My Wife Is Thai

[Eastender]

No it's not about ladyboys.... This has bugged me for a long time and I've got to let it out, as well as hopefully making a positive change.

Why, oh why, do people use the term lady for a Thai, but woman for almost every other nationality? And don't try and pretend it's because they act more like 'ladies'. And it's catching. I tried to open a bank account for my (Thai) wife in the UK. The woman I dealt with started stammering and didn't know how to refer to her.. "yes we can help your, err, your, err, err... lady". The fact that my wife was born and raised in Thailand seemed to confuse the clerk. Normal words such as woman and wife just could not be used.

It's like someone's watched one of these in flight hotel adds where the Thai woman dressed in traditional costume greets the guests with a wai and a flower in her hair, and then assumed that is the very nature of the 'female Thai' and only the word 'lady' could do her justice. Well I've met a few like that in my local Thai restaurant, but when they're back round my house after work gambling and drinking wine with my wife they're just women.

Can we please stop this strange practice.

Thanks

[Maestro]

If I understand you correctly you are complaining that the bank employee, when speaking to you, referred to the lady you accompanied to the bank as “your lady” rather than “your woman”. It may be due to my limited knowledge of English or my limited exposure to regional customs in England, but I would have been offended if my wife had been referred to as “your woman”

Normal words such as woman and wife just could not be used.

How did you introduce your wife to the bank employee? As “my wife”, as “my woman”, or not all?

--

Maestro

[Eric1949]

No it's not about ladyboys.... This has bugged me for a long time and I've got to let it out, as well as hopefully making a positive change.

Why, oh why, do people use the term lady for a Thai, but woman for almost every other nationality? And don't try and pretend it's because they act more like 'ladies'. And it's catching. I tried to open a bank account for my (Thai) wife in the UK. The woman I dealt with started stammering and didn't know how to refer to her.. "yes we can help your, err, your, err, err... lady". The fact that my wife was born and raised in Thailand seemed to confuse the clerk. Normal words such as woman and wife just could not be used.

It's like someone's watched one of these in flight hotel adds where the Thai woman dressed in traditional costume greets the guests with a wai and a flower in her hair, and then assumed that is the very nature of the 'female Thai' and only the word 'lady' could do her justice. Well I've met a few like that in my local Thai restaurant, but when they're back round my house after work gambling and drinking wine with my wife they're just women.

Can we please stop this strange practice.

Thanks

The term 'lady' when referring to a Thai female is of course a very loose term. The are some Thai females who do deserve the title, but the majority certainly do not.

[chiang mai]

No it's not about ladyboys.... This has bugged me for a long time and I've got to let it out, as well as hopefully making a positive change.

Why, oh why, do people use the term lady for a Thai, but woman for almost every other nationality? And don't try and pretend it's because they act more like 'ladies'. And it's catching. I tried to open a bank account for my (Thai) wife in the UK. The woman I dealt with started stammering and didn't know how to refer to her.. "yes we can help your, err, your, err, err... lady". The fact that my wife was born and raised in Thailand seemed to confuse the clerk. Normal words such as woman and wife just could not be used.

It's like someone's watched one of these in flight hotel adds where the Thai woman dressed in traditional costume greets the guests with a wai and a flower in her hair, and then assumed that is the very nature of the 'female Thai' and only the word 'lady' could do her justice. Well I've met a few like that in my local Thai restaurant, but when they're back round my house after work gambling and drinking wine with my wife they're just women.

Can we please stop this strange practice.

Thanks

The term 'lady' when referring to a Thai female is of course a very loose term. The are some Thai females who do deserve the title, but the majority certainly do not.

I for one will be interested to learn how you arrive at that conclusion.

[Lilawadee]

I for one will be interested to learn how you arrive at that conclusion.

Observation?

Honestly I don't think that's all that interesting? Just the same as many here don't really qualify as 'gentlemen'..

(Present company excluded )

[Xangsamhua]

The term 'lady' when referring to a Thai female is of course a very loose term. The are some Thai females who do deserve the title, but the majority certainly do not.

