Is This Just Another " Sick Buffalo"- Story?

[tijnebijn]

The one thing that always works with all Thais is saying ' maimi tang ',

just not having any money always makes them turn around !

For the OP , he has still got to learn a lot about living in Thailand , I don't

think his gf is an evil one , the contrary she is , but there is more then

love needed to survive in thailand , a lot of dosh and after a couple of

years things might work out , so along way t go for the OP !

I wonder how the gf will react saying maimi , and if the monthly cash

what the Op can send for support of his baby will be enough for them ,

if they will repeat I am afraid they see him a the cashcow , simply not

believing Farang does not have any money .

This very common attitude with rural Thais got to do with they cannot

look any further then their farm , their brains cannot work outside the Lao Kgau

Som Tam or lahp shop , Koh chai kgoh ?

I would think twice if it would make my life any more better , not that they

all are like that ofcourse , mine if fine , like one poster said got to get tough with

family , if they (and gf) insist there will be many problems coming .

My gf don't give a f..k , thats why I can stay very relaxed in Thailand .

If it wasn't for her to be more Western then Eastern in her attitude , no way

I could live here, tell you that !

But I feel for the OP !

[bendix]

Completely agree. The more you think about the situation the more irresponsible the OP appears. We can all wail and gnash our teeth and sympathise with bad luck but it's my experience that we make our own luck and if you can't afford to support kids you shouldnt have them. Selfish selfish selfish.

No doubt the bleeding hearts on here will attack us and say it's not his fault.

Well, who's fault is it exactly?

Early 40s. No money. No job. No home. Five kids he can't support.

Good work fella - you should be proud of yourself

Here we go again - belittling others to make your inadequate self feel better.

With respect, Neeranam (and I say that with tongue firmly in cheek), it's hard to find any merit in the OP's position.

He might have done well in his life by your standards but NOT by anyone else's.

Are you suggesting we should follow his example?

[dannyh2000uk]

Thanks guys, My english kids live in a beautiful surrey village in a house all paid for.

I grew up in a london slum, I think I have done alright by them.

My english wife has funds to support her ( she never worked) for the next ten years, so I guess she is ok too.

I never wanted to leave my uk kids, that is the way the cards dropped.

Also I'll think you'll find in Thailand Abortion is illegal, so what to do, risk the back street????

Thanks for everyone with answers pertaining to the question

[tijnebijn]

Thanks guys, My english kids live in a beautiful surrey village in a house all paid for.

I grew up in a london slum, I think I have done alright by them.

My english wife has funds to support her ( she never worked) for the next ten years, so I guess she is ok too.

I never wanted to leave my uk kids, that is the way the cards dropped.

Also I'll think you'll find in Thailand Abortion is illegal, so what to do, risk the back street????

Thanks for everyone with answers pertaining to the question

Abortion is legally illegal so to speak .

Know lots and lots of people who have done it , and once we did it ourselves,

which is a very hard thing to do I can tell you , but when not having anything

to build on and being very young (body or spirit) it could be the best option .

Having children must be a very responsible task in my opinion .

Anyway it can be done at ' special' hospitals . You should have gone on Thaivisa

earlier , but I sure when having the child allready , this option is totally out of the

queastion .

[dannyh2000uk]

Yes she is born Now and that is a blessing she is a lovely bright half thai /farange a beautiful mix to my eyes.

Edited February 10, 2008 by dannyh2000uk

[tijnebijn]

I resent some of the easy replies "just give her 100k". Replies without good arguments, maybe stinging arguments as: "you had fun, so 100k is nothing to pay off this situation".

Reconsider this: would you ask 10-20 times your monthly earning? That is a lot of western money.

My opinion: 100k is a lot of money in any situation, especially OP's personal situation.

Thats very very true , I agree with your argument .

