Shrek Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 I bet this posting has been made a few times, so you can all have a laugh at my expense, OK the background. I'm 46 and separated after 24 years married. Kids grown up. Rent house in UK in beautiful yorkshire village and have ok job as systems analyst. Went to Pattaya for 2 week holiday and returned 2 days ago. Met 31 year old Thai bar girl and spent entire 2 weeks with her. Had to pay bar fines but she never asked for money from me. Either she genuinely feels something for me or she is a very good actor. In 24 hours since returning she has called me 6 times in tears. My 18 year old son literally had to drag me onto the plane at Bangkok. I feel like the secure framework within which I lived my life in the UK has been destroyed. I am totally ignorant of whats involved in bringing her to the UK apart from advice given to me in pattaya that while she is a bar girl she will have trouble getting a visa to come to the uk. Really I dont even know whats involved in either her coming here or me going there. I can scrape a few £000 together but am not wealthy. What are my options? What are the rules? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the scouser Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Hi Shrek, She can apply for a visit visa to come and stay with you in the UK for a period of up to 6 months but, depending upon her circumstances in Thailand, this can be difficult to get. She would have to show that she has sufficient funds to support herself in the UK either from her own resources or from yours. Additionally she would have to prove to the visa officer at the British embassy in BKK that she has a good reason to return to Thailand at the end of her holiday. Unfortunately, being in such non-formal employment as a bargirl does not make a great impression on the visa officer. The visa officer would also look at the length of your relationship and how much your g/f knows about you and your circumstances in the UK. It is likely that after having known her for only 2 weeks she won't have an in depth knowledge of you and this, too, can result in refusal. The fee for a single visit visa is about £35.00 and is non-refundable if the visa is refused. Should you still wish to sponsor her on a visit expect to wait upwards of 6 weeks from the date of application until her interview. An application form can be downloaded here. Scouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shrek Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 Thanks. If she was (somehow) to obtain such a 6 month visa and marry in the uk could she stay indefinitely? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the scouser Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 A visit visa is purely that - for a holiday. There is nothing stopping you and your g/f marrying in the UK but having done so, generally speaking, she would have to leave and apply for a settlement visa if she intended to live in the UK permanently. Scouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainman Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Thanks. If she was (somehow) to obtain such a 6 month visa and marry in the uk could she stay indefinitely? *smashes head onto desk in disbelief* i'm not saying she's good or bad, she may be either. but why are you thinking about marrying this girl after two weeks? give it some more time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darknight Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Calm down shrek. Go to chiangmai then to samui and you'll suddenly find like 5 other identical women who do exactly the same and are oh so in love. At 46 you shouldn't be a puppy anymore. Why do you act like one ????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kandt Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 At 46 you shouldn't be a puppy anymore. Why do you act like one ????? Well, he has never come this way before! Cheers......kandt PS. One in the thousands!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I think Scouser is very unjudgemental. If the guy knows Thailand from a 2 week holiday then i'd advise doing some research into the Thai bar scene and some of the scams etc that can happen. Perhaps have a look at www.stickmanbangkok.com and click on the readers section. Doesn't inspire too much confidence. There are success stories but few and far between. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnustedt Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 There are success stories but few and far between. Success stories are very numerous. I know of many Western men whose marriages have ended after many years and they are left on the scrap heap. I always recommend they get themselves out here where they are far from on the scrap heap and the spark of life can be reignited - some of them are in very happy relationships now. You have a difficult time ahead Shrek but I reckon you have no option but to go for it, but a step at a time and build up evidence of a relationship. My only word of caution, and it has been said many times on this forum: Don't invest more money in Thailand than you are prepared to lose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sporting Dog Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Good luck Shrek - this could be the greatest thing to ever happen to you, it may turn out to be a mirage, maybe even a disaster. But slow down - don't worry too much about the destination, enjoy the journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shrek Posted September 21, 2004 Author Share Posted September 21, 2004 Thanks everyone. There's no such thing as bad advice I think. I am taking it all in. I don't think anyone who offered help is right or wrong, we all have a perspective on issues in life. I think I need to work out whether Pattaya really is Paradise, or whether it has simply made me realise what a shallow aimless and lonely routine I have fallen into here. A long term marriage breaks up, a 16 year job becomes a meaningless