Nearly Got Caught in a Panty Raid. Alas, Health and Safety Never Sleeps, Mates!

[Lewie London]

Oiy lads, so I’m in one of them semi-sudsy massage shops just off Sukhumvit Soi 24, one of the back alley types where the sign flickers like it’s powered by bad choices and dodgy baby powder. Me and one of me regulars, sideliner moonlighting under a name that rhymes with “Mink”, we’re approaching the half time show, baby oil everywhere, towel barely hanging on for dear life, air con blowing like a collapsed lung, and I’m already slick as a seal and halfway to glory when BANG BANG BANG on the metal shutter.

 

Everyone freezes. I’m thinking this is it, police raid. And I’m not the only one. Time to vault the balcony in nothing but plastic flip-flops, five sizes too small. Girls are squealing, auntie at the front desk’s fumbling for the power switch like it’s a bomb diffuser. Mink’s already halfway through the window.

 

But then the front door swings open and in walks a bloke in a safety vest holding a clipboard. I kid you not. Turns out it’s not a raid. It’s the semi annual fire drill. Thai law says even establishments of tugs and rubs have to do them. Health and Safety doesn’t discriminate. Normally they call the venue in advance so everyone is ready for it. But of course they forgot. Rubbish, yeah. They were taking the piss innit.

 

So I end up standing in the alley with me little towel and nothing else, next to some twenty stone geezer from Norway, still glistening with oil on his hairy back, while the staff line up to practice walking down the fire escape with mock urgency. One of them’s half clothed, clutching a fire extinguisher like a heifer with a handbag. Another’s still got her heels on. They even did a pretend headcount.

 

Whole thing took eighteen minutes. Then they gave us a free coffee and told us to come back in thirty.

 

What was a bloke to think? Never assume the worst. In Thailand, even the sketchiest places follow rules, just not the ones you expect. Bring a robe next time just in case. And just because the service is nudge-nudge, wink-wink doesn’t mean the fire protocols are. Come prepared, mates!

[EVENKEEL]

42 minutes ago, Lewie London said:

Oiy lads, so I’m in one of them semi-sudsy massage shops just off Sukhumvit Soi 24, one of the back alley types where the sign flickers like it’s powered by bad choices and dodgy baby powder. Me and one of me regulars, sideliner moonlighting under a name that rhymes with “Mink”, we’re approaching the half time show, baby oil everywhere, towel barely hanging on for dear life, air con blowing like a collapsed lung, and I’m already slick as a seal and halfway to glory when BANG BANG BANG on the metal shutter.

 

Everyone freezes. I’m thinking this is it, police raid. And I’m not the only one. Time to vault the balcony in nothing but plastic flip-flops, five sizes too small. Girls are squealing, auntie at the front desk’s fumbling for the power switch like it’s a bomb diffuser. Mink’s already halfway through the window.

 

But then the front door swings open and in walks a bloke in a safety vest holding a clipboard. I kid you not. Turns out it’s not a raid. It’s the semi annual fire drill. Thai law says even establishments of tugs and rubs have to do them. Health and Safety doesn’t discriminate. Normally they call the venue in advance so everyone is ready for it. But of course they forgot. Rubbish, yeah. They were taking the piss innit.

 

So I end up standing in the alley with me little towel and nothing else, next to some twenty stone geezer from Norway, still glistening with oil on his hairy back, while the staff line up to practice walking down the fire escape with mock urgency. One of them’s half clothed, clutching a fire extinguisher like a heifer with a handbag. Another’s still got her heels on. They even did a pretend headcount.

 

Whole thing took eighteen minutes. Then they gave us a free coffee and told us to come back in thirty.

 

What was a bloke to think? Never assume the worst. In Thailand, even the sketchiest places follow rules, just not the ones you expect. Bring a robe next time just in case. And just because the service is nudge-nudge, wink-wink doesn’t mean the fire protocols are. Come prepared, mates!

Not bad Bob.....

[worgeordie]

Put a few of these fantasy's together and you could

publish a book ...Bob's Adventures in Bangkok , might

even get made into a film ..

 

regards Worgeordie

[freedomnow]

Did you blow your load on her face then ?

I never got past "Oiy"