Going To Bkk, First Time And Meeting The Parents, Advice?

[Nampeung]

I can't help it, I need a sick bag

[sbk]

From what?

[Nampeung]

Sorry didn't mean to sound impolite it was just the thought of all those red and white ribbons tied around jars of preserves in wicker baskets with hampers and syrup and cookies and cream and flags. Lovely ideas but a little twee I think.

How about making up some videos of your family OP and maybe just take a couple of Canadian baseball caps for the guys and something wooden (a traditional ornament) for the Mum?

[MidoriApple]

OP, please don't be too nervous to come here and visit your BF's home.... Just relax and be yourself.

I think your BF's parents are not that too old-fashioned since they let their son to go study in aboard.

And as Thai opinion, I don't think they will expect you to be very shy, delicated like Thai girl.

And they will try to best treat you like you are a westerner, just do as they prepare.

Loads of good advice in here I definitely agree with other posters....

I will give some more just in case, whilst I am Thai BUT I not yet get married... ( .. so this should be only a little opinion)

and I don't read the opinions all above, if some are the same, this will concur you a "must" do.

- Always smile no matter what..., "Wai" also do often to the people you consider they are older than you. And do the "Wai" and say "Kob-kun-kha" (Thank you) when they give things to you.

- Yes, take photoes, especially of all the member in your family and your home, your pets to show them. They seems welcome and look forward to meet you (I consider from your said, your BF's mom sent your mom a gift)

- Do not forget to say to his mom since the first day that your mom loves her gifts she sent last time very much and say thank you to her by yourself.. this will make his mom so proud.

- Since you seem a very attractive girl, Thai people always think white westerner girls are beautiful and you are. Don't be too panic if you get a lot of staring from them. Just smile to all, tell yourself "They admire you" (most of them feel like this, i can assure you )

- What if his parents can speak English, you talk to them in any topic but try not to offend them even you disagree.

- Don't drink alcohol but Wine can be if his father let you... but don't ask to have it. And please try to eat Thai food, don't be too picky

whatever they prepare for you, should eat... I think they have good mind and wish to do the best warm welcome to you.

- Don't do affectionate action in public to your BF- like kiss, hug, especially in front of his parents. They are watching you every step..

Don't ask to stay in the same room as your BF, this is not quite accepted in Thailand. Hold hand can do but not too close.

- Don't stick with your BF all the time, stay sometimes alone with his mom. I am sure he may leave you home and go out see his gangs at least once. Don't feel depressed of this. Try to wake up early and don't stay up too late. (This is the main reason why I don't feel like I want to get married, whilst i am the opposite..haha..)

- If you go out alone with BF, if you can, often (but no need to do every time) buy something back for his parents... something easy, like you go to eat lunch with him and you may ask him makes a phone call back home to ask if his parents already lunch or not. If not, so buy... No need to buy any expensive thing, I really mean it... This is just to show wherever you go, they (his parents) always in your concern. (what if they already had... you will be admired though you not buy anything back )

- I would agree that your BF will not be a very good advisor for you as he think as a male. If he has sisters, cousins who are female and same age as you, they should be your good advisors.

- For the gifts, I mostly agree with other posters, no need to be too expensive, they already consider you as a kid... bath & body works seems very good choice, since it has not yet in Thailand. For your BF's bro, this can ask your BF, or you buy Tee for him. Please prepare something extra in case you may meet some of his relatives you didn't expect. I am sure, the whole of his family will look forward to see you. These extra can be just candies, anything not expensive. Also what if he has little cousins and maybe helpers (I am sure he has, the sweets thing you prepare will be best to get along with them very soon.

.........................................................

This is all in my head now, but I will be back again if I can think out some more

haha... my advices may cause you more nervous, i guess....but don't worry

"Just relax be yourself" is the most important na kha... Wish you extremely well.

Edited April 17, 2008 by MidoriApple

[lioness]

Some really good advice from everyone.The smile is the key, no matter your mood, just smile.

On my trips to Australia I always ask my Thai family and staff what they would like me to bring back. Basically anything that has an emblem on it, Baseball caps are popular. One of the posters said native American jewellry, I think that would be a winner, something different and Yes, try the red rose tea. and pretty silk scarves.

