What Woman Want From A Man

[sibeymai]

I find the local motorcycle taxi lads very fit and willing.

Guess they are bad boys with the fags and beer and all.

Wow, you like to live dangersously for a new arrival.

Take care.

[sibeymai]

I want HIM to be my mate, my drinking buddy, my friend. Someone I can talk to about everything, even the skeletons in my closet. I know, he'll try to fix my problems for me and I don't mind that as long as he listens. I want him to be trust-worthy and reliable, to care about my feelings, (to not hurt me) and to trust me.

I want HIM to be my man, my lover,my friend.

A little bit of support would be nice.

Well, Ms Graceless fawn, in the absence of your usual VERY VOCAL fan club (where are they), I thought your post was very well expressed.

[donna]

i agree with you sibeymai. gracelessfawn summed it up perfectly.

[canadiangirl]

My reply was a tad tongue in cheek. Of COURSE i wish for an honest loving caring man, and all those other things one would EXPECT to be given as well as give back in return. THe point i was trying to express was above and beyond those elements I like a man who isnt just those things, for I need 'spark' in a relationship. Those basic elements I expect from good friendships too, so i want to feel a desire beyond a friendship. Acting like a 'bad boy' i suppose is too open for interpretation. There is nothing dishonest about having bravado, and i do not mean a man who tries to start fights etc. I mean a man who is proud to stand tall, who i can admire, who is willfull but not unyielding, but when we are alone shows more of his gentle side. My personal definition of a bad boy is not someone who is an ass or who would disrespect me in any way, its someone who is strong and protective and challenging. I like sarcasm and clever wit and strong personalities.

Hi eek,

this is a really good description! I like what you say about needing a "spark", and wanting a man who is proud to stand tall.

I like confidence and pride in a man, exactly as you say, someone who stands tall. I think a lot of people get this confused with a man who is a jerk -- but to me a strong man doesn't need to put women down, or other people to be strong -- he is strong.

[qwertz]

CG, I think Bendix would be just right for you or Eek but I think he likes Jet.

[canadiangirl]

CG, I think Bendix would be just right for you or Eek but I think he likes Jet.

Hahahaha qwertz! Yep, I was pretty much thinking Bendix was the one for me, but then I read it another thread (50 ways, etc) that he puts up with bad sex!

So no go.

(Plus, enough of all this good-sounding "makes me laugh, looking proud" stuff -- does he fit the unofficial secret list: does he have good biceps, etc? )

[qwertz]

Nah, he's a wimpy, yuppy executive something, CG.

Bloody troublemaker too if you ask me.

Might be okay for Eek though if she's a motherly type.

[kat]

Soju, as i said, my post was tongue in cheek.

But, what i mean, although it IS very hard to define what i mean, is that I am not into a guy who physicaly looks too clean cut, is loveydovey and overly gentle, asks me if im ok all the time, fusses around me etc. That to me is is an extreme example of a 'good boy'. By my own definition a 'bad boy' is a boy with all those traits within him but doesnt show them in such an extreme manner. Doesnt look too clean cut, doesnt act too clean cut. But is, well, clean cut. Maybe the 'acting like a bad boy' is the part that causes confusion. I find that the hardest to put into words. A guy who is strong and tough, and can hold their own, but is loyal, honest, kind, caring. So not like a good boy, all openly affectionate, nor like a bad boy, nasty comments and disrespect. Thats maybe the closest i can come to it.

I can see that my idea of bad boy probably doesnt fit with traditional views of what that defines, if it defines traits such as cheating, being a drunk, being violent. This is not what i mean.

I like a guy to have a 'manly' sort of way about him, but gentle within.

Anyway..I think its quite difficult to put into words what we each want, its way too subtle and personal. What one person defines for example an 'honest' personality is still open to interpretation even if the gist is there.

I think for the most part, we all want the basics, and then there is some kind of 'something extra' that hits us. A guy that i may not have found initially attractive may capture my heart because of his facial expressions or the way he talk but always because of his mind. Sometimes im surprised myself by what i find attractive about someone. ..

I'll sum this up, because after a few years, women know exactly what they want, and the name of that ineffable "something" becomes very clear: sexual dominance.

