Substance Or An Empty Vessel?

[shopgurl]

After reading the thread about northern thai girls and about some members favoring women that are less talkative then some of their western counterparts. It brings me to this question that I have about relationships that arise in the LOS, could you really sustain a relationship with someone that you aren't mentally compatible with?

[Falang Pan]

Not a serious relationship, no.

[rod_kalashnikov]

could you really sustain a relationship with someone that you aren't mentally compatible with?

I await the inevitable flood of "Yes, if the sex is good" responses.

[rod_kalashnikov]

 

[shopgurl]

Not a serious relationship, no.

Then would it be too drastic to conclude from this that the majority aren't looking for a serious relationship?

[RamdomChances]

Then would it be too drastic to conclude from this that the majority aren't looking for a serious relationship?

Sorry I don't really follow this line of reasoning.

You dont both have to come from the same cultrual background to mentally compatible.

I also agree thay if you are'nt mentally compatible it would be very difficult to sustaine a serious relationship.

Oh I'm not looking for a serious relationship, I'm in one!!

[shopgurl]

Sorry I don't really follow this line of reasoning.

You dont both have to come from the same cultrual background to mentally compatible.

I also agree thay if you are'nt mentally compatible it would be very difficult to sustaine a serious relationship.

Oh I'm not looking for a serious relationship, I'm in one!!

I agree with you, that's why I said it would be too drastic to conclude anything. I, myself agree that you don't have to come from the same background, different backgrounds at times makes the relationship even more interesting. But it really depends on both sides to make it work. In all fairness, mental compatibility does not necessarily mean that iq levels have to be at the same levels but it might be shared values or common likings that both people share together.

I always wonder but admire as well, how relationships among farangs and thai girls get along (ruling out "the sex is good" issue, which also makes a good topic?) very well considering at times the language barrier or limited vocabulary. I guess it goes to show that in relationships, no matter in what culture, it really is a give-and-take, you give understanding and your take the time and patience.

I'll just add this to here:

If the sex is good but the relationship is bad, would it still work out?

[Falang Pan]

If the sex is good but the relationship is bad, would it still work out?

I've had several relationships based entirely on sex. Yes, a lot of working out. Very different from a love affair, which is both more fullfilling and more problematic. Am I looking for a serious relationship? Yes, I prefer love and respect and deep communication in a relationship. I settle for sex sometimes.

[Rascal]

I think it would be fair for me to say from personal observation that many Farang men like unsophisticated Thai women because they feel that they are less complicated to have a relationship with. Many of these men don't want to be alone, yet they don't want a woman who constantly yaps, nags, makes demands for time, attention, etc. A simpler, country girl is less prone to complain about a number of things that would normally get city girls / Farang women in a right fit. To be honest, I think a lot of these men are a bit selfish (IMO). They want someone to be there to take care of them, yet they don't want to put in the work and effort to make it an equal and fair relationship. They walk far ahead of their gfs and often let the women sit alone or with other Thai women in a corner when they're with friends. They want their freedom to go do what they want, when they want. They're often neglectful, feeling that by supporting these women with a few thousand baht a month, they're doing all they need to do. Is this REAL love? Who's to say? I've been surprised before by the very caring reactions of what I thought were 'neglectful' Farangs when their wives/gfs needed medical attention or help of some sort. A lot of these relationships aren't 'mentally compatible' - but many of them work in their own way and both parties often get what they need. They don't have a whole lot to talk about - but that can often mean that they don't have a whole lot to fight about either. People often fight over differences of opinions, something 'BKK city girls' and their western counterparts have a lot more of. When you wise up, you realize that everybody has an opinion about everything and after a certain age, you don't really care to hear most of them because you've heard so many of them before and 99.9% of the time, they don't make a darn bit of difference in your life. I've seen many of these relationships last years and eons longer than a lot of other 'serious' marriages. They may not be 'equals' in the relationship, but that again, is a matter of opinion. I personally prefer someone who will fight back - making up can be soooooo awesome!!! I prefer someone I feel that I can rely on, take care of things for me should I be unable to do things myself, someone who can help me work things out and not sit quietly in a corner with nothing to say.....but that's just me. Many men don't mind shouldering ALL the responsibility, managing ALL the finances and taking care of ALL the business. It can be very annoying at times, but they figure it's a small price to pay for a little peace, quiet and control in their lives. Many men have tried my way and find that they continually fail at it. God knows I've failed myself a number of times! Just because two people can't verbally communicate, or just because two people aren't on equal footing in a relationship, it doesn't mean that it isn't a "serious" relationship or that it can't work. We're using our own standards to judge others who are different. For the men, a lot of it depends on what kind of relationship they want to be in. For the village women, it all depends on what they can live with.

[Falang Pan]

Well said Rascal, you sound like a good student of life. I also prefer someone more mentally compatable, but it is true that there are advantages to a simpler relationship. I'd add that sometimes it's pleasant to be in a sexual relationship and to not be in love. Less stress, anyway. Of course I'd choose love over not love, just saying that yes, there are many different kinds of relationships that can have benefits.

[bodypaul]

Hi Shopgurl!! Good question. In my humble opinion the most successful relationships are relationships built on friendship and trust. Most of my friends are on the same wavelength and I would say that you need to base relationships on friendship. I therefore conclude that it would be more difficult to sustain a relationship if you are not compatable mentally! ..... How many of your friends are not mentally compatable with you? None I should imagine.

If you mean living with someone as "sustaining a relationship" then living with anyone is difficult. Try sharing a house with a friend for any length af time and see how far that stretches the friendship!!

[Insight]

Not a serious relationship, no.

Then would it be too drastic to conclude from this that the majority aren't looking for a serious relationship?

Digging deep here Shopgurl...