[ozzydom]

Under-5 mortality rate (per 1000 children per year)

Thailand 15.1

UK 6.0

Source: United Nations Population Division

For children living in poverty in Thailand in Isaan the rate will certainly be considerably higher. Get your priorities dam_n straight. The mother-in-law's debt is way down on the list. Remove your child from this utterly unnecessary disadvantageous position. This is clearly your top priority.

well I agree, BUT, at the moment I am limping around London, sleeping on friends couches I have nowhere to bring my Daughter.

While my wife lives in comfort in surrey with our children, I am struggling, my ex cancelled all my bank accounts credit cards once she knew I was with X, and while I was over there( I have no idea how!!!!) so me and X bumbled around asia with no cards.

And at the Mo If I get any cash, I want to fly back and see my Daughters 1st birthday, not get fleeced.

Did you really think your ex in Britain was going to sit back and watch you squander the families savings and jeopardize their own welfare while you traipsed around S/E Asia with your new lady.

How did you intend repaying the credit card debits if you were unemployed? If you are not yet divorced then probably your ex wife could be held responsible for the debts.

[garro]

I am only going on what you have posted and not you. There may well be many things that you havent stated about yourself that would put all this in a better light. For example....your UK wife may have had quads.

But re what you have wrote: You have got a women pregnant FIVE times in this over crowded world and you can't support any of them. Wifes with 4 kids dont throw good husbands out and leave themselves destitute. You brought a child into a poor third world family and had no plan on rescuing it.

On reflection it seems that you have screwed up 5 lives and possibly your wifes.

Why the fuc_k don't people think before they have children?

Completely agree. The more you think about the situation the more irresponsible the OP appears. We can all wail and gnash our teeth and sympathise with bad luck but it's my experience that we make our own luck and if you can't afford to support kids you shouldnt have them. Selfish selfish selfish.

No doubt the bleeding hearts on here will attack us and say it's not his fault.

Well, who's fault is it exactly?

Early 40s. No money. No job. No home. Five kids he can't support.

Good work fella - you should be proud of yourself

I like what they say about not judging a man until you walk a mile in his shoes.

[dannyh2000uk]

It strikes me as amazing how entrenched is the thought that a man is responsible for all the financial situations that might arise in a modern family.

I grew up in a house where I never saw my mum as she worked, but yet now I am propelled back to the 1950's !!!-lol

I will just add I came on this forum because all my so called "forward thinking london friends" just say the same thing " shes Thai she must be on the scam"- I hoped you guys would have a little info- correction some of you have given very good info.

But attacking me is pointless, I do that myself already.

I know I am in a bad situation, but what I want to focus on , is this immediate problem, the rest can be sorted later.

Dan

Edited February 10, 2008 by dannyh2000uk

[tijnebijn]

Yes she is born Now and that is a blessing she is a lovely bright half thai /farange a beautiful mix to my eyes.

Bless you , I do hope you will also take some responsibility taking care of her .

You know there are so many people leaving their children in thailand .

Especially with mom , I just got the feeling that those 100k not necessarily is for mom ,

maybe mom does not know anyting about it , and your child is there , I would make sure

when you are helping out it will go to the grandma , she is taking care of your first responsibility,which is the child .

Hope you get what I try to tell you , I have seen so many things and situations like this before .

And just believing is very naiive , I would say give he gf and yourself some time .

Time will tell you your future , I think not a bad one

[blizzard]

r u sying u gonna make yr thai lady support yr thai family....................okie dokie!

[geriatrickid]

Danny, Have you considered where you want to be in 5 years and how you will get there? It's easy for all the pundits to say, should've, could've, would've, but the reality is you have 5 kids, and really don't have a pot to piss in. We can't change the past but we can certainly influence our futures. Think long term. Don't get into more of a debt hole. Restrict yourself only to what you can afford to give. You may have a Thai kid but you still have to be a dad to the other children.

Maybe I live in a fantasy bubble, but, honestly, I just don't understand how people exist or get by when they are drowning in debt or burdened with obligations. The more I read on here, the more respect I have for the families that raise happy well cared for kids.

[dannyh2000uk]

The more I read on here, the more respect I have for the families that raise happy well cared for kids.