We need for you to know how to take us, with our complicit agreement - or even better - with our complete helplessness. But - and this is where it becomes complicated - it is a helplessness that makes us feel more powerful, alive, and connected to ourselves, not less.

Do you know how to get inside of someone without ever even touching them? That's the beginning.

It's something you just can't fake, I'm afraid. It's just instinct.

[November Rain]

Bit of a generalisation isn't it? What women want? Not one post yet has evoked what I want. TBH, I'm not even sure myself , but I trust I'll know that special someone if I ever find him.

Edited July 21, 2007 by November Rain

[donna]

i will speak for myself as my wants are possibly different from anothers wants....

I WANT A MAN WHO:

is honest and does not cheat

does not believe that physical violence is the way to solve a problem

is happy to pay for a night out, but is also happy for me to pay

i can have a boozy night out with but he only has eyes for me

can communicate with me

is not necessarily good looking to others, but who i find irresistable

has opinions but will accept others opinions too

is confident but not cocky

knows his way around a womans body

knows how to kiss

preferably has a job

can support himself

has as little baggage as possible (we all have baggage - i accept that)

can be romantic but not too soppy

can dominate at times but not be violent

i dont think that this list is too difficult for any man to fill. its just a list of basics. of course, i do not cross off the list when i meet a man, but its perhaps a wish list.

[bkkmadness]

anyway, I should add something...

For me it always seems likes kids are on the list, it's something that you can't seem to get away from and often a breaker and saver of many a relationship.

I mean what else is there, kids and a loving home, suits both the guy and the woman right? We could read magazines all day on this subject, watch several documentaries, read twenty best selling books and listen to a Telly load of experts, but it's really simple at the end of the day.

Kids and a loving home, and who could dare ask for more?

[qwertz]

My first wife for one, BKK.

She had all that and got bored with me.

And didn't get interested again until I reverted to my original wild state.

By which time, I found her boring.

Result, end of marriage.

For many women, everything they want or need can't be found in one man.

[GreenShone]

(flame removed - IJWT)

anyway, I should add something...

For me it always seems likes kids are on the list, it's something that you can't seem to get away from and often a breaker and saver of many a relationship.

I mean what else is there, kids and a loving home, suits both the guy and the woman right? We could read magazines all day on this subject, watch several documentaries, read twenty best selling books and listen to a Telly load of experts, but it's really simple at the end of the day.

Kids and a loving home, and who could dare ask for more?

That's not true BKKmadness. I don't look-at men I date as a potential father of my kid or as a potential partner for a loving home. The world is already over-populated. Having kids is not a priority for me and does not even figure in my list. If I want one, I can adopt one or make one, but these are things I do not think about right now. Right now, I'm just living my life happily without complications. Kids and a loving home are over-rated.

At the end of the day, the big quetion really is...... are you happy where you are and who you're with? Are you having fun? Do you still get excited when you see your lover? Do you still scream when you're making love?

[November Rain]

(flame removed - IJWT)

anyway, I should add something...

For me it always seems likes kids are on the list, it's something that you can't seem to get away from and often a breaker and saver of many a relationship.

I mean what else is there, kids and a loving home, suits both the guy and the woman right? We could read magazines all day on this subject, watch several documentaries, read twenty best selling books and listen to a Telly load of experts, but it's really simple at the end of the day.

Kids and a loving home, and who could dare ask for more?

That's not true BKKmadness. I don't look-at men I date as a potential father of my kid or as a potential partner for a loving home. The world is already over-populated. Having kids is not a priority for me and does not even figure in my list. If I want one, I can adopt one or make one, but these are things I do not think about right now. Right now, I'm just living my life happily without complications. Kids and a loving home are over-rated.

At the end of the day, the big quetion really is...... are you happy where you are and who you're with? Are you having fun? Do you still get excited when you see your lover? Do you still scream when you're making love?

I used to think like you. I'm guessing you're early twenties, am I right? The part of your post I've put in bold is laughable. You won't realise it now, I didn't. In fact I never did have my own kid biologically, but those things that you say are overrated? They're the only things that really matter in the end. Having a good time won't sustain you for ever, believe me. The kids aren't for everybody, but who in their right mind would turn down a loving home?