chore, and a 46 year old tubby guy begins to live a lonely life, then suddenly pow a gorgeous girl thinks he's the bogs dollocks. Tempting. I certainly look at things here very differently now. I will take my time, change a few things back here, and return to Pattaya in November or January and see if the grass still seems greener. Seems though I have two options (1) I build up a relationship with her over several visits in order for her to get a visa to come here or (2) I try to find work out there (difficult?) and drop everything here and take the risk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IamMaiC Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 *smashes head onto desk in disbelief* Careful rainman you might crack the desk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vit77 Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Thanks everyone.There's no such thing as bad advice I think. I am taking it all in. I don't think anyone who offered help is right or wrong, we all have a perspective on issues in life. I think I need to work out whether Pattaya really is Paradise, or whether it has simply made me realise what a shallow aimless and lonely routine I have fallen into here. A long term marriage breaks up, a 16 year job becomes a meaningless chore, and a 46 year old tubby guy begins to live a lonely life, then suddenly pow a gorgeous girl thinks he's the bogs dollocks. Tempting. I certainly look at things here very differently now. I will take my time, change a few things back here, and return to Pattaya in November or January and see if the grass still seems greener. Seems though I have two options (1) I build up a relationship with her over several visits in order for her to get a visa to come here or (2) I try to find work out there (difficult?) and drop everything here and take the risk Don't worry.. I'm gonna go to Thailand in one week. To very poor girl from North, I've known by internet.. only one year, but by i-net I just resigned from good job in USA.. I am from Eastern Europe, I can't back to USA, I don't know english good enough for teach it in Thailand.. and.. I think.. everything will be OK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nogutsnoapplepie Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I'm going to Pattaya this weekend.What bar is she in as I need some luvin also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkkmadness Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 whether it has simply made me realise what a shallow aimless and lonely routine I have fallen into here. A long term marriage breaks up, a 16 year job becomes a meaningless chore, and a 46 year old tubby guy begins to live a lonely life, This may be of the topic, but I found books always helped me at points in life. You should read George Orwell's "Coming up for Air". And decide whether the air you want to come up for is from Thailand or in England. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IamMaiC Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 we should tell him what to do he's getting married after two weeks and he's 46 cmon i'm 35 and i know not to get married after 2 wks for god's sake his son even is smarter than him and he's 18 pulling him unto the airplane to go home!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vit77 Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 we should tell him what to do he's getting married after two weeks and he's 46 cmon i'm 35 and i know not to get married after 2 wks for god's sake his son even is smarter than him and he's 18 pulling him unto the airplane to go home!!!!! Too long time in one place? Too long time in one job? How to change all habits and be sure it's right way? It's not easy to think what to do in life, change everything, make important decisions if we don't have to do it before.. and we have had normal life for a 20 years. Anyway all ways are correct Can go to her several times and have better and better relationship, then be sure and take her to England. Or go to Thailand, stay there - if sth is wrong, find another one Just need to be little bit brave and crazy in life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IamMaiC Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 we should tell him what to do he's getting married after two weeks and he's 46 cmon i'm 35 and i know not to get married after 2 wks for god's sake his son even is smarter than him and he's 18 pulling him unto the airplane to go home!!!!! Too long time in one place? Too long time in one job? How to change all habits and be sure it's right way? It's not easy to think what to do in life, change everything, make important decisions if we don't have to do it before.. and we have had normal life for a 20 years. Anyway all ways are correct Can go to her several times and have better and better relationship, then be sure and take her to England. Or go to Thailand, stay there - if sth is wrong, find another one Just need to be little bit brave and crazy in life cmon would you marry after 2 weeks??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ponder Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 we should tell him what to do he's getting married after two weeks and he's 46 cmon i'm 35 and i know not to get married after 2 wks for god's sake his son even is smarter than him and he's 18 pulling him unto the airplane to go home!!!!! True, the son is "smarter" but that's probably because he can pull a nice looking girl any time he wants in England. Daddy, however, cannot. I have made the mistake already of thinking I had found paradise. I don't regret it because I had a great time and was able to laugh at myself later (as were many of my freinds!). I am still prepared to try though and at the moment maybe I have got lucky. Maybe not. How can you judge someone that you have only known for a couple of weeks. You can know them from 10,000 miles away for 10 years and you will be none the wiser. You have absolutely no idea how many other friends and lovers they have already. I recently