False Friends

[Snickers]

OK,I'm only a new person here both in Bangkok and this forum.

Since I have arrived here with my fiance I have tried to 'fit in' and somehow not working.Women I met here are nice but very snobbish.They look at waht you are wearing,what clubs you belong to,where you live and what you do.This is mainly the embassy people my fiance socialises with.

I feel so out of place because I don't work and can't afford to buy expensive things.We have a nice place in Sukhumvit but I feel people look down on me mainly other women.Sometimes I really want to go home.My fiance is good and supportive and he tried many times do help me get over this just not working.

Anybody else here like me? What did you do to get over this culture out-of-place feeling?

[barky]

Are you talking about Thai of foreign friends? My best friends here are all foreign. Although I have met litterally thousands of Thais both in business and socially I can't hoestly say any of them are friends. Yes generally friendly, but not friends. Basically the only Thais I am close to are my wife's family and her very best friends. But I suspect that is mainly out of respect for my wife except for my wife's mum and sister I do believe they genuinly think a lot of me and care about me.

[Snickers]

No I haven't been here a long time and I'm a fish out of water.My fiancee introduced me to some embassy western friends they are the ones I feel I am inferior to.Have not met any Thai people but I have signed up for a language course and I will study.I think I am too shy maybe,western women can be very cruel to newcomers if you don't match their social status.

I hate embassy functions and I think doing a course will put me in touch with non plastic people.Thank you for your reply.My fiancee is British.

My

[barky]

Hang in there give it a go . The language course is a good idea. You will really need to be patient and tollerent and sanguine if you want to survive here. If you stay is not permanent enjoy look at the bright side of everything. Living here permanently however does take a little more flexibility and staying power. Good luck!

[Boo]

Welcome to the forum. There is a meet up thread pinned at the top of the forum so maybe give that a try.

I would say that just rememeber, when at home in your own country, do you make friends with every person of the same gender & nationality as you there too??

No, didn't think so, so just remember that here there is a much smaller pool of people so it will take a bit of extra effort to meet likeminded people. Sadly a lot of expat women can be bitchy & competetive, esp. if they are the ones working, maybe as you came with your bf they see you as a housewife & not someone they, career women, would have much in common with. Sad but true that some people think that way!!!

Get out there, join some sports groups, do your thai classes, get involved in some of the womens reading groups or other activities that are avaiable in Bangkok & when you have to attend the embassy functions just have a couple of drinks for dutch courage & be polite to them but remember, you probably wouldn't have gone near people like this with a 10 foot pole at home so they have no power or superiority over you

Finally, there is always this forum to come & rant to too, over the years we have built up a real amazing & diverse group of women who come & post here, there are meet ups & I personalyl have made some real freinds of the wonderful ladies (& some guys too ) who post here so use the resourse to get info on where to go too.

[Snickers]

Thank you very much Boo and Barky.I'm just having a day in the doledrums.

I definitely intend to 'get out there' and find myself here.We will be here for three years.I think because I have never lived abroad before this,I feel i'm spaced out but hope to settle down quickly.I'm looking at the women's groups on this ladies forumI think this is a very good website for information.Thank you again.

[Pushit]

Some part time volunteer work with an NGO would probably introduce you to some "real" down to earth people, don't worry they're here, I dislike "snoots" too.

Good Luck

[sbk]

It is tough to settle in, even tougher when you feel you don't have a support group around you. And even tougher when you feel like you are back in high school and are the odd kid out

But, hang in there, the language courses will not only help you to meet new people in your classes but open up your world and allow you to participate in the Thai world around you.

And remember, when you need to whinge, there are a bunch of women on here who've been in the same place and are more than happy to listen

[Snickers]

Yes,a good girlie talking to is all I need.Not having friends here is tough.My telephone bill is very bad.

What's NGO sorry? I am actively lookiing for a job,I am getting bored.Fiance home late sometimes,he's trying his best too to fit in.I think men can find it easier,maybe I will join him on his next beer or pool game.

[girlx]

go to the gym, make a garden, get a pet... for awhile i was writing articles for a travel site and went around interviewing people about their lives, that was a great way to meet people. find some expat bars or cafes near you, go have a coffee there and say hi to whoever is around- ask them what they know about bangkok. take thai lessons. all that stuff helps.

p.s. i hate snobby people. half the time it isn't even their money they are flaunting anyway.

Edited April 2, 2008 by girlx

[BigSnake]

OK,I'm only a new person here both in Bangkok and this forum.

Since I have arrived here with my fiance I have tried to 'fit in' and somehow not working.Women I met here are nice but very snobbish.They look at waht you are wearing,what clubs you belong to,where you live and what you do.This is mainly the embassy people my fiance socialises with.

I feel so out of place because I don't work and can't afford to buy expensive things.We have a nice place in Sukhumvit but I feel people look down on me mainly other women.Sometimes I really want to go home.My fiance is good and supportive and he tried many times do help me get over this just not working.

Anybody else here like me? What did you do to get over this culture out-of-place feeling?

Yep, those embassy type can act a bit SNOBBISH, best advice don't socialise with the snobs, not worth wasting your time. There will always be those that look down on other, just remember they can ONLY make you feel down it you let them

[Pushit]

Yes,a good girlie talking to is all I need.Not having friends here is tough.My telephone bill is very bad.

