Need Serious Advice On Matter Of The Heart

[argonaut942]

In December I met a good Thai girl (24 years old, as me). We spent a few nice days together and ended in bed. This had never happened to me before, and I know for a fact it neither had to her, as well as I was her first Farang. She's from a "good" family from Rayong.

Returning to Thailand twice within the next few months, again we spent a few days together, and slept with each other. I was always upfront with her about not being ready to commit to a long distance relationship, which she seemed to understand. However, she was clearly quite smitten with me. On the last day she cried in my hotel room, pleading me to be her boyfriend. I had totally misjudged the situation. Okay, lesson learned! She later calmed down , and we stayed in loose touch by email.

She now works in a resort in Chiang Mai province and repeatedly asked me to visit her there. In September I'll be in Thailand again to visit her for a few days. Again I emphasized towards her that I will only be there for a short while, and that we are not bf/gf, and she must be totally comfortable with this. She said it's alright and she's happy I'm coming. I'm not planning on bedding her, but it may happen. I genuinely like this girl, but can't imagine her as a steady girlfriend. What would you do in my situation?

- go see her and enjoy her company?

- better not see her and write a good bye letter?

- what else?

[A_Traveller]

Better to clean break.

At the risk of being howled down, in my experience Thais are much more affectionate {and emotional} than people from Europe earlier in a relationship. The result is often that there are two perceptions at play here, one from the falangs viewpoint that he/she has explained the position rationally and has been 'up front' and the other which to a large degree discounts the rational statements and looks at things in a more 'romantic' manner irrespective.

Therefore this can lead to a total disconnect which is often not obvious. This has nothing to do with education though experience does factor in. I note your honest point about that.

Regards

[Jeff1]

She sounds like a nice girl. Go and see her.

Where did she learn to write and speak english?

[Ping]

Argonaut - try reading Stickman (not sure if I am allowed to post the URL [Mods?], but you can google it). I see you have been a TV member for some time, so I will reserve Rupertsesk judgement.

[GuestHouse]

Accepting all things on face value, I would go visit her but do so in the last part of your holiday, not at the start.

This is as much a consideration for her as it is for yourself.

If you turn up at the start of the holiday and she really does want to see you she may feel pressured to take time off work (aproved or otherwise).

So give her a call, tell her when you will be with her, enjoy your time by yourself and see how things go with her.

Conversly at 24 years old it is only natural to want to move on, so if that is what you want don't feel guilty about it.

[SiamSquare123]

can you please explain why her family is "good" and why other familes are "bad"?

itd be so much easier if the thai government made all the girls where colored head bands or something.

[qwertz]

Did he say other families are bad?

I missed that.

[dttk0009]

Well, be honest with yourself. It's the absolutely most important thing in situations like this, I think. It sounds like you are genuinely not interested in dating her, so don't! But you have to make sure that you communicate that to her. She may not (probably won't) like your decision, but it's gotta be done sooner or later. Don't go into a relationship that you don't want to in the first place. Nothing else should matter.

[argonaut942]

Where did she learn to write and speak english?

She went on a 8 months study trip to New Zealand one year earlier.

[argonaut942]

Argonaut - try reading Stickman

Thanks for the tip! I'm familiar with Stickman.

[britmaveric]

Where did she learn to write and speak english?

She went on a 8 months study trip to New Zealand one year earlier.

Ahh she was shagging a kiwi - spose that explains it!!!

Always love how each one of these sort topics starts out that she is a good girl and I was her first farang

[dttk0009]

Where did she learn to write and speak english?

She went on a 8 months study trip to New Zealand one year earlier.

Ahh she was shagging a kiwi - spose that explains it!!!

Always love how each one of these sort topics starts out that she is a good girl and I was her first farang

Not every girl's a slag.

[argonaut942]

It sounds like you are genuinely not interested in dating her...

I could imagine dating her if I lived in Thailand. As I'm not and only visit Thailand occasionally (through business and then often just for short spells), dating as such is not an option.

But you have to make sure that you communicate that to her.

I have.

[argonaut942]

Always love how each one of these sort topics starts out that she is a good girl and I was her first farang

I've been expecting comments along these lines. Think what you like to think. As I said I know for a fact. I won't explain how or why. It's irrelevant to my question.

Edited July 24, 2007 by argonaut942

[dttk0009]

It sounds like you are genuinely not interested in dating her...

I could imagine dating her if I lived in Thailand. As I'm not and only visit Thailand occasionally (through business and then often just for short spells), dating as such is not an option.

But you have to make sure that you communicate that to her.

I have.

So there ya go. You don't want to date because you're not in the same country, understandibly. If you've already told her this then all the cards should be on the table, no?

[argonaut942]

So there ya go. You don't want to date because you're not in the same country, understandibly. If you've already told her this then all the cards should be on the table, no?

Following Western logical reasoning and rationale I believe yes. But hope dies last, and I am afraid she might be more than willing to risk hurt feelings once more just to get another chance at charming me into making a commitment to her.

[Ruperts]

Rupertsesk judgement.

Ha, wow i'm famous.

I don't think you should go and see her. Sounds clear that she is hoping for a relationship, but you're not. If you go to see her it'll get her hopes up, only for you to smash them back down again, and thats pretty cruel.

I think they call it 'stringing someone along' in the business.

[qwertz]

Calling Argonaut from sausage side:

It's all about commitment of one kind or another.

Girls who just put out for fun are rare and you'll likely have to stand in line.