I agree, you should see my uk kids they charm everyone. Beautiful balanced kids

I don't know if that was because I was there for 80% of their lives, or because I am not now.

Sure if I was better off it would be simple, Big House and everybody living together ( except maybe ex wife).

But life is what it is, easy for me to get daughter to uk, not so easy to get thai mum.

I was a good dad ( everybody said it), my kids still love me, it is just fate that your wife falls out of love, not a lot you can do.

But Believe me, when it happens to you, you will be stunned, I was.

18 years <deleted>.

For the naive here, be aware, life has many curve balls.

dan

Edited February 10, 2008 by dannyh2000uk

[khunandy]

The OP should be cut some slack by the posters basically condemning him as a dead beat dad and how irresponsible he appears to be. Reading through his posts again it appears that up until Nov 2005 things were good. Wife, House, 4 kids, Self Employment (?). Comfortable enough for a family holiday to Thailand anyway.

Then comes the Tsunami , of which they survived but probably affected his family more than anticipated, maybe a bit of soul searching on the wifes side and she decides life is too short and decides to look for her version of love outside of the marriage.

To be then burdoned with the fact that his wife has an affair with presumingly an ex friend of Dannys. Come one, why wouldn't you have a melt down. It is all slipping between your fingers and there is FA you can do to save it.

Why hasnt anybody scorned the wife for her adultrous behavour and throwing a spanner in the family works? The man lost his wife, house and income before heading back to LOS. Of course he would be looking for love.

As the OP has said, life can throw you a curve ball, it has thown a few at me and no doubt many others here on TV.

It seems a bit selfish to not see your four children for 14 months if I am reading the time line right, but hopefully you had a lot of contact with them and they are aware of the balance of blame between parents, your wife shouldnt get off scot free in this regard.

Anyway, Danny, what are you going to do about the dosh?? Forty is the new Thirty, plenty of time to start again.

Khun Andy

Edit: grammer

Edited February 10, 2008 by khunandy

[Westerner]

The more I read on here, the more respect I have for the families that raise happy well cared for kids.

I agree, you should see my uk kids they charm everyone. Beautiful balanced kids

I don't know if that was because I was there for 80% of their lives, or because I am not now.

Sure if I was better off it would be simple, Big House and everybody living together ( except maybe ex wife).

But life is what it is, easy for me to get daughter to uk, not so easy to get thai mum.

I was a good dad ( everybody said it), my kids still love me, it is just fate that your wife falls out of love, not a lot you can do.

But Believe me, when it happens to you, you will be stunned, I was.

18 years <deleted>.

For the naive here, be aware, life has many curve balls.

dan

I get the impression from reading your posts that you think YOU are the injured (innocent?) person in all this. In reality your 5 children are the ones who are suffering. The one in Thailand may never see her father again - you knew you couldn't afford another baby why the hel_l did you not use a condom! You say your other 4 kids still love you - do they know about your mia noi and baby in Thailand? Maybe the love will go out the window then!

[dannyh2000uk]

Anyway, Danny, what are you going to do about the dosh?? Forty is the new Thirty, plenty of time to start again.

Khun Andy

Thanks K a, I actually had an interview today for a decent job in news casting here in London, If they take me on, reasonable money, then Financially everyone can benefit.

But this isn't all about money it is about being taken for a chump, again.

[bendix]

Yes, you're quite right khunandy. It's much better to give the OP some meaningless platitudes and some matey 'there there, it's not your fault.'

Now, back to the real world which is everso slightly harder.

There are only three things the OP needs to do:

1) Take some responsibility for his daughter in Thailand and send the money instead of whining to a bunch of strangers that it might be a scam. Who care's if it's a bloody scam? It's your daughter, for chrissake.

2) Get a job and rebuild your life.

3) Log off thaivisa because if my timing is right it's currently 4.30am in the UK and he's still reading this.

[dannyh2000uk]

quote name='geriatrickid' post='1810517' date='2008-02-10 12:59:00']You say your other 4 kids still love you - do they know about your mia noi and baby in Thailand? Maybe the love will go out the window then!