invited a (gay male) friend to Ireland thinking he would have no hope of getting a tourist visa. He got one and has just spent 4 weeks here. It was great but I still do not know how sincere he is. But you have to take a chance. Just remember the risks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shrek Posted September 21, 2004 Author Share Posted September 21, 2004 I'm going to Pattaya this weekend.What bar is she in as I need some luvin also. If you need help finding comfort in Pattaya theres no point going Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shrek Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 we should tell him what to do he's getting married after two weeks and he's 46 cmon i'm 35 and i know not to get married after 2 wks for god's sake his son even is smarter than him and he's 18 pulling him unto the airplane to go home!!!!! Too long time in one place? Too long time in one job? How to change all habits and be sure it's right way? It's not easy to think what to do in life, change everything, make important decisions if we don't have to do it before.. and we have had normal life for a 20 years. Anyway all ways are correct Can go to her several times and have better and better relationship, then be sure and take her to England. Or go to Thailand, stay there - if sth is wrong, find another one Just need to be little bit brave and crazy in life ok ok dont attach too much significance to the word 'marry'. Probably what I mean is that I want to stay with her. Maybe marry means keep. Legally. Somewhere. Even as a teenager I have never hurt so much since I left her. Its now 4 days since I came back, she has called every night in tears wanting me to return. I think she could earn more money in the bar than calling me. Wish I'd gone to Benalmadena. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Thanks everyone.There's no such thing as bad advice I think. I am taking it all in. I don't think anyone who offered help is right or wrong, we all have a perspective on issues in life. I think I need to work out whether Pattaya really is Paradise, or whether it has simply made me realise what a shallow aimless and lonely routine I have fallen into here. A long term marriage breaks up, a 16 year job becomes a meaningless chore, and a 46 year old tubby guy begins to live a lonely life, then suddenly pow a gorgeous girl thinks he's the bogs dollocks. Tempting. I certainly look at things here very differently now. I will take my time, change a few things back here, and return to Pattaya in November or January and see if the grass still seems greener. Seems though I have two options (1) I build up a relationship with her over several visits in order for her to get a visa to come here or (2) I try to find work out there (difficult?) and drop everything here and take the risk God gave man a brain and a dick. Sadly he didn't give man enough blood to run them both together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shrek Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 Thanks everyone.There's no such thing as bad advice I think. I am taking it all in. I don't think anyone who offered help is right or wrong, we all have a perspective on issues in life. I think I need to work out whether Pattaya really is Paradise, or whether it has simply made me realise what a shallow aimless and lonely routine I have fallen into here. A long term marriage breaks up, a 16 year job becomes a meaningless chore, and a 46 year old tubby guy begins to live a lonely life, then suddenly pow a gorgeous girl thinks he's the bogs dollocks. Tempting. I certainly look at things here very differently now. I will take my time, change a few things back here, and return to Pattaya in November or January and see if the grass still seems greener. Seems though I have two options (1) I build up a relationship with her over several visits in order for her to get a visa to come here or (2) I try to find work out there (difficult?) and drop everything here and take the risk God gave man a brain and a dick. Sadly he didn't give man enough blood to run them both together. Thats really helpful thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IamMaiC Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Thanks everyone.There's no such thing as bad advice I think. I am taking it all in. I don't think anyone who offered help is right or wrong, we all have a perspective on issues in life. I think I need to work out whether Pattaya really is Paradise, or whether it has simply made me realise what a shallow aimless and lonely routine I have fallen into here. A long term marriage breaks up, a 16 year job becomes a meaningless chore, and a 46 year old tubby guy begins to live a lonely life, then suddenly pow a gorgeous girl thinks he's the bogs dollocks. Tempting. I certainly look at things here very differently now. I will take my time, change a few things back here, and return to Pattaya in November or January and see if the grass still seems greener. Seems though I have two options (1) I build up a relationship with her over several visits in order for her to get a visa to come here or (2) I try to find work out there (difficult?) and drop everything here and take the risk God gave man a brain and a dick. Sadly he didn't give man enough blood to run them both together. Thats really helpful thank you. It's the truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vit77 Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 we should tell him what to do he's getting married after two weeks and he's 46 cmon i'm 35 and i know not to get married after 2 wks for god's sake his son even is smarter than him and he's 18 pulling him unto the airplane to go home!!!!! Too long time in one place? Too long time in one job? How to change all habits and be sure it's right way? It's not easy to think what to do in life, change everything, make important decisions if we don't have to do it before.. and we have had normal life for a 20 years. Anyway all ways are correct Can go to her several times and have