Living with a Thai Girl - Mad Dogs and English Men

My wife DarLek loves her bicycle. It cost 1000 Baht from the Big C superstore, and we have two, one for her and one for me. As Bangkok is very flat, and we live on the edge of town, away from the traffic, it is an easy way to get around.

"Better than walking!" as DarLek always says. However, if you are thinking of doing the same always carry a big stick.

There are packs of stray dogs living in the area. On the first day I went out by myself. DarLek said going on a bicycle at 2pm in the afternoon was for mad men. "Or Englishmen." I said in reply. However early 20th century English novels or quotations is not her strong point and she just looked at me like I was a mad man. So I went out by myself.

Of course I would have to discover a pack of dogs living behind a restaurant that had developed a taste for Farangs (foreigners).

One thing that really annoys me is badly trained dogs (or Thai girls), and mistreated dogs. Having lived with a Vet for a long time I learned most dogs are cowards if you have a big stick. So I got off my bike, picked up a big stick and run towards the leader of the pack, shouting in my limited Thai "Mai doo pom!" (Don?t look at me!) "Mai pood gup pom." (Don?t talk with me.) I have no idea how to say bark, and I hope they inderstand my Thai.

The leader fled, and the rest followed. The poor dogs ran for their lives. Upsetting the afternoon siesta, the local Thais stared in amazement as a crazy Farang talked with the dogs and chased them, instead of providing entertainment and being chased by the dogs.

I was not content however, so I went home and got DarLek to come with me to the local restaurant. Thinking as always of her stomach, she eagerly agreed. However, I introduced her to the dogs instead. "Anee Paliar Khon Pom." "This is my wife (I hope I am saying)." I yelled. The dogs seeing me return, ran cowering under cars trying to evade any new conversations with the crazy farang.

Not deterred, I chased them from under the cars, all the time yelling, "Mai Pood gup Paliar khon pom." (Don?t talk with my wife.) and "Mai doo Paliar khon pom." (Don?t look at my wife.)

By now the locals where in hysterics, and DarLek was shaking her head in shame at the crazy farang she married. She is wondering if we will ever get around to eating mid-afternoon lunch, along with the dogs she also likes the restaurant I have chosen to embarrass her in front of.

Wisely she tells me, "Khun Ma gup Chan kitwar Sarmee dink donk". ("Mr Dog and I both think my husband is nuts.") The locals all agreed, and the dogs stayed under the cars, and run there now whenever I bicycle past. DarLek had her 3rd lunch for the day, and I went on my way bicycling around Muang Kong Thani.

Jimmie Blonde

I wrote thus abot 6 years ago when I first moved here, it seems the dog problem isn;t going away and won't people work out if they can't afford to care for the animals, it's better to put them down and neuter most of them.

this cracked me up :D

the type of thing i do too

perverse lateral solutions to irritating problems

good work mate

this cracked me up

the type of thing i do too

perverse lateral solutions to irritating problems

good work mate

Thanks, Most are posted on Thailand Stories, I put new ones up here, but given the thread abot dogs thought appropriate to post a very old post to show things dont change.

I have another story I see I have never posted anywhere, I have taken to saying to the Dogs "Pom Gin Ma!" (I eat Dog) Oddly, it works !!!!

Your Thai seems to be very polite even at time of shouting!!

Thanks for the laugh!

You made the day !

More stories please ..........

You made the day !

More stories please ..........

keep them coming .......

Enjoyed it - made me smile a lot.

Enjoyed it - made me smile a lot.

Thanks people, will post more as I submit them,

My thai is polite? Well, actually I think my thai, reading back on this story for the first time in 7 years, is rahter crap compered to then. The family and staff have learnt to understand what ever language it is I speak, no it ain't thai by a long shot, nor inglich

There is a sequile to this, with Claude Von Dammit, which I thought I wrote but hadn;t, so will soon.

Till then, tomorrow is my son's 2nd birthday, so I have to keep stirring the stew

Thanks!

Enjoyed it - made me smile a lot.

Thanks people, will post more as I submit them,

My thai is polite? Well, actually I think my thai, reading back on this story for the first time in 7 years, is rahter crap compered to then. The family and staff have learnt to understand what ever language it is I speak, no it ain't thai by a long shot, nor inglich

There is a sequile to this, with Claude Von Dammit, which I thought I wrote but hadn;t, so will soon.

Till then, tomorrow is my son's 2nd birthday, so I have to keep stirring the stew

Thanks!

Dare I ask, Dog stew?

My daughter would kill me!, thogh sometimes I am tempted

very funny...

sorry..!!what's your wife name mean?

just curious!!

very funny...

sorry..!!what's your wife name mean?

just curious!!

A common question, I obviously like Dr Who, I think I even wrote a story about how I named her. It's a mixture of two Thai Names, Dar and Lek, one of which is her real name, but put together, makes a creature that goes "DARLEKS DESTROY DARLEKS DESTROY" which as calm as she is, reminds me of her at times when I see her thinking of me.

hmmm - not a 'Dr Who' fan....

just wanted to say this post was awesome!

nice work.

Mad Dogs & Who, all in one! Loved your story, Man!

I am English, have a Thai wife whose name doesn't sound like a Dr Who character and these are my 2 mad dogs.

Spoilt rotton.

Edited September 23, 200718 yr by distortedlink

A fun report from a fellow Englishman who obviously loves living in this country, despite (maybe because of?) all the weird things that go on. Good luck to you, and have fun. And keep those dogs at bay. (By contrast, the dogs in my soi seem to have gotten used to me. Docile as kittens now).

A fun report from a fellow Englishman who obviously loves living in this country, despite (maybe because of?) all the weird things that go on. Good luck to you, and have fun. And keep those dogs at bay. (By contrast, the dogs in my soi seem to have gotten used to me. Docile as kittens now).

Thanks for nice words everyone, I'll add another post soon, new one rather one from the archives

A common question, I obviously like Dr Who, I think I even wrote a story about how I named her. It's a mixture of two Thai Names, Dar and Lek, one of which is her real name, but put together, makes a creature that goes "DARLEKS DESTROY DARLEKS DESTROY" which as calm as she is, reminds me of her at times when I see her thinking of me.

thank you..!