Has Your Body Image Of Yourself In Los Changed?

[kat]

I know for me, this was a significant experience as a woman in Asia. Many of us have stories of going shopping, and the comments from the sales clerks. Comments also abound within the dual inside and outside cultures of Thai people in Thai culture, and foreign people and or men, living in Thai culture. Foreign women bear the brunt of this in every direction when they live in Asia.

I want to get past just skinny or fat, and the slurs that are hurled by many Western men. It takes a bit of bravery to discuss this openly here in our own voices in the midst of so much hatred, but there are many strong women on this forum. So, I'll start.

Most of my life, I think I was a bit spoiled because I never had a problem with body image. I would gain 10-15 pounds ( approximately 1 stone) here and there, and then work out and lose it or whatever. But, I never felt body hatred or like an "undesirable" woman, because female curves have always attracted men, as far as my experience. I was usually thinner more for myself than for male approval, because usually male approval was more prevalent with the extra pounds and curves.

In LOS, so much seems to depend on a certain size. I remember arriving as a size 8 (American), and having sales clerks direct me to the XXL sizes. But, when I was a size 4 and 5, they did the same thing! I also joined a gym in LOS, and left the country in very fit and in excellent shape. However, what is most disturbing to me is that I became affected by the body image of the predominant body type - even as a very strong and very confidant woman! In my particular case, I have a very curvy body, along the lines of Afro-Caribbean women. No matter how petite or slim, I have a round, curvy bottom, that is not flat like most Asian and many European women. I find there is beauty in all shapes, but when I was in LOS, I felt very affected by the very "narrow" ( ok, a little bit of a pun) definition of a good figure. I ALMOST started to feel negatively about an aspect of my body that has always attracted a lot of admiring attention from males, and has been considered one of my best physical "assets" (another pun, but that one can't be helped ) However in LOS (and especially current Bangkok), I think the cultural definition of beauty is a certain body type for both Thais and the Western men who live there (I say Thais, because the standard even varies among Southeast Asian cultures and regions), and they most definitely have strong ideas about a woman's butt or bum.

I'm back home now, and I am certain again that a large proportion of men love voluptuous, women's bodies, and all kinds of other types as well! That is probably a commentary on the narrow field of men in LOS, but that is a different matter. Anyway, that has been part of my experience in LOS: I started to feel bad about my body type, even when it was very fit and hourglass slender, because I have a bubble butt (that is firm and toned, but it is just physically, and maybe racially and "culturally" different than Asian and many white or European figures).

That's part of my story on losing my body image in LOS. What is your story?

**(This is a thread primarily for women, and not for men with derogatory comments, thanks.)

*typos

Edited November 11, 2007 by kat

[Andiamo]

I understand where you are coming from Kat re: Body Image. Good idea for a thread!

I think it's true to say that all over the world, females are concerned about what they look like. But, here in Thailand in particular, there seems to be SO much emphasis attached to body image and what women look like. And it's everywhere - Shopping Malls, Coffee shops, the Gym, even at Work! I don't think I have ever lived in a country where you find so many shop/sales assistants crouched down on the floor behind their counters looking in the mirror, putting on makeup, doing their hair, checking their appearance etc. And so openly which never fails to make me smile.

Here, it also seems that whenever you apply for a Job, you almost always have to attach a photograph! Well if it was a Modelling or Casting, yes I would agree, but is my appearance really going to add to my skills and relevant experience when compared with the Person Specification for the Job??? Mmm... I think not.

When I first came to Thailand, I also felt like (or was made to feel like?) a great big heffer! An I was UK Size 10-12 - Hardly huge! However, when you go into the stores and you get given the L, XL or "Mai mee yai", you end up feeling like a Giant!

Luckily, it didn't take long to realise that the difference was also in terms of bums and boobs and I was a more curvy kinda girl. And the bodyshape and bodyframe we are born with ain't gonna change that much during our lives. Hence, I decided that I wouldn't get stressed about it and even now when I go swimming at the Gym and there is one Thai friend who always says to me "Oh you are so big", I just laugh and say yes and my guy loves having something to grab hold of! Even though I don't consider myself big, when she first started saying this, I did think, "Oh My Gosh have I put on weight?" After that, I told myself to get over it, I am not big and now I just laugh!