Yes they are excited to meet their sister.

But In terms of mia noi, at the moment they have to contend with a different guy at our house every week, at least I have only stayed with one person.

And I have never told them " Mummy and daddy split up because mummy wanted someone new".

I just left to sort my life out and then Bam, pregnancy and accident.

Yes I know not responsable, but believe me if you were where I was, you were not thinking.

It is not always the guys who are dogs!!!!

[dannyh2000uk]

3) Log off thaivisa because if my timing is right it's currently 4.30am in the UK and he's still reading this.

Your point Is?

[khunandy]

Anyway, Danny, what are you going to do about the dosh?? Forty is the new Thirty, plenty of time to start again.

Khun Andy

Thanks K a, I actually had an interview today for a decent job in news casting here in London, If they take me on, reasonable money, then Financially everyone can benefit.

But this isn't all about money it is about being taken for a chump, again.

Good to hear that, it has got to be the first step mate..good luck

[Westerner]

Anyway, Danny, what are you going to do about the dosh?? Forty is the new Thirty, plenty of time to start again.

Khun Andy

Thanks K a, I actually had an interview today for a decent job in news casting here in London, If they take me on, reasonable money, then Financially everyone can benefit.

But this isn't all about money it is about being taken for a chump, again.

Danny, you've received a lot of criticism from some of us on thaivisa and well justified in my opinion, but on a positive note let's hope you get the job you have applied for and can get your life sorted out, and if you still want the girl and baby, hopefully they will wait for you.

Good luck.

Edited February 10, 2008 by Westerner

[Donnyboy]

I think the OP needs to write down his priorities in life. The list would be in order of his choosing.

But I would hold life of a family member/loved one and their welfare above anything else, everything else comes after that.

Best of luck.

[ozzydom]

The more I read on here, the more respect I have for the families that raise happy well cared for kids.

I agree, you should see my uk kids they charm everyone. Beautiful balanced kids

I don't know if that was because I was there for 80% of their lives, or because I am not now.

Sure if I was better off it would be simple, Big House and everybody living together ( except maybe ex wife).

But life is what it is, easy for me to get daughter to uk, not so easy to get thai mum.

I was a good dad ( everybody said it), my kids still love me, it is just fate that your wife falls out of love, not a lot you can do.

But Believe me, when it happens to you, you will be stunned, I was.

18 years <deleted>.

For the naive here, be aware, life has many curve balls.

dan

Dan, you are only in your forties and obviously have some skills,so you have time to sort your life out , your priority is to get yourself well ,get employment and start life anew.

Forget about the 100k at this point in time, get a job and provide a bit of cash to ensure the welfare of your new baby.

Forget about tripping back to Los in the short term,to help X and the little one you need employment, cash and a roof over your head.

You are not the first to go through this experience and you wont be the last , we all survived it and so can you.

It happened to me at 60 years of age under a lot nastier circumstances after a 36 year marriage. I went from a cash millionaire to having to borrow to rent a room in just 48 hours,and I am still sane and happy here in Los.

[vrsushi]

Danny only you know the truth about your situation.

Regards your OP. Whilst you ask about your gf and whether she has been honest with you. From what you have written it seems that it is your girlfriend who could be asking if she is not the one who has been hard done by.

Effectively she has been pumped and dumped. An uneducated, single mother in a third world country. What on earth is her future? Imagine if it were her asking about you on a forum. How good would you look?

I say, if you have had jobs that allowed you to pay off a house in Surrey (300k+?) by 40. Have the skills that allowed you to be employed in Texas and BK (expat packages I presume) and your wife (therefore again by your earnings) has enough dosh to last 10years ( Another 200k+?) then...

trust you Thai girlfriend. If your wife really is the bitch in all this as she appears to be, don't let her spoil your ability to trust others. 100k for a man in your previous position is nothing and there is nothing to stop you regaiining that position by the sounds of it.

Help your girlfriends family, but follow some others advice re doing it wisely.

