Getting Married To A Thai Girl

[Crush]

Are you implying your mother and sisters do not have values???

My Mother was a whore and so was my sister, both English.

I repeat, I can afford 20 x more , so i do not worry, in fact, it pleases me that I can change someones life so dramatically with some pocket change. I have been in Thailand when the Pound was 36 Baht to 1 Pound, now it is more than double that, so would I care about 10,000 Pounds? No way. 10,000 Pounds is nothing.

It's a couple of months beer money. I think you lot are Teachers trying to survive on 25000 Baht a month!

My advice is , GET A REAL JOB, WITH REAL PAY!!!

I do not say that poor people should not get married, but they should try to marry rich people.

I was once married to a Farang woman, it cost me a fortune when we divorced, this Thai style marriage is a walk in the park compared to some greedy Western woman.

If you guys don't like it, get a western woman, good luck!

Hey, try getting a Japanese woman( If you like like fat women)when you have no money, haha, you guys need to get out more.

Get a job.

[Polly]

flame removed

Edited October 7, 2004 by huski

[Pepe']

You can say your mother and your sister were whores and you are here saying they have no family values? One great tenet of family values is that you love them, warts and all.

Are you so lily pure that you can deny the women of your family a sex life? and then you come to Thailand and pay a family for their daughter? I bet your mother and sister never sold themselves for money, but your wife has. She is the whore!

I don't get it?

[DavidUK21]

most thai girls i have spoken to (which i admit is not many) seem to have a different view on the situation to most people on here! to them and their family at least some sort of show of a 'sin-sod' seems very important.

[Crush]

You can say your mother and your sister were whores and you are here saying they have no family values? One great tenet of family values is that you love them, warts and all.

Are you so lily pure that you can deny the women of your family a sex life? and then you come to Thailand and pay a family for their daughter? I bet your mother and sister never sold themselves for money, but your wife has. She is the whore!

Another intelligent post from Polly.

Polly, you really ought to get out more into the real world, if you need a loan for the bus fare, PM me.

[Crush]

most thai girls i have spoken to (which i admit is not many) seem to have a different view on the situation to most people on here! to them and their family at least some sort of show of a 'sin-sod' seems very important.

Wow, an intelligent reply at last.

David is right, most of it is about show, if you are not very rich but you are in love and the daughter loves you, the parents will not refuse the marriage, cos the daughter will just run away if she wanted to, ( just like they do in U.K. when the parents disapprove of the lout that the daughter wants to marry).

David admits to a lack of experience in talking to Thai people, but he shows a wealth of experience in his reply.

Pass some of that knowledge on to Polly and Co.

[SK1972]

My Mother was a whore and so was my sister, both English.

That explains A LOT........... Apple never falls far from the tree......

I do not say that poor people should not get married, but they should try to marry rich people.

Another VERY GOOD comment...... Is that what your wife did? Figures...

Polly, you really ought to get out more into the real world, if you need a loan for the bus fare, PM me.

A guy who claims he has so much money and is only willing to loan another bus fare??? Why a loan?? Cant your afford to give a few quid?? Or are they only for your "wife's" greedy family?

I was once married to a Farang woman, it cost me a fortune when we divorced, this Thai style marriage is a walk in the park compared to some greedy Western woman.

Come on man, use your head (the right one)....you married a western woman and THB is nothing compared to GBP........of course the divorce in UK was more expensive (GBP1 = THB75...no brainer there).

Now, we KNOW where you get your money from ..............

[SK1972]

David21UK.............if you fancy "paying" for your wife...........by all means go ahead!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some men dont need to do that, they come willingly

[Pepe']

You can say your mother and your sister were whores and you are here saying they have no family values? One great tenet of family values is that you love them, warts and all.

Are you so lily pure that you can deny the women of your family a sex life? and then you come to Thailand and pay a family for their daughter? I bet your mother and sister never sold themselves for money, but your wife has. She is the whore!

Please tell me your a "WASP."

[Collina]

I would be great if we can we all pass on discussing each others relatives & family..