better and better relationship, then be sure and take her to England. Or go to Thailand, stay there - if sth is wrong, find another one Just need to be little bit brave and crazy in life cmon would you marry after 2 weeks??? No Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IamMaiC Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 we should tell him what to do he's getting married after two weeks and he's 46 cmon i'm 35 and i know not to get married after 2 wks for god's sake his son even is smarter than him and he's 18 pulling him unto the airplane to go home!!!!! Too long time in one place? Too long time in one job? How to change all habits and be sure it's right way? It's not easy to think what to do in life, change everything, make important decisions if we don't have to do it before.. and we have had normal life for a 20 years. Anyway all ways are correct Can go to her several times and have better and better relationship, then be sure and take her to England. Or go to Thailand, stay there - if sth is wrong, find another one Just need to be little bit brave and crazy in life cmon would you marry after 2 weeks??? No Thank you!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vit77 Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 we should tell him what to do he's getting married after two weeks and he's 46 cmon i'm 35 and i know not to get married after 2 wks for god's sake his son even is smarter than him and he's 18 pulling him unto the airplane to go home!!!!! Too long time in one place? Too long time in one job? How to change all habits and be sure it's right way? It's not easy to think what to do in life, change everything, make important decisions if we don't have to do it before.. and we have had normal life for a 20 years. Anyway all ways are correct Can go to her several times and have better and better relationship, then be sure and take her to England. Or go to Thailand, stay there - if sth is wrong, find another one Just need to be little bit brave and crazy in life ok ok dont attach too much significance to the word 'marry'. Probably what I mean is that I want to stay with her. Maybe marry means keep. Legally. Somewhere. Even as a teenager I have never hurt so much since I left her. Its now 4 days since I came back, she has called every night in tears wanting me to return. I think she could earn more money in the bar than calling me. Wish I'd gone to Benalmadena. Hey, what I wanna do - I'm gonna go to Thailand and live with her several months. We will see - if everything ok, I will stay.. if sth wrong, I have choice. If I am marry - I will have some problems with that But, of course, u can stay - and in my opinion it's the best way. I just scare what can I do over there - but I wanna have my life little bit crazy Maybe my grandchildren will want to hear from time to time any stupid story (not only about life in small village). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vit77 Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 we should tell him what to do he's getting married after two weeks and he's 46 cmon i'm 35 and i know not to get married after 2 wks for god's sake his son even is smarter than him and he's 18 pulling him unto the airplane to go home!!!!! Too long time in one place? Too long time in one job? How to change all habits and be sure it's right way? It's not easy to think what to do in life, change everything, make important decisions if we don't have to do it before.. and we have had normal life for a 20 years. Anyway all ways are correct Can go to her several times and have better and better relationship, then be sure and take her to England. Or go to Thailand, stay there - if sth is wrong, find another one Just need to be little bit brave and crazy in life cmon would you marry after 2 weeks??? No Thank you!!!! Hahahaha! You're welcome.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Up2U Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Don't knock the guy. I met my wife in Pattaya, where she had (still has) her own business. Within a few hours we were 'shacked-up' together, and both felt that this could be a good long-lasting relationship. That was four years ago. Next month we will have been married for three years. And things are still working out well. Not my first marriage, nor my second. And the last in a very long string of relationships over the years. Some with Thai girls, many not. But the knowledge of the possibility / probability of suiting each other very well was there very early in the relationship. May not be love-at-first-sight, but close to it. This does happen and a good Thai wife, from whatever background, is a devoted wife and helpful partner. Also, as she is 30-ish, she may realise that she is coming to the end of her sell-by date, as far as bar-work goes. And it is time to settle down with a good partner, which this guy seems to be. This may be a marriage made in Pattaya, rather than heaven, but could still be a very successful marriage. (By the way, there are support groups in UK for Thai wives when they first arrive - give details of shops selling Thai food, how to receive Thai TV, so on. I have lost contact over the past few years, living in LOS, but a Google search should give some addresses) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger13 Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Shrek UK Visit Visa for Bar Girls is difficult - as detailed already. Settlement Visa might be easier (according to other posts here - do a search) Do NOT reush into any UK visa application - there is plenty of info in other postings to be aware of pitfalls - and to set up a potentially successful application Think LONG term - do not spoil your chances by making a poor premature UK visa application Have you investigated your settling in Thailand? Will you get a Pension from your job? Retirement Visa are available in Thailand when you reach 50 ... I wish you success Roger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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