Things I've Learned From My Children

[fatter than harry]

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

"Things I've learned from my Children"

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates / blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.

5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.

15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and very expensive to remove.

18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minute.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amazing thing.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

[Pink Mist]

what percentage is the mixture to make smoke?

[Som Nam Na]

What's the best spin cycle for a soi dog?

[stumonster]

Things you can learn from a dog

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure

ecstasy.

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp and play daily.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle

them gently.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and

pout...run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

[Harry Palmer]

being the overweight homosexual that you are FTH, i doubt whether you will have the opportunity of learning anything from your own kids.

[Phil Conners]

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

How many of us tried and failed to make this work?

[fatter than harry]

being the overweight homosexual that you are FTH, i doubt whether you will have the opportunity of learning anything from your own kids.

You've cut me man, cut me deep. I would give you the bird, but my finger's wedged tightly up your mums sweet, sweet ass.

mmmmmm, beefy.

[Harry Palmer]

being the overweight homosexual that you are FTH, i doubt whether you will have the opportunity of learning anything from your own kids.

You've cut me man, cut me deep. I would give you the bird, but my finger's wedged tightly up your mums sweet, sweet ass.

mmmmmm, beefy.

so you're into necrophilia as well are, it figures... that why you ran away to thailand?

[fatter than harry]

My apologies.