A Friend Seeks An Executive Position.

[somchai69]

This guy seeks an executive position. Available January 2009 and is willing to

relocate. Please read to the end.

RESUME

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

College

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

Law Enforcement

I was arrested in Kennebunkport , Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled

guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days.

Military

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. refused to take a drug test or answer any

questions about my drug use but by joining the Texas Air National Guard,

I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam ..

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

I ran for US Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but

couldn't find any oil in Texas . The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was

elected governor of Texas ..

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state

in the Union . During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court,

I was appointed President of the United States after losing the election by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT of the USA

I am the first President in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of

television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire

month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.

I spent the US surplus and effectively bankrupted the US Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in US history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the US stock market. In my first year

in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs, and that trend continues.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. My

'poorest millionaire,' Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a US President.

I am the all-time US and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the

largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in US history, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the US

Supreme Court during my election decision.

I protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.

More time and money was spent by my party in investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair

than was spent investigating the Enron collapse, the biggest corporate crime in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history, including the highest gasoline prices in US history.

I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in US history.

I changed US policy to allow convict convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I created the Department of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the US

Government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in US history.

I am the first President in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights

Commission.

I withdrew the US from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspector's access to US 'prisoners of war' detainees and thereby have

refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US

election).

I made the US the most hated country in the world, and orchestrated the most complete

collapse of the US international reputation in history.

I am the first President in US history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and military

occupation of two sovereign nations. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of US

citizens and the world community.

My invasions and occupations incurred a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week to be paid by

US taxpayers.

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public

venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of

mankind.

I cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty

troops and their families in wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and later blamed those lies

on the British.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as

the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear 'Tactical Bunker Buster,' a weapon of mass destruction.

I failed to fulfill all my pledges to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice, dead or alive.

REFERENCES and PUBLIC RECORD

My Texas driving record has been 'lost' and is not available.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable

for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in

secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy

policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents

will not be available for 50 years.

GEORGE W. BUSH

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington , DC 20520