It is so strange because whenever friends and family come over to visit, or I return to the UK, everybody (without fail) always says to me how great I look. Ultimately, I am Happy with myself (both inside and out) and to me the inside is the most important. Therefore, I am not going to lose any sleep over it. Moreover, my other half loves my curves (especially in a bikini or in sexy lingerie ), and if I ever do lose any weight, he is always quick to bring home tiramisu and sweet things!

As an aside, I do find though that I tend to stock up on clothes when I go back to the UK or to Singapore, Hong Kong or KL.... I seem to find more things that suit me and of good quality with reasonable prices.

Anyway, suffice to say, we all need to love our bodies, whatever shape or form e.g. Pot Bellies, Big Asses, Wobbly Arms, Sticky out Ears, 2 Heads, Wings(!@), etc etc.

The way we carry ourselves, treat people and interact with people are far more important and far more beautiful characteristics IMHO. Phew! Wow that was a long one! Sorry if I rambled! Nite girls

[kat]

Thanks for your perspective Andiamo. I know what you mean about going home, and people telling you that you look great. When I got home, they acted as if I was a famine victim Also, I left to work in another city for awhile, and when I returned with a few extra pounds, guys that had seen me previously started seriously hitting on me with the extra weight!

What I'm also saying here for myself, is that what is considered "body flaws" in one culture, is considered essential in another, like the shape or size of your bum. For a woman to have no butt or bum where I come from is considered tragic , but in LOS it is highly desirable.

But the issue of body image is different for different people. How is it for you?

[notisis]

Hi

I'm in UK and size 8 (occasionally 6 depending on store) and 42 years here but in LOS (although often I'm similar size to ordinary Thai women) I'm classed as huge and OLD (although look much younger) by most Thais. I feel like a heffer next to a 5 foot nothing 30 year old who looks 20 but then I'm 5' 8" so will be taller anyhow and find it difficult to find right length trousers in UK let alone Thailand. I comfort myself that by the time a Thai lady gets to 50 they age overnight whereas I won't!! It's odd but that's how it seems!! Never mind that's the way of the world and there's nowt I can or want to do about it.

Notisis

[seonai]

Total kudos to you posters, I have felt like an elephant in Thailand when shop assistants laugh and go for XXL, it is really hurtful but I guess we are living in a country where many women are super small It really got to me in Bkk, not so much in the south. I am 5' 9'' and can never get shirts, jeans, shoes to fit in Thailand except really unfashionable things... pants and bras ... nightmare !!! Tops, equal nightmare

[nikisue]

Totally agree with all of you. I have never had an issue with my size and even by Thai standard have always been ok. But since I had my baby I can not lose the weigh (20 months on) And believe me I exercise, eat right. Just the way it is. But the comments I get are really hurtful. I am asked constantly when my second child is due. And have some very straight forward comments of 'your so fat'. It is bad enough to hear this, but after going through a tough birth nearly losing my daughter. And having a c-section. It is even more hurtful. And of course I can not explain to everyone I meet the reason why I am 'so fat'. Shame I can't buy a t-shirt with it all written on. By the way when I say I am fat. I have gone from a UK 6/8 to a UK 12. So not exactly huge. But I sure am made to feel it.

[kat]

Nikisue,

I think I heard one of the women on the forum (Boo) say that it takes approximately 2 years for your body to adapt to a post-pregnancy state, even in the best of times. There are many women who have struggled with their after birth bodies. I think in many cases it can take even longer. I think you should feel great that you are taking excellent care of yourself, and your baby.

As for the cultural perceptions, Thais will make direct comments about appearance to everyone. I think on some level we ALL look big to them, despite our varying sizes. As you say, in the UK and other Western countries, your size would be average. There is just more diversity of people, bodies, types, thoughts, and preferences in the West. I think in Thailand and Asia in general there is much less diversity of thought or body types, so "normal" body types and images become an extremely limited and even hostile definition for foreign women.

I think it might be a good idea for new moms to start a sub-forum here, for advice, support, and shared experiences. It is hard enough to deal with these issues in ordinary times, never mind as a new mom.

[taxexile]

Curvy women are cleverer too

Roger Dobson and Roger Waite ( The Times ) 12/11/07

IT was already known that men find curvy women more attractive and that they live longer. Now research suggests that women with an hourglass figure are brighter and have cleverer children, too.