(Yes I'm aware how it started, but please stop it all the same. )

Ciao - PLC

[stroll]

Sulaphat.......right....I do agree with you, the "sin sod" or dowry should be immaterial. Ever notice the word is SIN sod    You should tell that to the greedy parents!!!!!!!!!!

The word-play with SIN isn't funny, it merely highlights your failure to grasp the issue. We are talking about habits, expectations and culture in Thailand.

Well, if the parents are just having kids for that sole purpose, they shouldnt be having any at all. Once again, I dont think respect should be "monetary". I, as a parent would not expect my kids to "pay me back". 

Nobody suggests parents have children for monetary purposes, this is not the West where women get prefered treatment for housing and more money from the state for having kids.

The social system here works in a way that the children, mostly the eldest daughter, is expected to provide for the parents, other pension schemes are virtually non-existent. Understanding this, helps to view the 'greed' with less prejudice.

[SK1972]

Stroll, I dont need an education in the Asian culture as I am Asian!!! I guess I am lucky as my parents are educated and of more "modern" culture.

I do understand the culture but I think some Asian cultures should be "forgotten" as it costs a lot of friction and tension between a couple......especially monetary issues

[stroll]

"Stroll, I dont need an education in the Asian culture as I am Asian!!!"

Sorry, I didn't realize this. Yes, you are lucky if in your family monetary issues are less important and are not so mixed with need, pride and other issues. It took me some time to come to terms with the different meaning of these issues here.

[SK1972]

Stroll, no worries.

As for your comment "It took me some time to come to terms with the different meaning of these issues here. ", I hear you loud and clear.

I dont understand it either....as a parent I would prefer my daughter (if and when I have one) to be happy more than anything else. Thats what my parents told me.

[Crush]

Now, we KNOW where you get your money from ..............

Who is the " We" in the " Now we KNOW where you get your money from" ?

Please, enlighten me with your knowledge.

If what you don't know cannot hurt you, you must be nearly invincible.

[Pepe']

My Mother was a whore and so was my sister, both English.

That explains A LOT........... Apple never falls far from the tree......

I do not say that poor people should not get married, but they should try to marry rich people.

Another VERY GOOD comment...... Is that what your wife did? Figures...

Polly, you really ought to get out more into the real world, if you need a loan for the bus fare, PM me.

A guy who claims he has so much money and is only willing to loan another bus fare??? Why a loan?? Cant your afford to give a few quid?? Or are they only for your "wife's" greedy family?

I was once married to a Farang woman, it cost me a fortune when we divorced, this Thai style marriage is a walk in the park compared to some greedy Western woman.

Come on man, use your head (the right one)....you married a western woman and THB is nothing compared to GBP........of course the divorce in UK was more expensive (GBP1 = THB75...no brainer there).

Now, we KNOW where you get your money from ..............

Sad....

[SK1972]

Crush, you must be very ignorant.....WE as in the people who read the forums...We also could be people I meet from the forum........did you really have to "think" to come up with that???

Pepe & Crush..........both of you MUST be related........one who lavishes his greedy in-laws with British Pounds and the other buys Mercedes for his wife. Good for both of you!!!

It is always funny that people who are really rich do not have to brag about what they have done and bought but others have to...........

I have enough of this, it just gets verrryyyyyOLD..........Good Luck with both of you and your "wives"!!

P/S I would dare bet that both of you are men who HAVE to get the last word in...... so you MUST post again!

[stroll]

I have enough of this, it just gets verrryyyyyOLD..........Good Luck with both of you and your "wives"!!

Why does it say "wives", not wives? Is someone lacking netiquette with using inappropiate innuendos?

[SK1972]

Why does it say "wives", not wives? Is someone lacking netiquette with using inappropiate innuendos? 

Stroll.......why is it you pick on me with regards to "netiquette"....cant you be fair? I dare say the others have a lack of netiquette too if you read properly.....do you suffer from selective reading? ............

