Unmarried But Like To Have Kid:is It Possible To Pay?

[Junglejumbo]

I want to know if anyone has heard of paying a Thai girl some money to have a baby whereby I would be the father and we remain unmarried. This is probably frought with difficulties such as trusting the girl to hand over the baby, legal issues surrounding "taking" the baby. I have no plans to marry a Thai girl but I would like to raise a 50/50 baby as I've lived in Thailand for such a long time and unfortuately have no kids. Personally, I prefer adoption because it's helping someone already born when the world is overcrowded anyway, but I do not think that adoption is easy for an unmarried farang. I do have various means to support a kid and close Thai friends/family from a previous relationship who can help take care. Cheers for any comments.

I am new here and don't know if this is the right forum for my question.

[MrSquigle]

It would be easy for the right amount and set up the right way.

I am not against this kind of thing if it is done with the right intentions and a good life provided.

And as you mentioned, adoption would be ideal, but single I doubt it would ever happen, although I do hear there are plenty of 50/50 kids in orphanages.

[Sheryl]

I would say that such a thing would indeed be frought with pitfalls. The ones you mentioned, plus:

- it is difficult (not impossible, but complicated) to be the legal father of a child if you are not married to the mother in Thailand (and virtually impossible if the mother does not cooperate in the necessary legal proceedings)

- very possible that despite whatever is agreed to, the Thai woman will consider herself to be your wife and have a host of expectations in that regard. In fact, in terms of Thai society, she will have to refer to you as her husband, and will have little prospect for ever marrying someone else. Then when time passes and you fail to meet expectations in the husband department...trouble

The fact that the child would be biologically yours would not automatically give you custody as I understand Thai law. In fact I think you might still need to legally "adopt" the child.

My suggestion would be to adopt a child and, if it is not possible to do so legally due to your unmarried status and red tape, do it informally. That is to say, befriend someone who has a child they cannot care for well and offer to help raise the child, pay for education etc. They would remain the legal parents but you'd be free to develop a relationship of your own with the child. I have an arrangement of that type with a family of 4 (now almost all grown) Cambodian children. They call me "auntie" and it has been every bit as fulfilling (and at times every bit as difficult!) as having children of my own.

[geriatrickid]

Please obtain a legal opinion from competent counsel first. There are so many legal, ethical and cultural issues at play that you are going to be overwhelmed.

However, the best option is the one based upon common sense. I would suggest that the following is the best route.

My suggestion would be to adopt a child and, if it is not possible to do so legally due to your unmarried status and red tape, do it informally. That is to say, befriend someone who has a child they cannot care for well and offer to help raise the child, pay for education etc. They would remain the legal parents but you'd be free to develop a relationship of your own with the child. I have an arrangement of that type with a family of 4 (now almost all grown) Cambodian children. They call me "auntie" and it has been every bit as fulfilling (and at times every bit as difficult!) as having children of my own.

The advantage of the above is that if insurmountable problems arise, you can at least escape. Better to work with the existing family structure than to try and build a new one. Fewer psychological and emotional issues to address. I do this with stray animals and it is a win-win solution for all involved parties (Yes, I know animals are not people - but the relationship structure makes involvement so much easier.);