The study found that women with large hips and small waists are more intelligent than those with either "apple-shaped" or linear bodies.

The paper, to be published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour this week, suggests that such women give birth to more intelligent children - possibly a result of higher levels of omega3 fatty acids on the hips.

The researchers believe that the results offer a new explanation for why many men find curvy women more alluring. Nigella Lawson, the cookery presenter and Oxford University graduate, has one of Britain's most famous hourglass figures, while Rachel Weisz, the curvy actress who won an Oscar for her role in The Constant Gardener, completed an English degree at Cambridge University while embarking on the first stages of her acting career.

In the research, scientists at the Universities of Pittsburgh and California, Santa Barbara, used data from a study of 16,000 women and girls, which collected details of their body measurements and their scores in cognitive tests. They found that those women with a greater difference between the waist and hips scored significantly higher on the tests, as did their children.

Such women are not necessarily skinny. What is important is that their waist should be smaller than their hips, with the ideal ratio being between 0.6 and 0.7.

The researchers suggest that the fat around fuller hips and thighs holds higher levels of omega3 fatty acids which are essential for the growth of the brain during pregnancy. Fat around the waist may have higher levels of omega6 fatty acids, which are less suited to brain growth.

Waist fat can also be a contributory factor in diabetes and heart disease. Thinner or linear-shaped women would simply lack enough of either type of fat.

Although these theories await confirmation, Paula Hall, a sexual and relationship psychologist with Relate, said: "Having research that proves you can be sexy and intelligent is really positive. It shows that curvy women may be better at things other than raising children and doing cooking and housework."

The research may also explain why children born to teenage mothers do worse in cognitive tests: their mothers may have had insufficient stores of the best fatty acids.

"The cognitive development of their children is reduced, and their own cognitive development is impaired compared with those mothers with a later first birth," say the researchers.

The study noted, however, that children born to teenage girls with traditional hourglass figures seemed to be protected from this phenomenon and did better in tests.

A number of scientific studies have shown that men are "hard-wired" to find women with a greater waist-hip differential the most attractive. No one has yet been able to explain this, although theories include enhanced fertility, better childbearing abilities and longer life expectancy.

Dr Harry Witchel, a senior lecturer in physiology at the Brighton and Sussex Medical School and a body language expert on the television programme Big Brother, said: "Until this point the only thing we have accepted is that they [curvy women] are at an advantage in contemporary western society. What these people are saying is that they also have an advantage biologically."

(wasnt sure whether to post this in the "tits" thread or here in the "ass" thread.)

It shows that curvy women may be better at things other than raising children and doing cooking and housework."

men take note , if you want your underpants ironed , then marry a skinny girl.

Edited November 12, 2007 by taxexile

[girlx]

hmm i am built similarly to thai women (but with bigger boobs) so i never had any issue with body image in asia... in america though it was a different story, and the one time i did weigh 20 pounds more than i do now i developed a binge eating disorder because i felt so horrible. i don't feel the pressure in asia to be skinny like i do in the west. the only time i worry is when i walk into a shop and they say "oh we no have large size" when they see i am farang.

[kat]

Tax, your posts are always entertaining and relevant. I like your comment about the ironing, but that may not work because my roommate is very skinny and tiny and smart as heck.

But, the study is still waiting to be confirmed and substantiated. I liked reading that Rachel Weisz is brainy though - I love her and think she is gorgeous!

[toptuan]

Can a guy throw in his 2 satang, too?

I am middle-aged but have exercised religiously, one hour a day, for fifteen years--including the last four years in LOS. I do regular cardiac, muscle-building, and abdominal exercises. I watch what I eat--avoiding fatty foods and other no-no's. Don't smoke or drink. I'm not an inverted pyramid shape, but not a bowling pin either. My colleagues back in my home country have often commented on my "fit" appearance.

After four years in LOS, my shape or muscle tone has remained steady. However, I hear the three-letter "F" word in connection with my appearance quite regularly from my skinny Thai friends and colleagues. And yes, I also am steered to the XL and XXL men's sizes too. Of course, needing XL briefs is always flattering (since "M" was my size back home), but XXL in trouser and shirt sizes are not a very pleasant direction to be going.

