Adopting Stepchildren

[JuniorExPat]

I realise that this is a much covered topic but I am having difficulty filtering through the mass of threads.

Here is my situation:

My wife is Thai and I am British, we have been married for three years (had to check that with Mrs JxP!) but living as man and wife for longer (typical male memory on this topic!). We have a seven month old son and a three year old daughter and from my wife I have a ten year old stepdaughter and fifteen year old stepson.

My stepson does not live with us but he does live very close by with our extended family and we support him. His father was a good man and his family name is a 'good' one so the lad is not keen to change his family name.

As far as I am concerned I have four children with my wife and all our plans are constructed around this. The eldest is quite independent and adult already so I am not sure that I could give him any advantage by adopting him. Our ten year old daughter would have the security of my legal guardianship should anything happen to my wife.

From experience, what advantages can I offer my two stepchildren through adoption and also what disadvantages may occur for them?

I'm very much looking forward to member's comments on this topic,

JxP.

[Crow Boy]

I realise that this is a much covered topic but I am having difficulty filtering through the mass of threads.

Here is my situation:

My wife is Thai and I am British, we have been married for three years (had to check that with Mrs JxP!) but living as man and wife for longer (typical male memory on this topic!). We have a seven month old son and a three year old daughter and from my wife I have a ten year old stepdaughter and fifteen year old stepson.

By married I am assuming you mean legal married as registered by both teh Amphur and the British Consul? If so this makes your situation easier with your two younger children.

In my experience having gone through the process you need to establish a link with these children. If on their birth certificate you are listed as the father that is automatic. If not you will need to supply a DNA sample of you and the children (at your own expense) to prove parentage. These children are legally yours and assuming you have notified the British consul will be accepted in the UK as your natural born children.

Now it gets a bit more complicated

My stepson does not live with us but he does live very close by with our extended family and we support him. His father was a good man and his family name is a 'good' one so the lad is not keen to change his family name.

Older children but not yet legal adults have the right to choose under Thai law if they wish to become your legal adopted children or not. You will need to again establish a link with the children and prove that you are able to support and care for them as if they are your own. If they have a father (living) written on their birth certificate you will need to get his written consent to you adopting them. If there is no father listed then you will have to go through the process of adopting them. This requires the mother and the individual child to agree to the adoption process. You wife and the child must go with you to the amphur and be interviewed by the registrar there. We had to do this in the Amphur where my son was born. It was easier than for many because he did not have a father listed on the registration document, nor was my wife legally married or divorced to him. By marrying her I was able to apply for adoption of the boy. He was only two so his mother's consent only was required. At one stage the registrar told my wife to leave the room and I had to stay with the boy. This was to show if he was happy to remain with me ie establishing that he was used to me caring for him. It was funny when she returned that Adee wanted to stay on my lap and play with my buttons than go back to her.

Once the registration is done then you can submit the forms to the British Embassy and apply for legal adoption in the UK. You must understand it is not automatic and they will have their own considerations.

You older son is less likely for be accepted by the Amphur for you to adopt because he lives with his natural father and has shown a preference to keep his family name.

As far as I am concerned I have four children with my wife and all our plans are constructed around this. The eldest is quite independent and adult already so I am not sure that I could give him any advantage by adopting him. Our ten year old daughter would have the security of my legal guardianship should anything happen to my wife.

You can easily make provision in your will to care for your 10yo daughter. Your wife can do the same thing to "request" that the girl stay under your guardianship even if you are not the legal father. The authorities are happy to leave children in extended family situations as long as they are happy that she is safe and secure in your care. If you legally adopt her she will automatically stay with you as her legal father, however your wife should write in her will that she wants the girl to remain under your care until she is at least of legal age.

From experience, what advantages can I offer my two stepchildren through adoption and also what disadvantages may occur for them?

For all the children you have to option to request that they be recognised as your legally adopted children in your home country. This allows them to get citizenship and passport etc. With boys they have the option to choose to take up your British citizenship as their sole nationality which removes them from doing military service. However it also means they have to do all the things we (farung) have to do to stay here long term.

I'm very much looking forward to member's comments on this topic,

I hope this very brief overview has helped. I think you should consult a legal expert to get the full story. Speak with the amphur first and get their requirements as well. One thing you must make very clear in all your dealings is that you are adopting the children of your legal wife. This is a totally different situation to that of going to an agency and adopting a child that is from a third party. If you start the process of getting them recognised by your home country this is a VITAL POINT to make sure they understand.