Now I could be really cynical and accuse you of labeling all Isaan girls mentally deficient , but I won't...

But, yes, I do agree with your point. It's not the conversation that's the killer as humour is always a good substitute in my opinion (dumb girls are easy to humour!). It's more the actions - acting without thinking. Inability to assist when needed, wild temper tantrums, short-sighted accusations. You could go on and on...

Even the most patient of us have our breaking point. Two girls (one back in the UK, another one here) have managed to break mine.

[Mango-Guy]

Yes well said Rascal, you've even got me feeling sorry for these farang who have to settle for quiet relationships. My wife NEVER STOPS TALKING and I love it (and her)! We laugh, we argue, we debate, we console.

Considering the sheer number of women in Thailand that are open to farang relationships, it's amazing that some guys go for beauty and youth over substance. I'm talkng about older guys, guys that are looking for a partner, whether they like to admit it or not. It just seems like an ideal opportnutity to seach out someone mentally compatible as well as physically attractive - an opportunity that usually doesn't exist in farangland. I understand a 20 year old guy being mesmerised by a gorgeous young gilr but not a 50 year old guy.

[20yearsinthai]

Lets face it. We have little in common with "noi" from Chaingrai. Theres a very good chance that we dont like the same foods, dont enjoy the same music or movies, we don't have the same friends, and a million other things .

So why do we stay together? Children--yes. To old or lazy to make a change--yes

Cant afford another breakup and relocation and search for another one?--yes

Or could it be that we ae just content and happy to be together? yes--could be that

to each his ( or her) own

[andyinkat]

For me Rascal said it all. It is 'each to his own' - I've been previously emotionally damaged by 'strong women' who love to start arguments so I prefer a quieter more subservient type of partner.

But I absolutely agree that I as a Farang have to make maximum effort to assimilate to her culture rather than the other way round.

My personal take is that great sex and looks are the least important attributes, and that 'mental compatibility' comes in many guises. It need not be equal IQ or shared interest in stamp collecting; what I look for is a good heart and shared aspirations and vision about the meaning of life.

'Substance or Empty Vessel':

Substance implies already full, no room for anything new. I hope I never become a 'man of substance' and I hope that both myself and my future life partner are both perennially empty vessels (but not ones that 'make the most noise'!)

[Bluecat]

If the sex is good but the relationship is bad, would it still work out?

For a long term relationship, the empathy part is extremely important.

You have to "feel" for your partner as the partner has to "feel" for you.

You care for his needs and he cares for yours.

....

The sex part is important but without the empathy part, it will probably not last more than a few years, in the best of cases.

With the empathy part, it can last a lifetime.

[Spee]

After reading the thread about .......

The whole premise of your thread (and others like it) assumes enough generalizations to command a hundred battalions, if you've followed the way I've drifted.

If it is safe to assume there are thousands, if not tens of thousands of northern Thai women married to farangi, then how could anyone logically attempt to group all of these relationships into a few very narrow categories?

I think the only thing that can safely be assumed is that for the most part, these couples get along well together and are happy and content with each other's companionship and love. What other generalization could reasonably be made?

[RamdomChances]

You care for his needs and he cares for yours.

Hi BC, does you GF know this side of you

[shopgurl]

After reading the thread about .......

The whole premise of your thread (and others like it) assumes enough generalizations to command a hundred battalions, if you've followed the way I've drifted.

If it is safe to assume there are thousands, if not tens of thousands of northern Thai women married to farangi, then how could anyone logically attempt to group all of these relationships into a few very narrow categories?

I think the only thing that can safely be assumed is that for the most part, these couples get along well together and are happy and content with each other's companionship and love. What other generalization could reasonably be made?

The premise of the thread was to seek more knowledge and not base anything on assumption or either generalizing anything by it. Why is it that everything has to be critically judged to be generalized at first glance when I've learned well enough, I know, you know and everyone in this forum knows that we all start from generalizations since that's the overall perspective we first read about. But then from there onwards (hopefully) we can learn more about it, hence the replies of the members.

There are no reasonably made generalizations since as mentioned before, no two people think alike. And definitely, it's apparent that safely assuming anything for that matter is just like adding fuel to fire, it just makes it worst.

[Bluecat]

You care for his needs and he cares for yours.

Hi BC, does you GF know this side of you

I was talking to Shopgurl, RC.

I think,...

[Boon Mee]

After reading the thread about northern thai girls and about some members favoring women that are less talkative then some of their western counterparts.  It brings me to this question that I have about relationships that arise in the LOS, could you really sustain a relationship with someone that you aren't mentally compatible with?

Nope. And for whatever reason, I'm more compatable w/Thai pooying than western. Besides, I like Thai Food a Whole lot better!

[Bluecat]

And for whatever reason, I'm more compatible w/Thai pooying than western. Besides, I like Thai Food a Whole lot better!

Since you do not know why.

We will not ask you.

Is she a good cook?

[britmaveric]

I think the most important part in a relationship is COMMUNICATION. Without it you are doomed for a short term relationship. Shaggin only goes so far- can't base that on a long term relationship eventually someone will grow bored.

Definitely substance over an empty vessel- though some would say you can fill the vessel!

[Boon Mee]

And for whatever reason, I'm more compatible w/Thai pooying than western.  Besides, I like Thai Food a Whole lot better!

Since you do not know why.

We will not ask you.

Is she a good cook?

Excellent cook. It's her hobby and sometime vocation.

[mbkudu]

Definitely substance over an empty vessel- though some would say you can fill the vessel!

This is an important statement. Many relationships start out in the shallow end, but through time, learning and patience grow into something deeper.

[Bluecat]

Many relationships start out in the shallow end

Maybe, maybe.

In Thailand, you mean

Not a critic, though.

[mbkudu]

The meaning of your comment escapes me Bluefriend.