Yup, my self-image has suffered, and I have just resigned myself to being a "fat foreigner" in a land of skinnies. However, I'll continue the daily regimen knowing it really does affect my energy levels and ability to enjoy life to the fullest (despite the native nay-sayers!).

Thanks, OP, for a great topic. By the way, are you the KAT of "Kat's Window" (Bangkok Post writer, four years back?).

[kat]

Wow, you sound buff. I love hearing about the victories of exercise over aging! And guess what, even if you fall out of relative shape you can regain it with a combination of smart cardio, weight training, and diet.

I really appreciate your input, Toptuan. I didn't realize this could be an issue for men in LOS as well.

[Macx]

After four years in LOS, my shape or muscle tone has remained steady. However, I hear the three-letter "F" word in connection with my appearance quite regularly from my skinny Thai friends and colleagues.

Ditto.

I've exercised as I've always done since I was a teenager. But here in LOS, both Thai men and women think I must be gay because of my physique--ie. no "normal" straight guy would spend that much time working out in the gym, running on the beach, or riding his bicycle. It gets worse if I wear fitting shirts. Not that I have a problem with it, my brother is gay and he's in even much better shape than me. It's just a bit off-putting when the women you like ask you if you're gay.

So back in the States, I'm more "proud" of my physique than I am here in LOS. Odd ain't it?

As for the ladies, I love y'all in all shapes

[kat]

They are probably only asking to check on your availability. Haven't you ever heard of Gay Kings?; unfortunately, I have.

Anyway, the probably assume because you look great.

[sbk]

Well, I am not very tall (5'5") so have never had the huge hefferlump feeling in Thailand. I am also fairly thin (used to be alot thinner) but have always been fairly curvaceous. It helps that my husband appreciates the way I look, personally. When I am feeling down, its nice to know that he appreciates my looks. I haven't gotten the "fat" comment too often (usually only from neighbors after I come back from the US--and fair enough I always gain weight there anyway).

But, I don't bother buying my clothes in thailand. I have breasts and hips and feel very sorry for Thai women who don't fit the cultural norm (here in the South, as seonai pointed out, there are far more larger women). where do they buy clothes? And they do constantly get the "fat" comment from thinner Thai women.

Its my belief that how it is meant really does depend on the person. Some people do say it just as a way of saying "You've gained weight" but I have also seen it from someone who used it regularly, as if to emphasize her own thinness. Mainly used it against one of our more voluptuous staff (I will not say fat because she is not fat, but she is buxom with hips and a butt). Finally I said, "perhaps her husband prefers her looks, maybe he likes a woman who looks like a woman and not a little boy". Quite mean and catty, I know, but I had gotten tired of her belittling and hurtful remarks and knew that the other girl would never respond. She shut up after that. So now, when I do hear this kind of thing, I take it with a very large grain of salt and suspect that it could very well be a kind of jealousy on the part of someone who would like to have a curvier shape.

Has my body image itself been damaged by living here? Only when I am feeling down or very PMSy. But generally I am quite happy with the woman's body that I have and would not change it --fortunately, neither would my husband.

[Ausladyinpatong]

I think my overall expectation of what the female form should look like has changed as a result of my time here, but to a certain point it's a good thing.

I'm not saying we should all be super skinny but I think my home country Australia is too accepting of over weight being the norm. I'm not talking about new mums or people who have to take certain medications or whatever, I'm talking about a culture where people eat more, drink more and move less on the whole.

Here in Thailand most people are not overweight but that is certainly changing very fast. I've noticed an increase in the number of overweight people, particularly children, over the last five years and it's quite shocking to be honest.

On the other hand, as far as Thai women having an unhealthy obsession and commenting a little too directly on peoples weight, I definitely have to agree. I blend in pretty well at 155cm and 45 kg but whenever my weight goes up a few k as it does from time to time especially if I don't watch it, I absolutely dread the comments "oh today you very fat" (give me a break). Usually though it's more a case of "oh you slim, most farang lady fat but you slim" which actually p%sses me off no end. Worse still is "I think before you fat but now you slim" and just the incessant comments generally. I don't know many women who don't have issues with their appearance overall and it would be so nice to not feel this scrutiny.

