Clinton, Barbara Walters & Others

[WillyL]

Shortly after President Bush took office, an old man approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave

where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and

meet with President Clinton."

The marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet

with President Clinton."

The marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like

to go in and meet with President Clinton."

The marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have

been here asking to speak to Mr. Clinton. I've told you already that Mr. Clinton is no longer the president and no longer

resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir!"

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. While touring a reservation during the

documentary she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So she asked a

brave who only had one feather in his headdress, and his reply was: "Only have one woman: one woman, one feather."

Feeling the first fellow was only joking, she asked another brave. This brave had two feathers in his headdress.

And he replied: "Me have two women: two women, two feathers."

Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved, she decided to interview the Chief.

Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the Chief,

"Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"

The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said: "Me Chief, me sleep with 'em all. "Big, small, fat and tall, me sleep

with em all."

Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be hung."

The Chief said: "You ###### right, me hung, big like buffalo, long like snake."

Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so hostile."

The Chief replied: "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style, me sleep with em all."

With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear."

The Chief said: "No deer. Ass too high, run too fast."

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them,

and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them,

and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol

rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat.

Now he's president of the United States."

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

"You ignorant unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me

anything," barked Bin Laden.

The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment. Then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman, and said, "Very well. I want to

awaken with three white women in my bed in the morning, so just do it and be off with you!"

The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton.

His penis was gone, his knee was broken, and he had no health insurance.