Putting Off Hassling Men

[girlx]

i have a big problem with this. i must have a magnet inside me which attracts deranged weirdos. whenever i travel alone they gravitate right towards me. i am about to undertake a trip through south america solo, and am quite scared because it sounds like it is a whole different animal than southeast asia, and i get hassled even here! i am not good at putting these guys off- too shy and too honest. what do you do? ie. if you are sitting alone at a cafe, and some guy who may or may not be weird says politely "may i join you?"... inevitably i don't notice quickly enough that the guy is pissed or twitching and it takes me like an hour to squirm out of the situation. also with men who try to follow you and "help" you... sometimes ignoring them is not possible... tips?

[November Rain]

Read. Have a book with you everywhere. Whenever you find yourself lumbered with someone you'd rather not be with, half smile & nod politely, open your book & ignore them until they go away.

BTW, never say "yes" if a strange guy asks to join you unless you're absolutely sure of that decision. If you're not, say you're waiting for a friend. That's my opinion.

Edit - typo

Edited September 12, 2007 by November Rain

[britmaveric]

A polite no - always works.

[BADBRAD]

In South America men tend to be a lot more forward than their southeast Asian counterparts, but as in most places Brit Mavericks "polite no" should serve you just fine.

[RueFang]

I travelled in Sth America for 5 months and got numerous proposals of marriage (best one was from an old guy offering me fish and coconuts for the rest of my life in Mexico...sigh, let that one go!!). You can't take it seriously though and it makes a good laugh! You're probably closer to the truth than you think saying you attract weirdos...don't think that you do, and you won't! Travelling on your own is the best opportunity to "pretend" you're not shy! No one knows you so you can say things with confidence that perhaps you wouldn't have said in more familiar territory, like "I'd prefer to be alone right now, actually" kind of thing..you'll never see them again so why worry. Don't be scared of SA, it's a ball! PM me if you want any more info re SA:-)

Edited September 12, 2007 by RueFang

[Andiamo]

i have a big problem with this. i must have a magnet inside me which attracts deranged weirdos. whenever i travel alone they gravitate right towards me. i am about to undertake a trip through south america solo, and am quite scared because it sounds like it is a whole different animal than southeast asia, and i get hassled even here! i am not good at putting these guys off- too shy and too honest. what do you do? ie. if you are sitting alone at a cafe, and some guy who may or may not be weird says politely "may i join you?"... inevitably i don't notice quickly enough that the guy is pissed or twitching and it takes me like an hour to squirm out of the situation. also with men who try to follow you and "help" you... sometimes ignoring them is not possible... tips?

I never reply back in English!!! Just look up with a frown like I didn't understand anything and either speak French/Italian/Welsh (depending upon which country I am in ) or failing that total "Gibberish". Also, don't smile at the guy when you reply otherwise it's like an open invitation that you are interested! (Even if you are usually a warm and friendly person!)

Or another classic, is to look at your watch after 2/5/10 mins of "polite ChitChat" and exclaim " Oh my God is that the time! I have to go, my husband/lover is waiting for me! (Various reasons can be inserted here depending on your imagination...) - I have to take my pills/get back to the Nuthouse/shave my legs/go to the Dentist/pick my nose etc etc etc etc.

Good luck with your trip - Have fun and Be Safe!

[donna]

buy a set of headphones and stick em in your ears at all times. most people think that you cant hear them when those are stuck in! worked a treat for me.

[meemiathai]

I think wearing a pair of sun glasses pretending blind is even better.

[Donnyboy]

i have a big problem with this. i must have a magnet inside me which attracts deranged weirdos. whenever i travel alone they gravitate right towards me. i am about to undertake a trip through south america solo, and am quite scared because it sounds like it is a whole different animal than southeast asia, and i get hassled even here! i am not good at putting these guys off- too shy and too honest. what do you do? ie. if you are sitting alone at a cafe, and some guy who may or may not be weird says politely "may i join you?"... inevitably i don't notice quickly enough that the guy is pissed or twitching and it takes me like an hour to squirm out of the situation. also with men who try to follow you and "help" you... sometimes ignoring them is not possible... tips?

I never reply back in English!!! Just look up with a frown like I didn't understand anything and either speak French/Italian/Welsh (depending upon which country I am in ) or failing that total "Gibberish". Also, don't smile at the guy when you reply otherwise it's like an open invitation that you are interested! (Even if you are usually a warm and friendly person!)