I know it's probably just a case of making conversation but I find it intrusive and rude.

[eek]

When i first arrived here (one year ago) i was uk size 8 and around 8 stone/112 pounds. Im 5'7". I was an avid gym addict and was jogging on average around 10km/1hr 4-5 times a week, with alternate days weight-training. I too, in Bangkok, had the ladies saying "can try, hab big size". I remember wondering how dam_n thin does one have to be in order to not have that shouted at me! Some of the women saying it to me were actually bigger than me in any case. I figured that just seeing a western women = fat, in their minds, or maybe tall=fat, without actually LOOKING at me. At first I began to eat less, determined to be even smaller.

The irony now is, due to my thyroid condition im being treated for, that I developed a few months back, ive gained weight rather than lost. But im sure ill get back on track. But either way, as Kat, I will never be Thai thin. I am part Italian and will always have boobs and a booty. When I am thinner I am still curvy. I am also fairly athletic because of love of sports, so my thighs and arms will never be stick-thin.

Anyway..I realise now I do not wish to battle with this. I dont wish to be anorexic thin. I should prize my differences and make the most of what i have. I would probably still hear comments like "have big size" in any case even if i were to lose a ton of weight, as will always be curvy and 5'7", with my size 6 hobbit feet.

[sbk]

Let me remind anyone out there who may be thinking of posting their generic anti-farang women rant. This is neither the time nor the place for it and if you do so you will find your posts deleted and your good self warned.

Not that any have needed to be passed out, just a gentle reminder from the Ladies forum moderator

[Boo]

I'm totally the opposite of thai physique. I am 6ft tall, large build, big boobs & hourglass figure. I have had over the years a lot of thai women (incl, katoey) tell me how sexy my body was was & how they wanted a shape like mine Now as I have never seen a thai women with a body that I would like I find this quite telling but I do think & have been told that one of the things they liked about my body is that I am in total proportion rather than having one thing on my body bigger or smaller than the other, so although I am big boobed, I have the height & frame to carry them & having an hourglass figure on a long frame seems to stop me from looking dumpy. Oddly one of the things I was always getting comments on too was my feet & how attractive they are?? Something about having nice toes & a strong arch.

That said though, I also got a lot of fat comments which has been true on occasion but IMO, it is used as a blanket statement. I think that thai's do think that we may be fat but this is based on the basic similarities in the majority of thai womens body shape compared to the varied ethinic mixes in western women. So for us, you can be slim as well as having a nice plump bum like kats peach as we can & do distribute any weight gain or general body fat in a myriad of different place but a thai might only see a large bum & lable the wearer as fat. Just cultural condtioning really IMO

Through our media & multicultural societies it he west we have come to accept that the usual white skin, blonde hair, blue eyed majority look is not the only defination of beauty whereas asia & specifically Thailand doesn't have anywhere near the same level of multiculturalism so their definations will be deeply ingrained & influenced by their own populace.

As to whether this affects my body image, well no, I just don't care enough about what anyone thinks TBH to worry about it. Besides, I have never once had someone tell me that my tall, voluptous, hourglass body is a turn off but then thats cause I would attract people who like that body shape so have no interest in hearing what people who don't think about it right?

I did learn early on though not to even bother with clothes shopping in LOS so would just do a massive shop on my yearly trips home as why would shops stock anythign to fit my 36inch leg length or 36EE cup bra when I am probably one of the few women in the whole of thailand to need them

[Ave]

I'm totally Italian, quite petite, curvy and with reasonably big breasts. I had always been size 8/10 but when I arrived in Thailand I was a huge shapeless blob and everybody laughed at me when I was jogging early in the morning to avoid a large number of spectators. It was humiliating but I started laughing with them and didn't give up. After a couple of months I went down to size 12 and toned my body up a bit. I became a magnet to every Thai man around and that in the end didn't feel right either, believe me. Without exercising I have gone back to my 'normal' size 10 and am happy with my shape. I would never want to look like everyone else around me. Although I don't find big breasts very practical I don't mind them so much and still enjoy feeling and looking different to the norm here.

