Short Stories

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,

marriage and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did

you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"

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A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all

of my intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your

mother, 'cause I still have mine"

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A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I

don't like the looks of your wife at all,"

"Me neither, Doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and

really good with the kids."

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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Mu rder

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records.

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A blon de calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long

it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde

says, and hangs up.

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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan

Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied "A golf gun?! What is

a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

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This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde

wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.

Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and

asks,

"How do you get into those pants?"

The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start

by buying me a drink."

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An old man go es to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse

he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says,

"Maybe,

but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put

the curse on you.

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and

wife."

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Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."

Joe: "Really?"

Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hel_l.

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A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is

feeling.

"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used

in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse. "OOPS!"

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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a

display of bathing suits . It had been at least ten years and twenty

pounds sin ce I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I

sought my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an

all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied.

"You'd never get it all in one."

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Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped

the horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did

that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, Grandpa." He replied, "How did you

know?"

She said, "Because you didn't say "######" afterwards.