Or another classic, is to look at your watch after 2/5/10 mins of "polite ChitChat" and exclaim " Oh my God is that the time! I have to go, my husband/lover is waiting for me! (Various reasons can be inserted here depending on your imagination...) - I have to take my pills/get back to the Nuthouse/shave my legs/go to the Dentist/pick my nose etc etc etc etc.

Good luck with your trip - Have fun and Be Safe!

scratch your loins and mutter something like "crabs! I dont recommend getting them." Mind you it could back fire when he says "yeah, I cant seem to shake 'em either"

make burping noises and hold your mouth and rub your stomach and mention something about the dodgy chicken you had for lunch a make a run for the loo or exit.

[Sheryl]

Guys..."polite no" DOES NOT WORK with the type of men she is talking about. Ask any woman.

Girlx:

First of all, you are not a magnet...just a relatively young female. That's all it takes. We've all been there.

Tips:

1) Wear a wedding ring (cheap brass is fine, just needs to look like one from a distance)

2) Force yourself to get over the shy business and don't hesitate to lie if need be. You have to be very assertive in expressing your desire to be left alone. If you're not, it will be taken as a go-ahead signal. These types are dense to say the least and firmly convinced that any woman not with another man must either find them irrestible or be so desperate she'll take anyone. Practice icy stares. Don't return smiles.

3) Whenever boarding a bus, train etc be sure to sit next to another woman. Do NOT sit with an empty seat next to you as an undesirable will promptly fill it. If you can't avoid having an empty seat near you, pile stuff on it (then remove it as soon as a woman comes by and motion for her to sit down).

4) Do not hesitate to get up and change seats or leave a location if a man is bothering you. Likewise, don't hesitate to go up to bus conductor or policeman and ask their help in getting rid of an unwanted hanger-on (the mere sight of your doing so will cause most of them to flee).

Learn some appropriate tell-off lines in Spanish.

Good luck!

[meemiathai]

Guys..."polite no" DOES NOT WORK with the type of men she is talking about. Ask any woman.

Girlx:

First of all, you are not a magnet...just a relatively young female. That's all it takes. We've all been there.

Tips:

1) Wear a wedding ring (cheap brass is fine, just needs to look like one from a distance)

2) Force yourself to get over the shy business and don't hesitate to lie if need be. You have to be very assertive in expressing your desire to be left alone. If you're not, it will be taken as a go-ahead signal. These types are dense to say the least and firmly convinced that any woman not with another man must either find them irrestible or be so desperate she'll take anyone. Practice icy stares. Don't return smiles.

3) Whenever boarding a bus, train etc be sure to sit next to another woman. Do NOT sit with an empty seat next to you as an undesirable will promptly fill it. If you can't avoid having an empty seat near you, pile stuff on it (then remove it as soon as a woman comes by and motion for her to sit down).

4) Do not hesitate to get up and change seats or leave a location if a man is bothering you. Likewise, don't hesitate to go up to bus conductor or policeman and ask their help in getting rid of an unwanted hanger-on (the mere sight of your doing so will cause most of them to flee).

Learn some appropriate tell-off lines in Spanish.

Good luck!

[wileycoyote]

buy a set of headphones and stick em in your ears at all times. most people think that you cant hear them when those are stuck in! worked a treat for me.

This is true !

Wiley Coyote

[Khnom]

In addition to suggestions above, you may want to consider:

[Khnom]

wasn't ready to post that one....you may want to consider

- find out what Latin men don't like or are turned off by, then practice doing that / being that way, and be ready to switch it on if needed.

- deny all advances, first politely but have plan b, c, etc to escalate to ready in mind.

- take control by doing all pickings yourself (should you desire a company), and don't let them pick you.

If you think you're a weirdo magnet, then you will be. Don't lose your confidence. It's just a bad phase that will pass.

[chaiyen]

i have a big problem with this. i must have a magnet inside me which attracts deranged weirdos. whenever i travel alone they gravitate right towards me. i am about to undertake a trip through south america solo, and am quite scared because it sounds like it is a whole different animal than southeast asia, and i get hassled even here! i am not good at putting these guys off- too shy and too honest. what do you do? ie. if you are sitting alone at a cafe, and some guy who may or may not be weird says politely "may i join you?"... inevitably i don't notice quickly enough that the guy is pissed or twitching and it takes me like an hour to squirm out of the situation. also with men who try to follow you and "help" you... sometimes ignoring them is not possible... tips?

What type of clothing do you wear?? ...or do you wear much at all?? In my experience, scantilly clad women in Thailand are bothered by men much more than women who cover themselves up...

[britmaveric]

Tell a lad you don't like men.

[girlx]

it is NOT the way i dress, thanks. i'm not stupid. but some good advice on here otherwise!