[Boo]

one of the most effective responses btw to the "you're fat" comment is to very simpley say "yes, you too" with a nice smile. confuses the <deleted> out of them & it is poetry in motion to see the penny drop along with their face

[seonai]

Excellent advice Boo I think though they might just be saying 'fat' to sort of mean you look healthy? Not sure but I know it makes us farangs feel bad

[kat]

There have been some really great comments here by everyone.

Through our media & multicultural societies it he west we have come to accept that the usual white skin, blonde hair, blue eyed majority look is not the only defination of beauty whereas asia & specifically Thailand doesn't have anywhere near the same level of multiculturalism so their definations will be deeply ingrained & influenced by their own populace.

^Very true, as well as their ideas about foreign beauty.

I'm totally Italian, quite petite, curvy and with reasonably big breasts. I had always been size 8/10 but when I arrived in Thailand I was a huge shapeless blob and everybody laughed at me when I was jogging early in the morning to avoid a large number of spectators. It was humiliating but I started laughing with them and didn't give up. After a couple of months I went down to size 12 and toned my body up a bit. I became a magnet to every Thai man around and that in the end didn't feel right either, believe me. Without exercising I have gone back to my 'normal' size 10 and am happy with my shape. I would never want to look like everyone else around me. Although I don't find big breasts very practical I don't mind them so much and still enjoy feeling and looking different to the norm here.

Yeah, I know what you mean about the curves being a magnet. I attracted a lot of Thai male attention when I was at my most fullest, when I first arrived. I am not surprised by this at home in the states, but was surprised by it in Thailand. But then again, when I think about it now, I dated a filipino-american at home who raved about my "voluptuosness" and would pout when I would start a fitness program to lose weight, but he is American, so I didn't really think about it. So, maybe more Asian men appreciate it more than I previously thought.

It's good to have discussions. like this one.

[Andiamo]

There have been some really great comments here by everyone.

It's good to have discussions. like this one.

Yep, I agree - great that everyone has been so open!

Also love what you said Boo to respond if someone says you're fat - I can just imagine the flummoxed expression as comprehension slowly dawns! (Apologies, I dunno how to quote twice in one reply!)

Keep sharing gals - "We are not alone" (Sorry, sounds like something off Star Trek!)

[fletchsmile]

A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman. Personlly I chose a coffee cream, but fortunately there's a lot more types of chocolate in the box, otherwise life would be dull.

Thai women can be just as conscious about their bodies as anyone else, sometimes more so.

As for the stretch marks signs of childbirth etc, they don't really matter at all. If someone asked me for a choice between stretch marks and our lovely daughter, I'd have the stretch marks myself if I could. On one level, if I'm honest, perhaps they aren't physically attractive when viewed in isolation. But on another level, when I look at them as a husband and father, they've a real meaning behind them, with a whole superior kind of beauty. i.e no stretch marks = beautiful body. stretch marks = beautiful body. Just a difference in the reasons why.

[kat]

That's a really nice commentary, Fletch on the stretch marks. Really honest and really touching, from a male's point of view.

What I meant in my post above about attracting much more Thai male attention when I was bigger, is that it clashed with my expectations of feeling more attractive smaller. Ironically, as my body "improved" fitness wise, my body image started to suffer more, I think because of the body type thing I talked about first off becoming more apparent. Also, I was more aware of how many men here viewed and spoke about my body type, and it did affect me on some level, if only to think about it more. It didn't destroy my esteem or anything like that, but it affected how I viewed my place there.

I consider myself a very strong person, but I want to be honest. If we are getting positive responses from people around us, then in a sense we are consciously or subconsciously getting validation. Does body image start to suffer when there is no visible or otherwise validation whatsoever, and in fact an abundance of the opposite? Do very small or thin Asian women feel anything similar when they move to the West?

Just a thought .....

