New Here, Help And Advice Needed Please

[Rainwalker]

Tyke said: I know exactly what we should be doing.

All I can say Tyke, is that I don't know exactly what we should be doing; I do know what worked for me.

But what I believe is that every one who is perceives that they are swimming against a mainstream tide as T. essentially feels he is, has no choice but to swim or sink and I would hope that Timothy chooses to swim.

And the only way to swim and expect to survive is to strive and not to yield, a direct lift from the Outward Bound philosophy.

Kurt Hahn who founded Gordonstoun and inspired or initiated the foundation of Outward Bound Schools, the Atlantic College in Wales as well as other United World Colleges, the Duke of Edinburgh Awards and many other schools based on the same principles, once said "Education must enable young people to effect what they have recognized to be right, despite hardships, despite dangers, despite inner skepticism, despite boredom, and despite mockery from the world."

That strength is what I want to see in everyone because we need to stay involved in our lives and, unfortunately, it often is a fight to survive.

And you do have to fight for what you believe in and I am sorry for you if you don't because you will be trampled on by those who believe and act in what they percieve as their interest.

Even in Thailand, perhaps the most accepting of countries - a sweeping statement, I'm sure - gays are not fully respected.

I do not believe that you can petition for what is rightfully yours if it is not given to you; I think you have to struggle and fight. And frankly, if you are unable or unwilling to join with your brothers and sisters in achieving full participation and a renounciation of second-class citizenship, then you deserve what you get.

I hope that Timothy has the strength to move what he believes is right forward.

There are already too many pretty boys, or not so pretty boys, who are irrelevant to those who will follow us and who don't "pay rent" for the joys of being young(ish), gay, and alive.

I really do believe that we do have to contribute and being a strong gay man is a beacon to those who are not.

.

BTW: The struggle to move humanity forward is joyous and far, far from as humorless as you might think. At the end of the day, it is a delight to know that you were there, in the present, and gave something back.

[thaicurious]

hi timothy. you've been given lots of thoughtful advice here. not much to add. only to say that i think you will find living life in the light as a gay man easier & healthier than living in the dark as a closeted man. one of the hardest things i had to do in life was to come out to people who thought i was str8. in my third year of college at a new school, i decided i would never again befriend anyone unless they knew and accepted my sexuality.

i would also add that i hope you will not open your world only to limit your opportunities to find love. he might not wear jacket and tie. until you meet him, you never know what clothing love wears out of the closet.

[Tyke]

Tyke said: I know exactly what we should be doing.

All I can say Tyke, is that I don't know exactly what we should be doing; I do know what worked for me.

But what I believe is that every one who is perceives that they are swimming against a mainstream tide as T. essentially feels he is, has no choice but to swim or sink and I would hope that Timothy chooses to swim.

And the only way to swim and expect to survive is to strive and not to yield, a direct lift from the Outward Bound philosophy.

Kurt Hahn who founded Gordonstoun and inspired or initiated the foundation of Outward Bound Schools, the Atlantic College in Wales as well as other United World Colleges, the Duke of Edinburgh Awards and many other schools based on the same principles, once said "Education must enable young people to effect what they have recognized to be right, despite hardships, despite dangers, despite inner skepticism, despite boredom, and despite mockery from the world."

That strength is what I want to see in everyone because we need to stay involved in our lives and, unfortunately, it often is a fight to survive.

And you do have to fight for what you believe in and I am sorry for you if you don't because you will be trampled on by those who believe and act in what they percieve as their interest.

Even in Thailand, perhaps the most accepting of countries - a sweeping statement, I'm sure - gays are not fully respected.

I do not believe that you can petition for what is rightfully yours if it is not given to you; I think you have to struggle and fight. And frankly, if you are unable or unwilling to join with your brothers and sisters in achieving full participation and a renounciation of second-class citizenship, then you deserve what you get.

I hope that Timothy has the strength to move what he believes is right forward.

There are already too many pretty boys, or not so pretty boys, who are irrelevant to those who will follow us and who don't "pay rent" for the joys of being young(ish), gay, and alive.

I really do believe that we do have to contribute and being a strong gay man is a beacon to those who are not.

.

BTW: The struggle to move humanity forward is joyous and far, far from as humorless as you might think. At the end of the day, it is a delight to know that you were there, in the present, and gave something back.

Dear Rainwalker, Timothy and others that have contributed to this thread,

I have set up another topic with this very theme as I think the chat has gone off course. Timothy asked a simple question about how to meet straight-looking gays, not as most posters have assumed that he has been asking how to 'come out'. I think the question I have posed in the new topic is quite fundamental for gays and hope it will lead to a lively debate.

[Scott11]

Tyke,

Can you provide us a link to that new topic you created in reference on how/where to meet "straight-looking gays" please?

In many ways, I am on the same boat as Timothy too, so I can relate personally to what he's going through.

[jerry921]

The best piece of advice I ever heard on coming out to family or close friends was to wait until you have a boyfriend to show them. If you just tell them, you'll have to deal with all kinds of discussion and attempts to persuade you that you don't know what you're talking about. If you present them with a boyfriend that part is minimized.

I'm sure you can avoid marriage for quite a while if you set your mind to it. I've forgotten my history, perhaps you will know, but one of your English Queens (the royal kind) spent half a lifetime fending off suitors. Maybe that was Elizabeth I? You should be able to delay long enough to find some presentable candidate hubby to present to your family if you want to come out.

I vowed I'd never come out to my parents, and wish I'd kept my promise to myself. I think my dad knew, but he died without us really discussing it. I came out to my mom a few years after he died when I was in a psychological/emotional crisis and all it did was break her heart; she'll never accept that part of me. The one positive aspect was she no longer repeats to me all the homophobic right-wing cant she reads or hears on Fox.

I didn't become active sexually until grad school (and even then not very active), and I never did the club scene until I was too old for it. I always have some regret for being so responsible and studying so hard and missing the chance to have briefly been at least a little fabulous. On the other hand, I'm still alive, while the queen of my high school class died 20+ years ago. And the studying paid off, though not as much as it could have. We all take different paths, and regretting the path you didn't take is a waste of emotional energy, though as you can see I do it anyway. Just be yourself.