What is so inappropriate whether I use "wives" or wives?? It is up to the INDIVIDUAL to perceive it. If the individual thinks negative then it becomes negative....if the individual thinks nothing of it then its positive........we cannot control how people think If its in your head, dont blame others for it! No one can control your brain.

Stop being so sensitive and enjoy life!

[RamdomChances]

Up here the "tradition" of giving sin sot is still very much alive, The MINIMUM i've seen given/shown at a wedding is 100,000 plus 5-10 bht gold and I've been to lots of weddings, even quite poor families usually chip in together to come up with cash and gold to "show".

Wether this is returned is an other matter, I'd say about 50% of the time it is but it depends on many factors, whos paying for the wedding, who gets the cash from the guests and who keeps the gold.

My brother-in -law got married and had to find 100,000 and 10 bht gold, they kept the gold but the his mother-in-law kept the 100,000.

Usually though in my experiance the bride and groom dont really get that involved in the negotiations, its the respective parents and is decided before the engaugment cerimony, where usually the gold is handed over.

Me I did'nt pay anything but showed as much as we could, all my mother-in-law wanted was a big wedding so showing the money was'nt really a prob. We payed for the wedding but got all the cash back.

At the end of the day its up to you how much you give, I feel its a more difficult situation for a falang as you have to do the negotiation yourself, but its definatly not "buying your wife".

Just to add all the above just relates to my personel experiance in the area that I live, as for BKK, Issan ect I dont know your experiances may be different.

Cheers RC

[chanchao]

> At the end of the day its up to you how much you give, I feel its a more

> difficult situation for a falang as you have to do the negotiation yourself,

> but its definatly not "buying your wife".

I know, but it sure looks like it! That's why I opted not to have anything to do with either money and gold for the wedding. IF there's any mileage in showing off, then I think it should go towards a good and fun wedding party at a nice place, with lots of food, drink and entertainment. I.e. funds should be directed at the critical sanuk-contributing-factors. Buying gold and then showing and returning it mostly makes some shops in Chinatown happy, not the bride, groom or guests. And withdrawing money from a bank account for show its just too silly for words. I guess I was lucky my wife did an MBA and realizes these things.

Cheers,

Chanchao

[donx]

Before I got married, my fiancee had a German expat explain to me that Thai tradition expected me to pay money to my bride's family. I read about it in books to confirm the tradition, but was very surprised to find out that my bride wanted me to give 400,000 baht which would not be returned to me. It took a while before she was finally able to explain the situation to me. Her English was not very good at the time and she also didn't want me to think that she was marrying me for money.

It turned out that her parent's had borrowed money from the bank to build a house several years earlier and that in a year, the bank would sell their properties (12 rai of rice field and a house plot in the village where her parent's house stood). Without the money, they would lose the properties. I ended up showing 500,000 - 100,000 used to pay for the wedding and reception, 100,000 to add an extension to her parent's house for us to use, and 300,000 to pay off the loans. The land and house now belongs to my wife.

I also agreed well before the wedding to send 10,000/month to support her parents who are retired from rice farming. We have been married almost five years now, living in the US. I doubt I would be as generous if I worked in LOS.

Her younger sister married a Thai man and his family gave them some land and 50,000 baht. Neither my wife or my sister-in-law were married before, and both were in their late 20's when they got married.

All I can say is I did what I felt was right and now I am sure what I did was right. We have two wonderful kids and visit LOS as often as possible. One thing I can say about my wife is that she cares for the well-being of others and we both feel good that we can help her family out as much as we can.

[jorn-h]

After reading the posting here, i understand its diffrent from family to family and for farang to farang.

In my case, my mother in law did'nt want any money when we got married, my wife talked with her about it and she said that it was not needed.

Maybe becasue my wife had a kid when we meet.

Unlike most others here, i have to admit that she or her family have never asked money from me. We live in europe, and her son still live with family in thai, and he will do so to he is finish with school. We both work now, and she send back 5000 thb in month of her own money to support her son. Rest she save or use in our household, same as me.