If you like please feel free to PM me and we can meet up to discuss.

regards and good luck

CB

[the scouser]

If you were to adopt the children in Thailand, this would not automatically be recognised in the UK as Thailand is not a Hague Convention country. Consequently, you'd be left in the possibly awkward position of being their legally adoptive father in Thailand, but not in the UK.

In order for an adoption to have legal force in the UK, a rigorous process has to be undergone, beginning with an assessment of the prospective parent's (s') suitability to adopt conducted by either the local authority Social Services department or an adoption agency. It is likely that whilst you live in Thailand, you will be unable to undergo the UK adoption process.

Scouse.

[JuniorExPat]

Crow Boy - thanks for all the effort that went into that, much appreciated, I think I will need to bend your ear one (early) evening at Tuskers!

Just to clarify:

We are married in the Amphur sense of the word and our youngest two are not the issue here, I was present at the conception, birth, registration and application for both Thai and British passports for the pair of them! The older two children are 'mine' through marriage only.

My stepson lives with my wife's extended family mainly due to the fact that they live near his school but also due to the family as a whole being a very close unit anyway - we all get together pretty much every day. His father passed away some years ago.

What I am really trying to understand is what advantages and disadvantages would be bestowed upon my stepson and stepdaughter should I adopt them here and/or in the UK.

JxP

[JuniorExPat]

Bump!

I'm very much looking forward to member's comments on this topic,

I think I put a jinx on my own thread with that comment!

Still eager to read any opinions on the pros and cons for Thai stepchildren being adopted but their British stepfather - any experiences to share?

JxP

[JuniorExPat]

Bump!

Final bump up the forum just to see if there are any fresh eyeballs around with any opinions on the subject.

Thanks in advance,

JxP

[BossHogg]

My situation is rather similar...im from the UK ,married to my Thai wife for 3 years. She has a 18yr old son and a 11yr old daughter.. We have a 8 month old daughter together.My 11yr old daughter has been asking if she can take my surname. Im very flattered and have always said its up them as far as the step kids go.....although i can not offer any advise, i too am very keen to here of any advantages or disadvantages as far as legally adopting my step daughter are concerned..someone must have some experiences , advise??????????

[Goinghomesoon]

I guess I would see it as giving the child/ren extra opportunities to choose from later in life. If they are adopted and subsequently eligible for a British passport they will have educational and employment opportunities in the UK as well as those already available to them in Thailand. If they want to travel, for many countries it can be easier to gain entry with a western passport. In terms of inheritence you can add them to your will as nonrelative beneficiaries without adopting them. But if they are your legal children they may be guaranteed a percentage of your estate under law (not sure about UK law). Could be good if any long lost cousins or former spouses decide to contest. Under Thai law if something happens to your wife, what happens to the kids if you haven't adopted them? You have a close relationship with her family now but if something went terribly wrong would they stop you from seeing or parenting her children?

On the personal side adoption demonstrates your permanent commitment to the kids. That has got to do wonderful things for them emotionally, both now and into the future. I say go for it

[jaideeguy]

I was just going to post the same opinion as the last. Mainly it will open more doors for them......that's the way i see it as i'm in a similar situation and want to adopt my wife's 2 kids, but have been advised [by a lawyer] that the procedure should be innitiated in BKK and have been procrastinating for 5+ yrs now.

In my own personal experience, I was conceived in post war Italy and my parents decided to return to the states to give birth to me and depriving me of a dual citizenship.

maybe someone could post the exact procedure for adoption here in CM as it will be much easier, cheaper and less painful than going to BKK.

Keep us advised please.

[JuniorExPat]

My situation is rather similar...im from the UK ,married to my Thai wife for 3 years. She has a 18yr old son and a 11yr old daughter.. We have a 8 month old daughter together.My 11yr old daughter has been asking if she can take my surname. Im very flattered and have always said its up them as far as the step kids go.....although i can not offer any advise, i too am very keen to here of any advantages or disadvantages as far as legally adopting my step daughter are concerned..someone must have some experiences , advise??????????

Just as you seem to be, I too have been quite surprised how quiet the response to my original post has been. We appear to have three of us in similar situations so how about we just do our best to keep this thread updated as and when we have anything to share and by bumping the thread back up the list like that maybe we'll catch the attention some people with experience.

JxP

[JuniorExPat]

Goinghomesoon and jaideeguy - thanks for your comments.

I also have been procrastinating on the matter for some time - easily done. However, I think it is time to get this one sorted out, from my little bit of research I don't believe there is a need to go to Bangkok but as and when I get more info I will post it here.

My original post was really out of concern that I may be missing something, some disadvantage that I could unwittingly be passing on to the children but nobody seems to have anything negative to say (which is refreshing on this forum ) and I think I now need to get on with it.

JxP