Wether the products are used or not is immaterial and so is the price, you are giving from your heart. as my Thai better half puts it, you give water heart you.

Don't be disappointed when they don't enthuse over them, that is not the Thai way, but the fact that you have given a gift will be remembered and much appreciated.

[sylviex]

It was just the thought of all those red and white ribbons tied around jars of preserves in wicker baskets

Only "twee" if you are terribly unimaginative .

I was joking about the ribbons (to some extent -- all depends how it's done). Not about the flag badges -- they are very popular. I am not Canadian, BTW.

I didn't mention wicker, though there's nothing wrong with wicker, per se. The possibilities are endless.

I took the liberty of assuming the OP would bring her own, original style to her gift .

[bina]

whats twee to one isnt twee to an other.... i am being over tweed with gifts for passover; wicker and flowers and bath soap scents.......

remember to double wrap anything breakable so u dont have what happened to my mother in law on trip from hungary; all her clothes got covered in fresh paprika........ that was meant for us as a gift....

double wrap, double pack also all liquids (i love zip lock bags, dont gift wrap as u might have to undo the wrapping for security stuff? )

just out of curiousity is this all a precursor to marriage? cause u just might be asked about that sort of thing, including will u want children etc... (meeting parents often = marriage to thai families, but might not... how is your boyfriend presenting u to them? (fiancee or just girlfriend)... has he given u any 'fiancee' type gifts? if so, u can wear them (jewellry that is) also... as a way of showing u are a serious person....

u've got more than enough advice, now we will all wait to hear how the trip went over... keep us informed...

bina

israel

[girlx]

when i visited a friend and his family in japan i brought him a picture (coffee table) book about thailand. it went over well. i also took black label whiskey but you might not want to encourage their alcoholism. maybe you could find a nice picture book about canada though.

the hardest aspect to me about visiting thai families is you can't really get away for any privacy. it drives me nuts.

[isabelle17]

Yep...the whole "no privacy" thing also drove me up the wall...especially when I was an exchange student and stayed with host families. They thought something was "wrong with me" if I stayed in my room too long. Oh well. Just part of the culture I guess....

I am scared of meeting my boyfriends family because they speak NO English...granted, I speak a little Thai, but just enough to get by. I don't think I can have good conversations with them because of the language barrier....I am thinking about trying to learn how to cook some of my boyfriend's mom's food...but I am worried that because of the language barrier that might not be possible? I would really like to learn how to cook Thai food and his mom is a great cook...oh well, hopefully sign language and my limited Thai will be enough

[shikonjewel]

- What if his parents can speak English, you talk to them in any topic but try not to offend them even you disagree.

- Don't drink alcohol but Wine can be if his father let you... but don't ask to have it. And please try to eat Thai food, don't be too picky

whatever they prepare for you, should eat... I think they have good mind and wish to do the best warm welcome to you.

- Don't do affectionate action in public to your BF- like kiss, hug, especially in front of his parents. They are watching you every step..

Don't ask to stay in the same room as your BF, this is not quite accepted in Thailand. Hold hand can do but not too close.

- I would agree that your BF will not be a very good advisor for you as he think as a male. If he has sisters, cousins who are female and same age as you, they should be your good advisors.

.........................................................

Thanks for the good advice. I'm farely sure his parents speak english well, I've talked with them a little on the phone when they have called but not enough to call a real conversation. And good advice here because I have considered in my head that they may ask me some tough questions about Canada, as we are currently at war in the middle east. I expect where I am likely going to be a PoliSci major, I might try to keep a level playing field here (as I would here also anyway), that is a touchy subject to most and I have no idea what their position on that subject may be, although I'm not sure how much Thailand is affected by that.

I'm a little worried because I think my bf might have asked if I could stay with him lol. I know his mom has a room for me now. I didn't ask him to ask that though, as he is not allowed to stay with me in my room at my parents house so I would not expect to do the same there by any means, even though we do live together. I hope his mom or dad doesn't think badly of me for that if he did.... argh. :S

I'm not a drinker, except if I go out with my girlfriends. Canadians from where I am from are known to be heavy drinkers and get loud and boisterous though, so I don't know what they think. If I go out with my bf to a club or something is it going to be bad? I don't expect to go for the first week I'm there or anything though. The first things I want to do are cultural things like seeing a temple, sights around bkk etc. maybe do a little shopping. I imagine the time change will be hard to get used to also so I will likely be very tired the first week or so there.