Maybe its because her family works, have bussiness and earn ok self, or maybe

they just happy that she have found some one that she can live with. We both are same age.

I dont know.. Duing years i have read many scary stories about downry, about thai family and all stuff that could go to ###### if you married a thai girl.

So when i desided to ask her to married, i was really affraid for what future would bring.

But now i see that i have been lucky, we go to thai once a year and stays for around 2 months, her mother and family i come along with very good.

If her mom had asked for downry when we got married i would have given it.

[sua yai]

Wow, wish I'd read this thread a few days ago.

Been living in Thailand for 6.5 years and am well aware of the dowry system. Have been with the girlfriend for a year.

We went away together for a few days over the weekend. In my normal, roundabout way, I asked her what her response would be if I popped the question. The answer, a definite yes.

Then came the subject of money. I flatly refused to even consider it and the conversation ended.

We got back home last night and the issue resumed. We'd both had a fair bit to drink, so weren't exactly sensible or logical. Blazing row.

I've known the family since I met her. Father, mother and three sisters live in the same town. Two brothers work elsewhere. Father's retired, mother has been a Mai Chee for six years and the three sisters run a Thai/Lao restaurant. I get on really well with all of them.

One thing I've had to realise is that her family already regard her as my "mia" - not my fairn, as we live together.

Last night I did ask how much the family would expect if we got married. 10,000 Baht for each of the parents. That's all.

So, things are patched up this morning and if we do get married, I don't think 20,000 Baht is a huge price to pay to make both her and me look good in the eyes of the family. Havn't told the girlfriend this yet!!

[Pepe']

Pepe & Crush..........both of you MUST be related........one who lavishes his greedy in-laws with British Pounds and the other buys Mercedes for his wife. Good for both of you!!!

It is always funny that people who are really rich do not have to brag about what they have done and bought but others have to...........

SK1972,

Everything is relative. This is not brag just fact. Both I and my wife were raised in poor families.

Through hard work and carefull spending/investing and luck have made it.

I love my wife very much. The C 230 Merc was her dream car so I got it for her. I got mine a few years ago an M3 BMW.

We both work hard, her family is not greedy and you can't take it with you.

Actually all these material things seem quite ludicrous to me.

If I had the money and she wanted one I'd buy her a Ferrari.

So what's your point. What ever the market will bear. I do my own yard work and work on my own cars and remodle my own real estate properties.

Snap out of it soldier...

[chonabot]

MMMmmmmmmm M3.....MMMMMMmmmmm

[mango]

I see that SK1972 is up to her old tricks again the trogladite.

[markt]

I'm getting married to a Thai lady soon and have heard it is tradition to give the parents a gift (cash only please). Is this true and if so how much to avoid insult.

Secondly what are the implications in the event of a split sometime down the road, in terms of Thai Law. Am I signing my life away.

Thanks

Camster

What type of family is your intended from, Camster ?

Poor rice farmers, middle-class city dwellers etc..

[chonabot]

Secondly what are the implications in the event of a split sometime down the road, in terms of Thai Law. Am I signing my life away.

No Just half your dosh....

[Heng]

> At the end of the day its up to you how much you give, I feel its a more

> difficult situation for a falang as you have to do the negotiation yourself,

> but its definatly not "buying your wife".

  And withdrawing money from a bank account for show its just too silly for words.  I guess I was lucky my wife did an MBA and realizes these things.

Cheers,

Chanchao

A lot of people just use cashier's checks nowadays, especially if it's a 'show amount' over X million or so. It's a wedding, there are going to be some silly issues. Myself I think paying untold thousands of $ for a shiny rock that the wife will keep in a safe 99% of the time is silly... but it's a worldwide "tradition," so yeah, why not? Making a big deal of it is one's right of course... but often just as silly as going to America or the UK and saying I won't shake hands with anyone because it's against my beliefs. All fairly meaningless gestures (sinsods, diamond rings, and handshakes alike). If you want to complain... complain out loud that you are not happy with YOURSELF because you didn't work harder in life and can't afford such meaningless gestures.