Can't Live With Them, Or Without Them

[marshbags]

The Nation, Sat, March 1, 2008 : Last updated 16:24 hours

Can't live with them, or without them

Thailand is infamous for many things besides its gem scams, dangerous billboards, plastic bags, drunken cops, pick-pocketing ladyboys, pictures of dead bodies, rabid stray dogs, beggars and uncovered manholes. Published on March 1, 2008

Then there are it's women. I'm certainly not going to argue that all are perfect or that every one is a darling, but they are, in general, a rather nicer breed of individual than perceived by a lot of foreigners, including those who have never even stepped in the country. According to some newspaper reports, websites, Internet forums and barstools, Thai women are nothing but scheming promiscuous gold-diggers who view foreign guys as dumb, classless walking ATMs. So, let me take the opportunity to give Thai women a break and see their side of things.

I can't find any statistics, but from what I've read and heard, there seems to be a high percentage of marriage failure between foreign men and Thai women - the latter of whom nearly always get the blame. It is obvious that two factors behind such break-ups are "cultural misunderstanding" and generalised myths circulated by foreigners themselves.

One of the matters that often leads to the beginning of the end is the marriage dowry. Don't get me wrong; there are plenty of scheming Thai mothers hoping to acquire as much cash as possible out of their son-in-law, but there are more than enough honest ones who just adhere to tradition. Foreigners often choke on their coffee at the prospect of having to give a dowry, or rant and rave in refusal. But mostly this is simply a "cultural misunderstanding". We've all heard the classic, "it's a matter of saving face", but foreigners seldom realise that getting married in Thailand is a joining of two families and not just two lovers. When you get married here, what's yours is hers and what's hers is yours. If the guy pays any kind of dowry (which may be accepted or returned - some or all of it) you can rest assured that one day you'll receive something in return, be it land, shares in dad's business, grandmother's old house or a herd of buffalo.

Let's have a look next at some old myths about Thai women.

Proper Thai women don't want a foreigner as a boyfriend or husband.

Well, excuse me, but "proper" Thai women have been marrying foreigners since the first Portuguese arrived. All right, there are old-fashioned grannies who wouldn't want their granddaughter marrying some scruffy-looking foreigner, but to stick them all in the same boat is a generalisation.

All Thai women only like foreigners for their cash.

Well, if you decide to marry into a poor rural family, then your wife will certainly be expecting you to flash some cash, and when she does, you have no right to complain. You should have realised that from the start.

All Thai women want a foreign husband so they can move to the West.

Again, what a load of rubbish. If you're a fan of websites that will hook you up with a lovely Thai bride, you can be forgiven for this irrational perception. But it simply depends on the individual. There are plenty of Thai women whose ambition in life is not to wake up to the smell of black pudding and fried bread.

Let's turn to those important cultural differences which, from the foreign perspective, may reflect poorly on Thai women.

"I've been dating this girl, but wherever we go, she always brings her friends".

Well, the reason for that buddy, is that she's probably still a bit afraid of you; she's also following a Thai tradition.

"I don't know what she really thinks about me. She doesn't show me any affection and especially not in public."

Well, sounds like she's decent enough. Thais don't exactly appreciate watching two lovers snogging on the street like high-school kids in the West. Thai women show their affection in a much more subtle, hard-to-detect way.

"How come, when I ask a woman out to a club, she always turns me down?"

Again, a simple cultural difference. Your average Thai women would prefer to go to the cinema.

"My girlfriend is so funny; every time we go the beach, she keeps out of the sun and splashes on a whole bottle of sun lotion".

Foreign guys always laugh about Thai women and their fascination with fair-skin. We all have to realise that Thais think we are just as weird with our obsession for getting a tan. Joke about Thai women and their whitening lotion, but don't forget that the companies who produce them also sell darkening lotion in West.

"When I'm not happy about something and complain to a Thai, my girlfriend never sticks up for me".

Probably not, I think a lot of Thai women get completely bored of their foreign boyfriends constant bickering. You have to realise that most Thais are proud of their country and get tired of foreigners who compare everything to how things are back home, often in a negative way. Okay, sure, a lot of the time it's perfectly justified to raise your voice; us foreigners like to moan a lot. But Thais don't do it a lot, so again it's just a cultural difference.

"She must like me; she was asking where my apartment was and if I lived with a woman".

Ha … what a joke! While this elderly guy thinks that some hot honey of 25 fancies him, he is completely oblivious to the fact that Thais ask such questions out of normality. The opposite of this is when a Thai woman says, "You look fatter now". While the foreigner is furious at such an insult, she is actually thinking that him putting on a bit of weight has done him some good.

Anyway, things have certainly improved in regards to cultural misunderstandings about Thai women over the past decade, and a lot of the old myths are being squashed. Let's just hope that things will continue to do so and even speed up.

And let's not forget to mention that this article could also be written vice-versa.

Stephen Cleary

Unquote

Sounds familiar, identifyable and for a change, not degrading bar talk.

marshbags

Edited March 1, 2008 by marshbags

[Briggsy]

I'm not kidding. This is what happened.

I read the opening 2 paragraphs. I recognised the style. I thought to myself 'this is a Stephen Cleary' generalisation Nation-piece. I whizzed down to the bottom and yes I was right. I thought to myself if I read this I will get angry. I didn't read it. I wrote this post.

Sorry Stephen.

[MeaMaximaCulpa]

I would have said another (yawn) Stickman readers submission. Close but no cigar...

[darklightmatter]

What utter tosh

"I've been dating this girl, but wherever we go, she always brings her friends".

Well, the reason for that buddy, is that she's probably still a bit afraid of you; she's also following a Thai tradition

If any woman is AFRAID of you then why the <deleted> is she going out with you

This guy Stephen Cleary is a dumb ass

And yes I can qiute live without a woman regardless of her nationality

Grow up Mr Stephen Cleary

[Briggsy]

What utter tosh

"I've been dating this girl, but wherever we go, she always brings her friends".

Well, the reason for that buddy, is that she's probably still a bit afraid of you; she's also following a Thai tradition

If any woman is AFRAID of you then why the <deleted> is she going out with you

This guy Stephen Cleary is a dumb ass

And yes I can qiute live without a woman regardless of her nationality

Grow up Mr Stephen Cleary

You see, you see! You read his stuff and you get angry and frustrated. Read my post (#2). It will make you feel better.

[Momo8]

......and I thought this was going to be about all the great girls on TV,such a disappointment.You can't live without us hey?That would be a good thread.

[Dakhar]

......and I thought this was going to be about all the great girls on TV,such a disappointment.You can't live without us hey?That would be a good thread.

I can live with the, it is the mother-in-law I could do without.

[mistresserika]

......and I thought this was going to be about all the great girls on TV,such a disappointment.You can't live without us hey?That would be a good thread.

Right on sis.