And my bf is a terrible advisor and has no sisters! hahaha I've learned more from asking online than I would have ever asking him. Although alot of his friends and cousins that are girls have recently added me to msn and hi5 since finding out I was coming. Maybe I could befriend one of them. What is the typical way thai girls act? Shy you say? I'm not terribly shy but I might be a little at first because I don't speak the language and know no-one but my bf. I'm not a loud person by any means and always try to be polite though, is that okay? lol It's a little nerve-racking to know that I'm going to be judged the whole time though with a standard of etiquette that I know nothing of. Thank goodness I decided to find a forum and post so I have all your guys help!

Thanks so much for your post!

[shikonjewel]

just out of curiousity is this all a precursor to marriage? cause u just might be asked about that sort of thing, including will u want children etc... (meeting parents often = marriage to thai families, but might not... how is your boyfriend presenting u to them? (fiancee or just girlfriend)... has he given u any 'fiancee' type gifts? if so, u can wear them (jewellry that is) also... as a way of showing u are a serious person....

Well Bina... to tell you the truth, I don't know.

Next year is his last year of university here, unless he decides to get a masters degree. Were only 21 and haven't really discussed it a whole lot, although I'm sure it's crossed both of our minds, or at least it has mine. I would expect to be presented as the girlfriend. I have wondered if he agreed for me to go meet his family as a trial in his mind too... maybe he might judge me for how well I get along with his family. Maybe I am also judging myself on this too?

He's talked about wanting to work over here after graduation, although only lightly. It's a hard subject because if I ask him about what we will do after he graduates he gets a little defensive. He's not one to plan things out as I do though. I don't want to push him so I avoid the subject, I recognize that we are still young. I don't even know completely what I want yet and marriage with families in two different countries and cultures is a big step. He seems very comfortable here in Canada. In the past 5 years he's been here much more than home and this trip will be his first time back in over a year.

He always has bought me jewellry the past 3 years, espeacially for christmas as he celebrates with my family. I wear it usually on speacial occasions, I'll probably bring some, if they ask I will tell them he gave it to me, I wouldn't want to flaunt it though...

I don't know if any of these things are "signs" of one way or another or not. I always just considered our relationship like that of any Canadian couple. I know alot of people I went to school with are starting to settle down and get engaged/ have kids. I guess I will answer truthfully if they ask me questions about kids and stuff, as I would very much like to have some...Somedayy.. after I get a good job and a nice house to keep them in. lol maybe in a few years.

Tough question, but a good one. I'm glad all this is being brought to my attention. Thanks so much!

Edited April 18, 2008 by shikonjewel

[sbk]

Most Thai people in general don't like to plan too far into the future, and it could be he just doesn't know what he wants yet. Could be his dad is hoping he will come back and help run the family business (very likely, unless his brother is planning this?)

Don't worry too much about what could happen and concentrate on what is happening now and make the best of it for now

God, I have been in Thailand a long time

[zorro1]

Gifts from home, always an excellent idea, be sure to bring something uniquely Canadian (maple syrup for instance) --my inlaws really like the dried fruit as well (apricots, cherries etc, but obviously not dried tropical fruits).

Thanks for the advice. It does make me feel a little better.

His mother also sent a gift to my mother last time he came back here. It was a really nice wallet that she really likes and she wanted to give her something also in return. Would you, or anyone else have any suggestions as to what may be good gift ideas for Thai women or Mothers of your bf/fiance/husband?

That is an excellent sign, IMO. It shows a concern and respect for you and your family.

I would want to take her something special as this is the first time you'll be meeting her, I do the dried fruit thing for my inlaws but I've known them for ages and they don't expect extravagant gifts every time I go home.

As for suggestions, tough one. I know your boyfriend will tell you "don't worry about it, just bring yourself" or some such usual male nonsense, but it is important. Let me think on it for awhile. Anybody else have any good suggestions since my mind is drawing a blank?

