What To Say To People Who Interupt.

[Mosha]

When I am talking with my wife I am consatantly interuptted by her friends who just walk up and butt in. How do I say politely.

"Excuse me but I'm talking to my wife , don't interupt."

She knows how much it annoys me but doesn't want to upset her friends.

[DavidHouston]

No need to worry. Women have an incredible ability to process multiple conversations at the same time. This is not a ethnic Thai trait but a gender trait.

Isaac Asimov wrote a short story many years ago about a space ship on the brink of a black hole where the crew needed to get information back to earth but did not have enough time to wait for a response, given the time it takes for a radio message to travel. So they decided to imitate the pilot's grandmother (a female, you will note) in simultaneously sending multiple messages and receiving messages out of synchronization.

Your wife can carry on multiple converstions with her friends while paying full attention to you; of course, you, being the male of the species, don't carry this inborn trait.

[siamesekitty]

[siamesekitty]

It's frustrating but the whole interrupting thing really means a lot more to farangs than Thais. Farangs have had it drilled into them since birth practically that you shouldn't interrupt, but not so for Thais, though they are very considerate when it comes to business acquaintances, elders, and those higher up. For close friends, however, it ain't that big a deal, and you're running the risk of being seen as a p***k or something along those lines if you start to object.

Anyway, if you realllllly wanna do it however:

straight translation which is likely to offend - ขอโทษนะครับ ผมกำลังคุยกับ ______ อยู่ กรุณาอย่าพูดแทรกนะครับ (khor tod na krub, pom kamlang kui gap ________ yoo. garuna ya pood saek na krub) = Excuse me krub, I'm talking with ______, please don't interrupt.

a bit more diplomatic - ขอโทษนะครับ ขอคุยเรื่องนี้ให้เสร็จก่อนนะครับ (khor thod na krub, khor khui ruang nee hai set korn na krub) = Sorry, but I'd like to discuss this issue first

more diplomatic - สักครู่นะครับ ขอคุยเรื่องนี้ให้จบก่อน (sak khru na krub, khor khui ruang nee hai job korn) = Just a minute krub, let me discuss this issue first

what I would say (as a Thai) - the least likely to offend, but if your Thai is not that good it would probably be met with blank looks

ขอเวลาแป๊บ(drawing the sound out a bit)นึงนะครับ ขอคุยเรื่องนี้ให้จบก่อน หลังจากนั้นยกให้เลย! (khor wela paaaaaaeb nung na krub. khor khui ruang nee hai johb korn. lang jak nahn yok hai loey!) = Sorry, but could I have just a miiiiiiiiinute? Lemme just finish discussing this issue. After that, she's all yours!

[Onnutrd]

I wish I can speak Thai~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[mangkorn]

Of course, there is also this old chestnut: เรื่องของคน หมาไม่เกี่ยว!

(Violence, and possibly bloodshed, ensue....)

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Cheers.

[Wanida]

Most of Thai just accept it.We don't make a fuss if you do ,you will be seen as ignorant. It's bad manner to interupt people I know it's diifferent culture like we have to accept when we are in your houses and you put your feet infront of us and rest them on a pouffee.

[mangkorn]

Excellent, Khun Wanida.

And putting one's feet up is really bad manners, in any culture - I think.

Why should anybody else have to look at the bottom of your shoes?

Good one.

Cheers.

[Mosha]

Thanks for the replies, so basically, the best way is just accept it.

[AjarnP]

Of course, there is also this old chestnut: เรื่องของคน หมาไม่เกี่ยว!

(Violence, and possibly bloodshed, ensue....)

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Cheers.

Nice one คุณ Mangkorn

great responses from คุณ Kitty too. I especially like the third version

AjarnP

[meadish_sweetball]

Thanks for the replies, so basically, the best way is just accept it.

Yes - if one can learn to accept it, sure. It's good for one's inner peace to learn to truly learn to let things slide.

But if that doesn't seem to work, I would choose any of the three Kitty suggested, probably the second alternative is what I would go for personally.

I know this is a cultural difference, and I try my best to observe Thai rules and norms when interacting with Thais in Thailand - but there are times when what is accepted behaviour here clashes too hard with my basic sense of what is ok.

To me, interrupting others is equal to saying 'You are not important enough for me to wait for you to finish your sentence.', i.e. a sign of disrespect. If I give people the time to say their piece without interrupting, then I expect the same behaviour in return.

And in the cases where one finds it hard to adapt, I think it is better to let people know, without making too big a deal about it, instead of not saying anything, and getting gradually more and more worked up about it, with the end result of blowing up or becoming bitter.

And putting one's feet up is really bad manners, in any culture - I think.

Yes- true for Sweden too, although perhaps not rude to the same degree as it is seen here in Thailand.

[ngieen]

Of course, there is also this old chestnut: เรื่องของคน หมาไม่เกี่ยว!

(Violence, and possibly bloodshed, ensue....)

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Cheers.

very rude

[ngieen]

ขอเวลาแป๊บนึง is absolutely your best option

[lost_in_space]

There's a good book by Deborah Tannen called either "You just don't understand" or "That's not what I meant" that discusses interrupting in terms she calls 'high involvement' speakers and 'high consideration' speakers. If you're a high involvement speaker and interrupt the person you are talking to, it shows that you are really interested in what they are saying.

But it doesn't apply to interrupting others. When my wife pulls this 'it's Thai culture' thing on me, I tell her I'm going to get a mia noi, as that's Thai culture, too.

As an old fart with spotty short term memory, if I get interrupted, I might lose my train of thought. I hate that.

[ignoramus]

I always lose my train of thought when interrupted, oh heavens I forgot what i was going to write just now. Seriously, I did. Couldn't have been too important I suppose.

[Johpa]

When I am talking with my wife I am consatantly interuptted by her friends who just walk up and butt in. How do I say politely.

"Excuse me but I'm talking to my wife , don't interupt."

She knows how much it annoys me but doesn't want to upset her friends.

Ah, assuming your wife's friends are also Thai women, you simply grin and bear it. There exists in this world somethings that do not have any good solutions. But knowing that most Thais know a few English phrases, in such a situation I would do my best impersonation of Steve Martin's "well excuuuse me!" and hope for the best.