[GreenShone]

anyway, I should add something...

For me it always seems likes kids are on the list, it's something that you can't seem to get away from and often a breaker and saver of many a relationship.

I mean what else is there, kids and a loving home, suits both the guy and the woman right? We could read magazines all day on this subject, watch several documentaries, read twenty best selling books and listen to a Telly load of experts, but it's really simple at the end of the day.

Kids and a loving home, and who could dare ask for more?

That's not true BKKmadness. I don't look-at men I date as a potential father of my kid or as a potential partner for a loving home. The world is already over-populated. Having kids is not a priority for me and does not even figure in my list. If I want one, I can adopt one or make one, but these are things I do not think about right now. Right now, I'm just living my life happily without complications. Kids and a loving home are over-rated.

At the end of the day, the big quetion really is...... are you happy where you are and who you're with? Are you having fun? Do you still get excited when you see your lover? Do you still scream when you're making love?

I used to think like you. I'm guessing you're early twenties, am I right? The part of your post I've put in bold is laughable. You won't realise it now, I didn't. In fact I never did have my own kid biologically, but those things that you say are overrated? They're the only things that really matter in the end. Having a good time won't sustain you for ever, believe me. The kids aren't for everybody, but who in their right mind would turn down a loving home?

I never had a loving home so how would I know? I am in the opinion that I grew-up fine. A bit wild, daring and naughty, but responsible enough not to get in too much trouble.

I'm mid-20s. Maybe, you're right. I'll change my mind someday. Who knows?

[Ijustwannateach]

I'd say that this thread needs to cool off by a few degrees, yes. I'm going to purge it of some irrelevant material.

I apparently have been misunderstood. The next flame or personal attack (of ANY kind) posted on this thread earns its poster a holiday.

[kat]

Thanks IJWT.

Edited July 21, 2007 by kat

[kat]

(flame removed - IJWT)

anyway, I should add something...

For me it always seems likes kids are on the list, it's something that you can't seem to get away from and often a breaker and saver of many a relationship.

I mean what else is there, kids and a loving home, suits both the guy and the woman right? We could read magazines all day on this subject, watch several documentaries, read twenty best selling books and listen to a Telly load of experts, but it's really simple at the end of the day.

Kids and a loving home, and who could dare ask for more?

That's not true BKKmadness. I don't look-at men I date as a potential father of my kid or as a potential partner for a loving home. The world is already over-populated. Having kids is not a priority for me and does not even figure in my list. If I want one, I can adopt one or make one, but these are things I do not think about right now. Right now, I'm just living my life happily without complications. Kids and a loving home are over-rated.

At the end of the day, the big quetion really is...... are you happy where you are and who you're with? Are you having fun? Do you still get excited when you see your lover? Do you still scream when you're making love?

I agree with you 100% GS, and have pretty much lived my life this way.

only[/b] things that really matter in the end. Having a good time won't sustain you for ever, believe me. The kids aren't for everybody, but who in their right mind would turn down a loving home?

..... but, I understand what you are saying too, NR. However, I don't think Shone's comments are laughable, and I'm not in my early twenties. I do think that marriage and children has been oversold to women as the only thing that's supposed to matter for us, but increasingly, more women are saying it's not.

And, I think you are right about a loving home, but I think that is a lot more rare than society actually reveals. I think there are a lot of compromises being made, either way.

[cdnvic]

The good guy/bad guy thing is misunderstood by a lot of men (including myself at one time) because guys get "good guy" and "non-offensive" mixed up. Some guys try to be nice to the point of being incredibly boring, stifling their personality in the process. They may not offend any women, but they also fail to excite them. I think women find that it's easier to control the excesses of one who is a bit wild than to prod some life out of a guy who lives life with "yes dear" always ready to spring from the benign smile on his lips.

[bkkmadness]

ok, since I was disruptive to the thread earlier my apologies.

I do think NV was spot on with her post and I guessed Shone was 20 something as well. I got friends (women) hitting their 30s all around me, and all having or wanting kids. That biological clock just kicks in doesn't it?