What's NGO sorry? I am actively lookiing for a job,I am getting bored.Fiance home late sometimes,he's trying his best too to fit in.I think men can find it easier,maybe I will join him on his next beer or pool game.

Non Government Org like street kid refuges, animal refuges, Mercy centres.... they need help and the people working there are hardly chavs etc. take your time and you'll find an org that deserves your time.

[MiG16]

snickers.. welcome to thailand...despite the somewhat difficult start I hope you will come to enjoy thailand soon its really not all bad. granted the best friends you hang out with are friends you met through uni or high school, but i think the thai class could be a starting point.

as to the embassy crowd, i wouldnt let them get to you. been there myself. even thought one or 2 were friends, but pretty soon I realise how wrong I can be. the point is....its not about you at all...its just the way they are...and in some way I understand it.....they move about all the time, meet lots of people all the time.....things remain at a superficial level with most people they come across. mind you...extremely friendly. my suggestion would be.....enjoy their company for the day/the evening/ however short time you need to be there. you may even be obliged to throw the occasional party at your place over coming months Id gather.....(Im assuming your fiance is embassy staff....) do it in your own good time, when and only when you feel you are ready. when that time comes...be the perfect smiling hostess, let the girls do their own complimenting each other on their dresses etc etc...talk to the guys if u are more comfortable with that.....they talk politics and sports...its non-personal and can be interesting. (and they'd usually be more than happy to fill you in on things you dont know...like how the thai politics work....

maybe ive gone a step ahead with all these advice about you hosting parties sorry

but as to the starting....in addition to thai class you might want to consider some art classes perhaps? check out places like alliance france' or goethe. if u are keen on another language apart from thai (like french, german, italian or spanish..) you may even make lots more thai friends at these classes.

feel free to PM for a bit of girlie talk if you wish snicker. ive kinda been there done that, and doing it again......

now anyone got advice for how I can meet people/make friends in westernland I dont play sports, dont go to church and am not a student. kinda limits my options huh ...the other language thing might be something i should explore

[donna]

welcome to the forum Snickers. have you tried BNOW? Bangkok Network of Women? they have get togethers every now and then. there are also a number of thai visa girlies in bangkok who can meet up every now and then. they are a fun group of girlies. maybe after a few more posts you can arrange a meetup with some of them? many people wont be willing to meet up after seeing only a couple of posts by you, but if you let us know a little more about yourself over the next few weeks, im sure that some of them would love to meet you.

i dont THINK any ladies on here are from the embassy crowd to be honest. all the ladies i have met from here have been wonderful.

a group of people with one thing in common (such as embassy hubby's etc) will usually bitch and complain about things. if you get them one on one, it may be a different story.

perhaps some voluntary work may be what you need? there are some orphanages around the place that often need volunteers and if you google them i am sure you will find them easily enough.

good luck Snickers. bangkok can be a great fun city to live in. dont give up just yet, as im sure that it will get better.

[pop_corn]

Hey, bleh.. if they are like that, just look at them the same way as they look at you, dont let ever anyone make you feel shy . If they are acting like that, means that they dont deserve your friendship. dont get desesperate for friends, and take it easy, start going to some different places.. or just stay cool, you will actually find some better friend, maybe not today or tomorrow, but you will! (thats for sure!)

meanwhile, enjoy your self, walk around, get to know places, enjoy your fiancee.. stuff like that.

[burman]

Sod the snobs, why are they any better then you?

Get out and make new friends, 10 million people plus in Bangkok, you can't go wrong.

[twschw]

Welcome to the diplomatic world where you put the forks on the left and the knives in the back.

Follow MiG16's excellent advice.

[girlx]

didn't Kat used to work with the embassy folk? I remember her posting a similar story about the women there. might want to get her advice.

[Snickers]

I want to thank all the luvely people who sent me private messages.I'm not sure if I can post the names here but thanks for the advice and the contacts.

My parents came on a visit here from the UK so we have been doing lots of sightseeing and shopping.They were staying at the Amari so we booked everything through the front desk as I am still a relative newcomer here but I am definitely learning moreish every day.My mum loved the markets and my dad took a lot of photos of the temples and gardens.I was upset by the comment my mum made that I am living in a third world country.I took it with a grain of salt,this is a wonderful place,overwhelming at first but life falls into place and routine.

Dad has also been sagely giving me advice on being very careful with my fiance.I must say I do read a lot about broken relationships here but I don't like the way my own parents are being so negative.I was almost glad they went back.

I have been studying Thai a little and know my numbers now so mum was impressed with my bartering,well just a weeny bit.I think mother was more impressed with a dinner party we were invited to by one of my fiance's colleagues where she could talk to people whom she had something in common with.I felt somewhat detached from it all,I can do al this back in the UK it is so boring.Even as we speak my fiance is planning some trip back home with colleagues and my parents in June which frankly I don't want to go on.

I will persue my course of action of making Bangkok my home.

[sbk]

Its normal for them to feel more comfortable with the familiar, I wouldn't stress too much over what your parents think, they are seeing it from a very superficial level and, of course, they don't have to live with these people, you do.

Sounds like you have the right attitude, make the best of the situation, and you will probably find that it has greatly enriched your life.

Best of luck and make sure to keep posting in the Ladies forum, I know that at times its been a lifeline for me