I for one will be interested to learn how you arrive at that conclusion.

Pretty iffy term all round, I think, unless the 'lady' in question is either a gentlewoman, mistress of a household or female version of a lord. Feminists sometimes react against the "gentlewoman" -woman of gentle manners - definition. They think it implies submissiveness. When I hear guys talk about their "lady", I assume it means their live-in girlfriend. It doesn't worry me.

Remember Celine Dion/Jennifer Rush: "I am your lady and you are my man"?

[sweetchariot]

Not really interested, but I think you will find it is down to a limited grasp on the various English definitions of a female, and the term 'lady' is a one size fits all, that is exacerbated by those that know better using the same term to be understood by those that don't.

The word lady covers everything from a lady, wife, girlfriend, bg, hairdresser, druggie, bank manager, and beggar. If they are female, they are 'lady'. Next you'll be complaining about the word 'farang'.

[Briggsy]

Thai (language) and Thais always gravitate towards the more polite way of expressing oneself in any situation in which they are unsure of their ground. The preferred terms often have class connotations as well. Thus Thais have "chauffeurs" not drivers etc.

This practice of using nice and polite words is highly prevalent. It becomes extreme when they are covering something up or hiding something like the corruption in the civil service or politics. Thus you do not bribe a cop, you 'help' him.

Thais are embarrassed by their reputation as a sex tourist destination and their massive commercial sex industry so again the 'nice', or euphemistic terms come out in force. We get Thai "ladies" and not women.

In addition the irregular pronunciation and spelling of the plural of woman confuses them.

Either that or they've been reading toilet doors.

[Eric1949]

Not really interested, but I think you will find it is down to a limited grasp on the various English definitions of a female, and the term 'lady' is a one size fits all, that is exacerbated by those that know better using the same term to be understood by those that don't.

The word lady covers everything from a lady, wife, girlfriend, bg, hairdresser, druggie, bank manager, and beggar. If they are female, they are 'lady'. Next you'll be complaining about the word 'farang'.

Farang is just another term for ATM

[TEFLMike]

Farang is just another term for ATM

Equyally, in the UK, so does the term 't'other half'

[TommyGun]

If I understand you correctly you are complaining that the bank employee, when speaking to you, referred to the lady you accompanied to the bank as "your lady" rather than "your woman". It may be due to my limited knowledge of English or my limited exposure to regional customs in England, but I would have been offended if my wife had been referred to as "your woman"

Normal words such as woman and wife just could not be used.

How did you introduce your wife to the bank employee? As "my wife", as "my woman", or not all?

--

Maestro

Agreed. To me it sound like the 'Lady' at the bank was try to be polite without putting her foot in it by refering to your lady as a lady.

[yorkman]

No it's not about ladyboys.....................

I tried to open a bank account for my (Thai) wife in the UK. The woman I dealt with started stammering and didn't know how to refer to her.. "yes we can help your, err, your, err, err... lady".

..................................................

Can we please stop this strange practice.

Thanks

Perhaps the woman in the bank did not know whether your wife was famale or a ladyboy, thus calling her a lady covers all bases?

Did you introduce her as your wife? Or would you prefer she referred to her as "your woman"

[MrSquigle]

Yes I am confused...I presume she looks like a man but dresses like a 'lady' so the bank employee was a little confused what to call her, him...shim.

Maybe you should have just introduced her to the employee by name and that would have avoided the term 'lady' which you seem to not like....a simple..."hello mam, this is my wife Bob, could you please help her open an account"

Or in Oz we have the word 'bloke'....this could have replaced 'lady' rather nicely.

[GuestHouse]

Great post and well observed.

I'd add not just the term 'Thai Lady' but more so 'Thai Girl'.

I find both indicative of a rather condescending mindset

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

What in the he-ll is wrong with "lady"? I find it rather strange that someone would object to the term lady. I use the term quite often and have never felt it was derogatory in any way.