I do think that marriage and children has been oversold to women as the only thing that's supposed to matter for us, but increasingly, more women are saying it's not.

Marriage has been oversold, but wanting a loving partner and babies never needed to be sold, we follow the code we are programmed to follow and it's hard to get away from that.

More women are saying it's not these days and talk about pushing a career forward or whatever but I honestly wonder if a lot of them will regret their decision in the future. I expect a lot of them will.

[November Rain]

Kat, I never mentioned marriage. Having been married once & having had it go spectacularly wrong, that's not particularly something I want to get back into, either - never mind promote to others. If people can make their marriages work, that's great - I truly admire them, but it is very hard work. The actual quote had to do with a loving home. I still do think it's an unusual thing to want to forego.

Loving home - whether with parents, children, partner (married or not), good friends, companion animals, it's all good. I don't know of a single person who deep down, would prefer to come home to a silent home with no-one, every night for the rest of their lives, rather than come home to a place where someone loves them, cares about them & is happy to see them back safe & sound.

The kids thing: I never wanted kids. Never. Having my littl'un was forced onto me. But now, I thank (insert deity) for him, every day. He's made such a difference to my life.

All in all, I tend to think the opposite, Kat. I think career & wild times is being sold to us women as the "be all & end all" these days. The media which is specifically aimed at young women virtually never mentions marriage, settling down or kids now. Those things aren't fashionable. They're all about glass ceilings, dangers of recreational drugs & cocktail recipes, now. Which is fine. I'm totally for women having their careers & fun, I just wonder how many women will end up in old age wishing their priorities had been different.

With all the crap that's happened in my life, I've come to the conclusion that, for me anyway, love & family are the only things that really matter.

[kat]

Yeah, I hear you on the happy home, especially as you defined it. As for the media, I think everything goes now. Women have more choices than they've ever had. I think Western women are very privileged to have a wide array of lifestyle choices with very little stigma. However, I know from experience that in spite of all of these changes, there is still a societal view toward unmarried and childless women that there is something wrong with us.

Nothing wrong with me, except that I accepted my restlessness and knew it would not be a lifestyle for a child. But, I think I would be happy either way, because you find a way to live your life even after unexpected turns. I am never completely sure about children, and that could be a regret, but not a debilitating one. I don't think any of us in life are shielded from regrets, and having children doesn't change or guarantee anything.

Excuse me - I need to add an edit. Having children changes everything. I think that is the only definite about it.

Edited July 22, 2007 by kat

[eek]

Nah, he's a wimpy, yuppy executive something, CG.

Bloody troublemaker too if you ask me.

Might be okay for Eek though if she's a motherly type.

HAHA i just saw this now. Hmm..im not sure if im a motherly type...i dont think so. I may get a bit 'wifey' sometimes, but not really motherly. Think im a bit too independent and headstrong for the motherly role.

However, I do find bendix grouchiness endearing, in a Sesame Street garbage can grouch way. But, as you say, he and JG have a 'thing' goin and hes become my adopted Uncle in any case. (Even if he is still unaware of this)

[sbk]

Well, I guess I meet you guys somewhere in between. I had a fairly happy childhood, with parents who love each other (still married) and who treated us well. Sure, we had problems but all in all nothing debilitating to me as a human being.

So, I know what a loving relationship can contribute to one's life.

I have been married 18 years in August, to a man who is nice. He is also decent, kind and honest. Does this make him boring? Not in the least. It just makes him decent.

We do not have children and I am now just past 40. Did the biological clock start ticking as Bkkmadness assumes for most women? Not me. I like kids. I enjoy kids. I am sure I would love one if I had one. But I do not feel an overwhelming need to have one nor do I feel unfulfilled as a woman or human being because I don't have one. If I got pregnant, obviously I would keep it, but I am not, nor have I ever, actively sought to become pregnant.

I agree with kat, western women today have choices that they never had in the past. And some of those choices are the result of societal changes. I see it here where I live, even with parents who push their daughters in education and to get ahead in the world, the local society sees a woman's life as getting married and having a baby. So, most women here are married by 20 with a kid born within a year. Even those women who get married a little bit later in life (like mid-late 20's) are pressured (and believe me pressured is the right word, I have put up with it for 18 years) to have a baby by everyone. Family, friends, total strangers. This attitude, I think, has lessened somewhat in the west.

