nmesparrow Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 i'm not making this up or thinking too much into it. bare breakdown of long story. 1) friend goes to thailand, meets thai girl falls in love has baby. 2)baby is about 2 now and thai wife came to stay in his home country and met his friends of course. 3)was here total maybe 3 months, me and her became good friends while here. most our other friends were sceptic of the thai wife so i went out of my way to make her feel welcomed, plus i am asian so couldn't hurt. 4)my friends thai wife goes back to thailand after 3 months of her pretty much hating it here, wants to break off marriage with friend. not because of me but because of their constant arguing and difference of opinions. it was not a planned pregnancy to give a little insight of the reason for marriage. 5)i think she is interested in me. i think i may have certain qualities she wished my friend had but thats it. never flirted or anything with her so i did not send signals for her to believe otherwise. 6)HELP!!!!!!!!!!! am i worried about nothing? as in thai ladies don't do this or what? he is a friend of mine and you don't date your friend's ex's let alone their ex-wife. problem is i am going there for an extended stay in a few months to check it out as i am planning to move to another country to teach english, either thailand or brazil. i don't want to lead her on as to believe when i get there we will be together. theres no chance of that because she's for now my friends wife with a daughter. i do want to keep her as a friend no matter what happens. i know this is somewhat vague so if you need details just ask. am i screwed, or do thai ladies not do this and we are just good friends? help please!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huski Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 6)HELP!!!!!!!!!!! am i worried about nothing? as in thai ladies don't do this or what? he is a friend of mine and you don't date your friend's ex's let alone their ex-wife. there is your answer, don't date your friend's ex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainman Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 how about you tell her how you feel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmesparrow Posted August 16, 2004 Author Share Posted August 16, 2004 6)HELP!!!!!!!!!!! am i worried about nothing? as in thai ladies don't do this or what? he is a friend of mine and you don't date your friend's ex's let alone their ex-wife. there is your answer, don't date your friend's ex that part i have its the whole dealing with the situation. so i guess the whole "thai girls don't do that" doesn't apply, i thought this would have been easy. rainman, did i mention i'm a guy so i'm afraid talk about personal things j/k. plus i don't want her to feel dumb, rejected or anything like that. could i just wait til i get there or its nearing the time for my leaving? until then just kind of let her know with our conversations where i stand? thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 If you do it I hope your friend punches your lights out I would Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drummer Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 I must say, I agree. In cases like this there is no way for your friend to give permission. You will be creating an enemy for life- no matter what he tells you. Your reputation among the entire circle of friends / people who find out about it will drop, too- in some cases considerably. You are going to find lots and lots and lots of choices. Don't choose this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 You all sound like a bunch of slappers.Come on man, get some spine !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmesparrow Posted August 16, 2004 Author Share Posted August 16, 2004 whoa, are you guys even reading my post or just the replies and jumping on the band wagon? did i word it wrong to give the impression that i have an interest in her? i have no intention of going for her, none. i just don't know how to get out of it or should i say handle the situation. the only sensible answer so far is from rainman to talk to her and let her know i have no interest. can someone else actually read my post and give some good advice? thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khun Larry Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Just find another girl and forget her. She is obviously lacking in some qualities, as are you. You need to get laid more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maikee Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 whoa, are you guys even reading my post or just the replies and jumping on the band wagon? did i word it wrong to give the impression that i have an interest in her? i have no intention of going for her, none. i just don't know how to get out of it or should i say handle the situation. the only sensible answer so far is from rainman to talk to her and let her know i have no interest. can someone else actually read my post and give some good advice? thanks. nmesparrow, i'm pretty sure everyone read your post and is just cutting through the entire wishy washiness of some of your points to arrive to what some rightly or wrongly perceive as the inevitable conclusion i.e, that you and your friends ex would get together and that would be taking advantage of a situation and screwing your friend in the process.. You will be in a new country, possibly lonely. She will be back in Thailand, possibly lonely, maybe you are an easy crutch. One thing leads to another (sympathetic ear, dinner, walk in the park, etc...) and next thing you know, you have a stepchild and an ex-friend. Maybe a bit of a stretch, but then maybe not. Your points 3, 4, and 5 really make me question your intentions and only you know for sure what your intentions are (conscious or subconscious). For my part... if it was me... I wouldn't put my self in that position and I would politely let her know that it would be best if we (you and her) did not see each other (with the reasons why). But then... that is me. Having said that... you have to do whatever morally feels right to you. Easy way is flip sides. What would you expect your friend to do if the roles were reversed? That is the way you should act. Everything should follow easily. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaiflyer1 Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 . the only sensible answer so far is from rainman to talk to her and let her know i have no interest. can someone else actually read my post and give some good advice? thanks. If you are reading the signals wrong and you talk to her about it you could be putting her in awkward position. Remember girlfriends come and go but your true friends are friends for life............is it worth losing one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falong Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 i have no intention of going for her, none. i just don't know how to get out of it or should i say handle the situation. the only sensible answer so far is from rainman to talk to her and let her know i have no interest. can someone else actually read my post and give some good advice? thanks. Cant you just tell her that you just want to be friends? Youre the type who will fall in love with the first girl he shags in thailand. Hope you get an good one. Somebody mentioned something about a spine. They were right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
