From Fake Popes to Fake Polls - Welcome to Red Cap Fantasy Island

[Lewie London]

I keep hearing these MAGA-worshipping divs banging on like they’re freedom fighters in a Marvel film, when really they’re just conspiracy-addled pensioners in camo cargo shorts who think the Pope’s been replaced by a hologram. One of ‘em showed me a picture on Instagram, dead serious now lads, it was 47 dressed as the bloody Pope, like he’s about to baptise the Constitution in Diet Coke and KFC. I says, “Mate, you’ve lost the plot.” He goes, “This is another sign, brother, he’s been anointed.” No, Gary, he’s been airbrushed by some AI filter that will create a snap of anything for half a quid.

 

They’re cancelling reality at this point as you know. You show ‘em poll numbers, hard data, actual maths from their favorite news channel Fox innit, and they go, “That’s fake news, deep state propaganda.” I told one his orange messiah that after 100 days on the throne that Mr. Orange Cheesecake was polling the lowest ever in 100-day history, even lower than a vegan kebab in Texas, and he goes, “That’s just what they want you to think.” What, numbers are in on it now? The alphabet and all that? Soon they’ll be accusing vowels of voter fraud. 47 has got less support than pineapple on pizza, but nah, according to them, it’s a coordinated hit job by Satan, CNN, and a cabal of bisexual guppies.

 

And every time he does something completely batsh*t nutter crazy, they treat it like a 4D chess move. He saw a dodgy tattoo in a photoshopped pic and went on telly declaring MS-13 had infiltrated the suburbs through knuckle art. Knuckle art, mate. Even when the journo told him it was fake, he doubled down like a bloke who’s just realised the stripper he married in Vegas is his cousin but decides to roll with it anyway. These people think the prez got x-ray vision for crime but yet couldn’t see Stormy Daniels coming with a subpoena and a cheque stub.

 

Then you’ve got him pushing a 100 percent tariff on foreign films to “protect American culture.” Protect it from what, subtitles? He’s acting like Korean rom-coms are a bigger threat than climate change. Apparently, dubbing gives him a migraine, so he’s launching a trade war with France. Meanwhile, the bloke’s approving mass deportations under a law from 1798, back when people thought leeches cured the plague. He’s chucked over 200 Venezuelans into an El Salvadoran concentration camp like it’s a bloody medieval catapult.

 

And these fanboys love it. “He’s just enforcing the law,” they say, while polishing their ‘Don’t Tread on Me’ belt buckles. Next he’ll be reviving trial by jousting. He’s also planning a military parade on his birthday with tanks, choppers, 6,600 soldiers, and probably a float shaped like his own ego. He calls it patriotism. I call it compensation. Nothing says “man of the people” like reenacting North Korea’s greatest hits with confetti and jet fuel.

 

But wait, it gets better. In an absolute flex of geopolitical genius, their man-god slapped down a massive tariff package and then paused it 90 days later like he accidentally hit ‘send’ on a drunken text to China. “We’re being strategic,” he says, while America’s allies stand around looking like they just walked in on their parents roleplaying Reagan and Thatcher in the world finals of charades. There’s no plan. Just vibes, merch, concepts of a plan and whatever policy fits on a red cap.

 

Then there’s the layoffs. Thousands of federal workers axed overnight, like someone misclicked in The Sims. I spoke to a bloke from the Medicare office who said they’re so understaffed now, the hold music’s just someone sobbing into a kazoo. But don’t worry, because he's renaming the Gulf of Mexico. Yep. Gulf of America. Because nothing boosts international credibility like shouting at the sea and expecting it to care.

 

And don’t get me started on this “Project 2025” rubbish. I asked one chav about it today and he swore blind his king got nothing to do with it, right after listing off every policy in it like it was his wedding vows. “He’s distancing himself from the plan,” he says, while 47 is out here ticking off the checklist like it’s a bloody scavenger hunt. Then you’ve got the deportation drama I mentioned. I met this geezer in a gym yesterday who also reckons shipping off 200 Venezuelans to El Salvador makes perfect sense. I said, “Bruv, that ain’t immigration control, that’s human Jenga.” He tells me wartime powers give dictator-dink the right. I tells him, “What war, you muppet? The one in your head?”

 

So yeah, “the real cancel culture” they’ve now cancelled is journalism and they've cancelled polls, cancelled their own memories from four minutes ago, and now they’re cancelling geography. They see a made-up Pope pic and call it prophecy, but ignore 34 criminal felonies and a sexual crime conviction and say, “Fake news.” America’s not falling apart, no it’s just being smothered by a crowd of loons who think reality is a leftist plot and that Mr. T's second coming is being broadcast through supermarket barcodes as tattoos on their necks.

[blaze master]

Wow.

[bubblegum]

[Yagoda]

At least there arent fake women

[bunnydrops]

15 minutes ago, Yagoda said:

At least there arent fake women

Been around for a while

https://www.ebay.com/b/Inflatable-Doll/177759/bn_7023330289

[Social Media]

//Closed// @Lewie London

 

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