[Briggsy]

Great post and well observed.

I'd add not just the term 'Thai Lady' but more so 'Thai Girl'.

I find both indicative of a rather condescending mindset

My, thank you, my vanity allows me to receive compliments 24-7. I think the condescension depends on the speaker. See below. I've just realised you weren't referring to my post but there is a minute chance you might have been.

What in the he-ll is wrong with "lady"? I find it rather strange that someone would object to the term lady. I use the term quite often and have never felt it was derogatory in any way.

Nothing wrong with it. I believe the OP was referring to the high frequency of the collocation, "Thai lady" and also alluding to the high use of the word 'lady' as compared to 'woman' in English spoken by Thais. He appears to be pointing out a small symptom of an unnecessary awkwardness on the part of many farangs when confronted with another farang whose partner is from the third world and has limited English skills. For me, the post says, "I am married to a Thai woman, get over it." to the Brits who act embarrassed around his missus.

May I give an example. An English female friend of mine was talking about a male colleague. She had worked with him for a number of years and described him as a very nice and helpful bloke. When she discovered he was married to a Filipina, he became 'dubious' in her eyes. All this with no knowledge of the situation, not even knowing how long they had been married, how they met, etc. Probably if she had ever met his Filipina wife, she would have been over-polite and spoken to her as a child to mask her prejudice and suspicions.

Edited January 20, 2008 by Briggsy

[blizzard]

maybe the bank employees had the common misconception that all thai women r you know..........................................

[blizzard]

sir but people do care what others tink! its just human nature.

[xyborg]

<br />No it's not about ladyboys.... This has bugged me for a long time and I've got to let it out, as well as hopefully making a positive change.<br /><br />Why, oh why, do people use the term lady for a Thai, but woman for almost every other nationality? And don't try and pretend it's because they act more like 'ladies'. And it's catching. I tried to open a bank account for my (Thai) wife in the UK. The woman I dealt with started stammering and didn't know how to refer to her.. "yes we can help your, err, your, err, err... lady". The fact that my wife was born and raised in Thailand seemed to confuse the clerk. Normal words such as woman and wife just could not be used.<br /><br /><br />It's like someone's watched one of these in flight hotel adds where the Thai woman dressed in traditional costume greets the guests with a wai and a flower in her hair, and then assumed that is the very nature of the 'female Thai' and only the word 'lady' could do her justice. Well I've met a few like that in my local Thai restaurant, but when they're back round my house after work gambling and drinking wine with my wife they're just women.<br /><br />Can we please stop this strange practice.<br />Thanks<br /><br /><br />

<br /><br /><br />

I dunno is your "lady" 18 and you are 99 and the clerk is slightly embarrassed by this? &lt;deleted&gt; you must have a lot of time to worry if this is your only problem in life or perhaps your "lady" isnt a lady and you are the only one not to notice this ? I suggest you watch this its a great song and makes me think of my wife who i havent seen for 6 months but will see in 2 weeks, last time I saw her she was a woman but who knows now?????????????????//

[xyborg]

<br />Great post and well observed.<br /><br />I'd add not just the term 'Thai Lady' but more so 'Thai Girl'. <br /><br />I find both indicative of a rather condescending mindset<br /><br />

<br /><br /><br />

I wonder if t he Op gets really bothered when like some people have said to me "oh yes your Thai bride" but its ok I hear cosmetic dentistry is very advanced now!!!!! guffffffawwwwwww

[moldy]

If I understand you correctly you are complaining that the bank employee, when speaking to you, referred to the lady you accompanied to the bank as "your lady" rather than "your woman". It may be due to my limited knowledge of English or my limited exposure to regional customs in England, but I would have been offended if my wife had been referred to as "your woman"

Normal words such as woman and wife just could not be used.

How did you introduce your wife to the bank employee? As "my wife", as "my woman", or not all?

--

Maestro

I had the same thing, sussed out later that he wasn't sure whether I was her husband or father.

Such is life, the young nit.

