Two Thai Boys Coming To Oz With Their Mother

[xerostar]

We started by bringing the younger boy (aged 6) to Oz in September 2006 after my wife had received her immigration visa.

I could not get him into the special school for English so he attended the local primary school.

At the end of that year, his teachers said he was intelligent but he was struggling due to his lack of basic English.

I was able to get him into Parkwood ESL primary for 2007.

This is the only primary school in WA especially for new immigrant children to learn English.

His teacher was very happy with his progress and he will be going back to our local Carlisle primary for 2008.

He is a happy boy and seems to get along well with other children. He even received a citizenship award from Parkwood. He likes to get attention from me. He likes to sit on my knee when he reads for me every evening after school.

I think we can call that a success story so far.

However the older boy (now 14) has been a disaster. He came to Australia in January 2007 and started at Melville high school. (One of only two high schools with ESL classes).

He had missed more than 6 months in Thailand because he did not want to go to school.

It seemed like he was doing OK. He even came home with a medal for swimming in the first term!

I bought him an expensive MP3 player as a reward. He got pocket money every day. His mother always got up really early to cook his Thai breakfast. He had a nice uniform with plenty of spare garments. He had a monthly pass for the bus. He even had my wife's old mobile phone which he lost (or traded) within 2 months! I refused to buy him another but his mother got him a new one (without asking me) just before he left.

About July-August we started getting emails from the school asking why he was not at school! We tried to impress on him how important it was to not miss any school.

However things gradually got worse. He became interested in Basketball. He liked wearing "hoodies". He liked Rap music. He started coming home late. He tried sneaking in the back door.

I confronted him and insisted he come home on time. He would not tell us where he had been.

He had a Thai buddy that was also up to mischief. One morning I checked his school bag and found any empty scotch bottle! I found out later that he was hanging around billiard parlours with Thai boys much older than himself. The school was a bit lax in keeping me informed until one day they asked us to come for an interview. They said he had not been at school for 3 weeks! We found out he had a Thai girlfriend about his own age. Then we found out she was pregnant! I contacted her parents (Thai mother Ozzie Step dad). They were "not happy."

Eventually I had to say "enough!" I purchased a one way ticket back to Thailand for the boy.

I had a hel_l of an argument with his mother, because an adult Thai acquaintance told her I was making a big mistake. He even offered to take him into his "care". (This guy was running a sweatshop making circuit boards). I was furious with him for sticking his nose in without my permission. Anyway the boy nearly missed the flight because he asked to go and see his friends and promised to be back on time. I had to threaten police action to get him to the airport on time.

I was warned that he would need strong guidance. When they don't understand English (or pretend not to understand ..) it's very difficult to get your point across when his mother is translating. I'm sure she always gave him a soft option.

Now I know he ignored anything she said to him. After he left I got a hefty bill from Telstra.

He had been on the phone to his friends who had mobiles. One call lasted 95 minutes.. He was warned not to use the phone but he had set up an extension in his room and removed it before morning so I would not know. Basically a very dishonest attitude.

Later I found out that he had "lost" the MP3 player that I had bought him.

I expected he traded it for money.

Now he's back living in Thailand with his grandma. He's got a job as a delivery boy.

He refuses to go to school.

He has stripped his motor cycle so there are no instruments, no lights, no muffler.

He simply thrashes it - full revs in every gear. He complained to his mum that he needs a new motorcycle because his is old one is worn out.

He got into a temper and stormed off when she said he can't have one.

That's the story so far, although I have reduced reporting all the negative incidents to avoid writing you a book.

As I said, a total disaster ..

All we can do is wait and hope that he matures with time ( I have strong doubts).

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Sounds a really difficult case. The best of luck with it.

[xerostar]

Latest update .. (please see previous post)

The boy is now Fourteen and a half years old.

We were back in LOS last holidays December 07-January 08.

While I was there we had to drive the boy to a youth correction centre every day for about 2 weeks.

He had been implicated in a break-in at a neighbour's house. He denied any wrong doing but they had

found his fingerprints in the house, so he was guilty.

The police arranged for him to attend the correction centre for some sort of training program.

We had to drive about 60 Km there and back every day.

I think the kid thought it was great being the centre of attention.

I wasn't impressed, I've found better things to do on my annual holidays.

I had to go back to OZ two weeks earlier than my wife mainly to get back to work.

My business was closed for the month while I was away.

When my wife got back I found out she had purchased a brand new motor cycle for the lad.

She said he promised to be a good boy from now on .. (I knew it wouldn't work ..)

He was left with his two uncles in charge - who don't stand for any nonsense.

He found his behaviour soon caused the uncles to be on his back all the time.

He didn't like to work. He likes to stay out late and sleep until mid-day.

That lasted about 2 months before he went back to live with his grandmother.

Evidently he has been doing some part-time work as a delivery boy.