[bina]

well, i live in a culture where 'in fashion' is anorexic 16 yr old style clothing and look; unfortunately, most israeli women couldnt actually look like that so they stuff themselves into the clothing and it looks awful... i am skinny (petite is a nicer word but actually i've had people send the kibbutz nurse to 'speak' with me cause maybe i'm anorexic.. NOT.) same weight 20 years except for pregnancies (gained 20! kilo each time). the boobs are enlarging again to 16 yr old size i guess hormones are changing as they were getting flat droopy for a while and i could go braless. now i use those girls training bras cause my nipples are the 'stick out' kind and husband has the thai thing of bras.

i loved thailand cause i could find adult clothes for my sizes instead of those ridiculous teenage styles that are my size here. (i hate low cut jeans and belly shirts etc). i am very thai sized but must look starved to most of the village women, as the two times i was in thailand people spent all their time feeding me.

we dont have a scale in the house, two small mirrors in a bathroom and bedroom, and looks are not our hangup. my daughters are rembrantish in their curves and fullness (and taller then me) and they dont hear the word 'diet' in this house. ever. its like other 'bad' words. they dont hear the word fat, or too thin, or too small, or too big. my daughter said she felt big when in thailand because she liked the clothes but couldnt find her size, but her being big didnt bother her beyond that since it doesnt interest her what others think of her anyway. it just annoyed her cause she wanted clothes that u cant find here but none fit her.

i've never been too hung up on numbers: xxl 38 whatever, if the clothing fits, wear it. the sizing is arbitrary anyway. i find that anything made in the philipines or thailand fits me well, if its from india its too long, if its from europe its too big and wide...

most of the pics of thai workers' wives that are shown to me show small women slightly plump even fat, as were those i met. perhaps country folk are different than city folk. i didnt notice too many , or any actually, fashion or womens mags laying around houses. no high fashion. practical and comfy was what i saw around me.

i find it humurous that my husband and i wear the same sizes and styles of clothing; most of the clothes here are too big for him... he was wearing my son's cast offs until my son got too big!!!

i think that in america i'm called 'scrawny'.... 55555

edit: sequence of sentences..

Edited November 12, 2007 by bina

[canadiangirl]

Thailand had both good and bad effects on my body image.

I had always been bit a bit nerdy and tomboy-ish, between doing a math degree and being a computer programmer. Thailand really encouraged me to explore my girly side, with all the spas and massages and manicures and makeup, etc, etc. So I really enjoyed getting into shape, getting my hair done all the time, and looking like a girl. I had lots of time to do yoga almost every day, and would go out dancing many times in a week. The Asian diet really agrees with me, and I lost a lot of weight and looked great. All my friends at home commented on how hot I looked when I came home!

But I also didn't like the constant scrutiny and judgment paid to my appearance. I'm used to being judged on my brains, and never in my entire life have I ever felt so judged on my looks as in LOS -- both by Thais and farang. Ironically, I *looked* a lot better, but *felt worse* about my appearance. I became a lot more insecure about my appearance, a lot more stressed out at every little flaw, and almost dreading the idea of someone seeing me naked in bed, with all my imperfections. It took me a long time, even, to get over this, and decide that -- what the heck -- great sex is worth overcoming my crazy fear that someone will think my ass is too big, or something.

I'm coming back to Asia in a few days, for a while, and I really hope this time I can inhabit some happy middle of pride and care in my appearance, without all these feelings of insecurity and not-good-enough.

I really agree with Kat about how acknowledgment of yourself as a woman, and the attention of men, really affects how your view your own body. I LOVE the attention I get here (in Canada) as a woman -- all the little flirtations, the smiles, the playfullness -- it makes me feel like a girl, it's so much fun.

p.s. Kat, from one girl to another, forget the haters, you have a *fabulous* booty! I remember noticing this about you when we went out dancing. :-)

[eek]

now i use those girls training bras cause my nipples are the 'stick out' kind and husband has the thai thing of bras.

I dunno wot that means! Am i being naive lol? Do you mean, as in thai like women to wear a bra, is that it? Cuz that i know of course. But youve made me curious!

[nidge]

My wife is Thai, and in Thai eyes is also fat, (She has a real bum and thighs and is also lovely to cuddle). When we went to the UK last year some of my girlfriends there commented on her good body and said they wished they had a body like that. We met outside of Thailand and when we first arrived in my wifes village i had far too many comments on the lines of "your wife too fat, why you not marry my daughter, she have good body". This really hurt my wife and still i get the occasional apology from her because she is so fat and cannot lose weight. When i tell her her body is fantastic and i do not want her to change it she looks at me like i am a bit odd. In reality she could either lose 10 kilo or gain 20 kilo and i would still love her with all my heart. If any many dislikes you because of your size whether you are thai or farang then they are not worth the use of energy telling them to "sod off"