I think you already know this and just needed an endorsement or two from us retired rakes and rogues.

BTW, better to ignore Ruperts, all he knows about these things you could paint on a postage stamp with a broom.

[November Rain]

She's a "good girl" & you went ahead & took her to bed anyway? Yes, you need to tell her that you're not interested & then break all contact. Any other way is leading her on to believe that maybe you do want a relationship.

Of course it's harsh, but leading the poor girl on is far worse. If you don't want her, make that clear (as nicely as possible) and then don't contact her again.

[November Rain]

Where did she learn to write and speak english?

She went on a 8 months study trip to New Zealand one year earlier.

Ahh she was shagging a kiwi - spose that explains it!!!

Always love how each one of these sort topics starts out that she is a good girl and I was her first farang

Not every girl's a slag.

On behalf of my gender, may we thank you for that ringing endorsement?

[Ruperts]

better to ignore Ruperts, all he knows about these things you could paint on a postage stamp with a broom.

I thought my advice was pretty spot on in all fairness.

[uptou]

i had a thai lady who seemed to be very very keen about a year ago.it didnt feel right to me though.i kind of felt she was desperate to go to europe or the u.s more than anything else,so she could escape her 5000 baht a month job.i could be wrong though.

[britmaveric]

We've heard it all before mate and personally I'm not going to stroke your ego.

But odds are u aren't her first farang - nought wrong with it, just stating the bloody obvious. However I think you are quite delusional if you think you are This scenario isn't any different to the 1000(s) of other rubbish we hear. Same lads come back and say oh you were right.

Anyways you aren't doing her any favours end it and stop wasting her time. She's obviously looking for a serious relationship and you said yourself you don't want that.

[DurianChips]

I think an important point to realize is that the type of relationship you seem to want with this girl - visit occasionally, sleep with her, then go home, just doesn't exist for good girls in the Thai culture, in the same way that it might for some people in the West. Certainly this kind of relationship exists for bargirls, but that is really more of a business transaction. If she is indeed a good girl, and I will take it at face value that she is, then she expects that a man who sleeps with her is interested in a serious relationship. NOTHING that you can say to her will negate this fact. (I hesitate to add this, but the fact also remains that, since she has slept with you, it could now be harder for her to find a quality Thai man to marry, if she so desires).

[kayo]

In December I met a good Thai girl (24 years old, as me). We spent a few nice days together and ended in bed. This had never happened to me before,

SO FAR SO GOOD

and I know for a fact it neither had to her, as well as I was her first Farang. She's from a "good" family from Rayong.

Returning to Thailand twice within the next few months, again we spent a few days together, and slept with each other. I was always upfront with her about not being ready to commit to a long distance relationship, which she seemed to understand. However, she was clearly quite smitten with me. On the last day she cried in my hotel room, pleading me to be her boyfriend. I had totally misjudged the situation. Okay, lesson learned! She later calmed down , and we stayed in loose touch by email.

She now works in a resort in Chiang Mai province and repeatedly asked me to visit her there. In September I'll be in Thailand again to visit her for a few days. Again I emphasized towards her that I will only be there for a short while, and that we are not bf/gf, and she must be totally comfortable with this. She said it's alright and she's happy I'm coming. I'm not planning on bedding her, but it may happen. I genuinely like this girl, but can't imagine her as a steady girlfriend. What would you do in my situation?

- go see her and enjoy her company?

- better not see her and write a good bye letter?

- what else?

Somebody PM me and tell me if it is worth reading the rest of that?

[ChiangMaiThai]

You mentioned she is working in CM. As it so happens, that is where I live. Please PM me a pic and I will go have a drink with her and let you know my opinion soon thereafter.

[argonaut942]

But odds are u aren't her first farang - nought wrong with it, just stating the bloody obvious.

I know. I've become quite cynical too unfortunately.

However I think you are quite delusional if you think you are This scenario isn't any different to the 1000(s) of other rubbish we hear. Same lads come back and say oh you were right.

Again, I know for a fact. I may be young, but I'm no naive lovesick rookie. It really is irrelevant to this question!

Thanks for your input

[dttk0009]

Where did she learn to write and speak english?

She went on a 8 months study trip to New Zealand one year earlier.

Ahh she was shagging a kiwi - spose that explains it!!!

Always love how each one of these sort topics starts out that she is a good girl and I was her first farang

Not every girl's a slag.

On behalf of my gender, may we thank you for that ringing endorsement?

You most certainly may.

Proceed.

[Jeff1]

Where did she learn to write and speak english?

She went on a 8 months study trip to New Zealand one year earlier.

Ok, that explains it.

My question to your question is, that if it is a matter of the heart, why are you asking us? What does your heart tell you to do. However make sure it's your heart asking the question.

Ooo im good.

[argonaut942]

I think an important point to realize is that the type of relationship you seem to want with this girl - visit occasionally, sleep with her, then go home, just doesn't exist for good girls in the Thai culture, in the same way that it might for some people in the West.

I know it's not common at all for so called "good" Thai girls. It's not like I am planning on repeatedly visiting her for sex. As I said, I'm not going for bedding her. She asked if I would visit her, and given the fact that I enjoy her company (yes, also without sleeping with her) I told her I would. I feel like if I break my promise now and don't go to see her, and completely cut her off I wouldn't only really disappoint her but also possibly give her the feeling that all I did was using her. She wouldn't understand. If I go on the other hand I realize it might get even harder to deal with this situation later.