BREAKING: Thai Authorities to Announce Nationwide Boycott of Italy. All pizza will immediately be reclassified as "circular baked bread." Spaghetti will be required to identify as "long noodles of uncertain origin." Espresso will henceforth be known only as "small coffee." Anyone making dramatic hand gestures while speaking may be asked to produce a passport. Scooters displaying excessive style will be subject to additional inspection. Officials insist the measures are "entirely proportionate" despite quietly admitting they have no idea how Thailand will survive without parmesan. A government spokesman explained: Further proposals include replacing opera with luk thung, banning the word "ciao" unless accompanied by an approved permit, and requiring all lasagne to undergo immigration checks before entering the kingdom. Tourism officials are said to be "slightly concerned" that declaring economic war over a social media spectacle may not be the marketing strategy they had envisioned. At press time, officials were reportedly preparing another press conference, complete with microphones, television cameras, baseball caps, face masks, and an air of national emergency... all to discuss an incident that most of the world had forgotten three days ago.
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