[bendix]

Anyway, Danny, what are you going to do about the dosh?? Forty is the new Thirty, plenty of time to start again.

Khun Andy

Thanks K a, I actually had an interview today for a decent job in news casting here in London, If they take me on, reasonable money, then Financially everyone can benefit.

But this isn't all about money it is about being taken for a chump, again.

Oh yeah? A job interview for a broadcast company on a Saturday?

Jobs in Bkk and Texas? Tsunami survivors?

Is your surname Mitty, by any chance?

[khunandy]

Anyway, Danny, what are you going to do about the dosh?? Forty is the new Thirty, plenty of time to start again.

Khun Andy

Thanks K a, I actually had an interview today for a decent job in news casting here in London, If they take me on, reasonable money, then Financially everyone can benefit.

But this isn't all about money it is about being taken for a chump, again.

Oh yeah? A job interview for a broadcast company on a Saturday?

Jobs in Bkk and Texas? Tsunami survivors?

Is your surname Mitty, by any chance?

Wow, you really are a unique sort of bloke bendix

Edited February 10, 2008 by khunandy

[dannyh2000uk]

The more I read on here, the more respect I have for the families that raise happy well cared for kids.

I agree, you should see my uk kids they charm everyone. Beautiful balanced kids

I don't know if that was because I was there for 80% of their lives, or because I am not now.

Sure if I was better off it would be simple, Big House and everybody living together ( except maybe ex wife).

But life is what it is, easy for me to get daughter to uk, not so easy to get thai mum.

I was a good dad ( everybody said it), my kids still love me, it is just fate that your wife falls out of love, not a lot you can do.

But Believe me, when it happens to you, you will be stunned, I was.

18 years <deleted>.

For the naive here, be aware, life has many curve balls.

dan

Dan, you are only in your forties and obviously have some skills,so you have time to sort your life out , your priority is to get yourself well ,get employment and start life anew.

Forget about the 100k at this point in time, get a job and provide a bit of cash to ensure the welfare of your new baby.

Forget about tripping back to Los in the short term,to help X and the little one you need employment, cash and a roof over your head.

You are not the first to go through this experience and you wont be the last , we all survived it and so can you.

It happened to me at 60 years of age under a lot nastier circumstances after a 36 year marriage. I went from a cash millionaire to having to borrow to rent a room in just 48 hours,and I am still sane and happy here in Los.

Thanks man that is what I need advice backed up with experience, some good points

[dannyh2000uk]

Anyway, Danny, what are you going to do about the dosh?? Forty is the new Thirty, plenty of time to start again.

Khun Andy

Thanks K a, I actually had an interview today for a decent job in news casting here in London, If they take me on, reasonable money, then Financially everyone can benefit.

But this isn't all about money it is about being taken for a chump, again.

Oh yeah? A job interview for a broadcast company on a Saturday?

Jobs in Bkk and Texas? Tsunami survivors?

Is your surname Mitty, by any chance?

LoL, It would look like that but It is all true, I wish is wasn't.

Have a look at my Blog : http://www.auralrage.com/Blog.htm

Edited February 10, 2008 by dannyh2000uk

[Donnyboy]

Anyway, Danny, what are you going to do about the dosh?? Forty is the new Thirty, plenty of time to start again.

Khun Andy

Thanks K a, I actually had an interview today for a decent job in news casting here in London, If they take me on, reasonable money, then Financially everyone can benefit.

But this isn't all about money it is about being taken for a chump, again.

Oh yeah? A job interview for a broadcast company on a Saturday?

Jobs in Bkk and Texas? Tsunami survivors?

Is your surname Mitty, by any chance?

Wow, you really are a unique sort of bloke bendix

Bendix- the contrarian poster

[dannyh2000uk]

From what you have written it seems that it is your girlfriend who could be asking if she is not the one who has been hard done by.

Effectively she has been pumped and dumped. An uneducated, single mother in a third world country. What on earth is her future? Imagine if it were her asking about you on a forum. How good would you look?

A very good point, you are right thank you

Dan