The recent news:

His cousin (who is still attending school) discovered a Gun (revolver) hidden in the bedroom

and immediately told his grandmother about his discovery.

Evidently the lad has "let it be known" around the village that he intends to kill another boy who is a rival.

There was a death about a year earlier when he was away in Australia.

A friend of his had been killed by a machete-wielding rival.

It's possibly friends of that boy he intends to kill ..

Grandma was evidently absolutely furious with him and told him to get out and never come back.

Grandma was married twice before and both husbands have been killed by gunmen (assassins unknown)

so understandably she had a right to be very, very angry and upset.

We are going back for a three week visit beginning of July.

What to do with the pest?

I wanted to phone the police immediately.

My wife said not to inform the police because they will only want money.

She wants to protect the little sh*t no matter what.

Now I have to fear that this kid will be pointing a gun at me sooner or later ..

What would you do in these circumstances?

[jimmi]

This is a very difficult situation. Sounds like he needs some professional help. You might want to consider getting him some professional mental help, for the child. Teen age years are very difficult years. Get him some help. A psychologist can help you and him cope with many of life's problems. If you don't know where to go, talk to a medical doctor in a major hospital, they should be able to streer you in the right direction. But hurry, don't wait untill he kills someone. Get him help NOW, TODAY!!! Best of luck for you and your family.

[TheWalkingMan]

sad.

skipping school, being untruthful, stripping his motor bike and then asking for a new one, participating in a house break-in, obtaining a gun and letting the village know that he intends on committing murder...

You have got your work cut out for you. Some people, for whatever reason, seem to enjoy doing the wrong thing. You asked for a suggestion... Prepare for him to be arrested for something serious (murder, attempted murder) and prepare for him to be murdered or severely injured - if not done already, get him some insurance.

Sounds like he is heading down a bad road which will only end in tears all around. As another poster said, get him some professional help. The wife needs to buy into what you are doing or else it will be a wasted effort. If she does not buy into to it, then it might be time to seriously consider washing your hands of his problems and let the wife deal with it.

TheWalkingMan

[keestha]

Letting the boy talk to a psychologist maybe wouldn't help much. I would try to get hold of somebody who has done jailtime in Thailand (but who has bettered his ways) who can make it very clear to him what he is heading for, assuming he doesn't get shot.

[BKK2509]

I bet he is on drug! I don't think professional help will help him. Teenagers are so difficult to deal with. I think you should walk away from that boy and let his mother deal with it.

Also I think he has low self-esteem or not confident or shy... His behaviours tell you something : he wants love, trust in him, pay attention to him, and so on. What do you think? I'm sure you have done enough to help him out.

[Mighty Mouse]

In New South Wales we have the Police/Citizen Youth Clubs that are operated with the aim of protecting troubled youth from entering a life of crime. Organizers rely on sporting activities and give close supervision whilst providing an enjoyable alternative to running wild on the streets.

There is nothing better for a hard headed teenager than to get into the ring and learn boxing, karate or some other physically demanding sport. A few well placed uppercuts will keep him under control and he will soon learn how to best handle pent up aggression.

I've seen young troubled kids as described in the preceding posts of this thread, enter the youth clubs, willingly involve themselves in the activities, turn their lives around and become role models to others.

It's not always successful and it's certainly not easy but it's a step in the right direction.

[prapagorn]

that's sound difficult

i hope get soon*-*-*

[bina]

This is a very difficult situation. Sounds like he needs some professional help. You might want to consider getting him some professional mental help, for the child. Teen age years are very difficult years. Get him some help. A psychologist can help you and him cope with many of life's problems. If you don't know where to go, talk to a medical doctor in a major hospital, they should be able to streer you in the right direction. But hurry, don't wait untill he kills someone. Get him help NOW, TODAY!!! Best of luck for you and your family.

yeah right!! in thailand.

the best ideas: have the family walk away and cut off the funds that he gets from everyone and let him make his own mistakes; OR get him in as a young monk in a program (there are some if i remember reading here somewhere); or in to kick boxing or other tough sport with a charismatic teacher,etc.. (but u need money for that as my husband pointed out)....

thais and psychological counselling dont usually go together and by the way, neither does it work that much for teens in other countries; it seems that for hard cases experience/getting caught and put in a proper set up is the best (i.e. not juvie with the hardened groups but other centers, not sure if there are those in thailand ); here, the incentive to get in to the army *believe it or not that is an incentive" often straigtens kids out, as does the army itself.

back in your country i'm sure there are good alternatives, obvously getting away from his environment (local thai hoods as they stick together in foreign country, like any group of foreign kids do) and away from his town in thailand... a lot probably depends on finances.

bina

israel

[Livinginexile]

A fine reflextion on his upbringing up to 14. It's a shame you could not intervene when he was younger like you did with the other lad.

Good luck with him.