accept this concept, the quicker it is to move on; find new love; explore other options. Relationships are wonderful and they make living hel_l a lot easier.

Personally though I'm not into relationships. My relationship always seem to end in one way or another and the only thing that remains are my friends (more or less). I am convinced that friendship is the way to go.

Well, I've been comtemplating about having an affair with a married man, but that's another story. Yeah, you can judge me if you like, but........................ It's complicated. At least, I haven't done it yet, but the oppurtunity is there, taunting me.