I have had two Thai girlfriends and they both bought me wallets and trust me , thats not an excellent sign

[Boo]

a bit different zorro, his mum bought it as a gift for her mum, I think we can all see that as a different thing entirely.

I wouldn't worry too much about how thai girls act, you aren't thai & will never be thai so aim to be yourself but just measure your behaviour by those around you, so if no one drinks alcohol at home but you are offered, decline, try to eat the food but don't feel obliged to eat all, if you have a big honking laugh try to tone it down a bit ok not quite but use common sense.

About the alone time, yes it is incredibly frustrating when you just want to read or be alone for a couple of hours but generally, thais dont' do alone. I luckily married a very solitary man who understands the need for alone time but his family are the total opposite so using the , " I am hot & need to have a lie down/sleep" works very well, they understand lying down or sleeping

Otherwise just relax & enjoy yourself, but imo most imprtantly, be yourself, if you do end up marrying this man then you will be seeing a lot of them & if you have made yourself into something other than you really are, it willbe very hard to maintain in future & they will see you were being fake when first meeting them. Your bf obviously loves you for being you, whihc is not a thai girl, not something you are not, so don't try to act like a thai girl or something you are not either.

I would also agree about the specialist products not available from thailand, I bring whittards tea, harrods biscuits or sweets or tea in a london bus tin/ london tea towels (yes really, & it goes down well!!) but don't over think it. They will appreciate that they were in your thoughts when you bought it.

Let us know how you get on.

[zorro1]

It was tongue in cheek , but still interesting why only the woman folk buy wallets for gifts anyway back to the point being that your going to have a great experience so good luck

[TDOT]

Why not bring some ice wine? It's a very Canadian product (either from Ontario or Okanagan, not sure where you are living) and they make a lot of different varieties and if you get a nice bottle (not some tacky tourist version smattered with pictures of Maple Leafs) it would be a very nice gift. You can also get some smoked salmon. It's sooo cliche and text book (for a Canadian) but when I was in International Trade, a lot of Iknukchuks (sp?) where given to Asian customers. Given that we are hosting the Vancouver Olympics and HBC is launching the Olympic gear very soon, perhaps some sort of VANOC inspired gear (then they will get the significance of the Inukchuk as it's on the VANOC logo).

If you want to go the maple route, they have maple butter these days and in fact the last time I was in Loblaws I saw these really fancy, nice looking (vs. those standard Dare maple leaf shaped ones) maple flavoured cookies that I thought would be a nice gift the next time I go overseas.

Good luck with it!!

[asiaquakedb-tester]

I'm sorry if this has already been answered elsewhere but I couldn't locate the thread, how did it go shikonjewel?

I am in a situation at present which is a cross between that described by shikonjewel and isabelle17 here, however next month I'll be visiting BKK where my GF's younger sister, older brother and mother work and then on to Surin which is her home town to meet her dad. Her mom and dad got divorced a while ago. The thing is BKK is not new to me as I've been there before, but meeting her family is new to me especially since both parents can't speak much English (and my Thai is just enough to get by) but thankfully both her sister and brother have finished uni and speak English well. My gf and i met in Bahrain which is where i was born, lived most my life at currently work here, and no she is not a bar girl and i'm sri lankan so there is not much of a cultural gap - there are some significant differences as others have noted here - yes. She's introducing me to her family as her bf but i've been told to address her by name and no tilak, etc. when we;re both with extended family and her friends... (i can understand why here, because some thai girls don't like their life being gossiped about the village ;-), and yes I have initiated the need to take care of her long-term so we have talked about marriage slightly but as someone else mentioned here, Thais really don't like planning about the future.

My question to shikonjewel is: when you met his parents and in general the rest of the family (my gf isn't exactly from the same background of your bf, hi-so and to me it really doesn't matter as i am not into class'isms either - just to brief on detail), how did it go? what kind of tips could you share with me? what are the learning lessons you took away from your visit and are there any best practices you could recall?

Thanks much!~

ange

PS: i've been a long-time reader at this forum, joined immediate post-tsunami 2004, for data mining on the stats of missing/dead George had going on here back then for a project we had with some local ngos in thailand/sri lanka, but IMHO, i think thai visa is the most comprehensive portal out there on all things thai/thailand, hence why i decided to join in and start reaping the benefits of being a member here Cheers!