[TheDon]

You should of slammed your fist on the counter and said "She is a woman dam_n it"

[RueFang]

I think you think too much! Lady and woman are often interchangeable terms. Perhaps it's an age thing because way back when a "lady" was petite, feminine, etc and "woman" was the term for your average female, I believe it's not so now. Woman, lady, chic, sheila....just don't call me "bird".

[kennkate]

I feel you are overecting Just a tad.

Bank employes are trained to be POLITE to customers.

The definition of a Lady (Any woman of refined maners and appearance)

The clerk was simply observing and doing his job.

[chicowoodduck]

What in the he-ll is wrong with "lady"? I find it rather strange that someone would object to the term lady. I use the term quite often and have never felt it was derogatory in any way.

And what's the movie were "the lady was a tramp?"

[Eastender]

As I said in my original post, why do many use the term 'lady' for a female Thai person, but 'woman' for all other nationalities. I have many farang friends with Thai wives in the UK who do this and it annoys me. It's not at all that I think it's derogatory and I don't think at all it has any roots in prostitution, it's just strange, - like if you started to notice all French men were being reffered to as gentlemen while the rest of the world were just men?

And regarding the bank clerk, she knew the person was my wife, she just seemed unsure whether it was correct to say 'your wife' when referring to a Thai person. It's hardly surprising if the average person hears Thai women referred to as ladies, but all other nationalities as women, they may start to wonder if they can refer to a Thai partner with a normal word like 'wife'. To suggest she was being polite is rediclulous, do people ask, "how is your lady and your children".

Edited January 20, 2008 by Eastender

[gburns57au]

mmmm

Would the lady like to open an account......or........would the woman like to open an account.

I went to a Thai party and the Thai women were great.....or......I went to a Thai party and the Thai ladies were great.

Hi this is Mam, she is my Thai lady.......or....Hi this is Mam, She is my Thai woman

The term Lady is generic but is rarely used as an insult. The problem it seems was that the bank person hesitated before saying it....which leads the OP to think that it wasnt complimentary.

The person didnt know you or your wife, so when she had to ask a question aboout your wife she was trying to find an inoffensive way to address her....Lady fits the bill.

My advise is to take the courses....."How not to be easily offended 101"......or......"How to grow a thicker skin 101"

[yorkman]

Or was the wife a lady, or as seems to be, to the hesitant and stammering bank employee, a ladyboy imported into the UK.

Is this a possibility for hesitation? Does she look vaguely male? Has she a big adams apple and big hands? This may explain your problems

[Maestro]

...And regarding the bank clerk, she knew the person was my wife, she just seemed unsure whether it was correct to say 'your wife' when referring to a Thai person

My mistake, then. I understood your OP to be a complaint about the fact the bank clerk, when speaking to you, did not refer to the female person in your company as “your woman”

--

Maestro

[bina]

i dont think in normal daily english people refer to their (women) partners as lady....except i the wild west or in songs by eric clapton. but to say about someone that she is a 'lady', is a good think; or would the ladies like their coffee now is better then 'would you girls like your coffee now'? unless it was an other woman asking ... as in 'gals'....

dont think it goes like this: peter goes in to the store with mary and the storekeeper says, would your lady like to see some shoes? they would probably ask, would your wife (if it were obviuos) like to see some shoes, or just would either of you like to see some shoes?

if they were both english speakers (i.e. looking like english speakers) I dont think sooooooooo...

it could however be age difference and then the person got confused. happened to me with first husbnd, as i looked 'lolita' aged; the guy asked my then husband if 'your daughter would like an ice cream?'... my ex's retort was, no my wife hates ice cream. the guy rejoined: 'everyone has problems' (as in, choosing someone that must be 14 rs old is a pervert -- i was 22 at the time).

i do find that in areas that arent used to mixed marriages (like here) people always leave the sentence open ended when needing to include my husband . or they automatically assume he is a labourer (bring the thailandi to carry the packages) and totally miss out our matching wedding bands....

think too much...

bina

israel