I think women should be able to make up their own minds whether they want a child or not without being judged as unnatural. Because, lets face reality here, most of the time it is the woman who ends up with the ultimate responsibility of taking care of the child.

And thanks for returning to civility everybody. It makes for a much more interesting forum if we can be polite

[Boo]

This list is funny but do guys really think that women think that way. Ok here are my responses to the requirements

women need someone who understanding there feelings listens to their problems and sympathsises rather than trying to solve them - nope thats what I have girlfriends for

always notices new clothes or hairstyle - nope thats what I have girlfriends for

enjoy's shopping for those clothes - nope prefer shopping alone

never forgets important occasions - we both forget our wedding annersersary every year, just not so important to us to celebrate a day. Same for b'days too

and always knows just the right gift to buy - nope we both decided not to bother.

can understand her emotions and inner confusions - nope thats what I have girlfriends for

is athletic but not into sports - the sports bit ok, he needs a hobby but no need to the body beautiful for me

cares about his appearance and the way he dress's - ha ha ha, I dont' control what he wears, he is a grown man & if he wants to walk around in creased crappy clothes then up to him

is a kind considerate lover who always puts her needs first - of course

is a best freind who she can confide her innermost thoughts - no way, lover yes, husband, yes, father of our child, yes, best friend, no. too much pressure for him & I have girlfreinds to confide to.

shares in all the houshold chores with a smile and a 'lets get it done' attitude - not quite with a smile but then neither do I but he has his jobs & I have mine

is mature and confident without being rude or agresive - 100% essential

consults you on every aspect of major discisions such as buying a car - of course

is good freinds with your mother and enjoys her company - uurrrr, no, WHY???

and is alway there with an understanding shoulder to cry on ................. - umm again, why when I have girlfreinds for that job

[qwertz]

The good guy/bad guy thing is misunderstood by a lot of men (including myself at one time) because guys get "good guy" and "non-offensive" mixed up. Some guys try to be nice to the point of being incredibly boring, stifling their personality in the process. They may not offend any women, but they also fail to excite them. I think women find that it's easier to control the excesses of one who is a bit wild than to prod some life out of a guy who lives life with "yes dear" always ready to spring from the benign smile on his lips.

So what you're saying, Vic, is I've been doing it wrong all this time.

[GreenShone]

ok, since I was disruptive to the thread earlier my apologies.

I do think NV was spot on with her post and I guessed Shone was 20 something as well. I got friends (women) hitting their 30s all around me, and all having or wanting kids. That biological clock just kicks in doesn't it?

I do think that marriage and children has been oversold to women as the only thing that's supposed to matter for us, but increasingly, more women are saying it's not.

Marriage has been oversold, but wanting a loving partner and babies never needed to be sold, we follow the code we are programmed to follow and it's hard to get away from that.

More women are saying it's not these days and talk about pushing a career forward or whatever but I honestly wonder if a lot of them will regret their decision in the future. I expect a lot of them will.

What code and what program are we talking about? Procreation? That was when the planet wasn't over-populated yet. I think, I'd be doing the planet a favor if I didn't join the birthing group. As I said, if I want a child, I'll get one. There are plenty of homeless kids out in the streets.

I do not think I'll regret my decisions in the future. The future doesn't look as scary as it used to. As long as I partied by way through life, danced, drank, made love, made friends. There's nothing to regret about.

[November Rain]

Great post, Boo. I agree with nearly every one of your responses!

[GreenShone]

ok, since I was disruptive to the thread earlier my apologies.

I do think NV was spot on with her post and I guessed Shone was 20 something as well. I got friends (women) hitting their 30s all around me, and all having or wanting kids. That biological clock just kicks in doesn't it?

I'm mid-20's. Not early 20's. Thanks.

[itsbill]

by the way I can not claim the list that started this thread to be all mine, I took the basic idea from an episode of the very funny UK series 'Coupling' then filled in my own version of the list

Edited July 22, 2007 by itsbill