konangrit Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 The simple answer would be to go to Brazil instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drummer Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I guess I did misunderstand, but from re-reading your post, I can see why... You do make it sound like this a huge problem. Simple answer, don't see her (much) Don't put aside other things to hang out with her. If she makes a move, then say you are just friends! Easy as pie, mate. No problems. Unless you are interested in her and have no willpower. Then don't see her at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IamMaiC Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Tell her the truth Sorry but the truth hurts sometimes If you think she likes you and you don't feel the same let her know No reason to carry on You can be friends if she wants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrchips377 Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 @ sparrow It's gonna be difficult for you to avoid her altogether when u go thailand, u got some choices If u want to keep ur friend back home, keep contact with her to a minimum, just enough to be polite. You can make excuses, that u busy etc If you think she's very special for you, that she could be the woman you want, then by all means go for her. all's fair in love and war, right. But your reputation back home will sink. Otherwise, if you keep more than minimal contact with her, then you must be very careful not to let yourself drift into a relationship with her. In this case, it's obvious that you wouldnt want more than a casual shag, but it's dangerous for you. Understand that for a thai girl, it's not easy to catch a foreigner in thailand, there's so much competition. She may be very interested in you for this reason, she likes you and you are not thai. Lots of thai woman had a bad experience with their own men, so they want a foreign bf. If you like thai women, dont worry there's plenty of choices for you when you are there. Hope this helps you to clear your mind. Chips Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Girlfrombar Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 as being Thai girl, as well i think now she's feeling insecured she needs the shelter and u r close to her be stand on ur point that u r there for the friendship just let her understand that u r her 'friend' as well as her 'ex's friend' the friendship is more important (at least for me) i ever told this to my great girl friends the 2 things that can break the friendship are 1. MEN 2. MONEY i know it's quite difficult to say the denying word but the truth is always the best answer/solution for this situaion lock ur fancy of her physically. good luck G.F.B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Where in Thailand is she from? Arrange to see her about two or three weeks into your stay and in the time prior to that visit lots of bars and have a good time and be sure to get drunk and call her up and tell her stuff that you would tell your bloke mates but never your mother. She will go off you a little bit but you can hopefully still be friends and by the time you meet up you will probably have fallen for someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadFrankie Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 depends on how good a mate your friend is... Theres a word for girls that go round a group of lads, and that is slag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teach Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 nmesparrow It appears you may have trouble keeping it in your pants when you come here!! What is missing is the present feelings of the father/b/f/your friend...is he happy to be rid of her, will he give you his blessing to troll being glad to be shot of the problem, or could he be hoping for a reconcilliation of sorts in the near future. In any event, while there is children involved your interest should be one of concern for her emotional recovery. To take advantage of her emotional insecurity would be a no no. As the man said, get yourself laid when you get here, and keep your trousers zipped when you see her. Your friend may have plans of his own that could be compremised by your intervention. Tread carefully. Teach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiGirlTeen Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 depends on how good a mate your friend is... Theres a word for girls that go round a group of lads, and that is slag And what is the derogatory word for a man that goes round with a group of girls? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiGirlTeen Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 whoa, are you guys even reading my post or just the replies and jumping on the band wagon? did i word it wrong to give the impression that i have an interest in her? i have no intention of going for her, none. i just don't know how to get out of it or should i say handle the situation. the only sensible answer so far is from rainman to talk to her and let her know i have no interest. can someone else actually read my post and give some good advice? thanks. Just show her your posts on this thread, she will realise what a dummy you are and forget you in an instant. You are so dumb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insight Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 depends on how good a mate your friend is... Theres a word for girls that go round a group of lads, and that is slag And what is the derogatory word for a man that goes round with a group of girls? An absolute fckin stud. Well in lad, go get 'em... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eivind Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 how about you tell her how you feel? How about you tell HIM how you feel (about his ex...)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadFrankie Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 depends on how good a mate your friend is... Theres a word for girls that go round a group of lads, and that is slag And what is the derogatory word for a man that goes round with a group of girls? An absolute fckin stud. Well in lad, go get 'em... right up em my son Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 YAWN.....Snzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghengis Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Thai women with children to support are always on the lookout for a nice farang to take care of them. Because you have been friends with someone, you do not have a moral obligation to support them for the rest of their lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khun ? Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 I like how you threw in the teaching in Brasil. Let's hope the child finds better grownups to hang around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monozed Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 you don't date your friend's ex's let alone their ex-wife. Your answer right here cobba. Let me tell you, having had (a couple) of experiences almost identical to this, the ONLY avenue/answer is to talk with your mate B4 you leave for wherever(the sooner,the better), tell him straight up whats going on & be honest. After all you have no intimate feelings for this girl-right??? I suggest you don't speak/see the girl because experience tells me that the heart always weakens when in a "tight" moment. I suggest you ask your mate to explain why you no longer want to seek contact with her (i.e you have no intimate feelings towards her). Let me tell you that this advice is NOT EASY to carry out/live with, BUT you must face the hard reality & facts of your situation; 1) IF & very much IF you want your friendship with mate to continue, do not keep him in the dark, & or go around behind his back. 2) He has a child to this woman. They will always have good cause to keep in touch with each other, & if you go forward with his ex- this will make every thing SO uncomfortable for every one concerned- no maybes about it !!! 3) Think long & hard about your position; Quite often women(& men) missinterpret friendship/niceness for something quite a lot more, this can & does happen without the other party being any the wiser to it. Nip this in the bud immediately, do not drag it out or play with anyones feelings !! Yes i do speak from experience & believe me if do not you want a punch in mouth/ friendship finished etc., deal with this upfront & NOW. P.S Good luck MONO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medicinebox Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 Being a man, when i hear the term, "just friends" I see a man and woman who have either already shagged, or are at some point about to. Because lets face it lads, if they didn't have minges none of us would bother with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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